Presentation is loading. Please wait.

Presentation is loading. Please wait.

Verbal Judo MARTIAL ARTS FOR THE MIND AND THE MOUTH TACTICAL COMMUNICATION For Professionals Sgt Tricia Thein Marshalltown Police Department

Similar presentations


Presentation on theme: "Verbal Judo MARTIAL ARTS FOR THE MIND AND THE MOUTH TACTICAL COMMUNICATION For Professionals Sgt Tricia Thein Marshalltown Police Department"— Presentation transcript:

1 Verbal Judo MARTIAL ARTS FOR THE MIND AND THE MOUTH TACTICAL COMMUNICATION For Professionals Sgt Tricia Thein Marshalltown Police Department

2 What is Verbal Judo A tactical, physical skill, designed to soften an adversary’s resistance to your authority. A tactical, physical skill, designed to soften an adversary’s resistance to your authority. A learned skill-not naturally created- A learned skill-not naturally created- Verbal Judo DEFLECTS and REDIRECTS the negative energy of an opponent in order to gain control of a situation. Verbal Judo DEFLECTS and REDIRECTS the negative energy of an opponent in order to gain control of a situation. The ultimate purpose is to keep YOU safer, and the needs of your community met. If you are not safe, and the community feels un-served, everything else is irrelevant. The ultimate purpose is to keep YOU safer, and the needs of your community met. If you are not safe, and the community feels un-served, everything else is irrelevant.

3 VERBAL JUDO A skill that many have had for many years- A skill that many have had for many years- either they didn’t know it it didn’t have a fancy name they were considered good PR people - Unconscious competence This is now recognized as a learned skill, or - Conscious competence

4 Identifying Communication Barriers Drugs, alcohol fear, financial strain, personal experience/bias, rage, mental illness………..to name just a few… Drugs, alcohol fear, financial strain, personal experience/bias, rage, mental illness………..to name just a few…

5 Examples of Barriers…

6 Barriers, cont'd

7 Communication Barriers

8 Barriers continued Barriers make communication more difficult-not impossible Barriers make communication more difficult-not impossible We are the professional We are the professional We control the situation We control the situation

9 Barriers-Weapons

10 Mental Health Issues

11 Mental Health cont'd

12 Know What You Can Do... ( and do it!)

13 Other Barriers- language/cultural/religious

14 All of these things create safety issues that the professional must assess immediately. All of these things create safety issues that the professional must assess immediately. Know your limits Know your limits Know when to call police, or at least other office assistance Know when to call police, or at least other office assistance Non escalatory interaction is easier to deal with than de-escalation Non escalatory interaction is easier to deal with than de-escalation We all know what the “bad guy” looks like…right? We all know what the “bad guy” looks like…right?

15 What do our Violent Offenders look like?

16 Violent offenders continued

17 Violence continued Where and When did the communication break down? Where and When did the communication break down? When did violence become the acceptable alternative to communication? When did violence become the acceptable alternative to communication?

18 WORD COMP ANTICIPATE VS EXPECT ANTICIPATE VS EXPECT (L. anticipare) means to see beforehand and move to prevent (L. anticipare) means to see beforehand and move to prevent (L.expectare)means to wait for-suggesting greater rigidity of response (L.expectare)means to wait for-suggesting greater rigidity of response Consider approaching three males on a corner-expecting the one on the right to give you the most trouble-2 min later, the one on the right is most troublesome-when you expect trouble you generate it! Consider approaching three males on a corner-expecting the one on the right to give you the most trouble-2 min later, the one on the right is most troublesome-when you expect trouble you generate it! KNOW…your audience will reflect back to you what you put out-three times in intensity (we all are generally able to protect ourselves from the perceived threat-what about the one we didn’t see coming? KNOW…your audience will reflect back to you what you put out-three times in intensity (we all are generally able to protect ourselves from the perceived threat-what about the one we didn’t see coming?

19 GOOD NEWS! NO ONE EXPECTS THE IMPOSSIBLE-USE YOUR BEST CONCEALED WEAPON- YOUR BRAIN-AND RECOGNIZE..... NO ONE EXPECTS THE IMPOSSIBLE-USE YOUR BEST CONCEALED WEAPON- YOUR BRAIN-AND RECOGNIZE..... That the goal to professional intervention is to gain- That the goal to professional intervention is to gain- Voluntary compliance Voluntary compliance

20 THE CONTACT PROFESSIONAL CONTACT-IN LATIN TRANSLATES TO: CONTACT-IN LATIN TRANSLATES TO: WITH SKILL WITH SKILL We all have weaknesses-do not react to We all have weaknesses-do not react to words, but respond to needs words, but respond to needs Customer Service Reps (city employees) are the ultimate in the contact professional-ongoing training with the tools needed to do the job effectively-verbal skills being the most commonly used.

