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Divorce By: Brittney Nontell. Hypothesis: Divorce can happen to any marriage, some people may believe children aren’t affected by it but some are. Are.

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Presentation on theme: "Divorce By: Brittney Nontell. Hypothesis: Divorce can happen to any marriage, some people may believe children aren’t affected by it but some are. Are."— Presentation transcript:

1 Divorce By: Brittney Nontell

2 Hypothesis: Divorce can happen to any marriage, some people may believe children aren’t affected by it but some are. Are children affected by their parents divorce?

3 1 st article- Types of Marriages, What Works? 2002 approximately 84% of Canadian families were headed by married couples and more than three-quarters of all Canadian adults will marry at some point in their lives. At the beginning of the 21st century, 76% of marriage ceremonies were religious and religious ceremonies were most common in Ontario (98.5%) In 2000 the census indicated there was a slight rise in the marriage rate, 5 for every 1000 people in Canada, which was attributed to couples choosing to marry at the start of the new millennium. After the millennium the marriage rate fell to 4.7 marriages per 1000 people (compared to 10.9 in the 1940s), continuing the trend of a declining marriage rate. In 1950 the average age for first marriage for men was 28.5 years and for women was 25.9 years. Fifty years later the average age at first marriage was 28 years for brides and 30 years for grooms - a substantial delay in marrying when compared with earlier years. What has remained stable is that grooms are generally around 2 years older than brides. The 1981 census was the first Canadian census to record common-law unions: at that time approximately 6% of couples were living common-law. Twenty years later the rate had more than doubled (14%). Common-law unions are generally less stable than marriages: more than 60% of people who choose common-law unions as their first conjugal relationship are expected to separate. At the beginning of the 21st century a study showed that the lowest risk of divorce was during the first year of the marriage but the risk then rose and peaked around the fourth anniversary, after which the risk of slowly decreases. A substantial proportion of couples eventually divorce and the majority (60%) of couples who divorce will have been married for less than 15 years. By 2003 almost 40% of marriages ended in divorce before their 30th wedding anniversary and the average duration for a marriage was 14.2 years. Also, Canadians who remarried were significantly less likely to report that being married was an important source of happiness for them. The study also found that the younger the bride and groom the greater the risk of marital breakdown. The rate of teenage marriages being dissolved was twice as high as spouses who married between the ages of 25 and 29, and people who marry during their thirties are 43% less likely to divorce. The longer couples are married the higher the risk of divorce. By the 21st century, a survey showed that of the couples who had been married for one year there were 5.1 divorces per 1000 marriages; the risk rose to a peak around the fourth anniversary with 25.5 divorces per 1000 marriages. Also, people who marry for a second time are more likely to divorce again. The majority of people who divorce remarry, although men are more likely to remarry than women. In the 1990s, approximately one-third of all Canadian marriages involved at least one partner who was previously married, and by far the largest component came from divorced rather than widowed people. By the millennium, about 10% of Canadians had married twice and approximately 1% had married more than twice. Since 2003, when Ontario and British Columbia became the first two provinces to legalize same-sex marriage, most of the provinces and one territory have recognized same-sex marriages. Over one-quarter (27.6%) of women who married another woman had previously been married, while 14.2% of the men who married another man had previously been married. In 2003, Canada was the only country in the world that allowed same-sex marriages between people who were not Canadian residents, and during that year, 56% of the same-sex marriages involved non-residents, although the vast majority (95%) did live in Canada. There were 71,783 divorces in Canada in 2001, which is the last year for which statistics are available. This number has been more or less constant for several years now. The all-time high was in 1987, when there were 96,200 divorces. This followed the introduction of the Canadian Divorce Act in 1985, which liberalized the laws in Canada.

