Presentation on theme: "Verbal Judo MARTIAL ARTS FOR THE MIND AND THE MOUTH"— Presentation transcript:
1Verbal Judo MARTIAL ARTS FOR THE MIND AND THE MOUTH TACTICAL COMMUNICATIONFor ProfessionalsSgt Tricia TheinMarshalltown Police Department
2What is Verbal JudoA tactical, physical skill, designed to soften an adversary’s resistance to your authority.A learned skill-not naturally created-Verbal Judo DEFLECTS and REDIRECTS the negative energy of an opponent in order to gain control of a situation.The ultimate purpose is to keep YOU safer, and the needs of your community met. If you are not safe, and the community feels un-served, everything else is irrelevant.
3VERBAL JUDO A skill that many have had for many years- either they didn’t know itit didn’t have a fancy namethey were considered good PR people-Unconscious competenceThis is now recognized as a learned skill, or-Conscious competence
4Identifying Communication Barriers Drugs, alcohol fear, financial strain, personal experience/bias, rage, mental illness………..to name just a few…
14All of these things create safety issues that the professional must assess immediately. Know your limitsKnow when to call police, or at least other office assistanceNon escalatory interaction is easier to deal with than de-escalationWe all know what the “bad guy” looks like…right?
17Violence continued Where and When did the communication break down? When did violence become the acceptable alternative to communication?
18WORD COMP ANTICIPATE VS EXPECT (L. anticipare) means to see beforehand and move to prevent(L.expectare)means to wait for-suggesting greater rigidity of responseConsider approaching three males on a corner-expecting the one on the right to give you the most trouble-2 min later, the one on the right is most troublesome-when you expect trouble you generate it!KNOW…your audience will reflect back to you what you put out-three times in intensity (we all are generally able to protect ourselves from the perceived threat-what about the one we didn’t see coming?
19Voluntary compliance GOOD NEWS! NO ONE EXPECTS THE IMPOSSIBLE-USE YOUR BEST CONCEALED WEAPON- YOUR BRAIN-AND RECOGNIZE.....That the goal to professional intervention is to gain-Voluntary compliance
20THE CONTACT PROFESSIONAL CONTACT-IN LATIN TRANSLATES TO:WITH SKILLWe all have weaknesses-do not react towords, but respond to needsCustomer Service Reps (city employees) are the ultimate in the contact professional-ongoing training with the tools needed to do the job effectively-verbal skills being the most commonly used.
21North Dakota Highway Patrol ProfessionalismWe treat people like ladies and gentlemen not necessarily because they are but because we are-North Dakota Highway Patrol
22Verbal judo The art of generating voluntary compliance Officer (employee) safetyEnhanced professionalismFewer citizen complaints (P.A.C.E.)Decreased vicarious liabilityLower stress on the job and at home (L.E.A.P.S.)Increased effectiveness in courtImproved morale-LOOKS GOOD, SOUNDS GOOD-FEELS GOOD(less conflict between actions and moral values)
23City Council Belief Statements: We believe everyone has the responsibility to make a positive contribution to improve our community and quality of life.We believe that city government will at all times provide excellent service.We believe our decisions should encompass immediate needs and a vision of the future.We respect our employees and place a high value on the contribution and accomplishments they provide to the community. We will keep in mind
24City Council Belief Statements Continued The differences between department heads and elected officials.It is our intent to make objective decisions based on understanding facts, trust, and community input.We believe that it is essential for the city government to provide information to the community in a timely manner, which builds mutual trust and understanding.We believe EVERYONE deserves respect and a safe clean city.
25HAVE THE COURAGE TO BE WHO YOU REPRESENT ETHICSThe rules or standards governing the conduct of a person or the members of a profession.CITY EMPLOYEE=PUBLIC TRUST(SHOULD BE)HAVE THE COURAGE TO BE WHO YOU REPRESENT
26GOAL OF PROFESSIONAL INTERVENTION TO LOOK CREATIVELY AT CONFLICTUSE WORDS TO DEFLECT NEGATIVITY-REDUCE ESCALATION-RECOGNIZE THE 5 CONDITIONS WHEN WORDS FAIL S.A.F.E.R.AVOID NATURAL LANGUAGE/PERSONAL FEELINGSEMPLOY EMPAHTY,MAINTAIN SELF CONTROL, STAY IN CONTACT WITH THE NEEDS OF THE DEPARTMENT & YOUR AUDIENCE (THE PUBLIC)PUT WORDS ON TARGET-KNOW HOW YOU ARE PERCEIVED, YOUR DELIVERY STYLE, AND THE USE OF PARAPHRASING
27Words as a force option Showtime 98% of law enforcement encounters are handled by professional presence/wordsShowtimeIf you can look fearless when scared-you can look concerned when irritated!
