The theme for my spectacular Cold War dinner party is “On the Eve of Destruction, or Détente?” All the most influential Cold War personalities will be there. It is an event that has been anticipated for over 50 years and can not be missed by anyone who is anyone. The party will include individuals from not only the NATO Powers, but also all your favorite Warsaw Pact faces. It is hoped that some good eats, some good talk, and some good old fashion diplomacy will serve to thaw out the Cold War.
The menu for my spectacular Cold War dinner party consists of some delightful dishes from around the polarized globe. In honor of our red guests, a nice vat of caviar and a large bowl of borsht will be served as an appetizer. As a main course an all American dish will be served to our guests. They will be treated to a plump juicy Texas porterhouse steak severed with a slue of McDonald’s greasy French fries on the side. For desert our guests will have the choice of either apple pie or a fine Siberian ice cream treat. Guests will have the choice of either Coca Cola or Russian Spring water to wash done these delicious entries.
My party will be held in the Folda Gap meeting hall and will feature many of the finest decorations to bring out the atmosphere for our guests. The Folda Gap is of course the place in West Germany were the NATO powers expected the Soviet invasion. Our dinning room will be ringed in barbed wire with guard towers located in each corner. Each guard tower will be complete with a flood light and a machine gun nest. Guests will be asked to sign in at Checkpoint Charlie by showing their papers, before crossing a freshly spray painted concrete wall into the dinning area. As a final touch, the dinning table will be covered with an Iron Curtain to ensure the desired dinning effect.
For those who do not know, I was born on a collective farm in 1931. While I was in college I joined the Communist and after I graduated was given a job within the party. After several years I was able to receive several promotions and soon found myself a member of the Communist Party Central Committee, a very prestigious job within the Soviet Union. In 1985, I was appointed the leader of the Soviet Union after the death of Premier Chernenko. As premier I introduced striking economic reforms within Russia that encouraged private ownership and other freedoms. As leader of the USSR, I also made steps to improve our relationship with the United States and met with President Reagan several times. While I was premier, my nation’s hold on the East block slowly eroded and I watch communism fall in our satellite states. Then in 1991, to spite my efforts, I watched the Soviet Union fall apart and die. After the end of the Cold War, I now live in San Francisco and spend my time lecturing in the United States.
Thank you for inviting me to your high quality Cold War dinner party. I regret to inform you that I will not be able to attend the festivities. Currently I am conducting an economic change within the Soviet Union known as Perestroika. I am trying to reconstruct the struggling communist economy within my country by opening up some new markets for our citizens. I hope that such a policy that offers Soviets new freedoms will also bring the Soviet Union closer to the west and hopefully help us achieve a greater understanding and a better relationship with the United States.
John F. Kennedy was born in 1917 to a prominent Massachusetts family. Kennedy attended Harvard University and joined the navy after graduating in 1940. During World War II, Kennedy commanded a small attack boat named PT 109 in the south Pacific. PT 109 was sunk by a Japanese ship and Kennedy was later rescued on a deserted island but suffered a back injury. After the war JFK was elected to the House of Representatives in 1946. Kennedy served admirable in the House and was later elected to the Senate in 1952. In 1960, Kennedy was elected President of the United States in a close election defeating Richard Nixon. During his presidency, Kennedy was faced with many Cold War problems especially concerning the island of Cuba. JFK also tried to advance Civil Rights and many social programs during his administration. Sadly, President Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas, Texas on November 22, 1963.
I invited President Kennedy to my Cold War dinner party because I feel that he did a fine job during the Cuban Missile Crisis. During the missile crisis, the USSR tried to place nuclear missile ninety miles off the coast of the USA on the island of Cuba. This action brought the world as close to all out nuclear war and ultimate destruction as it had ever been. Kennedy needed to find a peaceful solution to the crisis. Many of his advisors told him that war was the only answer. Kennedy knew that he had to get the missiles out of Cuba and not back down to the Soviet threat. At the same time, Kennedy knew that war would end civilization. Kennedy came up with a plan known as the “Quarantine” of Cuba; that got the missiles out of Cuba peacefully. His decisions avoided nuclear war and the destruction of all man kind.
Kennedy to Khrushchev: Mr. Khrushchev can you please pass the borsht? Khrushchev to Kennedy: Sure Mr. President! We have borsht coming off the assembly lines like our missiles! Kennedy to Khrushchev: Yes Mr. Premier. You must understand that we c annot allow you to place nuclear missiles in Cuba. Khrushchev to Kennedy: You must be mistaken Mr. President. The Soviet Union does not have missiles in Cuba. Kennedy to Khrushchev: We have seen the pictures. We are prepared to wait all day for the truth. Do you have missiles in Cuba? Khrushchev to Kennedy: (Pounding his shoe on the table) We will bury you! We will bury you! LeMay to Kennedy: Just give me the order sir and Strategic Air Commend (SAC) will solve the problem for you with authority! Too be continued...