Table of Contents Introduction Slides 3-4 Circles & Discussion QuestionsSlide 5-7 Emotions and HonestySlide 8-9 Role PlaySlide 10 White Lies Versus Black LiesSlide 11-12 Consequence GameSlide 13 Snakes and LaddersSlides 14-16 Honesty SongsSlides 17-18 RewardsSlide 19 Lying ChartSlide 20 Praise Tags Slide 21
INTRODUCTION The Boy Who Cried Wolf There once was a shepherd boy who was bored as he sat on the hillside watching the village sheep. To amuse himself he took a great breath and sang out, "Wolf! Wolf! The Wolf is chasing the sheep!" The villagers came running up the hill to help the boy drive the wolf away. But when they arrived at the top of the hill, they found no wolf. The boy laughed at the sight of their angry faces. "Don't cry 'wolf', shepherd boy," said the villagers, "when there's no wolf!" They went grumbling back down the hill. Later, the boy sang out again, "Wolf! Wolf! The wolf is chasing the sheep!" To his naughty delight, he watched the villagers run up the hill to help him drive the wolf away. When the villagers saw no wolf they sternly said, "Save your frightened song for when there is really something wrong! Don't cry 'wolf' when there is NO wolf!" But the boy just grinned and watched them go grumbling down the hill once more. Later, he saw a REAL wolf prowling about his flock. Alarmed, he leaped to his feet and sang out as loudly as he could, "Wolf! Wolf!" But the villagers thought he was trying to fool them again, and so they didn't come. At sunset, everyone wondered why the shepherd boy hadn't returned to the village with their sheep. They went up the hill to find the boy. They found him weeping. "There really was a wolf here! The flock has scattered! I cried out, "Wolf!" Why didn't you come?" An old man tried to comfort the boy as they walked back to the village. "We'll help you look for the lost sheep in the morning," he said, putting his arm around the youth, "Nobody believes a liar...even when he is telling the truth!" Every child lies at some point. When they do this it is at times shocking for the parents or teachers. It is important to recognize this as part of a child’s learning and approach lying positively. Just as a child learns to tell a lie, he/she can learn to tell the truth also. In order to do this, children should be taught the importance of honesty and for adults it is important to be a good role model for this teaching to work. Stories like Pinocchio are useful in this learning. Aesop’s fable, “The Boy Who Cried Wolf”, is another very good story to teach honesty and the importance of it to children. Studies on child development show that children learn to tell lies by around age three. It is important for parents and teachers to identify the reason why a child is lying and deal with it accordingly.
Children have a huge imaginary and make believe world. It is important to make sure this is not confused with lying. However, if a child lies then the consequences of lying should be clear to the child. And the consequences should be developmentally appropriate, that is, suitable to the age of the child. Also the disciplinary action should be positive in nature. So if a child has drawn on a wall, it is best to ask the child to clean the wall. Never go for extreme forms of punishment or calling the child a liar. It is also important to teach the child how to take responsibility for lying. Once the child takes responsibility it is crucial to praise the child which will boost his/her self-esteem. Another important fact to remember is to identify the reasons behind a child’s lying. This helps in dealing with the lying more effectively. So if the reason is the need for more attention, then you can seek ways in which you can give more attention to the child. In what follows are a number of tools for educators and parents and all those involved with children to use for dealing with situations when children lie. * Raising Children Network (n.d.) Lies: why children lie and what to do, retrieved from http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/lies.html, accessed July 2013.http://raisingchildren.net.au/articles/lies.html ** For an understanding of lying at different ages see Marie Hartwell-Walker, Ed.D. (n.d.). When a Child Lies, PsychCentral, http://psychcentral.com/lib/2010/when-a-child-lies/all/1/, accessed July 2013. When a Child Lieshttp://psychcentral.com/lib/2010/when-a-child-lies/all/1/ Children lie for a number of reasons: cover something up, hoping to avoid consequences or punishment explore and experiment with their parents’ responses and reactions exaggerate a story or impress others gain attention, even when they’re aware the listener knows the truth manipulate a situation or set something up – for example, saying to grandma, ‘Mum lets me have lollies before dinner’.* For each of the above there is a need for a different approach to encourage children not to lie again. Another thing to bear in mind is the different ages of children, and note that the lie of a 3 year old will not have the sophistication and manipulative aspects of that of a 6 year old. **
Image from Brooklyn Society for Ethical Culture Circles are a very good method of having discussions and conversations with children. To discuss the questions on the next slide you can form a circle as a family or a classroom. CIRCLES
