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John R. Williams The Internet Pornography Plague Protecting Our Youth, Our Friends, Ourselves.

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Presentation on theme: "John R. Williams The Internet Pornography Plague Protecting Our Youth, Our Friends, Ourselves."— Presentation transcript:

1 John R. Williams The Internet Pornography Plague Protecting Our Youth, Our Friends, Ourselves

2 John R. Williams Purity Is Power “When you enter your married life after keeping your purity, you will be able to love wholeheartedly.” Father Moon

3 Male Power John R. Williams

4 Importance of Appreciating the Significance of the Male Organs ‘All practices of the Peace Kingdom are based on three understandings: 1. God 2. Life after death 3. Meaning and use of love organs’ Father Moon John R. Williams

5 What Is the Significance of the Male Organs? John R. Williams

6 Significance of the Male Organs 1. Most sacred parts of the body 2. Symbolize Heart and love 3. Represent the need for marriage and fatherhood 4. Symbolize masculine strengths 5. Focus of evil John R. Williams

7 Male Organs Are Most Sacred Holy place where God enters during lovemaking God’s greatest creation Means of making oneness with our wife, “Love Palace” Means of creating a new life and person Place where marital love becomes eternal substantial legacy through lineage Point of fulfillment of ancestral hope for descendants Most profound, God-given power

8 Male Organs Symbolize Heart and Love Source of intense joy and bonding power, like love Most sensitive part, like the spiritual Heart Deep connection to our Heart and brain Functions best within true love and trust Point where spiritual and emotional life is passed on to children Pulls us to our wife Unites lowest and highest functions: Waste and creativity John R. Williams

9 Male Organs Represent Need for Marriage and Fatherhood Prominence and ready fertility symbolize the central purposes of marriage and parenthood Like the Heart, they are incomplete and cannot fulfill their purpose without our love partner Ownership shared with our wife; represents living for others Accountable to God and ancestors, wife and children for their use John R. Williams

10 Male Organs Symbolize Masculine Strengths Penis Outward, showy Direct, assertive Focused Quick reaction, dramatic changes Hard and strong Sperm Active, initiating Competitive Regular enjoyment of lovemaking preserves health John R. Williams

11 Evil Targets the Male Organs Abused by Satan to claim all human life, love and lineage Easily leads the body in rebellion against the mind Readily interferes with growth towards maturity Their discipline is central challenge of adolescence Self control reverses evil history Readily interferes with growth towards maturity John R. Williams

12 Pornography Abuses the Greatest Male Power All impurity misuses love and sexuality Pornography and masturbation Sex outside of marriage The harm extends in many directions Individual Wife Children Parents and in-laws Society God John R. Williams

13 The Pornography Problem

14 John R. Williams What Would Be the Most Perfect Kind of Recreational Drug to Sell?

15 John R. Williams Internet Pornography– Perfect “Drug” 1. Accessible 2. Affordable 3. Approved 4. Anonymous 5. Abstinent-looking 6. Appears harmless 7. Adult-looking 8. All-new 9. Anything-goes 10. Addictive Almost half of all internet users look at porn

16 John R. Williams What Is Internet Pornography? Photos, videos, and online interactive media designed to get people sexually aroused Includes cybersex Simulated encounters through chatrooms, webcam, avatars and other means

17 John R. Williams Internet Pornography– Destroying Innocence 7 years old: Age of first exposure Children years: Largest group of users Ads and searches lead to porn sites Pop-ups cannot be clicked off Half of male and 1 in 6 female college students spend up to 5 hours online weekly for sex 21% of males do daily “I don’t know any BC boy who doesn’t struggle with porn use”

18 Porn, Girls & Women 28% of all porn users are female 40% of admitted addicts under age Often start by wanting to please men 2. Drawn to chatrooms Intimate talk leads to sex talk and porn 3. Women are more likely to act out their fantasies See in person those met online John R. Williams

19 Why Is Internet Porn Enticing?

20 John R. Williams Appeal of Internet Porn to Youth 1. Curiosity and wanting to understand about sex, the opposite sex, and the adult world 2. Pleasure and excitement of sex 3. Sexy bodies, fantasy encounters 4. Variety and quick gratification 5. Escape from unwanted feelings, especially loneliness 6. Feel wanted and powerful

21 John R. Williams Additional Appeal of Porn to Spouses 1. Escape from boredom, tensions and other challenges of the marriage 2. Curiosity about sexual possibilities What they may be afraid of asking their spouses for Desires that are forbidden by their faith and conscience