4 Analysis of 1 st article Summary: In the 21st century 76% of marriages were religious ceremonies. In 1950 the average age for men to get married their first time was 28.5 and for women it was In the year 2000 the average age for women to get married was 28 years old and for men it was 30 years old. Studies show that common law marriages have more financially secure but more likely to leave their relationships. In 1981 statistics in Canada were that 6% of families were common law married. Twenty years later it was 14%. 60% of people who have chosen common law marriages are expected to separate. Studies at the start of the 21st century have shown that 60% of couples will divorce after 15 years of marriage. In 2003 studies have shown that 40% of marriages will end in divorce by their 30th wedding anniversary. Reflection: I believe that everything in this article was somewhat accurate. I thought the average age for couples to get married in the 1950s would’ve been lower. My mother is common-law married but it seems like her relationship with my step dad is going well. I personally would prefer getting common-law married because there isn’t as much commitment. If I eventually got divorced there would not be as much time and money going into the wedding and it’s not as frowned upon through the church. I find couples are getting more divorces in this day and age because there are so many other communication devices and ways to transport that it is so easy to do things such as cheating. Let’s say as far back as the early 1900s, the wife would stay at home and the husband would work. It was not as easy for them to keep in contact with someone else. Another thing that came into play back then was money. A married couple would stay together because they had no other money. These days people have so much money and sometimes money means more to them than a spouse.

5 2 nd article- Divorce Rates in Canada "How many divorces are there in Ontario?" There were 26,577 divorces in Ontario in 2001, which is the last year for which statistics are available. Again, this number has remained pretty much the same for several years. "What are the chances of a Candian couple getting a divorce?" The riskiest year is the fourth year of marriage. In the first year of marriage, there are less than one divorce for every 1,000 marriages. After one year of marriage, there are 5.1 divorces for every 1,000 marriages in Canada. After two years of marriage, there are 17 divorces for every 1,000 marriages in Canada. After three years, there are 23.6 divorces for every 1,000 Canadian marriages. After four years, there are 25.5 divorces for every 1,000 Canadian marriages. After that, the chances of divorce decline slowly for each subsequent year of marriage. "What are the chances of a marriage lasting 30 years?" The statistics vary over time dramatically. The all-time low was in 1987, when it was expected that 50.6% of all marriages in Canada would end before the 30th wedding anniversary. Currently, it's expected that 37.7% of all Canadian marriages will end in a divorce before the 30Do 50 per cent of all marriages end in divorce? While divorce rates have increased greatly since the introduction of Divorce Laws in 1968, actual divorce rates have been decreasing in Canada since the 1990’s. The 50 per cent fallacy is false because it compares incompatible numbers. The crude divorce rate (number of divorces in Canada per population in Canada in a given year) has decreased (per 100,000 population) from a high of in 1987 to in [1] In Nova Scotia, Ontario, British Columbia, the Yukon, and Nunavut the total number of new divorce cases has declined 6% over the four year period ending in 2008/2009. [2] The percentage of marriages in a given year that will end in divorce before their 30th wedding anniversary has increased slightly from 36.1 per cent in 1998 to 37.9 per cent in [3] In 2003, the risk of divorce decreased slowly the longer a couple stayed married beyond three years. [4] The divorce rate for first marriages is lower than the divorce rate for all marriages (including second, third and so on); “first marriages have a 67% chance of lasting a lifetime.” [5] “20% of all divorces in Canada are a repeat divorce for at least one of the spouses.” [6] In 2002, the average age at divorce was 43.1 for men and 40.5 for women. [7] On average, men who divorced in 2002 were married at the age of 28.9, while women had married at the age of [8]th anniversary.

6 Analysis of 2 nd Article Summary: In 2001 there were 26,577 divorces in Ontario. In 2002 the average age for divorce for men was 43.1 and for women were Reflection: My parents divorced around those ages. I think most marriages end around that age because that is about the time people have midlife crises and become emotionally unwell. Some spouses treat the people around them not in the way they are expected to. Some people marry at a young age, (early 20s) so when they are around forty, they have already spent so many years with that person and fall out of love with that person.

