2. Experiencing the Power of the Holy Spirit in Your Marriage (and Family) Enrich It God’s Way

3. The Holy Spirit and Life I do not need to tell you that the main difference between Christianity and all other religions is that Christ lives in us. Paul said in Colossians 1:27 “To them God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory. “

4. Effects of His Presence To have a Christian Marriage a person has to be a Christian – We must be able to confess with our lips that Jesus is Lord and believe in our heart that he has been resurrected from the dead and we will be saved. (Romans 10:9-10). This begins the journey that leads us on the way to become an authentic Christian

5. Effects of His Presence William James did not say this in his writings on salvation, but the authentic Christian loves everybody The song Give me That Old Time Religion had a verse in it that says “It makes you love everybody.” It’s true. It does! Especially our spouse

6. What is Love? Love is an emotion. Emotions move people – Love draws people to one another – They want to get to know one another – So they make themselves vulnerable and reveal themselves to one another

7. Love? – They reveal their vices and virtues – Their perfections an imperfections – Their Assets and liabilities Now this process takes place both verbally and by observation The best places to observe it is in the loved ones family and social settings

8. Why Know Them? Because we have two personalities We have: – A public personality – And a private (or intimate) personality

9. Public and Private It is the private personality that we have to live with when we marry Unfortunately our personalities are often disparate – Some men and women may be charming and delightful in public and devilish in intimate relationships

10. Public and Private My mentor used to describe some women as drawing room (public) angels and house devils Men can be the same – The only way to find out all about a person is to know them for a sufficient length of time and in different social situations – It takes at least a year to know them intimately

11. Love? As we learn about one another we psychospiritually install the other person And when this process is complete we are one. This is what God meant when he told us to leave our father and mother and become one with our mate. (Genesis 2:24)

12. Back to Effects Just as we install our mates in ourselves We also install the Lord in our lives We love because he first loves us, and when he does our lives are transformed He gives us a new personality We have:

13. Effects of His Presence A happy mood that comes from His indwelling love There is a loss of worry We have an understanding of truths not perceived before There is changed behavior The world is objectively changed There is a sense of cleanliness both inside and out

14. Effects of His Presence In our post conversion life we are more likely to: – Live longer – Have better health – Heal more quickly – Have better marriages – Rear children of worth – Be better citizens

15. Effects of His Presence – Be more likely to communicate with God regularly – Live by Gods commandments and live moral lives – Be persons of integrity – Have stronger support communities – Be more altruistic

16. Why? The answer lies in the presence of the Holy Spirit – The Holy Spirit lives in us as a controller that is over our mind and guides our human nature into Godly pursuits

17. Why? He controls our human nature! Without Christ we cannot control our human nature. We do what it tells us to do Satan uses this to make us sin by tempting us

18. Why? – “The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. “ Gal 5:19-21

19. Why? But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Galatians 5:22,23a He provides these in our marriages

20. Fruit and Marriage Love is enhanced Joy comes from living together and having children Peace comes from the security we have in loving one another Patience comes as we work toward the same goals

21. Fruit and Marriage Faithfulness is a fruit because we have become one with our mate and have promised to be faithful and are expected to be Gentleness is a derivative of love for we do not want to hurt the object of our love Kindness is also a derivative of love as is goodness

22. Fruit and Marriage When we love someone we put their best interests and welfare above out own We live our lives for them We deny ourselves, and are no longer selfish and self centered We become their servant

23. Exercise I want you to take one sheet of paper and write a love letter to your spouse listing all the things that make you love them. Write only one page. You may go over a little bit but keep it short and concise It can be as mushy as you want to make it We will take a 30 minute break when you have finished

24. What do we want in our Marriage We want to be able to communicate with one another We want to love one another We want a good sexual relationship We want children We want to share recreational interests

25. What do we Want? We want intellectual stimulation Shared religion Having an orderly home Having in laws we can like Good food Possessions

26. What are we to do? We are obligated as Christians to grow in our faith and our relationship with our spouse To do this we have to: – Pray with one another – Study the Word of God – Worship in Spirit and truth – And witness

27. Building Spiritual Strength Spiritual strength comes from regular encounters with The Spirit of God. – We encounter God In our music Our prayer Our Bible study In the Eucharist And in the personal testimony of others

28. Building Spiritual Strength Personal testimony is what Jesus commanded us to do in Acts 1:8, But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."

