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A discussion on how our RELATIONSHIP with God determines our most important earthly relationships. By John Coetzee July 2014 RELATIONSHIPS.

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Presentation on theme: "A discussion on how our RELATIONSHIP with God determines our most important earthly relationships. By John Coetzee July 2014 RELATIONSHIPS."— Presentation transcript:

1 A discussion on how our RELATIONSHIP with God determines our most important earthly relationships. By John Coetzee July 2014 RELATIONSHIPS

2 This document is in no way critical on any part of the Bible. It serves as the backbone of a discussion on how we perceive our relationship with God from our own point of view, and it is critical on how that perception influences how we view our spouses and the relationships we have with them. BACKGROUND

3 The Foundations for relationships Carnal Blend of cultural, moral and generational based world system qualities and values Negotiated and adjusted to suit ever changing generations and interpolanation of cultural ideologies Biblical Old Testament - Grace and Love New Testament – Law (right and wrong, no middle ground or DMZ) Other belief systems Requires ever increasing “tolerance” from Carnal groups Ever increasing in criticism and contracts to Biblical groups

4 The basis for relationships Relational or Transactional AGREEMENT, never neutral. Relational agreement - based on love Serving one another “Giving” in support, understanding, grace, patience, etc. Transactional agreement – based on give and receive Child / parent Child / child Comparative / competition in nature Underpinned by evaluation (scrutiny) and the resultant critique >>> compensation / settlement >>> security Note the word TRUST does not appear here as a source of distinction between the two bases. People trust for different reasons…right or wrong

5 Relationship building blocks from the Bible NEW TESTAMENTOLD TESTAMENT LoveLaw Relational - JesusReligious (Transactional) – 619 commandments We live by Faith and strive to holiness as a result, our actions changing with our hearts and this results in us loving the unsaved Holiness is the minimum requirement, achieved by actions as dictated by Law which hardens our hearts against an unbelieving world Righteousness is a gift through acceptance of Jesus Christ Righteousness to be achieved by practicing the Law Your default view of your partner is that of forgiven of all wrong, washed clean, saved by grace, worthy of love, destined to live forever with you in Heaven. >>>HOW YOU SEE YOURSELF<<< The default view of your partner is that of guilty, dirty because of sin, cursed by the Law, worthy of damnation, destined to suffer until the end of days while attempting to one day be worthy of justified by the Law. >>>HOW YOU SEE YOURSELF<<<

6 Why Christians succeed in relationships We LOVE one another We (husbands) LOVE first and don’t demand our wives to SUBMIT to us first We show our wives that we TRUST them; we can be trusted to always love them UNCONDITIONALLY We forgive Each other as well as ourselves ( splinter and log) Forgiveness must never again be earned on an altar, it was earned on the Cross, paid for in full, once and for all We see the other party as perfect That is how God the Father sees us, without fault or blemish We remind ourselves to remove our own log before the other one’s splinter We don’t ring-fence ourselves in traditional (cultural) roles We wash each other’s feet We want each other to have the best of everything, we put ourselves second, third and fourth We love in spite of injury being given or offence taken

7 Relational Love ReferenceScripture Ephesians 5:25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her Mark 12:29-31"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbour as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." Romans 13:10Love does no harm to its neighbour. Therefore love is the fulfilment of the law 1 Corinthians 13:13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. Colossians 3:14And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. 1 Peter 4:8Most important of all, continue to show deep love for each other, for love covers a multitude of sins.

8 Religion addressed by Jesus ReferenceScripture Luke 11:37-54Woes on the Pharisees and the Experts in the Law. When Jesus had finished speaking, a Pharisee invited him to eat with him; so he went in and reclined at the table. But the Pharisee was surprised when he noticed that Jesus did not first wash before the meal. Then the Lord said to him, “Now then, you Pharisees clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside you are full of greed and wickedness. You foolish people! Did not the one who made the outside make the inside also? But now as for what is inside you—be generous to the poor, and everything will be clean for you. “Woe to you Pharisees, because you give God a tenth of your mint, rue and all other kinds of garden herbs, but you neglect justice and the love of God. You should have practiced the latter without leaving the former undone. Luke 12:1“Be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy. James 1:27Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

9 Question Can you love your wife (or husband) completely RELATIONALLY (like Christ loved the Church) if your idea of worshipping God is Religious (Transactional)? 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” LOVE is not transactional. It gives without the expectation of receiving. LOVE is relational.


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