7 3 rd Article- Divorce’s effects on Children The Effects of Divorce on Children When a child's parents break up, it can be a very confusing time for him/her. To make the transition easier, it is important that parents are taught how to prepare their children for parental separation, what to expect from children (i.e. possible physical and emotional reactions) and how to protect children from parental conflict. A family experiencing separation and/or divorce enters a process that involves a vast array of feelings ranging from shock, to anger, to sadness, to guilt. These emotions are felt by all, and unless addressed, can leave lasting scars. When a couple makes the difficult decision to separate, it is imperative for them to recognize that their children's fundamental need for security, remains the same as during the time that the parents were married. Children need to feel that their parents will still provide them with emotional and physical security. In order for a child to feel secure, their parents must demonstrate that they are fully competent to cope with and get through the changes that come with divorce and separation. The younger the child, the less able they are to communicate their needs to their parents regarding separation or divorce. When pre-school children feel unloved, neglected or insecure, they tell you with their behaviour (e.g. regressing back to earlier stages such as thumb sucking, wetting the bed, afraid of the dark etc � ). Older children are better able to communicate verbally, but they will also show their feelings through their behaviour (e.g. lack of interest in school, getting poor grades etc � ). Adolescents may react to the divorce by cutting classes, becoming verbally abusive, using alcohol and/or drugs, defying curfew or by acting withdrawn and depressed. How Can Counselling Help? After arriving at a decision to separate, a couple must take a lot into consideration. Counselling can prove to be a helpful process that can assist the family to cope with this difficult time. Each individual is different and therefore deals with the news of separation in a unique way. As a result, families choosing to enter counselling must utilize it in a way that serves their family best. In many cases, separating couples proceed through counselling in stages. The first stage of counselling often begins before the couple breaks the news to their children. This way, the couple can first begin to deal with their own emotions which can help them to later put their children's feelings above their own. As well, a counsellor can help the couple decide the best time and way to deliver the news to their children and can educate them on what to expect from children according to their different ages and developmental stages. The second stage of counselling usually occurs after the children have been told about the separation. At this time, it is not uncommon for children to experience many different emotions that they are unable to express to their parents for fear of taking sides and/or hurting feelings. A counsellor can provide these children with an outlet to deal with their feelings in a safe and secure environment. Family Therapist Susan Lieberman gives examples of skills that parents are taught in counselling to help children cope with separation as well as some common signs that children are reacting to separation. Helping Your Child Cope, Assure them that both parents love them, Give them, reassurance and understanding, Acknowledge their dilemma and confusion, Allow them to be loyal to both parents, Minimize conflict in front of your children, Try not to substitute children for adult companionship, Children should maintain links with their extended family, Share feelings and/or information with your children- children feel terribly insecure and fearful when you keep them in the dark, Set up a support structure for your child. People who could be a part of your child's support network could be: the parents of your child's best friend, your child's teacher, your family doctor, family, friends, a therapist who specializes in children, a pet and most importantly, yourself! Behaviour: linging to one or both parents, Loss of interest in friends, Attention seeking, Aggression, Drop in grades and/or complaints from teacher, Depression/withdrawl, Moody/silent/listless, Resentment, Difficulty concentrating. Feelings: Sadness and grief, Relief, Anger, Guilt, Fears of abandonment � "What's going to happen to me?",Rejection, Insecurity, Confusion, Worried/stressed, Depressed, Shock/surprise/denial/disbelief.

8 Analysis of 3 rd article Summary: It is not easy for children to go through a divorce. Counselling helps break the news to the children and deal with it better. The emotions the children can deal with can be depressed, anger, relief, insecurity, shock, etc. Reflection: I agree with this article, I know after my parents’ divorce even years down the road I still thought about it and felt bad about it. I always think- ‘what would my life be like today if my parents were still together?’ I remember going to counselling as a child when my parent’s divorce first happened but then stopped. A few years ago I was having a tough time with my mom and figured living with my dad would be better. This reflected on my parent’s divorce. I was really angry at the time. One of my brothers went to counselling and after all the sessions he seemed calm. Whereas my other brother I found he had some anger issues. I snap time to time and I didn’t want that to happen anymore so I figured counselling would be a positive thing to do. I went to the counsellor whenever I felt like I needed to talk to someone. I talked to my counsellor about my parent’s divorce and she made me more come to peace with it.