1.Do you think noses grow when lies are told? 2.Do you think noses grow hidden inside of you, like shame that builds up inside of you, when you lie? 3.Is it bad to lie? What is a white lie? What do you think about when to tell white lies? 4.In the story why is the spaceman’s answer different from everyone else? Why didn’t his nose grow? 5.Why do you think the elephants were not amused? Discussion Questions BOX BOY
1.What do you think is the moral of the story? 2.Does lying destroy trust? 3.Sometimes people lie to cover up a mistake (like stealing). Do you think this is a necessary or good lie? 4.Sometimes people lie to protect someone’s feelings. For example, we might not like our friend’s dress but will lie and say it is beautiful. Do you think lying in this situation is necessary or good? Discussion Questions The Boy Who Cried wolf
EMOTIONS & HONESTY Every child will lie at some point and this often is shocking to the adult dealing with the child be it a teacher or parent. One thing to remember is that there is often an emotion behind the lie. Make sure the children you are dealing with are able to share their emotions with you. Use the Emotions Cards to help children identify the emotions and discuss them with you. Here is an example. Every child steals at some point and chooses to lie about it. If you find yourself in such a situation then use it as a unique opportunity to discuss feelings by putting the child in the shoes of the other person, that is, the one whose thing(s) was stolen from. How would you feel if your favourite …… was stolen from you? How would you feel if you find out your friend stole it? What do you think would be the consequences of stealing for your friend? How do you think your friend will feel if he/she has to go through these consequences?
EMOTIONS & HONESTY Make sure you discuss the feelings thoroughly and continue by finding out Why people steal? You might get a variety of answers which will be a good basis to talk about feelings, for example: They might feel jealous They might be sad/angry They might be trying to seek attention because they are lonely They might be poor End the discussion by giving them ideas about what to do if they steal. Talk to an adult about it Be brave and return what you stole Apologize and really mean it Reflect on your feelings
ROLE PLAY Get children into groups to role-play this scenario. It is best to at least have 2 groups so the difference in approaches to the scenario can be discussed. Robin notices a lady drop a RM 50 note. His parents are distracted and no one else is looking. Each group decides what Robin will do next and the consequences of that action. For example, will Robin give the money to the lady? Or will he keep it? Or tell his parents about this? What will be the consequence in each of the choice made? Give each group 20-30 minutes to prepare and then ask them to do the role play in front of the class. After all the groups have done their role-play, discuss the differences in choices amongst the groups if any. Use the sample questions below to get children thinking of all possibilities. 1.If someone was watching, do you think Robin would still steal the RM50? 2.What will the consequences be for each person and how will that person feel? For example, how would the lady feel when she realizes she lost RM50? How would Robin feel if he decides to buy a computer game with the money? What would the consequences be for Robin if his parents find out? 3.Would it make a difference if Robin used the money to buy something he needs, like school books? 4.What if Robin gives the money to a homeless family?
WHITE LIES Studies have shown that children who are able to tell white lies are actually showing signs of cognitive and emotional maturity. Finding oneself in a difficult situation where one has to swiftly decide whether to lie or tell the truth, processing that information fast enough to come up with a decision and then telling a white lie not to hurt a feeling is a huge accomplishment for a child. Some adult white lying can be harmful to children though, however unintentionally done. If you say to your child who doesn’t want you to go out, "I'll be back in just a few minutes", and then don’t return for hours, will result in your child not trusting you. So if you know a medicine tastes bitter don’t tell you child, “It’s just medicine, it tastes good”. Instead you can say, “It will make you feel better faster and you can soon go out and play”. These types of honest statements helps your child to trust you. The next slide provides more examples on types of lying you can discuss with your child. Gookin, Sarah Hardin & Gookin, Dan(n.d.). Teaching Honesty and Responsibility to Your Children, Retrieved from http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/teaching-honesty-and-responsibility-to- your-childr.htmlGookin, Sarah Hardin & Gookin, Dan(n.d.). Teaching Honesty and Responsibility to Your Children, Retrieved from http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/teaching-honesty-and-responsibility-to- your-childr.html, accessed July 2013.