29. Building Spiritual Strength Witness is always relating what we have seen and heard A testimony to the works of God reveals his love for us and thus he inhabits that testimony This is why we encounter Him in witness

30. Building Spiritual Strength We need to encounter God because our power leaks out – Our encounters renew the power of the Spirit in us and we are able to serve God and witness for him – We can tell of his wondrous works – But we can also be be more loving husbands, wives, fathers and mothers, pastors, teachers and friends

31. Why? “Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. “

32. Why? “The mind controlled by the sinful nature is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace. The sinful mind is hostile to God; it does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.” Romans 8:5-8

33. What effect does the Holy Spirit have on marriage? The answer is that it makes an enormous difference – 50% of marriages in our country end in divorce – In the general church the divorce rate is about 45% – When two born again Christians marry it is only 10% – And when two Spirit filled Christians marry the divorce rate is only1%

34. Why the Disparity? The answer lies in the fact That God’s presence in the lives of both spouses enhances their love for one another and they are able to use the biblical guides to right living to be one God began his instruction in the beginning. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. “ Genesis 2:24

35. What more does God say about marriage and family? The Bible says that the scriptures are a guide to right living They clearly address Marriage an family with principles of relating to our husbands, wives and children

36. Principles First it says that married and later family life should have love and order Ephesians 5:21-33 – The love should be unconditional – And spouses should be submitted to one another

37. Principles Second there should be well defined roles The husband is the breadwinner – He is to be the protector of the home – The primary disciplinarian – An the head of the house – Attending to all his duties in love

38. Principles The husband and father is also to be: – Hardworking – Trustworthy – Generous – Wise and knowledgeable – Frugal – A kind and fair disciplinarian

39. Principles – The wife is to be the homemaker and nurturer of the children – She is to be one with her husband in disciplining the children – Her primary job is to socialize the children – She may also contribute to bread winning, but her primary duty is homemaker

40. Principles There should be open and honest communication Ephesians 4:17-32 There should be agreement on: – Management of finances John Wesley’s principles – Sexual activity – Child nurturance – And social and recreational activity

41. Communication Rules Listen Hear them out Talk only when it is your turn Try to understand how the other person feels Don’t defend yourself

42. Communication Rules Continued State in love what you think and feel Bring every argument to a conclusion After the argument is over and the emotion is out of it – SETTLE IT!

43. Communication Style In marriage the couple should live an assertive life style of communication – This means that they confess their thoughts and feelings – The do not express their thoughts and feelings nor do they – Repress their thoughts and feelings

44. Communication A simple mnemonic to help you remember how to be assertive is – When – I think and I feel – I would like

45. Communicating Love Gary Chapman Says that love is communicated in ways other than talking. It is important, but other things are necessary. We are to love our wives and husbands unconditionally – Do not be critical – Do not condemn – Heed Ephesians 4:29-32

46. Communicating love Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

47. Communicating Love Spend Quality time together – It should be free of distractions – It should be a time for unrestricted communication – It should be a time where you can have fun – You should not have the kids along. Park them with someone else

48. Communicating Love A third method of communicating love is to give and receive gifts – These do not have to be expensive – They should be something that your mate can use and be reminded of your love – They should be something that your wife or husband will like

49. Communicating Love Have non sexual physical contact – Men should hold their wives so that they feel protected and secure – They should be hugged and kissed and not dragged off to bed – Hold their hands, put your arm around them when possible while seated – Pats on the fanny, kisses on the neck, stroking their head, and other non sexual gestures qualify. Spouses should receive these with appreciation

50. Communicating Love Perform acts of service – Women have a tough time raising and nurturing kids – Husbands should help them as much as possible especially if the wife works – Cleaning the table, loading the dishwasher, Putting clean dishes away – Taking out the trash – Bathing the kids if necessary – And many other things that show you care

51. The Holy Spirit and the Family Application of Christian principles in marriage should: – Create stability in the home – Create children of worth – Bring happiness to all members – And glorify God, for that is man’s chief aim (Westminster Shorter Catechism--Question 1)

52. What else do we need to do to create a spirit guided family life We should affirm our children, i.e. love each of them unconditionally. I cannot emphasize this enough We should teach them biblical values. Deuteronomy 4:9,10; 6:6-9; 31:10-13 We should be role models of spiritual men and women

53. Family Life Communicate our faith through personal witness and example – Teach Bible in a simple way through Bible story telling and limited verse memorization – Teach children how to pray by praying with them – Teach God’s rules of moral behavior by explaining why we obey them

54. Family Life – Demonstrate your faith by living it – Go to a church where Christ is regularly encountered – Be excited about your faith – Make it seem desirable – Communicate the benefits through thanksgiving

55. Conclusions Having a marriage and family in the Spirit requires continuing spiritual growth of both parents Both parents need to actively use the means of grace to facilitate their growth. They need to pray together, study the bible and worship together.