22 John R. Williams Anatomy of the Sex Impulse Heart Seeks love and oneness of heart with another Physical instinct Seeks to substantiate love in bodily oneness and lineage Heart Physical instinct Two aspects may get confused

23 Internet Porn Exploits Male & Female Fantasies The brain is the most important sexual organ Men Arousal by sight of beauty and body parts Sex-focused partners, no affection or foreplay Performance oriented Man in control Women Aroused by romantic interaction Caring, cooperative partners John R. Williams

24 Risks of Porn Use John R. Williams

25 Damages Ourselves Corrupts the heart and mind with crude, unforgettable images Teaches degrading standards of man- and womanhood Promotes insecurities Erodes self- respect and spiritual connections Blocks emotional growth and maturity Desensitizes Enslaves John R. Williams

26 Internet Porn Combines Power of Video Gaming & Junk Food Porn is even stronger than both because it involves the deep need for love and sex Videogaming High speed and exciting Interactive control Entrancing Always new and improved Junk Food Intensified version of a pleasurable need Always interesting Overrides natural appetite John R. Williams

27 Internet Porn Has All Factors that Make Activities Hard to Stop These cause the brain to highly value something 1. Strong emotions Surprise, excitement, anxiety, disgust 2. Novelty Newness, variety, promise of more 3. Thrill of the hunt Searching and finding what we want 4. Exceeding expectations Unexpected bonuses or dangers John R. Williams

28 Compulsive Porn Use Changes the Brain Porn can reprogram the brain like too much eating, gambling and video gaming Numbed response to normal pleasures Heightened response to things related to the habit Shutdown of normal signals when “enough” Shrunken brain matter controlling reason and self control John R. Williams

29 Signs of a Serious Porn Habit Emotional numbness Depression, irritability or sadness Difficulty concentrating Social discomfort, isolation Chronic fatigue, little motivation Inability to cope without it Male failure to be aroused by a real woman For males, depleted testosterone accounts for many symptoms

30 John R. Williams Stages of Porn Compulsion I 1. Fascination, disgust Mixture of guilt, fear, aggression and pleasurable arousal 2. Desire for more daring and exotic images Former thrill wears off; desensitized

31 John R. Williams Stages of Porn Compulsion II 1. Fascination, disgust Mixture of guilt, fear, aggression and pleasurable arousal 2. Desire for more daring and exotic images Former thrill wears off; desensitized 3. Habitual use Endless new images Hard to stop Dependent on mood- altering effects (4. Acting out)‏ 5. Despair Use more porn to escape

32 John R. Williams Damages Our Relationship with the Opposite Sex Harder to connect as siblings and friends 1. Reduces spiritual beings to being accessories for our needs and fantasies 2. Promotes “shopping” mentality, based on looks 3. Creates impossible expectations Physical attractiveness Sexual and romantic behavior

33 John R. Williams Damages Our Marriage Habit is likely to persist Teaches warped ideas about sex, desire and performance No sense of the unselfish effort needed for satisfying marriage Dissatisfaction from comparing spouse to fantasy partners Weakens desire for our spouse over time May create dysfunction Deeply offends our spouse, like an affair

34 Damages Our Future Children If the habit persists in marriage: Degrades the conception of a child Attracts evil spirits to the home Children may view the pornography John R. Williams

35 Effects of Masturbation John R. Williams

36 Masturbation Multiplies the Harm of Pornography Two Types of Masturbation 1. No sexual fantasies Less harmful 2. With images and fantasies More harmful Masturbation amplifies its addictive power The brain bonds with what is related to sexual release Connects porn to the highest pleasure, pain relief and comfort

37 John R. Williams Masturbation without Images or Fantasies Self-centered use of holy organs Compromise sense of proper position and self-respect Self-soothing physical release Grounded in body, no disconnection No misuse of imagination

38 John R. Williams Masturbation with Images and Fantasies Trains a multi- focused sexual arousal Trains in sex ungrounded in our body and relationship Burns images into brain and links them to highest pleasure Mental adultery connects sex with multiple partners Invites compulsive porn use

39 John R. Williams The Goal Is to Teach Our Brain to Desire Only Our Spouse Purity sets up one arousal pathway in the brain for maximum fulfilment Porn and masturbation divide pathway and weaken bond with spouse Spouse (Partners)‏ Spouse Porn

40 John R. Williams Masturbation Damages Lovemaking in Marriage Builds habit of quick, reliable climax without accommodating our spouse Trains in unnaturally strong and perfect stimulation and frequent sexual release so that married life may not satisfy With fantasies, the habit of sex mentally disconnected from body and partner is likely to leave our spouse feeling lonely and hurt

41 Overcoming the Porn Habit John R. Williams

42 Help Jason and Eric Jason’s Challenge: Jason avoids porn, but he’s going to go to a college where porn is everywhere. How can he avoid getting involved with it? Eric’s Challenge: Eric has a porn habit. What can he do to stop?