21 Professionalism We treat people like ladies and gentlemen not necessarily because they are but because we are- North Dakota Highway Patrol

22 Verbal judo The art of generating voluntary compliance Officer (employee) safety Officer (employee) safety Enhanced professionalism Enhanced professionalism Fewer citizen complaints (P.A.C.E.) Fewer citizen complaints (P.A.C.E.) Decreased vicarious liability Decreased vicarious liability Lower stress on the job and at home (L.E.A.P.S.) Lower stress on the job and at home (L.E.A.P.S.) Increased effectiveness in court Increased effectiveness in court Improved morale- LOOKS GOOD, SOUNDS GOOD-FEELS GOOD Improved morale- LOOKS GOOD, SOUNDS GOOD-FEELS GOOD (less conflict between actions and moral values) (less conflict between actions and moral values)

23 City Council Belief Statements: We believe everyone has the responsibility to make a positive contribution to improve our community and quality of life. We believe everyone has the responsibility to make a positive contribution to improve our community and quality of life. We believe that city government will at all times provide excellent service. We believe that city government will at all times provide excellent service. We believe our decisions should encompass immediate needs and a vision of the future. We believe our decisions should encompass immediate needs and a vision of the future. We respect our employees and place a high value on the contribution and accomplishments they provide to the community. We will keep in mind We respect our employees and place a high value on the contribution and accomplishments they provide to the community. We will keep in mind

24 City Council Belief Statements Continued The differences between department heads and elected officials. The differences between department heads and elected officials. It is our intent to make objective decisions based on understanding facts, trust, and community input. It is our intent to make objective decisions based on understanding facts, trust, and community input. We believe that it is essential for the city government to provide information to the community in a timely manner, which builds mutual trust and understanding. We believe that it is essential for the city government to provide information to the community in a timely manner, which builds mutual trust and understanding. We believe EVERYONE deserves respect and a safe clean city. We believe EVERYONE deserves respect and a safe clean city.

25 ETHICS The rules or standards governing the conduct of a person or the members of a profession. CITY EMPLOYEE=PUBLIC TRUST CITY EMPLOYEE=PUBLIC TRUST (SHOULD BE) (SHOULD BE) HAVE THE COURAGE TO BE WHO YOU REPRESENT

26 GOAL OF PROFESSIONAL INTERVENTION TO LOOK CREATIVELY AT CONFLICT TO LOOK CREATIVELY AT CONFLICT USE WORDS TO DEFLECT NEGATIVITY USE WORDS TO DEFLECT NEGATIVITY -REDUCE ESCALATION- RECOGNIZE THE 5 CONDITIONS WHEN WORDS FAIL- -S.A.F.E.R. RECOGNIZE THE 5 CONDITIONS WHEN WORDS FAIL- -S.A.F.E.R. AVOID NATURAL LANGUAGE/PERSONAL FEELINGS AVOID NATURAL LANGUAGE/PERSONAL FEELINGS EMPLOY EMPAHTY,MAINTAIN SELF CONTROL, STAY IN CONTACT WITH THE NEEDS OF THE DEPARTMENT & YOUR AUDIENCE (THE PUBLIC) EMPLOY EMPAHTY,MAINTAIN SELF CONTROL, STAY IN CONTACT WITH THE NEEDS OF THE DEPARTMENT & YOUR AUDIENCE (THE PUBLIC) PUT WORDS ON TARGET-KNOW HOW YOU ARE PERCEIVED, YOUR DELIVERY STYLE, AND THE USE OF PARAPHRASING PUT WORDS ON TARGET-KNOW HOW YOU ARE PERCEIVED, YOUR DELIVERY STYLE, AND THE USE OF PARAPHRASING

27 Words as a force option 98% of law enforcement encounters are handled by professional presence/words Showtime If you can look fearless when scared-you can look concerned when irritated!

28 Solution: Take charge of those things in your personal and professional lives that you can control. Things to be controlled on duty/at work: Integrity, professionalism, and how well we do the job we are assigned. These things that law enforcement or other city employees deal with/or DO NOT deal with, can create an environment full of PTSD-feeding the pitbull **Law Enforcement officers are rated #3 in suicides, but new statistics are showing that our children are rising to the #1 position

29 Escalate/de-escalate based on: a. subject’s actions b. Totality of circumstances c. Perceived threat level d. Reaction time (additional office help, or police)

30 S.A.F.E.R. Security Security Attack Attack Flight Flight Excessive repetition Excessive repetition Revised priorities Revised priorities -Dr. George J. Thompson -Dr. George J. Thompson If the first two apply, it ain’t your fish to fry-call police-if flight is the issue, let them go, the last two is where you will spend most of your time.

