Presentation on theme: "1 Brinkman, R. and Kirschner, R. (2004) Dealing With People You Can’t Stand New York, McGraw-Hill Task Focus People Focus PassiveAggressive Intent: Get."— Presentation transcript:
1 Brinkman, R. and Kirschner, R. (2004) Dealing With People You Can’t Stand New York, McGraw-Hill Task Focus People Focus PassiveAggressive Intent: Get it Right Intent: Get it Done Intent: Get Along Intent: Get Attention
2 Brinkman, R. and Kirschner, R. (2004) Dealing With People You Can’t Stand New York, McGraw-Hill Task Focus People Focus PassiveAggressive Intent: Get it Right Intent: Get it Done Intent: Get Along Intent: Get Appreciated Perfectionist Controlling Attention Getting Approval Seeking When intent is not being met, people will become more… More AssertiveLess Assertive Normal Zone
3 Some Propositions We have practiced and learned patterns of behaviour Every behaviour has a purpose or intent We choose behaviours (like we choose clothes to wear) to further our intent.
4 Some Options Do nothing Walk away Change your attitude to them Change your behaviour
5 Skilful Communication Blending - to reduce differences Listen to understand and find things in common Show you understand Play back, clarify, summarise and confirm. Redirect - to build rapport Listen to identify positive and real intent Identify criteria that is valued State your positive intent Appreciate criticism.
6 Some Approaches Behavioural TypesCharacteristicsApproaches Whiner Unfair world Nothing ever right Helpless/Overwhelmed Form problem solving alliance Listen and interrupt Get specific Shift focus to solutions Show the future Draw the line No Negative No solutions/way out Can be mild mannered Move to problem solving Go with flow Use person as resource Leave the door open Acknowledge good intent Nothing Says little No feedback No reaction Get them to talk Plan enough time Open questions Lighten up Show the future
7 Some Approaches Behavioural TypesCharacteristicsApproaches Tank Confrontational Pointed and angry Pushy and aggressive Command respect Hold your ground Interrupt the attack Play back main points Aim for bottom line Peace with honour Sniper Rude Sarcastic Scoffing Bring out of hiding Stop, look, play back Use questioning Look for grievances Suggest ‘civil’ future Know-it-All Dislikes correction Black is white Blames others Open their minds Be prepared Respectful play back Present views indirectly Turn them into a mentor
8 Some Approaches Behavioural TypesCharacteristicsApproaches Grenade Unfocused ranting Calm between raving Take control of situation Get their attention Aim for the heart Reduce intensity Try prevention Maybe Indecisive Procrastination Decision makes itself Help them learn to think decisively Establish comfort zone Clarify options/conflicts Focus on decision making Reassure and follow-up Strengthen relationship Yes Avoid confrontation Please people Over commit Get commitments to count on Make it safe to be honest Help plan and prioritise Ensure commitment Strengthen relationship