9 4 th article- Being a single mother The ‘Opt-Out’ Problem We Don’t Talk About There’s a looming economic disaster for stay-at-home moms who get divorced. I was eight months pregnant with my first child when Lisa Belkin introduced the concept of “The Opt-Out Revolution” in The New York Times Magazine. More grimly, Sylvia Ann Hewlett noted in Creating a Life that nearly half of women earning $100,000 or more were childless. The implications were clear: If you have children and work, you’ll be poorly paid, your neighbors will ostracize you, and you can forget about having time to bake—let alone have sex, work out, or do anything else you might have enjoyed in your previous life.“The Opt-Out Revolution” Sylvia Ann Hewlett noted in Creating a Life Is it any wonder that Belkin’s article struck such a nerve? Looking around at her well-to-do friends and neighbors, Belkin had noticed a trend: As if the clocks had rolled back to the 1950s, women were once again, in increasing numbers, staying at home with their children. The difference was that they were choosing to. “Why don’t women run the world?” Belkin asked, and she answered, “Maybe it’s because they don’t want to.” But, as the article progressed, it became clear that, if women were opting out of work, their decision owed less to an emotional desire to spend more time with their children than to a punishing workplace deeply inhospitable to mothers’ needs. “I wish it had been possible to be the kind of parent I want to be and continue with my legal career, but I wore myself out trying to do both jobs well,” said one of the women interviewed. The article closed with an optimistic account of the accommodations made by some companies, such as flexible schedules and additional family time off. Such changes, Belkin concluded, represented “a door opened but a crack by women that could usher in a new environment for us all.”As I noted in TNR two years later—after having my first baby, becoming pregnant with my second, and experiencing some of the work-motherhood conflict myself—a study by Hewlett had found that 93 percent of women who took time off wanted to return to their careers at some point—but, unfortunately, only three- quarters of them were able to do so, and only 40 percent could return to work full time. This was before the economic crisis. An article that appeared in the Times last year, headlined “Recession Drives Women Back to the Work Force,” found that some women who had quit working to stay at home with children were seeking to return, either because their husbands had been laid off or because they feared layoffs might be imminent. But many were having great difficulty finding jobs. One former lawyer at a prominent firm, out of the workplace for nine years, took a position as an unpaid intern after job-hunting unsuccessfully for nearly a year. Women lucky enough to find paid work found themselves with lower salaries than the ones they left to stay home. “Studies have found that for every two years a woman is out of the labor force, her earnings fall by 10 percent, a penalty that lasts throughout her career,” the Times reported. (Meanwhile, truly flexible work arrangements—for women or for men—are still unusual enough to make news, as this recent Times piece about the accounting industry demonstrates.)As I noted in TNR two years laterarticlethis When she left full-time work 15 years ago, she and her husband were both newspaper reporters, earning the same salary. Now, he earns $30,000 more, while she has been turned down for jobs paying $20,000 less. This is as it should be, Read’s critics will say; a person who has been steadily employed for the last 15 years should, by rights, command a higher salary than one whose career has been on hiatus. But does it follow that a woman who cuts back on her career should be left stranded if her marriage happens to fail—and in the middle of a bad economy? Few people seemed to consider this long-term view eight years ago, when opting out was suddenly all the rage. Read tells a frustrating (and sadly familiar) tale of losing out on the best assignments once her “well-meaning” editors put her on the mommy track. Why not stay at home and freelance if her full-time work was both time-consuming and unrewarding? What could go wrong? “It was as though at-home mothers could count on being financially supported happily ever after,” Read bitterly concludes. After all, no one expects their marriage to end. Like Read, I’m a single mother myself now. I’m lucky enough to be financially secure, with a flexible job that provides me with health insurance and accommodates my desire to spend a certain number of daylight hours with my children. I credit my former partner, who shares custody with me, for treating me equitably and providing generously for our children. But I read all this with a lump in my throat. If men continue to out-earn women in virtually all occupations, as a recent report from the Institute for Women’s Policy Research demonstrates, and society continues to push mothers to stay at home, then it’s little wonder that women continue predominantly to bear the financial cost of divorce. This was true for my mother’s generation, and it’s still true today—whatever “revolutions” may have taken place in the meantime. Meanwhile, I’m just glad that I held on to my job.as a recent report from the Institute for Women’s Policy Research demonstrates

10 Analysis of 4 th Article Summary: It is not easy being a single mother. You have time for nothing, no time for yourself. You have no money. It’s hard. Reflection:I have a friend that his mother is a single parent and she doesn’t have the money to pay her TV bill, her internet bill or the phone bill. I understand it is probably hard being a single parent because you have to do everything yourself and have no time for yourself.