28Solution:Take charge of those things in your personal and professional lives that you can control.Things to be controlled on duty/at work:Integrity, professionalism, and how well we do the job we are assigned.These things that law enforcement or other city employees deal with/or DO NOT deal with, can create an environment full of PTSD-feeding the pitbull**Law Enforcement officers are rated #3 in suicides, but new statistics are showing that our children are rising to the #1 position
29Escalate/de-escalate based on:a. subject’s actionsb. Totality of circumstancesc. Perceived threat leveld. Reaction time (additional office help, or police)
30S.A.F.E.R. Security Attack Flight Excessive repetition Revised priorities-Dr. George J. ThompsonIf the first two apply, it ain’t your fish to fry-call police-if flight is the issue, let them go, the last two is where you will spend most of your time.
31Three options for all Fight -continue arguing Flight just give up/leaveSurrender-let YOU winFourth option-Go with dignity WIN WIN WIN
32Tactical 8-step Greeting SAME Identify self/department SAME Reason for stop (pause) How can I helpJustification for violation Ask for additionalRequest for identification Always Get thisAdditional information Address/phoneDecision SAMEClose SAME
33Three types of people 102 different cultures in u.s. Nice (always agrees-non confrontational “just wanna get along”/single keyed individuals-still marked by the erosion of trust for our profession)Difficult (always says no the first time you ask them to do something, but somewhere around the 2, 3, or 4 time, when handled properly, 9 out of 10 will comply-multi-keyed-always ask why)Sneaky (will act nice when you are standing there-wimps/wolves in sheep’s clothing/single keyed individuals, surrounded by the cloud of illusion)Difficult people always want to know why where do you get your authority-greed-”what’s in it for me”TREAT ALL PEOPLE THE SAME-KNOWING THAT NICE IS NEVER A PROBLEM, SNEAKY ARE ALWAYS A PROBLEM, AND DIFFICULT PEOPLE ARE THE ONES THAT WE CONTACT THE MOST OFTEN-KNOWING THAT YOU CONTACTED THEM IN PRECISE UNBIASED FASHION WILL MAKE CLAIMS OF INAPPROPRIATENESS UNSUBSTANTIATED!!!
34Dis-empower resistance Insults strengthen(your opponent)Courtesy weakensExplaining why/what you’re doing increases safety and sets a tone of respectAllowing people to save face doubles safety directly and collaterallyRemember-a skillful employee will overcome the resistance of a difficult person 9 out of 10 times, after 3 or 4 attempts.
35PLAYING THE ROLEYour voice (tone, pace, pitch, modulation) and other non-verbal language (a.k.a. your “verbal personality” or delivery style/body language) account for 93 % of your impact on others (what they hear from you-and how they will react)The content of what you say (facts,reasons,evidence) account for only 7% of your impact. lying loses credibilityMost complaints are generated on a “tonal” basis-he/she was rude to me-they didn’t listen-they didn’t take me seriously-they treated me like I was stupid, etc
36Performing art Not paid to express true feelings we are paid to impact the community positivelyOur script is the law-local state and federal, and the city council belief statements-among others“the dissatisfied customer” does not dictate who you are to be, but may have an impact on the role you need to playWhen resistance increases, so does our performance
37What are you getting?Watch out for contradictions in the body language of those you are speaking to. They indicate true intent.KNOW the danger signs:Backing or turning awayLooking around (escape or weapon)Voice changesHiding handsDo not lose focus after gaining initial cooperation!SAFETY FIRST!SAFETY FIRST!SAFETY FIRST!
38New Five Step Hard Style Ask ”could I ask you to….”Set context “Let me tell you why..”Present options “You have some good options”Confirm “Is there anything I can say..”Act escalate or disengage S.A.F.E.R.
394 appeals Ethical professional presence 1st step ….askRational (not useful unless calm)2nd step ….set contextPersonal Selfish interests; job money,time3rd step ….present optionsPractical out of the box solutions4th step ….confirm subject’s commitment to current position
40options Be positive. Be specific. Offering choices is not a weakness- THINKING OUTSIDE THE BOX SHOWS FOCUSED ATTENTION ON INDIVIDUAL ISSUES-generates a feeling of being heard.Be positive. Be specific.You can be positive and specific with a smileHelpful face/Helpful attitude/perceived as helpful
41Key Words For Office Safety If all employees were on the same page with verbal cues, safety increases because the consistent verbal cues are recognized and can be acted on prior to escalation!!
