Do you ever find yourself having a hard time getting children to do what you want? Do you ever want to win your spouse over to your way of thinking? Have you ever had to satisfy an irritated customer/parent/coworker?
Don’t Criticize, Condemn or Complain! The Big Secret of Dealing with People Give Honest & Sincere Appreciation to Others Arouse in the Other Person an Eager Want
In Part One of the book, the author relates a story of how using the techniques he has provided will lead to better results in people’s attitudes, self-confidence, and work performance. A supervisor, Pam Dunham, had the responsibility of supervising a janitor who was not doing a very good job. Other employees would make fun of him and complain that he was terrible at his job. Pam tried several ways to get the janitor motivated about doing a better job. She never seemed to have any success.
Once in awhile, she would notice that he did an excellent job in certain areas and would compliment him in front of the other employees. Every day he began to do a better job, until he started doing all of his work efficiently and effectively. Other employees appreciated his hard work and praised him. Appreciation Got Results Where Criticism Failed!! Where Criticism Failed!!
1. Do this and you will be Welcome Anywhere Become Genuinely Interested in Other People 2. A simple way to make a good First Impression SMILE!!! 3. If you don’t do this you are headed for Trouble! Remember that a Person’s Name is to that Person the Sweetest & Most Important Sound in Any Language!
In Part 2 of the book, the author portrays how making people like you will soften their side to communicate and usually lead to an outcome you desire. Edward Harriman was looking for a job after completing military service and was having no luck being hired. He did some research and found that most of the local companies were owned by a business maverick, R.J. Funkhouser. Mr. Harriman then researched how Mr. Funkhouser rose to success. He learned that he rose from poverty and worked hard to earn his fame and riches. He also discovered he was motivated by his desire for power and money.
So when Mr. Harriman went for his interview with Mr. Funkhouser, he used all the researched knowledge to his advantage. Mr. Harriman entered Mr. Funkhouser’s large, elaborate office and was seated in front of his beautiful carved wooden desk. Mr. Funkhouser got right to the point and barked out what could he do for him. Mr. Harriman immediately told Mr. Funkhouser that he believed he could make money for him. This got Mr. Funkhouser’s attention and he offered Mr. Harriman a more comfortable seat on the leather sofa; where they sat together and discussed Mr. Harriman’s qualifications, ideas, and how they would relate to Mr. Funkhouser’s success. Mr. Harriman got the job on the spot and both men prospered. Talking in Terms of the Other Person’s Interests Pays Off for Both Parties Interests Pays Off for Both Parties
You Can’t Win an Argument AVOID The only way to get the Best of an argument is to AVOID it! How to Avoid Making Enemies Show Respect for the Other Person’s Opinions. Never say “You’re Wrong!” If You’re Wrong, Admit It! If you are wrong, admit it quickly & emphatically
In part 3, the author does an excellent job giving examples of how temper, a hostile attitude, and argumentative tones can ruin communication. You might think you have won an argument, but did you win over the other person’s way of thinking??? O.L. Straub, an engineer, wanted to get his rent reduced. He had a tough and stubborn landlord. Other tenants in the apartment building had tried for years to get their rent reduced with no luck. Mr. Straub proceeded to write the landlord a kind letter informing him that he would be moving out of the apartment as soon as the lease was over. The landlord went straight to Mr. Straub’s apartment as soon as he received the letter. Mr. Straub met him at the door with a smile and a friendly hello.
Mr. Straub didn’t mention the rent at first. Instead, he began talking about how much he liked his apartment and complemented the landlord on the way he ran the building. He mentioned he would love to stay another year but just couldn’t afford it. The landlord was not expecting such a friendly conversation and began to tell Mr. Straub of his troubles with other tenants complaining. The landlord told Mr. Straub it was great to have an appreciative tenant living in the apartment building and offered to lower his rent. He even asked how much Mr. Straub could afford and was there any renovations or repairs he needed. According to Lincoln: “A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall”
If you Must find Fault this is the way to Begin Begin with Praise and Honest Appreciation How to Criticize and Not be Hated for It Call Attention to People’s Mistakes Immediately Talk About Your Own Mistakes Before Criticizing the Other Person
In Part 4, Dale Carnegie reveals the traits and characteristics that all great, successful leaders posses. One such story illustrates how a leader has the ability to lead others to a “We Can Do It” attitude by not demanding orders and shoving authority on them. Ian Macdonald was the general manager of a small manufacturing plant that produced machine parts. One day he had the opportunity to accept a very large order that would be very beneficial to his company. However, he knew the order was so large that it seemed impossible that he would be able to meet the promised delivery date. He was about to decline the order, but instead went to his employees about the situation.
He called all the employees together, explained the situation, and told them how this large order could help the company. He then began asking the employees did they think it would be possible to produce an order this large on time. He proceeded to ask them what would be some things they could do to make the delivery date for this large order on time. The employees brainstormed many ideas and insisted to Mr. MacDonald that he accept the large order and they would get the order out on time. The order was accepted and delivered on time because the employees approached the task with a “We Can Do It” attitude. Would the same result have happened if Mr. MacDonald pushed, rushed, and ordered his employees to work faster or harder to get the employees to work faster or harder to get the order through???? order through????
The communication methods Dale Carnegie presents in 4 parts of his book are adaptable to any workplace, even parenting, and especially EDUCATION! Most of the principles he has presented such as: don’t criticize, condemn, give sincere appreciation, smile, be a good listener, make others feel important, praise and encouragement are things all educators are aware of and practice. However, we do forget some of these simple things from time to time. But just think of all the accomplishments students would be more willing to achieve if they have self-confidence and appreciation from their teacher.
One communication method that would really work well is the one on being a good listener, and letting the other person do all of the talking about what interests them. For example, if there is a reluctant student or behavior challenged student, this would be a good communication tactic to try. Possibly by learning what interests him and listening to him, he will learn that you are interested in his likes. I bet he will try to show more attention in class and try harder to stay out trouble!!
Another good communication skill given in the book is to begin with praise and honest appreciation. This is excellent when communicating with a parent, fellow colleague, or administrator. When we have to critique a situation or idea it is always easier to give them praise before doing so. This makes them more susceptible to the criticism because they are still on a “high” – reflecting about their positives you have pointed out.
If you want these principles to work for you, then put a plan in place and implement it. Remember these principles should be viewed not as tips for communication and leadership, but a handbook which should be reviewed frequently!
1. To be successful in Communication & Leadership, you need to have the desire to want to communicate more effectively. 2. Review each principle and reflect how you could make it work in your environment. Think and Reflect before Practicing! 3. Don’t try to learn all the methods or principles at once. Pick just a couple to practice and master before moving on.
4. Make a game out of practicing the principles or methods. For example, choose a spouse, child, or co-worker to give a dime to each time you break one of the principles. 5. Enjoy your victories!! When a method or principle works for you, record it down so that when you get discouraged you will remember how you triumphed before! 4. Purchase this book!!!!! I wish I had read this book prior to entering the workplace and becoming a parent. It has been one of the most inspirational and practical books I have ever read. I recommend everyone has a copy!!!