11 5 th Article- Is Parent’s Divorce Harder on Boys than Girls? Sons of Divorce Fare Worse Than Daughters By RONI CARYN RABIN Is divorce tougher on boys than on girls?A new study reports that men whose parents divorced before they were 18 are two to three times as likely to seriously consider taking their own lives as men whose parents were not divorced by that age.RONI CARYN RABIN Women whose parents divorced by age 18 were not affected as significantly. They, too, thought about suicide more often than other women, but the thoughts were explained by other traumatic experiences they’d had, like childhood abuse. Divorce might be expected to have a bigger overall impact on daughters than on sons, since in general women tend to be more susceptible than men to depression and suicidal thoughts. But the findings were not a surprise to the study’s lead author, Dr. Esme Fuller-Thomson, a professor of family and community medicine at the University of Toronto. She noted that in most cases of divorce, at least until recently, mothers obtained custody of the children, and the lack of regular contact with a father may take a particular emotional and developmental toll on sons. “The loss of a male role model for the boys may seriously impact their well-being,” she said. “Other research has indicated a positive father figure is very important for young men and boys, to develop their gender identity and learn ways to regulate their emotions and enhance their mental health.” Dr. Fuller-Thomson emphasized that serious thoughts of suicide affect only a minority, and that a vast majority of children of divorce do fine. “I don’t want every divorced mom or dad to be in a panic about this,” she said. “Considering suicide is a rare event.” Boys may also be more likely to clam up and internalize their grief, whereas girls are more likely to “talk it out,” she said. Men, in general, are reluctant to reach out for help, said Dana Alonzo, an assistant professor at Columbia University School of Social Work, who has done similar studies. They are also more prone to drug abuse, which is linked with suicidal feelings. “They’re socialized to be strong, not to show weakness, not to show their feelings,” she said. “If they’re living in a home just being raised by a mom, who encourages more expression of emotions and closeness, that sort of contradicts the message they’re getting from society as a whole, that ‘you should be able to handle this on your own.’ ” Earlier studies that looked at the impact of divorce on suicidal tendencies have yielded somewhat conflicting results. One 2006 study found that men of divorced parents were 10 times as likely to attempt suicide compared with men whose parents were not divorced, and that women were not at elevated risk at all. Other studies have found an increased risk only for women. But Dr. Fuller-Thomson, who studies how early childhood factors influence health, said it’s important to isolate the effects of divorce from the effects of other problems that children may experience at the same time. Such stressors include abuse, a parent’s unemployment or drug use, poor physical or mental health, and difficulties in school that can lead to lower earning potential in adulthood. Children of divorce also tend to have lower rates of marriage and higher divorce rates as adults than others, which could also play a role. Her study, published in the journal Psychiatric Research, tried to control for many of these factors. Data was taken from the 2005 Canadian Community Health Survey conducted by Statistics Canada and included a representative sample of 6,647 Canadian adults from the province of Saskatchewan. The findings were limited by the nature of the survey, which asked only a single yes-or-no question about whether the participants had seriously considered suicide; there was no way to know when the suicidal thoughts occurred, or how serious they were. In addition, divorce rates, typical of Canada, were low; only 695 of the sample of 6,744 adults, or just over 10 percent, had divorced parents. Some 17.5 percent of women whose parents divorced before they were 18 said they had thought about suicide, about twice the 8.7 percent of women whose parents were not divorced. When the researchers made adjustments for childhood stressors like abuse, there was no statistical difference between the rate of suicidal thoughts among women with divorced parents and those without. By contrast, only 5.5 percent of men whose parents had not divorced by age 18 had considered suicide, and more than three times as many, or 17.5 percent, of men who came from divorced parents said they had considered suicide. Even when other stressors were factored in, men whose parents had divorced were 2.3 times as likely to say they had seriously considered suicide. “There’s a subportion of the population that is very vulnerable, and it’s worrisome,” Dr. Fuller-Thomson said.

12 Analysis of 5 th Article Summary: 17.5% of men and women whose parents divorced before they were 18 said they’ve thought about suicidal thoughts. Men have to act strong and show no feelings where as girls like to talk it out. Reflection: Suicidal thoughts are common if you ever watch the show intervention most of the people with addictions on it have had their parents divorced. I think it is very important to have a stable environment when you are growing up. You are going through so many hormones that you need a stable environment.