31 Three options for all Fight -continue arguing Fight -continue arguing Flight -just give up/leave Flight -just give up/leave Surrender-let YOU win Surrender-let YOU win Fourth option- Go with dignity WIN WIN WIN Go with dignity WIN WIN WIN

32 Tactical 8-step Greeting SAME Greeting SAME Identify self/department SAME Identify self/department SAME Reason for stop (pause) How can I help Reason for stop (pause) How can I help Justification for violation Ask for additional Justification for violation Ask for additional Request for identification Always Get this Request for identification Always Get this Additional information Address/phone Additional information Address/phone Decision SAME Decision SAME Close SAME Close SAME

33 Three types of people 102 different cultures in u.s. 1) Nice (always agrees-non confrontational “just wanna get along”/single keyed individuals-still marked by the erosion of trust for our profession) 2) Difficult (always says no the first time you ask them to do something, but somewhere around the 2, 3, or 4 time, when handled properly, 9 out of 10 will comply-multi-keyed-always ask why) 3) Sneaky (will act nice when you are standing there-wimps/wolves in sheep’s clothing/single keyed individuals, surrounded by the cloud of illusion) Difficult people always want to know why where do you get your authority-greed-”what’s in it for me” Difficult people always want to know why where do you get your authority-greed-”what’s in it for me” TREAT ALL PEOPLE THE SAME-KNOWING THAT NICE IS NEVER A PROBLEM, SNEAKY ARE ALWAYS A PROBLEM, AND DIFFICULT PEOPLE ARE THE ONES THAT WE CONTACT THE MOST OFTEN-KNOWING THAT YOU CONTACTED THEM IN PRECISE UNBIASED FASHION WILL MAKE CLAIMS OF INAPPROPRIATENESS UNSUBSTANTIATED!!!

34 Dis-empower resistance Insults strengthen (your opponent) Courtesy weakens Explaining why/what you’re doing increases safety and sets a tone of respect Explaining why/what you’re doing increases safety and sets a tone of respect Allowing people to save face doubles safety directly and collaterally Allowing people to save face doubles safety directly and collaterally Remember-a skillful employee will overcome the resistance of a difficult person 9 out of 10 times, after 3 or 4 attempts. Remember-a skillful employee will overcome the resistance of a difficult person 9 out of 10 times, after 3 or 4 attempts.

35 PLAYING THE ROLE Your voice (tone, pace, pitch, modulation) and other non-verbal language (a.k.a. your “verbal personality” or delivery style/body language) account for 93 % of your impact on others (what they hear from you-and how they will react) Your voice (tone, pace, pitch, modulation) and other non-verbal language (a.k.a. your “verbal personality” or delivery style/body language) account for 93 % of your impact on others (what they hear from you-and how they will react) The content of what you say (facts,reasons,evidence) account for only 7% of your impact. lying loses credibility The content of what you say (facts,reasons,evidence) account for only 7% of your impact. lying loses credibility Most complaints are generated on a “tonal” basis-he/she was rude to me-they didn’t listen-they didn’t take me seriously-they treated me like I was stupid, etc Most complaints are generated on a “tonal” basis-he/she was rude to me-they didn’t listen-they didn’t take me seriously-they treated me like I was stupid, etc

36 Performing art Not paid to express true feelings Not paid to express true feelings we are paid to impact the community positively we are paid to impact the community positively Our script is the law-local state and federal, and the city council belief statements-among others Our script is the law-local state and federal, and the city council belief statements-among others “the dissatisfied customer” does not dictate who you are to be, but may have an impact on the role you need to play “the dissatisfied customer” does not dictate who you are to be, but may have an impact on the role you need to play When resistance increases, so does our performance When resistance increases, so does our performance

37 What are you getting? Watch out for contradictions in the body language of those you are speaking to. They indicate true intent. Watch out for contradictions in the body language of those you are speaking to. They indicate true intent. KNOW the danger signs: KNOW the danger signs: Backing or turning away Backing or turning away Looking around (escape or weapon) Looking around (escape or weapon) Voice changes Voice changes Hiding hands Hiding hands Do not lose focus after gaining initial cooperation! Do not lose focus after gaining initial cooperation! SAFETY FIRST!SAFETY FIRST!SAFETY FIRST! SAFETY FIRST!SAFETY FIRST!SAFETY FIRST!