42Examples “Is there anything I can say ( a cue to imminent danger) Show time(proactive, ethical intervention)Following the same script/on the same page/creating level of understanding and cooperation amongst co-workers…..
43SHOWTIME PERSONAL SATISFACTION WHEN: THE OFFICER PERFORMS (RE-sponds) RATHER THAN RE-actsMakes the employee SAFER because it is not personal-Makes daily interaction with the public a challenge that is positive rather than negativeDOING THE RIGHT JOB THE RIGHT WAY AND WINNING EVERY TIME!
45If it feels good-then it’s no good! Natural reaction=confrontation (disaster)Studied response=cooperationVerbal judo=increased safety
46WORD COMPARISONASSERTIVE (L.assertus) means to have a positive influence uponAGGRESSIVE (L.aggressus) means to attack, to push one’s personality upon anotherThink of an officer entering your home aggressively, ordering you to sit down (heard as rude) vs. an officer being assertive in your home, “I know this is your home, but for your safety and mine could I ask you to have a seat so we can talk about what is going on here?”
47Natural language vs Studied Responses Hey you, come here….vs.Can I chat with you?I’m not gonna tell you againLet me tell you why its important……What’s your problemHow can I help?
48WORD COMP. RE (L) means to come back to-to return Re-acting is allowing the action to control youRe-spond (L respondere)-re-answer-suggests greater controlCOMMUNITIES WANT RESPONSIVE VS REACTIVE OFFICERS AND CITY EMPLOYEES ON THEIR STREETS AND MANNING THE OFFICES-THEY SHOW GREATER CONTROL!
49Verbal Judo=Verbal Tactics Tactical communicationSkillful use of language to achieve professional objectives.Tactical empathyprojecting understanding to overcome adversarial resistanceTactical CivilityPortraying a concerned, respectful demeanor, regardless of personal feelings, as a means of generating voluntary compliance
50Verbal Judo=Verbal Tactics Personal face personal face one up contestProfessional personal facefacewin-winLeave your ego at home-become who you need to be to get the job done in a professional manner!
51Street Truth People never say what they mean what they say:EFF you! You can’t do that!What they mean:I’m scared. I’m embarrassed. I can’t think straight.Ex: You can’t shut my water off-I always pay my bill=what will I tell my kids-how did I let this happen-I feel like a bad parent
52Trigger GuardsIdentify your weaknesses, the things that make you mad-triggers. Name them. Associate them in your mind with something you can control, laugh at, minimize.By defining and recognizing your triggers, you can effectively disarm them by building your own trigger guard.
53Trigger GuardsJust because you have one doesn’t mean the trigger isn’t there-it is just made safe….stops you from being manipulated by your own weaknesses…
54AUDIENCES AUDIENCES ARE MADE, NOT FOUND PEOPLE WILL ALWAYS SEE THINGS DIFFERENTLY THAN YOUTHE SCENE DYNAMIC CHANGES AUTOMATICALLY WHEN YOU ENTER THE SCENE-or they bring it to youTHE AUDIENCE REFLECTS BACK TO YOU 3 TIMES THE INTENSITY THAT YOU PROJECTREMEMBER THAT MOST PEOPLE WE DEAL WITH ARE UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF SOMETHING-RAGE, ALCOHOL, FINANCIAL PRESSURE, BIAS, FEAR, FATIGUE* Don’t use mimicry. It is simply insulting.
55How are you being perceived…and Would you want your family-parents, wife/husband, children, friends, clergy, media……..……….to perceive you that way?Remember the local video stud-they may have a chance on you-tube
56Allow attitude to drift-focus on behavior Say what you wantdo what I sayI have the last actI give you the last word
57Re-spect vs. respect performed earned A studied response (remaining calm, using professional language) allows the officer to remain tactical and gather information so that he/she can be who they need to be to accomplish their goals.When the goal of “winning” is eliminated the focus is redirected to dealing with the underlying issues, defusing anger, and creating workable solutions that allow your opponent to “save face.”Lack of RE-spect will cause those you just dissed to want revenge-you do NOT have to feel respect, but you have to SHOW RE-spect
58Principals of Dis-interest Always keep your professional faceAlways treat others as you would want to be treated, under identical circumstancesNever inflate people with adrenaline or righteousnessFlexibility is strength/rigidity is weaknessRedirect rather than resistRespond rather than react
59DISINTEREST cont’dEveryone believes they have good reason for what they doPeople care about knowing why: therefore, set context and explain whyBad words color good deeds negativelySHOWTIME IS A GREAT REMINDER TO GO BACK TO YOUR PROFESSIONAL FACE IF YOU ARE BEING MANIPULATED…..