13 6 th Article- Children with Divorced Parents have more Suicidal Thoughts Study shows children of divorce have more suicidal thoughts By SHARON LEM,TORONTO SUNSHARON LEM Last Updated: January 19, :55pm Adult children of divorced parents are more likely to have suicidal thoughts than children of parents who do not divorce, a study has found. The study found that adult sons of divorced parents had more than three times as many thoughts of committing suicide compared to other men whose parents had not divorced. And adult female daughters of divorced parents had almost twice the odds of suicidal ideas than their female peers whose parents had stayed together. “We don’t know exactly why that’s so, but in a portion of divorce cases, there would be limited access to a father and this may have a greater impact on the sons of divorced parents,” said lead author Dr. Esme Fuller-Thomson, a professor medicine at the University of Toronto. University of Guelph-Humber student Samantha Burnside 22, of Brampton, said her parents split up when she was eight years old, but she has never experienced any thoughts of suicide. “It was shock and I cried a lot back then, but I’ve learned to accept it and move on,” Burnside said. “I talk to my dad a couple of times a week and see him here and there. It’s just become normal.“I feel badly for other kids with divorced parents, but they just have to keep in mind that time heals everything,” she said. Fuller-Thomson cautions parents of divorce not to panic. “The majority of children of divorce (82.5%) are not suicidal, only 17.5% are known to be. The finding is just one risk factor we’re highlighting and trying to understand better,” Fuller-Thomson said. Researchers examined data from Statistics Canada among a sample of 6,647 adults, of whom 695 had experienced parental divorce before the age of 18. The study was published in the Psychiatry Research Journal.

14 Analysis of 6 th Article Summary: Sons of divorced parents have 3 times more suicidal thoughts. Reflection: After my parent’s divorce my brothers rebelled a lot. They were angry of how my parents divorced and hated the change. They were lost and mad. Instead of talking to someone they would take it out on the others around them, including fist fighting time to time. I didn’t fight because I would want to talk about my problems rather than get them all bottled up one day than explode. Boys tend to act ‘tough’ and not let anything harm them, but in reality- deep down it bothers them that such a big thing is happening in their life.

15 7 th Article- Is Divorce Nature or Nurture? Divorce: Nature or Nurture? digg reddit stumbleredditstumble "Both my grandmothers were married three times, my mother's been married three times, my father's been married four times, my stepfather's been married three times." If I'd known it then, I could have added my great grandparents to the list. But I didn't know that and I didn't know my sisters would be become part of that list. And, I didn't know how I too would inherit the family restlessness. But is it restlessness? Is it genetic? Nature? Nurture? Chemical? These are the questions that have shaped my life, my choices, even my work, for the central theme in my writing has always been---even my first schlocky Freshman short story---why can't we stay together? My first theories, developed in the 'tween years, were woven from bits of family lore. I thought then that we were "free spirits." And there was evidence to support that. My father bought a cattle ranch in Mexico in the early 60's and moved there with wife #3 and my sister even though he spoke no Spanish and barely knew his way around a cow. My mother had the gumption to move from Canada to California in 1950 with just her two year old daughter and a few hundred dollars. My grandmother lived alone in a pink stucco California bungalow where she made Picasso-like paintings and wove rugs and wall hangings out of everything imaginable including dog fur. "That's Samoyed," she'd told me with pride when I pointed to particularly soft strip running across her giant loom. I'd held onto the free spirit theory for years. It was a benign sort of explanation for all this divorcing, making something almost noble out of what would take me decades to realize was actually very painful. The switch came a few years after my father joined AA. He was the only person in my family to have claimed the word alcoholism for himself,but because I grew up with my mother, it seemed as if his disease were partitioned off from me and my side of the family. But, the seed of knowledge was planted. A few years later in therapy, I began to see that alcoholism was a river that ran through my family. And a few years later--it seems almost impossible that it would take that long to make this connection--I began to connect the divorce dot to the alcoholism dot. Ah, they went together. So, as long as I didn't drink or drink excessively or marry an alcoholic, I'd be safe, right? I could avoid the family curse. But then, many more years later, I too was getting a divorce. I'd swerved away from the alcoholism wreckage, but giving the family restlessness one name--alcoholism--had in some ways blinded me to the greater issue. One of the many things I liked about my former husband--and still like--is that he doesn't drink. In my lizard brain, not drinking meant peace on earth and goodwill to man. It hadn't occurred to me that we'd be undone by an addiction of another stripe. That poker playing could bring a family to its knees. It also hadn't occurred to me that despite therapy, despite trying, despite a certain type of hyper vigilance, I still couldn't see my part in my relationships. I still couldn't see how I accepted things that would cause most people to turn heel, that I felt most alive when I was needed-- desperately needed, how frightened I was of ordinary family life.