38 New Five Step Hard Style Ask ”could I ask you to….” Ask ”could I ask you to….” Set context “Let me tell you why..” Set context “Let me tell you why..” Present options “ You have some good options” Present options “ You have some good options” Confirm “ Is there anything I can say..” Confirm “ Is there anything I can say..” Act escalate or disengage S.A.F.E.R. Act escalate or disengage S.A.F.E.R.

39 4 appeals Ethical professional presence Ethical professional presence 1 st step ….ask Rational (not useful unless calm) Rational (not useful unless calm) 2 nd step ….set context Personal Selfish interests; job money,time Personal Selfish interests; job money,time 3 rd step ….present options Practical out of the box solutions Practical out of the box solutions 4 th step ….confirm subject’s commitment to current position

40 options Offering choices is not a weakness- THINKING OUTSIDE THE BOX SHOWS FOCUSED ATTENTION ON INDIVIDUAL ISSUES-generates a feeling of being heard. Be positive. Be specific. You can be positive and specific with a smile Helpful face/Helpful attitude/perceived as helpful

41 Key Words For Office Safety If all employees were on the same page with verbal cues, safety increases because the consistent verbal cues are recognized and can be acted on prior to escalation!!

42 Examples “Is there anything I can say “Is there anything I can say ( a cue to imminent danger) ( a cue to imminent danger) Show time Show time (proactive, ethical intervention) (proactive, ethical intervention) Following the same script/on the same page/creating level of understanding and cooperation amongst co-workers…..

43 SHOWTIME PERSONAL SATISFACTION WHEN: PERSONAL SATISFACTION WHEN: THE OFFICER PERFORMS (RE-sponds) RATHER THAN RE-acts THE OFFICER PERFORMS (RE-sponds) RATHER THAN RE-acts Makes the employee SAFER because it is not personal- Makes the employee SAFER because it is not personal- Makes daily interaction with the public a challenge that is positive rather than negative Makes daily interaction with the public a challenge that is positive rather than negative DOING THE RIGHT JOB THE RIGHT WAY AND WINNING EVERY TIME! DOING THE RIGHT JOB THE RIGHT WAY AND WINNING EVERY TIME!

44 Ego When ego goes up power and safety go down power and safety go down

45 If it feels good-then it’s no good! Natural reaction=confrontation (disaster) Studied response=cooperation Verbal judo=increased safety

46 WORD COMPARISON ASSERTIVE (L.assertus) means to have a positive influence upon ASSERTIVE (L.assertus) means to have a positive influence upon AGGRESSIVE (L.aggressus) means to attack, to push one’s personality upon another AGGRESSIVE (L.aggressus) means to attack, to push one’s personality upon another Think of an officer entering your home aggressively, ordering you to sit down (heard as rude) vs. an officer being assertive in your home, “I know this is your home, but for your safety and mine could I ask you to have a seat so we can talk about what is going on here?” Think of an officer entering your home aggressively, ordering you to sit down (heard as rude) vs. an officer being assertive in your home, “I know this is your home, but for your safety and mine could I ask you to have a seat so we can talk about what is going on here?”

47 Natural language vs Studied Responses Hey you, come here…. Hey you, come here…. vs. vs. Can I chat with you? Can I chat with you? I’m not gonna tell you again I’m not gonna tell you again vs. vs. Let me tell you why its important…… What’s your problem What’s your problem vs. vs. How can I help? How can I help?

48 WORD COMP. RE (L) means to come back to-to return RE (L) means to come back to-to return Re-acting is allowing the action to control you Re-acting is allowing the action to control you Re-spond (L respondere)-re-answer-suggests greater control Re-spond (L respondere)-re-answer-suggests greater control COMMUNITIES WANT RESPONSIVE VS REACTIVE OFFICERS AND CITY EMPLOYEES ON THEIR STREETS AND MANNING THE OFFICES-THEY SHOW GREATER CONTROL!

49 Verbal Judo=Verbal Tactics Tactical communication Tactical communication Skillful use of language to achieve professional objectives. Skillful use of language to achieve professional objectives. Tactical empathy Tactical empathy projecting understanding to overcome adversarial resistance projecting understanding to overcome adversarial resistance Tactical Civility Tactical Civility Portraying a concerned, respectful demeanor, regardless of personal feelings, as a means of generating voluntary compliance Portraying a concerned, respectful demeanor, regardless of personal feelings, as a means of generating voluntary compliance

50 Verbal Judo=Verbal Tactics Personal face personal face one up contest Professional personal face face face win-win win-win Leave your ego at home-become who you need to be to get the job done in a professional manner!