43 John R. Williams Help Jason: Strategies to Avoid Pornography

44 Help Jason: What Can He Say to Refuse Porn from Others?

45 “No. I don’t want to mess up my head so that I can’t have the best sex with my wife.” “It’s all fake anyway and it just gives me stupid ideas about sex and love.” “I wouldn’t want my wife looking at this and comparing me to porn stars, so I don’t want to do it either.”

46 John R. Williams Help Eric: Strategies to Overcome the Habit

47 John R. Williams Abstinence Strategies That Don’t Work

48 John R. Williams Abstinence Strategies That Don’t Work 1. Keeping extremely busy 2. Making unrealistic pledges to stop 3. Using irrational fears as a deterrent 4. Using guilt and self- accusation as a deterrent

49 John R. Williams Help Eric: First Steps to Recovery & Abstinence 1. Admit the problem Face its falseness and costs 2. Confess Fully reveal secrets to someone 3. Repent Determine to stop 4. Ask for and receive forgiveness From God, others and yourself 5. Begin anew Restore your self-respect and right position

50 John R. Williams Helpful Spiritual Efforts 1. Pray for help Pray for other strugglers 2. Read God’s words Learn God’s view of love, sex and marriage Recognize the evil behind pornography 3. Discipline the body 4. Seek God’s heart Towards yourself and opposite sex Use affirmations 5. Serve God Help others

51 Kinds of Challenges of Overcoming Any Bad Habit 1. Gain and maintain motivation to change 2. Stop the habit 3. Cope with urges 4. Resolve the underlying problems behind the habit 5. Cope with the problems caused by the habit 6. Replace pleasures of the habit with positive “addictions”

52 John R. Williams 1. Get informed 2. Study your habit 3.Aim to stop for a certain period 4.Make clear boundaries 5. Get control 6. Find accountability allies 7. Prepare for temptation 8. Resist urges 9. Celebrate daily successes 10. Keep motivated 11. Expect relapses Overview of Basic Strategies to Reduce Negatives

53 12. Meet the underlying needs 13. Exchange support with others 14. Learn new skills 15. Expand and fortify love relationships 16. Make healthy new habits 17. Keep higher happiness in mind John R. Williams Overview of Basic Strategies to Build Up Positives & Grow

54 Reducing Negatives John R. Williams

55 1. Get informed 2. Study your habit 3.Aim to stop for a certain period 4.Make clear boundaries 5. Get control 6. Find accountability allies 7. Prepare for temptation 8. Resist urges 9. Celebrate daily successes 10. Keep motivated 11. Expect relapses Overview of Basic Strategies to Reduce Negatives

56 John R. Williams 1. Get informed Understand the effect of the habit on your brain, heart, thinking, and your marriage and other relationships Learn about the porn business and how porn is made Recognize how fake and distorted it is Basic Strategies to Reduce Negatives I

57 2. Study your habit Triggers of porn use How the urges come Rationalizations Cycles of use Periods of no use Examine why you like it What does it help you cope with? What would you miss if you stopped? Need to find a better way to satisfy those desires Basic Strategies to Reduce Negatives II

58 John R. Williams 3. Aim to stop for a certain period Stopping the habit allows your system to rest and recover The brain and spirit can begin to repair the damage and try to return to normal The habit gets much weaker Good feelings will outweigh the bad Between 30 and 45 days is effective Basic Strategies to Reduce Negatives III Expect to feel depressed at first, like losing a great love

59 John R. Williams 4. Get control If you can’t quit outright, gradually taper off Do the habit on a schedule Reduce frequency Break up the ritual— before, during and after Separate porn from masturbation Learn to masturbate without images Giving up porn is harder Basic Strategies to Reduce Negatives IV