60Dealing with angerFeeling chronically angry, or impulsively overreacting on a routine basis….talk to a counselor about what might be fueling your inappropriate emotions.Leaving an angry situation….try to take an emotional time-out, a brief break, before moving on to the next encounter.Feel yourself getting angry during an encounter….ask yourself if it’s appropriate to the “face” you need-or if some street-wise subject is trying to persuade you into losing control.-Force Science Research Institute**Verbal Judo is a tool to be used at home, at work, and with the public-be aware of PTSD-or the puppy barking inside-deal with the puppy instead of waiting for the BIG DOG to come out!
62Autogenic(tactical)breathing (BASED ON TECHNIQUES DEVELOPED BY CALIBRE PRESS AND GARY KLUGIEWICZ) *Three times:* In through the nose for 4-count* Hold for 4-count* out through the lips for 4-count* Attitude is contagious* Panic is contagious* calm is contagious* Can “INFLICT” BREATHING ONTO OTHERSCOPYRIGHTED BY DAVE GROSSMAN-AUTHOR OF “ON KILLING”
63Contagious MindsetConsider that your body language as you make contact is the First Impression-cannot erase this!Basic Concepts are simple-Treat others as you would want to be treated if you were the victim/complainant/dissatisfied customer- If you were a victim, how would you want to be handled? Your wife? Your mother? Your child?
64Contagious cont’d SMILE- What do you have to smile about? 1-you are alive2-In a land of 8+% unemployment rate and growing-you have a job3-You have a job where you have a chance everyday to make a difference4-You have a health plan!5-You have a Defined Pension Benefit plan-less than 5% of the private sector has a Defined Pension Benefit Plan***Out of all these #3 is the best reason to smile
65L.E.A.P.S. TOOLS FOR GENERATING VOLUNTARY COMPLIANCE LISTEN-MORE IMPORTANT TO LOOK INTERSTED THAN BE INTERESTEDEMPATHIZE-DON’T SYMPATHIZE-BUILD GROUND TO STAND ONASK-5 DIFFERENT TYPES OF QUESTIONSPARAPHRASE-feed them back their own informationSUMMARIZE-CLEAR CONCISE AUTHORATATIVENON-SEQUENTIAL-ONGOING AND CHANGING DR. GEORGE J. THOMPSON
66LEAPS cont’dListening-what we do as we wait for our turn to interrupt/say our side, etc?Listening should be open and unbiased-hear literally what they are saying to you, interpret accurately what you heard, and then act appropriately!Most people (home or work) will tell you what they need from you if you simply listen-DO NOT use the listening phase to think of what you are going to say next to counter….
67Keep It Simple Stupid You have one mouth and two ears One you can shut Two you cannotListening is the MOST important tool you can use
68THE SECOND MOST IMPORTANT TOOL EMPATHYEMPATHY ABSORBS TENSION
69WORD COMP SYMPATHY VS EMPATHY (L. sympathia) means to share feelings with, to be in accord with(L. EM) to see through(Gr. Pathy) eye of the otherTo see through the eye of the other-to understand as if you stood in the other’s shoes-even momentarilyTACTICAL EMPATHY-HUGE SKILL
70Word Comp. cont’d IF WORDS MAKE SUCH A DIFFERENCE IN TRAINING……………… IMAGINE THE DIFFERENCE THEY MAKE TO THE UNTRAINED PERSON WE ARE RESPONDING TO
71ParaphrasingCorrectly interpreting another’s meaning and putting it into your own words.Why it is importantClarifies intent, ensures understandingPeople calm down after hearing their own wordsAllows subject to save face-indicates fair playAllows the professional to control interactionShows empathyAllows the professional to interrupt without creating friction
73P.A.C.E P-problem-problem as you see it, they see it A-Audience-what you project comes back times 3C-Constraints-identify obstacles in effective communication with your subject-you can step around, ignore or use to your advantageE-Ethical presence-what face do I need to wear so the subject knows that I am here to help him/herSubjects should know that you are there to help, to think for them (as they would hrs later) to solve the problem they are facing=GREAT CONTACT
74Deflectors I ‘preciate that, but…….. (professional/objective) I unerstan’ that, however…………..I hear that, yet……..Not all deflectors are peace phrases, but all peace phrases are deflectorsDeflectors allow you to jump over the constraints and move forwardPeace Phrases are simply appearing to ask for cooperation rather than demand it
75Peace phrases I can appreciate that….. Can you work with me, sir……… You don’t need this kind of troubleFor your safety and mine………..What’s the matter……….Someone gave you some bad info………(careful)How can I help you………..If you cooperate with me, it will be noted in my report………Sorry to hear that, sir………..Can I chat with you for a moment?