51 Street Truth People never say what they mean what they say: EFF you! You can’t do that! What they mean: I’m scared. I’m embarrassed. I can’t think straight. Ex: You can’t shut my water off-I always pay my bill=what will I tell my kids-how did I let this happen-I feel like a bad parent

52 Trigger Guards Identify your weaknesses, the things that make you mad-triggers. Name them. Associate them in your mind with something you can control, laugh at, minimize. By defining and recognizing your triggers, you can effectively disarm them by building your own trigger guard.

53 Trigger Guards Just because you have one doesn’t mean the trigger isn’t there-it is just made safe….stops you from being manipulated by your own weaknesses…

54 AUDIENCES AUDIENCES ARE MADE, NOT FOUND AUDIENCES ARE MADE, NOT FOUND PEOPLE WILL ALWAYS SEE THINGS DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU PEOPLE WILL ALWAYS SEE THINGS DIFFERENTLY THAN YOU THE SCENE DYNAMIC CHANGES AUTOMATICALLY WHEN YOU ENTER THE SCENE-or they bring it to you THE SCENE DYNAMIC CHANGES AUTOMATICALLY WHEN YOU ENTER THE SCENE-or they bring it to you THE AUDIENCE REFLECTS BACK TO YOU 3 TIMES THE INTENSITY THAT YOU PROJECT THE AUDIENCE REFLECTS BACK TO YOU 3 TIMES THE INTENSITY THAT YOU PROJECT REMEMBER THAT MOST PEOPLE WE DEAL WITH ARE UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF SOMETHING- REMEMBER THAT MOST PEOPLE WE DEAL WITH ARE UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF SOMETHING- RAGE, ALCOHOL, FINANCIAL PRESSURE, BIAS, FEAR, FATIGUE * Don’t use mimicry. It is simply insulting.

55 How are you being perceived…and Would you want your family-parents, wife/husband, children, friends, clergy, media…….. Would you want your family-parents, wife/husband, children, friends, clergy, media…….. ……….to perceive you that way? Remember the local video stud-they may have a chance on you-tube

56 Allow attitude to drift-focus on behavior Say what you want do what I say do what I say I have the last act I give you the last word I give you the last word

57 Re - spect vs. respect performed earned performed earned A studied response (remaining calm, using professional language) allows the officer to remain tactical and gather information so that he/she can be who they need to be to accomplish their goals. A studied response (remaining calm, using professional language) allows the officer to remain tactical and gather information so that he/she can be who they need to be to accomplish their goals. When the goal of “winning” is eliminated the focus is redirected to dealing with the underlying issues, defusing anger, and creating workable solutions that allow your opponent to “save face.” When the goal of “winning” is eliminated the focus is redirected to dealing with the underlying issues, defusing anger, and creating workable solutions that allow your opponent to “save face.” Lack of RE-spect will cause those you just dissed to want revenge-you do NOT have to feel respect, but you have to SHOW RE-spect Lack of RE-spect will cause those you just dissed to want revenge-you do NOT have to feel respect, but you have to SHOW RE-spect

58 Principals of Dis-interest Always keep your professional face Always keep your professional face Always treat others as you would want to be treated, under identical circumstances Always treat others as you would want to be treated, under identical circumstances Never inflate people with adrenaline or righteousness Never inflate people with adrenaline or righteousness Flexibility is strength/rigidity is weakness Flexibility is strength/rigidity is weakness Redirect rather than resist Redirect rather than resist Respond rather than react Respond rather than react

59 DISINTEREST cont’d Everyone believes they have good reason for what they do Everyone believes they have good reason for what they do People care about knowing why: therefore, set context and explain why People care about knowing why: therefore, set context and explain why Bad words color good deeds negatively Bad words color good deeds negatively SHOWTIME IS A GREAT REMINDER TO GO BACK TO YOUR PROFESSIONAL FACE IF YOU ARE BEING MANIPULATED…..

60 Dealing with anger Feeling chronically angry, or impulsively overreacting on a routine basis….talk to a counselor about what might be fueling your inappropriate emotions. Feeling chronically angry, or impulsively overreacting on a routine basis….talk to a counselor about what might be fueling your inappropriate emotions. Leaving an angry situation….try to take an emotional time-out, a brief break, before moving on to the next encounter. Leaving an angry situation….try to take an emotional time-out, a brief break, before moving on to the next encounter. Feel yourself getting angry during an encounter….ask yourself if it’s appropriate to the “face” you need- or if some street-wise subject is trying to persuade you into losing control. Feel yourself getting angry during an encounter….ask yourself if it’s appropriate to the “face” you need- or if some street-wise subject is trying to persuade you into losing control. -Force Science Research Institute **Verbal Judo is a tool to be used at home, at work, and with the public-be aware of PTSD-or the puppy barking inside-deal with the puppy instead of waiting for the BIG DOG to come out!