60 John R. Williams 5. Make clear boundaries No more “playthings, playmates or playground” Put computer in public area Use software monitoring Tell others your standards Basic Strategies to Reduce Negatives V

61 John R. Williams 6. Find accountability allies No secrets Find special helpers to report to Ask friends to monitor you 7. Prepare for temptation Anticipate and avoid high risk situations Have 5 people to call Have something to distract yourself Basic Strategies to Reduce Negatives VI

62 8. Resist urges as long as possible Addictions are the habit of satisfying an urge to make it go away Urges come on strong, but they will end As you resist, they naturally fade in intensity, frequency and duration Basic Strategies to Reduce Negatives VII

63 Dealing with Urges: Question Pessimistic Thoughts 1. Common thought when fighting urges: “I’ll never be able to live like this— I’ll go crazy!” Makes urges worse Can lead to giving in and giving up 2. Question this Do you still get urges from other habits you have overcome? Tone down self-talk “Unbearable” is really “very uncomfortable”

64 Dealing with Urges: Argue with Overly Positive Expectations Recalling only the upside of the habit feeds urges 1. Remember the downside Do you feel bad after giving in? What other unpleasant things result? 2. Imagine talking a loved one out of viewing porn 3. Imagine the worst possibilities Being discovered by your wife Being exposed in public Being unable to perform in bed

65 John R. Williams 9. Celebrate daily successes  Focus on one good choice at a time  Praise any progress  Appreciate your gains  Study your progress to learn how to keep it going Basic Strategies to Reduce Negatives VIII

66 John R. Williams List the benefits of stopping What do you dislike about this habit? What harm does it do? What are you afraid might happen if you don’t stop? How would your life improve without it? 10. Keep motivated Externalize porn as the enemy Reframe your struggle as a heroic fight for self and others Basic Strategies to Reduce Negatives IX

67 John R. Williams 11. Expect relapses When stressed, old urges will surface Familiar way to cope New habits take time and effort to develop 6-9 months needed to retrain the brain Requires perseverance with the new behaviors Basic Strategies to Reduce Negatives X

68 John R. Williams Unhealthy Guilt and Despair Can Fuel the Habit Resist all-or- nothing thinking Feeds self-hatred and despair Porn Use Guilt & Despair Porn Use Stress & Distress

69 John R. Williams Get Stronger from Relapses Quickly get back on track Admire your own strength Don’t get discouraged Gain the lessons: 1. You have faced a new level of challenge Need to study it and adjust 2. You misjudged the temptation Or you misjudged your level of skill

70 John R. Williams For the Spouse of a Porn User 1. Get educated about the habit Keep your reactions and expectations for change reasonable 2. Be careful about learning details May be too distressing 3. Find support Fellow sufferers Counselor 4.Find others to help your spouse Don’t be “porn police”

71 Building Up Positives John R. Williams

72 12. Meet the underlying needs 13. Exchange support with others 14. Learn new skills 15. Expand and fortify love relationships 16. Make healthy new habits 17. Keep higher happiness in mind John R. Williams Overview of Basic Strategies to Build Up Positives & Grow

73 12. Meet the underlying needs Cravings signal the need for love, etc. What distress are you avoiding? Face and address specific fears Check for depression John R. Williams 13. Exchange support with others Open up to let other strugglers help you Give the same in return Learn by teaching Basic Strategies to Build Up Positives & Grow I

74 14. Learn new skills Dealing with emotions Stress release Managing conflict with others Problem solving Self expression Making friends Healthy bonding with others John R. Williams Basic Strategies to Build Up Positives & Grow II

75 John R. Williams 15. Expand and fortify love relationships Need good vertical and horizontal connections To give care and receive it Non-sexual physical affection Fight any reluctance to get close to key people Father relationship is important Basic Strategies to Build Up Positives & Grow III

76 John R. Williams 16. Make healthy new habits Exercise and rest Good engaging activities Harmless distractions 17. Keep higher happiness in mind Remind yourself of what you really want Use pictures and phrases Basic Strategies to Build Up Positives & Grow IV

77 John R. Williams Helpful Resources 1. Porn Filter and Accountability Software Max.com 2. Filtered Internet BSecure.com 3. Movie filter Maxplay.com 4. Purity Education, Support and Coaching YourBrainOnPorn.com 3xPureOnline.com DrDougWeiss.com CandeoHealthySexuality.com

78 John R. Williams John R. Williams, M.M.F.T

79 John R. Williams


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