16 Analysis of 7 th Article Summary: Divorce and alcoholism ran through her family. She divorced but she isn’t an alcoholic. Reflection: I think it’s something through the mind that makes you do the things you do. If you think you won’t get divorced, divorce won’t happen. Nobody goes through a marriage thinking the marriage will end. Divorce happens if one or both people don’t put effort into the relationship anymore.

17 8 th Article- How to Make Your Child More Comfortable With Divorce One out of every two marriages today ends in divorce and many divorcing families include children. Parents who are getting a divorce are frequently worried about the effect the divorce will have on their children. During this difficult period, parents may be preoccupied with their own problems, but continue to be the most important people in their children's lives. While parents may be devastated or relieved by the divorce, children are invariably frightened and confused by the threat to their security. Some parents feel so hurt or overwhelmed by the divorce that they may turn to the child for comfort or direction. Divorce can be misinterpreted by children unless parents tell them what is happening, how they are involved and not involved, and what will happen to them. Children often believe they have caused the conflict between their parents. Many children assume the responsibility for bringing their parents back together, sometimes by sacrificing themselves. Vulnerability to both physical and mental illnesses can originate in the traumatic loss of one or both parents through divorce. With care and attention, however, a family's strengths can be mobilized during a divorce, and children can be helped to deal constructively with the resolution of parental conflict. Talking to children about a divorce is difficult. The following tips can help both the child and parents with the challenge and stress of these conversations: Do not keep it a secret or wait until the last minute. Tell your child together with your spouse. Keep things simple and straight-forward. Tell them the divorce is not their fault. Admit that this will be sad and upsetting for everyone. Reassure your child that you both still love them and will always be their parents. Do not discuss each other’s faults or problems with the child. Parents should be alert to signs of distress in their child or children. Young children may react to divorce by becoming more aggressive and uncooperative or by withdrawing. Older children may feel deep sadness and loss. Their schoolwork may suffer and behavior problems are common. As teenagers and adults, children of divorce can have trouble with their own relationships and experience problems with self-esteem. Children will do best if they know that their mother and father will still be their parents and remain involved with them even though the marriage is ending and the parents won't live together. Long custody disputes or pressure on a child to "choose" sides can be particularly harmful for the youngster and can add to the damage of the divorce. Research shows that children do best when parents can cooperate on behalf of the child.

18 Analysis of 8 th Article Summary: Divorce isn’t easy, don’t leave it a secret until last minute, both parents should tell child, tell them it’s not their fault, tell them you still love, tell them it might be sad. It’s for the better for the children. Reflection: When my parents divorced they sat down my brothers and I and told us they were getting a divorce. My parents fought all the time so it wasn’t a huge shocker. I was little so I didn’t really understand everything. My parents told me they would always love us and it wasn’t our fault. I look back on it now but if it happened any other way I would be more upset. My dad read many books on how to cope with divorce and how to help us children. I’m glad my dad did that and that helps me look up to my dad more. It makes me think of how strong he is, and that you can fight through anything. I still look back on life and think what my life would be like if my parent’s divorce did not happen. I also think if my parents divorce didn’t happen, I would not be the same person I am today. I know children that their parent’s divorce did not end well and it still effects the children’s actions today. If you think positive, positive things will happen in return. I know from experience if my parents never told us the way they did, coping with the divorce would be much worse. I am glad my parents are both happy now and life is good.

19 9 th Article # 1 United States: United States 4.95 per 1,000 people # 8 Canada: Canada 2.46 per 1,000 people # 34 Sri Lanka: Sri Lanka 0.15 per 1,000 people *Not all the countries were stated, it was too long to post so only the ones I thought were necessary were posted. Sri Lanka is the last country.