61

62 Autogenic(tactical)breathing (BASED ON TECHNIQUES DEVELOPED BY CALIBRE PRESS AND GARY KLUGIEWICZ) *Three times: * In through the nose for 4-count * In through the nose for 4-count * Hold for 4-count * Hold for 4-count * out through the lips for 4-count * Hold for 4-count * Attitude is contagious * Panic is contagious * calm is contagious * Can “INFLICT” BREATHING ONTO OTHERS COPYRIGHTED BY DAVE GROSSMAN-AUTHOR OF “ON KILLING”

63 Contagious Mindset Consider that your body language as you make contact is the First Impression-cannot erase this! Consider that your body language as you make contact is the First Impression-cannot erase this! Basic Concepts are simple- Basic Concepts are simple- Treat others as you would want to be treated if you were the victim/complainant/dissatisfied customer- If you were a victim, how would you want to be handled? Your wife? Your mother? Your child? Treat others as you would want to be treated if you were the victim/complainant/dissatisfied customer- If you were a victim, how would you want to be handled? Your wife? Your mother? Your child?

64 Contagious cont’d SMILE- SMILE- What do you have to smile about? 1-you are alive 2-In a land of 8+% unemployment rate and growing-you have a job 3-You have a job where you have a chance everyday to make a difference 4-You have a health plan! 5-You have a Defined Pension Benefit plan-less than 5% of the private sector has a Defined Pension Benefit Plan ***Out of all these #3 is the best reason to smile

65 L.E.A.P.S. TOOLS FOR GENERATING VOLUNTARY COMPLIANCE LISTEN- MORE IMPORTANT TO LOOK INTERSTED THAN BE INTERESTED LISTEN- MORE IMPORTANT TO LOOK INTERSTED THAN BE INTERESTED EMPATHIZE- DON’T SYMPATHIZE-BUILD GROUND TO STAND ON EMPATHIZE- DON’T SYMPATHIZE-BUILD GROUND TO STAND ON ASK- 5 DIFFERENT TYPES OF QUESTIONS ASK- 5 DIFFERENT TYPES OF QUESTIONS PARAPHRASE- feed them back their own information PARAPHRASE- feed them back their own information SUMMARIZE- CLEAR CONCISE AUTHORATATIVE SUMMARIZE- CLEAR CONCISE AUTHORATATIVE NON-SEQUENTIAL-ONGOING AND CHANGING - DR. GEORGE J. THOMPSON NON-SEQUENTIAL-ONGOING AND CHANGING - DR. GEORGE J. THOMPSON

66 LEAPS cont’d Listening-what we do as we wait for our turn to interrupt/say our side, etc? Listening-what we do as we wait for our turn to interrupt/say our side, etc? Listening should be open and unbiased-hear literally what they are saying to you, interpret accurately what you heard, and then act appropriately! Most people (home or work) will tell you what they need from you if you simply listen-DO NOT use the listening phase to think of what you are going to say next to counter….

67 K eep I t S imple S tupid You have one mouth and two ears You have one mouth and two ears One you can shut One you can shut Two you cannot Two you cannot Listening is the MOST important tool you can use Listening is the MOST important tool you can use

68 THE SECOND MOST IMPORTANT TOOL EMPATHY EMPATHY ABSORBS TENSION

69 WORD COMP SYMPATHY VS EMPATHY SYMPATHY VS EMPATHY (L. sympathia) means to share feelings with, to be in accord with (L. sympathia) means to share feelings with, to be in accord with (L. EM) to see through (L. EM) to see through (Gr. Pathy)eye of the other (Gr. Pathy)eye of the other To see through the eye of the other-to understand as if you stood in the other’s shoes-even momentarily To see through the eye of the other-to understand as if you stood in the other’s shoes-even momentarily TACTICAL EMPATHY-HUGE SKILL TACTICAL EMPATHY-HUGE SKILL

70 Word Comp. cont’d IF WORDS MAKE SUCH A DIFFERENCE IN TRAINING……………… IF WORDS MAKE SUCH A DIFFERENCE IN TRAINING……………… IMAGINE THE DIFFERENCE THEY MAKE TO THE UNTRAINED PERSON WE ARE RESPONDING TO IMAGINE THE DIFFERENCE THEY MAKE TO THE UNTRAINED PERSON WE ARE RESPONDING TO

71 Paraphrasing Correctly interpreting another’s meaning and putting it into your own words. Why it is important Clarifies intent, ensures understanding Clarifies intent, ensures understanding People calm down after hearing their own words People calm down after hearing their own words Allows subject to save face-indicates fair play Allows subject to save face-indicates fair play Allows the professional to control interaction Allows the professional to control interaction Shows empathy Shows empathy Allows the professional to interrupt without creating friction Allows the professional to interrupt without creating friction