WHITE LIES VS. BLACK LIES When it's never OK to tell lies To get out of trouble (like saying you didn’t do something when you did) To upset or tease someone (like telling lies about someone or spreading rumours). To pretend you’ve got permission to do something when you haven’t (like saying, “Mum says I can go to the shopping centre after school,” when she hasn’t said that and would be very worried). To hide things belonging to others and pretend you don’t know where they are (this isn’t just teasing, it is unkind). To tell lies about people (like saying someone has told you something and it’s not true). To be dishonest and not own up (like getting all the class in trouble). To blame someone else for something you have done (to get them into trouble and get you out of it). To be greedy and not share (like saying you haven’t got any to share, when you have shared all their stuff). To cheat someone (or cheat in a test, which is cheating yourself really). Keeping yourself safe (like saying, "Mum can't come to the phone right now," when a stranger calls and asks if your mum is there and you're alone). Using good manners ("thank you but I couldn't eat another piece" - so that your host can have the last piece of cake). So that you don't hurt people's feelings ("Thank you for a lovely present." Even if it's not what you really want, or even if you hate it). Keeping 'good' secrets (like pretending that you don't know what dad has bought for mum's birthday). When it's sometimes OK to tell lies (white lies) Gookin, Sarah Hardin & Gookin, Dan(n.d.). Teaching Honesty and Responsibility to Your Children, Retrieved from http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/teaching-honesty-and-responsibility-to- your-childr.htmlGookin, Sarah Hardin & Gookin, Dan(n.d.). Teaching Honesty and Responsibility to Your Children, Retrieved from http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/teaching-honesty-and-responsibility-to- your-childr.html, accessed July 2013.
CONSEQUENCES GAME "Pictionary" is a game that children love to play and it's easy to come up with a version that applies to whatever an adult is trying to teach. In this instance, adults can create many cards that show instances where a child will need to make a decision about whether he will tell the truth or a lie. For instance, write on cards situations like "broken mug," "puddle on kitchen floor," "dent on car," or "hole in jeans." Break into two teams and one side is the drawing team and the other is the guessing team. Set a timer for 30 seconds to see if they can guess the picture in that amount of time. Once the team guesses the picture, it's simple to have a short little discussion about the image. Questions like "What do you think happened to the mug?" and "What should the child who broke it do about it?" will allow kids to reflect on honesty. Adults can also discuss what the possible consequences might be for certain actions. For instance, if the mug broke by accident and he told the truth, there is no consequence. If he lied about breaking the mug, even though it was an accident, there would be a consequence. Reinforce the fact that consequences will be more severe if children are not honest. Find this game and more on honesty at Wilson, Laura. Fun Activities for Kids on Telling the Truth http://www.ehow.com/list_6454312_fun-activities-kids-telling-truth.html#page=0Find this game and more on honesty at Wilson, Laura. Fun Activities for Kids on Telling the Truth http://www.ehow.com/list_6454312_fun-activities-kids-telling-truth.html#page=0 This is a good game for role plays.