20 Analysis of 9 th Article Summary: The United States is the most rates of divorce. Reflection: I think United States has the most divorce rates in the world because they are the richest. Some couples probably think it’s not a big deal to get married a few times, it is just a bunch of money. Also, United States has one of the largest populations.

21 10 th Article- What Age Should My Child Be For My Spouse and I To Get A Divorce? Q: If my husband and I were to separate, is there an age that would be better for our child? I've heard that the younger they are the better... Is this true? Any tips on how to make it an easier transition? Children of all ages will experience some change if their parents separate; children feel it when the family dynamics shift. Parental separation and/or divorce is difficult and very sad for children, even the resilient ones. In most cases, the child will be impacted by the actual separation including missing the parent who moves out and the sense of loss of the family unit. However, children also may be impacted indirectly, such as by feeling the increased stress level in one or both of their parents, changes in living and child care arrangements, and the impact of changes in financial resources. At minimum, the routine will change and this will cause an impact on the child. Even infants have been shown to be affected by losses in their family. For the most part, the younger the child is, the easier it will be for them to adjust (yet, it is not to be assumed that just because the child doesn't have the verbal skills to communicate, that he or she is not feeling the loss). Older children will have more questions, be able to understand more of what is happening, and as a result, the impact on them will be greater. In addition, school-age children will have more to manage- school and social situations- in addition to family life. If parents are unable to work through their difficulties, and choose to separate, then there are several key principles to keep in mind (and these are just the basics; there is a lot more to say about handling this transition well- see book recommendations below): the more predictable and consistent the new routine, the better- children should know when they will see each parent, where, etc and everything should be written or drawn for them on a calendar; ideally, children should stay in the same house/residence as before- the parent who moves out should be allowed to visit them at the house- and 2-4 months should pass before they see the "new" residence of the parent who moves out; the process of separation should be gradual and there should still be family dinners, etc. (keep in mind that children will want more and more of these, so they should be planned in advance and not occurring spontaneously); children should not witness fighting or violence, and parents should not blame each other or say negative comments about each other to the children; children should not be introduced to their parent's new partners (if one exists) until 8-12 months after the separation; and, children should be given ample space to process and grieve this loss- they need to understand and work through their feelings.

22 Analysis of 10 th Article Summary: Children should not be introduced to their parent's new partners (if one exists) until 8-12 months after the separation should not blame each other or say negative comments about each other to the children, says younger the kid is the better. They don’t understand as well as older, not as many questions. Reflection: Divorce more effects children if there are other factors involved, ex. cheating, abuse, child support, etc. This effects the children’s behaviour such as- adultery on children, bitterness, anger, loss of self worth, thinks parent is selfish, if wanted a way out should’ve gotten one. The child won’t want to get married. From my parents divorcing when I was at a young age, it was easier on me than my brothers. My brothers were older and understood more of what was happening which caused them to rebel. For me I like to talk things out and wanted to get things sorted out with my parents. My mom cheated on my dad with my step dad. I certainly did not like my step dad because I thought he was trying to take my real dad’s place. I hated the way my step dad treated my mom. Children who have been exposed to a parent cheating will definitely have trust issues when they grow up. They may feel that their boyfriend/ girlfriend or spouse will be unfaithful to them. Both of my parents do not get along but nor do they talk bad about each other behind their backs. I appreciate that a lot. When my parents argue, it makes me upset. Altogether, my situation could be a lot worse.

23 Conclusion: Children would rather be from a broken home than be in a broken home. Some divorces might not affect children as much as others depending on age, gender, etc. Each person is different so things affect them differently. If you believe some children aren’t affected by their parent’s divorce, you could be right but it still doesn’t stop the children from thinking about it. Maybe the divorce of their parents was the best thing for the children’s life!

24 What Have I learnt From Researching? Divorce will only come if you want it to. It’s all in the mind. Boys are more immune to have suicidal thoughts during divorce than girls. Men are more likely to get remarried than women. After divorce, either parent shouldn’t introduce the new boyfriend or girlfriend at least eight months after the separation.

25 Sources m - found article Monday February 14 th, – June 2 nd, m –May better-our-child - March 18th, better-our-child - found February 10th - January 25th, January 19th, daughters/?partner=rss&emc=rss – January 25 th, daughters/?partner=rss&emc=rss - January 12th, – October 20 th, 2008


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