72

73 P.A.C.E P-problem- problem as you see it, they see it P-problem- problem as you see it, they see it A-Audience-what you project comes back times 3 A-Audience-what you project comes back times 3 C-Constraints-identify obstacles in effective communication with your subject-you can step around, ignore or use to your advantage C-Constraints-identify obstacles in effective communication with your subject-you can step around, ignore or use to your advantage E-Ethical presence-what face do I need to wear so the subject knows that I am here to help him/her E-Ethical presence-what face do I need to wear so the subject knows that I am here to help him/her Subjects should know that you are there to help, to think for them (as they would hrs later) to solve the problem they are facing= GREAT CONTACT GREAT CONTACT

74 Deflectors I ‘preciate that, but…….. I ‘preciate that, but…….. (professional/objective) (professional/objective) I unerstan’ that, however………….. I unerstan’ that, however………….. I hear that, yet…….. I hear that, yet…….. Not all deflectors are peace phrases, but all peace phrases are deflectors Deflectors allow you to jump over the constraints and move forward Peace Phrases are simply appearing to ask for cooperation rather than demand it

75 Peace phrases I can appreciate that….. I can appreciate that….. Can you work with me, sir……… Can you work with me, sir……… You don’t need this kind of trouble You don’t need this kind of trouble For your safety and mine……….. For your safety and mine……….. What’s the matter………. What’s the matter………. Someone gave you some bad info………(careful) Someone gave you some bad info………(careful) How can I help you……….. How can I help you……….. If you cooperate with me, it will be noted in my report……… If you cooperate with me, it will be noted in my report……… Sorry to hear that, sir……….. Sorry to hear that, sir……….. Can I chat with you for a moment? Can I chat with you for a moment?

76 Why Peace Phrases? Makes you feel good-keeping your cool Makes you feel good-keeping your cool Springboard-deflect over the insults, focus on goal Springboard-deflect over the insults, focus on goal Dis-empower your opponent Dis-empower your opponent Sound good Sound good Buy time –for answers from other departments or for assistance to arrive- CRISIS HOSTAGE NEGOTIATORS WORLDWIDE SAY-TIME IS YOUR FRIEND Buy time –for answers from other departments or for assistance to arrive- CRISIS HOSTAGE NEGOTIATORS WORLDWIDE SAY-TIME IS YOUR FRIEND

77 7 Things that Hurt Communication 1-Come Here-puts power and control in the hands of the other person-parent/child-can I talk with you a minute-said in closer quarters and puts you in control of the contact. 1-Come Here-puts power and control in the hands of the other person-parent/child-can I talk with you a minute-said in closer quarters and puts you in control of the contact. 2-Calm Down-makes one want to defend their reaction to you-like there is no legitimate reason to be upset.- whats the matter immediately softens your opponent- appears as if you care.. 2-Calm Down-makes one want to defend their reaction to you-like there is no legitimate reason to be upset.- whats the matter immediately softens your opponent- appears as if you care.. 3-I am not telling you again…yes you are-probably several times if they are a difficult person-so you lose credibility and power-better might be-REMEMBER 9/10 TIMES AFTER 3-4 TIMES 3-I am not telling you again…yes you are-probably several times if they are a difficult person-so you lose credibility and power-better might be-REMEMBER 9/10 TIMES AFTER 3-4 TIMES

78 “This is really important that you get this point, so pay close attention to what I am about to tell you….” 4-Why can’t you be More Reasonable-totally invalidates feelings and issue for subject-like saying “you are stupid or you are wrong”-this invites conflict- better option-”let me see if I understand your position-and then paraphrase back to the person. 4-Why can’t you be More Reasonable-totally invalidates feelings and issue for subject-like saying “you are stupid or you are wrong”-this invites conflict- better option-”let me see if I understand your position-and then paraphrase back to the person. My All Time Personal Favorite- My All Time Personal Favorite-

79 7 THINGS cont’d BECAUSE THOSE ARE THE RULES or THAT’S THE LAW BECAUSE THOSE ARE THE RULES or THAT’S THE LAW If the rules are for good reason, or the law- If the rules are for good reason, or the law- explain it- explain it- RE-specting people is telling them why RE-specting people is telling them why Establishes ground to stand on -defines the limits of the issue at hand-your authority-and gives ‘good reason’ top comply Establishes ground to stand on -defines the limits of the issue at hand-your authority-and gives ‘good reason’ top comply Takes your EGO out of it-not just-because I said so Takes your EGO out of it-not just-because I said so