76Why Peace Phrases? Makes you feel good-keeping your cool Springboard-deflect over the insults, focus on goalDis-empower your opponentSound goodBuy time –for answers from other departments or for assistance to arrive-CRISIS HOSTAGE NEGOTIATORS WORLDWIDE SAY-TIME IS YOUR FRIEND
777 Things that Hurt Communication 1-Come Here-puts power and control in the hands of the other person-parent/child-can I talk with you a minute-said in closer quarters and puts you in control of the contact.2-Calm Down-makes one want to defend their reaction to you-like there is no legitimate reason to be upset.-whats the matter immediately softens your opponent-appears as if you care..3-I am not telling you again…yes you are-probably several times if they are a difficult person-so you lose credibility and power-better might be-REMEMBER 9/10 TIMES AFTER 3-4 TIMES
78“This is really important that you get this point, so pay close attention to what I am about to tell you….”4-Why can’t you be More Reasonable-totally invalidates feelings and issue for subject-like saying “you are stupid or you are wrong”-this invites conflict- better option-”let me see if I understand your position-and then paraphrase back to the person.My All Time Personal Favorite-
797 THINGS cont’d BECAUSE THOSE ARE THE RULES or THAT’S THE LAW If the rules are for good reason, or the law-explain it-RE-specting people is telling them whyEstablishes ground to stand on -defines the limits of the issue at hand-your authority-and gives ‘good reason’ top complyTakes your EGO out of it-not just-because I said so
806-What’s your problem-definitely creates a you vs me battle rather than an “us” discussion-for most people the word problem indicates weakness-and NOONE wants to reveal a weakness-better choice-what’s the matter, How can I help-I can see you are upset-Gather intel from the contact-and always listen nonjudgementally.7-What do you want me to do about this?Negates any responsibility-relays an I don’t care attitude-FLIPPANT-FULL OF ATTITUDE
81IF you cannot help with the issue-direct them to the office that can-if you do not know who to send them to-convey that you wished you did, and let them know that your desire would be to assist them-At least perform like assisting them is the only thing that will send you home from work happy today-PLAY THE ROLE-WEAR THE FACE NEEDED TO GET THE JOB DONE.
82TALKING THE TALK WALKING THE WALK The challenge to be who we representSuperior Service Thinking for others as they would hrs laterProactive Having a plan and knowing when to actInnovative The courage to support challenging tacticsUnbiased Treating everyone with respectProfessionalism Doing the best job possible for ourselves, our families and those we serveRespect Earned on the job and in the houseIntegrity Effective strategies for maintaining personal composureand maximizing skillsDedication The ability to deflect and counter negative energy andfocus on positive behaviorEthics Actively engaged in upholding the public trust
83Tip!!!If you find yourself responding emotionally to what someone is saying, respond with:I may not be understanding you correctly, and I find myself taking what you said personally. I thought you just said_______, is that what you meant?Determine if the subject was personally attacking you, or what they feel You (agency) has not done for them. If there is a conflict personally-even if just perceived, allow another person if available to help the subject with their problem.
84Keep It Simple Stupid You have one mouth and two ears One you can shut Two you cannotListening is the MOST important tool you can use
85FINAL THOUGHTS You should always be honest-if possible Do not patronizeDo not minimizeKnow community resources in case you are not the right stop for someone, you will know where to direct them.Make it appear that the resolve to their issue is the most important thing for you to take care of
86FINAL THOUGHTS You have an audience Even if they are not “there” they will tell the story in their version like they were-be aware of our local recording authoritiesRemoving someone from their audience ALWAYS behooves usIt gives the subject less people to perform forAnd gives you less people to perform for as well
87FINAL THOUGHTS Leave People Better than you found them at their worst VERBAL JUDO IS A PERISHABLE COMPLEX MOTOR SKILL-IT MUST BE REINFORCED AND PRACTICED TO BE MAINTAINED.