SNAKES AND LADDERS Snakes and Ladders is believed to be a game originated in India. It was used for moral instructions in Hindu teaching. Snakes and ladders board from www.essentialkids.com.au
SNAKES AND LADDERS The best way to play this game is to get children write the questions themselves. If that is not possible or too time consuming then you can prepare the question cards beforehand by using the examples given on the next slide. THE GAME You need one dice and and game pieces to play this game. You can use different beans like red kidney bean, black-eyed been, broad bean, etc or you can use different color jelly beans as your game pieces If a player lands on a snake or ladder square, another player turns over a card and asks the player the question on the card. If it is a ladder square and the chosen answer reflects honesty or integrity, the player goes up the ladder; otherwise they wait on the square until their next turn. If it is a snake square and the chosen answer reflects honesty or integrity, the player waits on the square until their next turn, but if they choose the ‘dishonest’ option, they slide down the snake.** **Values Education http://www.valueseducation.edu.au/verve/_resources/currprim_game_of_honesty_and_lies.pdfhttp://www.valueseducation.edu.au/verve/_resources/currprim_game_of_honesty_and_lies.pdf
SNAKES AND LADDERS HONESTY AND INTEGRITY QUESTION CARDS You find the answers to the class test you are having on Friday. Do you: a) return the answers to the teacher without looking at them, or b) study the answers to get a good score on the test? All your friends think it’s funny to call a classmate by a horrible name that the child hates. Do you: a) tell the child that ‘it’s just a joke’ and call the child by the name too to make your friends laugh, or b) tell your friends that you feel it is mean to use put-downs? Your parents don’t allow you to eat chocolate before dinner. Your friend gives you a chocolate bar after school. Do you: a) eat it secretly before dinner so your parent doesn’t know, or b) show it to your parent and ask if it is okay if you can eat it later? You break your little sister’s toy when you are mucking around. Do you: a) tell your parent that you did it, or b) tell your parent that your little sister did it? You see a lady drop a RM 50 note. Do you: a)take it quickly before anyone sees you, or b)tell the lady she has dropped her money. You are playing a game with your friend and another child. You see your friend cheat so that they can beat the other child. Do you: a) tell your friend that they are not playing fairly, or b) say nothing? Adapted from Values Education http://www.valueseducation.edu.au/verve/_resources/currprim_game_of_honesty_and_lies.pdfhttp://www.valueseducation.edu.au/verve/_resources/currprim_game_of_honesty_and_lies.pdf
BE HONEST The song by Harry Kindergarten is about being honest when: You break something You see something wrong that you tell your teachers/parents You cheat in tests and or doing homework You cut lines Use this song as a starting point to discuss about honesty. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fx4Kiq3G86U&list=PLBDF88056BB0CDE21&index=13) Find out from the child/children if they have been in such a situation or one similar to it. What did they do about it? How did they feel when they didn’t tell anyone? How did they feel when they told someone? Which one was harder to do? What did they learn from this experience? After you finish this exercise you can end it again with a song about honesty. This song can be useful especially for parents. One parent knowing her child is lying starts singing this song. The singing relaxes the situation and helps her children to not be scared and tell the truth. Here is the link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-NGJy9KB38 and the lyrics are on the next slide.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-NGJy9KB38
Tell The TRUTH (TTT) I was outside playing pebbles, when I knocked over a plant. I knew I’d be in trouble, I didn’t want to tell my aunt. What would I do? Would I tell a lie? Or do the right thing. What would I decide? Tell the Truth, nobody likes a lie. Tell the Truth, it’s ok to cry. Tell the Truth, it’s the right thing to do. Tell the truth, they’ll still love you. So I went to see my aunt, And told her what I did. She liked that I told the truth, That I am a great kid. Cause I didn’t lie, Cause I know it’s wrong. Cause I didn’t lie Here’s to my song Tell the Truth, nobody likes a lie. Tell the Truth, now everything is alright. Tell the Truth, it’s the right thing to do. Tell the truth, they’ll still love you Honesty is really the only way to go And the cool kids know. WHAT DO YOU KNOW? To Tell the Truth, now everything is alright. Tell the Truth, nobody likes a lie. Tell the Truth, now everything is alright. Tell the Truth, it’s the right thing to do. Tell the truth, they’ll still love you.
REWARDS Studies now show that punishment leaves negative scars for children and it is important not to punish but show children why they have done something wrong, how they could do it differently and if they make a mistake, even the same mistake that they need to take responsibility for it. Once children succeed in doing this they should be rewarded. Rewards have a series advantages. Rewards are good for motivating children and reinforce the desired behavior. Since children have thoughts like, “Why should I do it?” or “What’s in it for me?”, rewards provide answers to such questions. Reward positive behavior immediately. It is good to build up tokens for bigger award certificates. There may be a need to change rewards frequently as children’s interest wanes easily. So there can be a reward cycle, and when one cycle finishes another of the same or a different one can commence as of the next cycle. The Lying Chart is one idea for keeping count of the successful overcoming of lying. The Praise Tags and Certificates are two ideas for rewards.
The Lying Chart DateThe LieThe Reason for the LieHow You Handled itWhat the Child did about it Child’s Name: __________________________
WELL DONE!! BRAVO!! KEEP IT UP!! PRAISETAGSPRAISETAGS PRAISETAGSPRAISETAGS