80 6-What’s your problem-definitely creates a you vs me battle rather than an “us” discussion-for most people the word problem indicates weakness-and NOONE wants to reveal a weakness-better choice-what’s the matter, How can I help-I can see you are upset- 6-What’s your problem-definitely creates a you vs me battle rather than an “us” discussion-for most people the word problem indicates weakness-and NOONE wants to reveal a weakness-better choice-what’s the matter, How can I help-I can see you are upset- Gather intel from the contact-and always listen nonjudgementally. 7-What do you want me to do about this? 7-What do you want me to do about this? Negates any responsibility-relays an I don’t care attitude-FLIPPANT-FULL OF ATTITUDE Negates any responsibility-relays an I don’t care attitude-FLIPPANT-FULL OF ATTITUDE

81 IF you cannot help with the issue-direct them to the office that can-if you do not know who to send them to-convey that you wished you did, and let them know that your desire would be to assist them- IF you cannot help with the issue-direct them to the office that can-if you do not know who to send them to-convey that you wished you did, and let them know that your desire would be to assist them- At least perform like assisting them is the only thing that will send you home from work happy today- At least perform like assisting them is the only thing that will send you home from work happy today- PLAY THE ROLE-WEAR THE FACE NEEDED TO GET THE JOB DONE. PLAY THE ROLE-WEAR THE FACE NEEDED TO GET THE JOB DONE.

82 TALKING THE TALK WALKING THE WALK The challenge to be who we represent Superior Service Thinking for others as they would hrs later Superior Service Thinking for others as they would hrs later Proactive Having a plan and knowing when to act Proactive Having a plan and knowing when to act Innovative The courage to support challenging tactics Innovative The courage to support challenging tactics Unbiased Treating everyone with respect Unbiased Treating everyone with respect Professionalism Doing the best job possible for ourselves, our families and those we serve Professionalism Doing the best job possible for ourselves, our families and those we serve Respect Earned on the job and in the house Respect Earned on the job and in the house Integrity Effective strategies for maintaining personal composure Integrity Effective strategies for maintaining personal composure and maximizing skills and maximizing skills Dedication The ability to deflect and counter negative energy and Dedication The ability to deflect and counter negative energy and focus on positive behavior focus on positive behavior Ethics Actively engaged in upholding the public trust Ethics Actively engaged in upholding the public trust

83 Tip!!! If you find yourself responding emotionally to what someone is saying, respond with: If you find yourself responding emotionally to what someone is saying, respond with: I may not be understanding you correctly, and I find myself taking what you said personally. I thought you just said_______, is that what you meant? I may not be understanding you correctly, and I find myself taking what you said personally. I thought you just said_______, is that what you meant? Determine if the subject was personally attacking you, or what they feel You (agency) has not done for them. If there is a conflict personally-even if just perceived, allow another person if available to help the subject with their problem. Determine if the subject was personally attacking you, or what they feel You (agency) has not done for them. If there is a conflict personally-even if just perceived, allow another person if available to help the subject with their problem.

84 K eep I t S imple S tupid You have one mouth and two ears You have one mouth and two ears One you can shut One you can shut Two you cannot Two you cannot Listening is the MOST important tool you can use Listening is the MOST important tool you can use

85 FINAL THOUGHTS You should always be honest-if possible You should always be honest-if possible Do not patronize Do not patronize Do not minimize Do not minimize Know community resources in case you are not the right stop for someone, you will know where to direct them. Know community resources in case you are not the right stop for someone, you will know where to direct them. Make it appear that the resolve to their issue is the most important thing for you to take care of Make it appear that the resolve to their issue is the most important thing for you to take care of

86 FINAL THOUGHTS You have an audience You have an audience Even if they are not “there” they will tell the story in their version like they were-be aware of our local recording authorities Even if they are not “there” they will tell the story in their version like they were-be aware of our local recording authorities Removing someone from their audience ALWAYS behooves us Removing someone from their audience ALWAYS behooves us It gives the subject less people to perform for It gives the subject less people to perform for And gives you less people to perform for as well And gives you less people to perform for as well

87 FINAL THOUGHTS Leave People Better than you found them at their worst Leave People Better than you found them at their worst VERBAL JUDO IS A PERISHABLE COMPLEX MOTOR SKILL-IT MUST BE REINFORCED AND PRACTICED TO BE MAINTAINED. VERBAL JUDO IS A PERISHABLE COMPLEX MOTOR SKILL-IT MUST BE REINFORCED AND PRACTICED TO BE MAINTAINED.


Download ppt "Verbal Judo MARTIAL ARTS FOR THE MIND AND THE MOUTH TACTICAL COMMUNICATION For Professionals Sgt Tricia Thein Marshalltown Police Department"

Similar presentations


Ads by Google