Presentation on theme: " Why is this necessary? Statistics Your duty as a parent Sex Education vs. Sexual Abuse Prevention Education Prepare yourself What to know."— Presentation transcript:
Why is this necessary? Statistics Your duty as a parent Sex Education vs. Sexual Abuse Prevention Education Prepare yourself What to know
What to Teach › Boundaries › Body parts › Safe touch vs. unsafe touch › Grooming behavior › No secrets › Stranger danger K-5, middle school, high school Resources Q & A
Teaching children to protect themselves is part of the mandate of the Charter for Protection of Children & Young People adopted by the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops. June 2002.
1 in 5 girls & 1 in 10 boys will be sexually victimized before adulthood 86 % of sexual assaults perpetrated against children go unreported In Texas, 1 in 5 women & 1 in 20 men are sexually assaulted-the vast majority before their 18th birthday
1 in 7 youth online (10 to 17-years-old) received a sexual solicitation or approach over the Internet 4% received an aggressive sexual solicitation - a solicitor who asked to meet them somewhere; called them on the telephone; or sent them offline mail, money, or gifts
34% had an unwanted exposure to sexual material -- pictures of naked people or people having sex 27% of the youth who encountered unwanted sexual material told a parent or guardian 42% told a parent or guardian IF the encounter was defined as distressing - episodes that made them feel very or extremely upset or afraid
It is the right of parents to educate, especially in the areas of: › morals › values › sexuality Parents have the right to opt out of the mandatory teachings Parents then “have the DUTY to give children adequate formation, appropriate to each child or young person’s state of development.”
Sex Education › Teaching children how to live as adults in a loving, chaste, sexual relationship with their marriage partner Sexual Abuse Prevention Education › Teaching children about Touching Safety › Empowering children to resist the advances of child molesters & the lure of manipulative, controlling people who would exploit children for their own sexual gratification.
Know that children, in general, are comfortable learning about Touching Safety Parents often exhibit more discomfort! Be prepared!
Choose a setting where your child’s attention is focused on YOU! Select a time where there are no interruptions or distractions Allow enough time to answer completely all your child’s questions
Keep the rules simple & easy to understand › KISS--Keep It Simple Silly!!!! Take advantage of ‘teachable moments’. › Ex: When a child asks a question that provides the opportunity to discuss Touching Safety Give specific examples when describing safe touches vs. unsafe touches › When Daddy hugs you goodnight vs. when one child hits another
Be careful to avoid training children to fear others › Children & adults must know the difference between having a healthy suspicion vs. being afraid of everyone Teach respect › A child who respects his or her own body & demands respect from others is more likely to be in control of his or her physical well-being than peers who lack an understanding of respect
Children must be able to identify & resist any touch that can harm them-sexual or non-sexual Children must respect their own health & safety & the health & safety of others
Children MUST know: The anatomically correct names for their private body parts The difference between safe & unsafe touches What to do if a child, adolescent, or adult touches them in an unsafe manner That they cannot keep secrets about unsafe touches
Rules: discussing with your child the importance of rules for behavior around others Respect: explaining why the rules are necessary - your child has a right to feel safe, but so does everyone else Responsibility: the hard part - teaching your child to follow these rules through reminders and encouragement Reading: encouraging your child's awareness of their social environment
Limits that define one person as separate from another or from others Promote & preserve personal integrity Give each person a clear sense of ‘self’ & a framework for how to function in relation to others Bring order to our lives & empower each of us to determine how others will interact with us
Personal boundaries are formed during our early years As we react to the attention we get from parents & other influential adults Parents say & do things that model appropriateness of boundaries in relationships
Have some flexibility & some defined limits Move appropriately in response to situations- out for strangers, in for intimates Distinct enough to keep values & priorities clear Open enough to communicate priorities to the right people, yet closed enough to withstand assault
Children are naturally curious! Children who are not provided adequate answers from their parents or guardians, are MORE VULNERABLE to abuse Head, shoulders, knees, & toes, eyes, ears, & mouth & nose! Include it in a game!
The names a doctor would use to describe body parts Private body parts are ‘private’ for a reason Private body parts are ‘off limits’ to almost everyone Nobody has the right to touch or see a child’s private body parts except for keeping the child clean & healthy.
Teaching children about their private body parts, IS teaching them that it’s okay to ask questions about their body Children who know they can ask their parents ANYTHING, are more likely to speak up if someone is inappropriate towards them
Teaching children the proper names for their body parts is giving your child the ability to accurately communicate A child MUST communicate to parents, medical personnel, or even police if the child is ever harmed
Explain safe touch with a child’s own experiences: › Mom or Dad kisses you goodnight › Dad hugs you after he comes home from work › The ‘high five’ you gave Tommy when he made a basket at the ball game › Shaking hands with someone › A pat on the back Why are these touches safe? › Have a good purpose › Not intended to hurt › Are familiar & safe
Any touch that is meant to hurt or scare someone › Hitting › Kicking › Punching › Tripping › Spitting › Touching private body parts (any place that a bathing suit covers)
Not all safe touches feel good › Ex: Doctor giving a shot Not all unsafe touches hurt › Ex: Being shown affection by someone you don’t know well TEACH CHILDREN TO TRUST THEIR OWN INSTINCTS & TO SPEAK UP WHEN SOMETHING MAKES THEM UNCOMFORTABLE
A child molester grooms a child using techniques: 1. Choose the most vulnerable child 2. Engage the child in peer-like activities (playing with the children, playing games, etc.) 3. Desensitization of the child to touching 4. Isolating the child 5. Making the child feel responsible & thus less likely to disclose the abuse
It’s important to choose your words wisely. Don’t ask children to keep secrets Use the word ‘surprise’ instead of secret in regards to Christmas presents, birthday plans, etc There are NO secrets when it comes to personal & physical safety
Stranger Danger is important for children to understand but it doesn’t stop there It’s not enough to just know what to do if a stranger approaches Most children are harmed by people they know, trust, & care about
How to send a clear message that unwanted behavior will not be tolerated It’s okay and they are encouraged to yell NO!!!!! They will NOT be in trouble for saying NO!!! Even if it’s uncle… It is NOT safe to keep secrets about unsafe touches…even if the person apologizes or said it was an accident
3-5 Year Olds- › Teach children how to say NO!!!!! to someone who makes sexual advances or requests that causes a child to feel uncomfortable. Give your child direct answers to questions about sex 5-8 Year Olds- › Talk about safety away from home, scary experiences, & the difference between safe & unsafe touch
8-12 year olds- › Teach & focus on personal safety issues 13-18 year olds- › Discuss personal safety issues › Rape › Date rape › HIV & STD’s › Unintended Pregnancy
Counseling Institute of Irving › Dr. Craig Spillman, PhD-Parishioner Coppell Counseling Center › Dr. Theresa Vo, PhD-Parishioner Texas Woman’s University Counseling Center University of North Texas Counseling Center www.ChildHelp.org www.ChildWelfare.gov www.PreventChildAbuse.org www.ParentsAnonymous.org Department of Family & Protective Services www.dfps.state.tx.us
D. Finkelhor. (1994).“Current Information on the Scope and Nature of Child Sexual Abuse.” The Future of Children: Sexual Abuse of Children, 4, pg 37. D. Finkelhor. (2002). Protecting God’s Children: A Time to Protect God’s Children. The National Catholic Risk Retention Group, Inc. D. Finkelhor, K. J. Mitchell, & J. Wolak. (2006). Online Victimization of Youth: Five Years Later. Alexandria, Virginia: National Center for Missing & Exploited Children, pgs 7-8, 33. The United States' Stop It Now! Foundation
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