Presentation on theme: "The Hidden TRUTH….. About the KEEBLER ELVES The truth is out there……………………………………."— Presentation transcript:
The Hidden TRUTH….. About the KEEBLER ELVES The truth is out there…………………………………….
The Keebler Elves are GAY!!! And I don’t mean ‘happy’... I mean so gay even their website wallpaper speaks with a lisp. “Elfin Magic” (insert visual of little dragqueen elves here)
Now you are probably thinking… What the hell… you must be crazy. Where do you people get this crap?… But it is all true… The evidence is overwhelming
Take a moment to think about this… When was the only time you ever saw a woman in an elf commercial… I’m sure you will remember this one. A woman comes up to the elves because she has a special “fudgey” craving that she just can’t satisfy. The elves take her to their magical “fudge shoppe” and show her how they fudge pack their cookies for “chocolate” lovers like her.
E. L. Fudge Cookies… Everyone Loves Fudge? (well apparently all the elves do!!) And why is it that on most of the cookie boxes the little dot after the L is usually a heart that is somewhat pink and looks like a triangle? Coincidence?….. I think not!!!
Since we are on the Fudge Shoppe topic… lets just review a few of their old commercials and products… the Fudge Sticks speak for themselves. Maybe you will remember this commercial. The little elves are all sitting around a chocolate chip cookie on a scale. The head elf keeps telling the younger elf to pack in those fudgey chocolate chips, over and over until the scale points to “fudgerific” and the Keebler elves can say “Our chocolate chip cookies have the most fudge packed into them”
Another Elf comes up and shows off his cookie that is packed with coconut… A third one arrives with a cookie crammed full of walnuts A forth uses a ‘baseball’ bat to get his peanut butter cups into the cookie And then they all sit around eating each others special packed cookies talking about “fudge, nuts, peanut butter, sometimes too many cooks is a good thing” Another Commercial: All the elves are standing around packing random things into cookies.. The first elf is standing with a fudge chunk packed chocolate chip cookie
Remember the commercial for this cookie? Two little boys are sitting in school and one looks at the other and they start talking about being bored. The elves while watching (can someone say voyeur?) pull a (phallic shaped) lever and a magical rainbow races out and flies down to where the two little boys are and they eat the ‘rainbow’ cookies.
Speaking of Phallic and Rainbows… what is the deal whit these??? Tell me this isn’t wrong. Little cookie sticks that are thick at the base and get slimmer towards the top covered in magical rainbow sprinkles. I hear they come in chocolate too if you like that sort of thing.
Like Most Keebler Elves, these ‘Snax Stix come in three different colors and flavors. Oooh these are super buttery. Tell me this isn’t a copy cat of the original seven men who lived together and gave each other ‘pet names’. Just another gay pride salute like all you Judy Garland fans...
Look!! Look at me!! See how big I can open my mouth when I eat nuts… Yeah sometimes we glaze these cookies. That’s what the hole is for…. Don’t ask about the Hand made butter
Now we are playing with your jungle friends? That’s..just… not right... Do I really need to say ANYTHING about this????
A few little interesting facts. These cookies are packed in the box doggie style. I loved the Christmas ones where the elf was holding the snowman and it looked like he was ‘giving it to him’ with that sick little smile on his face. Note, if you turn the cookies over. The elf jacket is parted and you can see two distinct ass cheeks. They manage to get the elves to look like they are nailing something in every single cookie. From Spring to regular. These come in three flavors. Chocolate fudge, Fudge, and Vanilla. Where have I heard those terms before...
When you get down, repeat the refrain, "I'm tall enough, I'm cute enough and, gosh darn it, some people DO believe in elves." Taste the batter. Free yourself from the prison of precision: use measurements like "tons," "huge," "big," and "really big" and you will succeed as an elf. Surf the web with cookies handy. Munch through long downloads. Use more fudge-- it always makes a sticky problem stickier. (And this is good.) Life is like a bowl of dough. Knead hard. Don't worry that people don't believe in elves. You know you are real. Remember, "I bake, therefore I am." Well. I went to their website. I think the best proof was in the elf profiles. Here are the seven Habits of Highly Effective Elves.
Occupation: Head Baker and Spokes-Elf Age: (Elves stop counting after 150) Height: Size isn't everything Weight: 4.5 ounces Marital Status: Um...It's hard to get women to notice me. Pet Peeve: People who don't believe in elves Main Qualities: Generosity, dedication, modesty (Stop! You're embarrassing me.) Voted: Most likely to be shorter than the class president Bibliography: The Importance of Being Ernie: The Seven Habits of a Highly Effective Elf.The Importance of Being Ernie This is …self explanatory.