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F IRST I MPRESSIONS : W HAT Y OU D ON ’ T K NOW A BOUT H OW O THERS S EE Y OU Based on by: Ann Demarais, Ph.D., Valerie White, Ph.D.

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Presentation on theme: "F IRST I MPRESSIONS : W HAT Y OU D ON ’ T K NOW A BOUT H OW O THERS S EE Y OU Based on by: Ann Demarais, Ph.D., Valerie White, Ph.D."— Presentation transcript:

1 F IRST I MPRESSIONS : W HAT Y OU D ON ’ T K NOW A BOUT H OW O THERS S EE Y OU Based on by: Ann Demarais, Ph.D., Valerie White, Ph.D.

2 W HAT IS A F IRST I MPRESSION A first impression is our first and sometimes only opportunity to provide someone with a sense of who we are – a sense that will most often be a lasting one What makes a good first impression? - A good first impression is the one that reflects the real you. - If you are presenting the best of yourself, the self you want to share, then you are making the impression that is right for you.

3 P URPOSE OF THIS SESSION To ensure that the first impression we are giving is the one that we want. To do this: Some actors to demonstrate no-nos OPEN MIND First Impressions Self-Assessment Booklet Test your “First Impressions” Style

4 S EVEN F UNDAMENTALS OF F IRST I MPRESSIONS Accessibility Showing Interest Subject Matter Self Disclosure Conversational Dynamics Perspective Sex Appeal

5 A CCESSIBILITY Openness is the first part of a first impression Smiling Making eye-contact Orienting yourself toward others Making the introduction Passive vs. Active Tone Not setting a positive tone is in essence setting a negative tone Primacy Effect

6 A CCESSIBILITY Recognize your Positive Accessibility Behaviours Recognize Common Miscommunications you may be exhibiting Any interesting revelations?

7 S HOWING INTEREST Interest is a gift you can give someone Process: directing your physical energy Looking Leaning Non-verbally responding Style: intensity of your curiosity How you compliment and show appreciation ACTORS – Faux Segue ACTORS – That Reminds Me of Me

8 S HOWING INTEREST Tips Cocktail Party Effect Avoid the Faux Segue Ask open ended questions Listen actively Avoid “That Reminds Me of Me” Deliver compliments in ways that further conversation

9 S UBJECT MATTER The Usual Order Level 1: The Field- Where we are Helps others feel relaxed around you Level 2: The Facts – What’s Happening Safe, little risk of offending anyone Level 3: The Fun-Stuff – Ideas and Opinions Here you will decide if you like one another Topics Add topics and variety Give conversational partner opportunity to change the subject

10 S UBJECT MATTER Talking At (Duh-duh-duh for EWB) Teller and audience Style 1: Lecture Circuit Data dump WARNING: Always a positive experience for the lecturer Style 2: Storytelling ACTORS - Storytelling Style 3: Sermonizing Delivered with the intention of convincing Instead try and leave an interaction having learnt something from a different perspective Style 4: Telling Jokes Alienating if others have to assume the role of audience

11 S ELF DISCLOSURE Be prepared to answer basic questions – imaginations are unforgiving Share to connect Sends the message “I trust you,” “I value your opinion” ACTORS – Disclosure Agendas Passions are Positive, Blunders are Sexy Avoid topics that put conversational partner in nurturing role Complaints – NO ONE CARES

12 C ONVERSATIONAL DYNAMICS Energy and ability to synchronize outweigh what you say Energy How much How fast How loud Synchronize Take turns Yield the floor Mutually satisfying rhythm ACTORS – I’m-really-interested-in-you-now-let- me-talk ACTORS - Speed

13 C ONVERSATIONAL DYNAMICS Tips When you mimic the movements of your partner it makes the interaction smoother Women have a more negative view of interrupters regardless of the sex of the interrupter

14 PERSPECTIVE How you see yourself and the world we live in Situations out of your control People judge you by the way you react to situations out of your control ACTORS – Situations out of your control ACTORS – Being combative One Up Position One Down Position Parity Position

15 PERSPECTIVE Your Outlook You have the power to bring out the positive or the negative in someone, without the person even knowing it When you convey a negative outlook you rob others the opportunity to enjoy the situation ACTORS – Pollyanna Perils Trait Transfer

16 S EX APPEAL About showing appreciation for others, having confidence in your body and presenting a relaxed style of sexual expression The way you feel about yourself impacts how others feel about themselves in your presence

17 LESSONS FOR EWB Demonstrating openness with body language Finding commonalities with conversational partner Avoid talking at by: Allowing partner to change topic Sharing your feelings “I was apprehensive asking for donations too” “I was skeptical at first until… Set a positive tone Follow ‘usual order’

18 T WEAKING YOUR FIRST IMPRESSION Awareness Review your tables Identify best and worst assets Reflect on secret sensitivities Garner feedback from trusted source Changing DISCOMFORT IS PART OF THE PROCESS Psych yourself up Choose 1 behaviour Focus on reactions not behaviour Let go of “first nature” Start Now Make a goal Reassess with tables Garner feedback

19 “Personal development means learning different ways of being based on informed choices, not just reactions to situations”

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