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Dealing with Difficult People (Working interdependently through conflict)

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1 Dealing with Difficult People (Working interdependently through conflict)

2 Think back to the most difficult person you ever had to deal with. Get a mental picture of them. Did they look like this! Think back to the most difficult person you ever had to deal with. Get a mental picture of them. Did they look like this!

3 How about this?

4 No? Well how about this?

5 Difficult People The truth is, the difficult people we all have to “deal” or work with look just like us. The truth is, the difficult people we all have to “deal” or work with look just like us. Have you ever been a difficult person? Have you ever been a difficult person? No coffee!!! No coffee!!! This can make me a very difficult person to deal with. This can make me a very difficult person to deal with.

6 Difficult People Trading Cards: Once the music starts you will move around the room trading cards. When it stops find someone with a card that is a different color than yours. While the music is playing ponder the most difficult person you ever had to deal with.

7 Dealing with difficult people. Okay, take a moment and answer these questions in response to the difficult person you had to deal with. Okay, take a moment and answer these questions in response to the difficult person you had to deal with. Was it professional or personal? Was it professional or personal? How did you feel? How did you feel? How do you think they felt? How do you think they felt?

8 Dealing with Difficult People How did the situation turn out? (Was it a win/win, win/lose, lose/win, or lose/lose?) How did the situation turn out? (Was it a win/win, win/lose, lose/win, or lose/lose?) What did you learn from the situation? What did you learn from the situation? What, if anything, would you (did you) do differently after that encounter? What, if anything, would you (did you) do differently after that encounter?

9 Situations A planned meeting. A planned meeting. A spontaneous meeting. A spontaneous meeting. An ambush! An ambush!

10 People we encounter. Students Students Parents Parents Relatives Relatives Sales People Sales People Peers Peers Administrators (Not any of ours of course!) Administrators (Not any of ours of course!)

11 Communicative Intelligence It is very important and helpful to get to know those we work with. Knowing what motivates them, what their needs are, and what their goals are can be very beneficial in helping work with difficult people. It is very important and helpful to get to know those we work with. Knowing what motivates them, what their needs are, and what their goals are can be very beneficial in helping work with difficult people.

12 Characteristics/Variables of Difficult People Personality Personality : the collection of emotional and behavioral traits that characterize a person. : the collection of emotional and behavioral traits that characterize a person.

13 Kahler’s Six Personality Types (From Kahler, T. (1982). Personality pattern inventory validation studies. Little Rock, AR: Kahler Communications, Inc., and Kahler, T. (1996) Personality Pattern Inventory. Reactor Reactor Workaholic Workaholic Persister Persister Dreamer Dreamer Rebel Rebel Promoter Promoter

14 Personality Types TypeCharacter Strengths Perception Reactorcompassionate, sensitive, warmEmotions Workaholicresponsible, logical, organizedThoughts Persister conscientious, dedicated, observant Opinions Dreamerreflective, imaginative, calmInaction Rebelcreative, spontaneous, playfulReactions Promoter resourcesful, adaptable, charmingActions

15 Motivational Needs of Personality Types Type Needs Recognition Reactorof person/sensory stimulation Workaholicfor ability to think clearly, work time structure Persisterfor work, convictions, and commitment Dreamer(solitude) Rebel(playful contact) Promoter(incidence, excitement)

16 Placemat Consensus Okay, everyone get into groups of four (each color should be represented). Okay, everyone get into groups of four (each color should be represented). In working with difficult people, what are positive absolutes (necessary to effectively work with difficult people)? In working with difficult people, what are positive absolutes (necessary to effectively work with difficult people)?

17 Placemat Consensus Okay, now brainstorm negative absolutes (what things cannot be present because they hinder collaboration and successful resolution of conflict)? Okay, now brainstorm negative absolutes (what things cannot be present because they hinder collaboration and successful resolution of conflict)?

18 The LAST Principle: LISTEN Listen: to pay attention in order to hear. Listen: to pay attention in order to hear. Hear: to gain knowledge of by hearing, to heed, to learn, to attend to. Hear: to gain knowledge of by hearing, to heed, to learn, to attend to. It is very difficult to really listen when thinking about your next verbal flurry (Real men learn to listen.) It is very difficult to really listen when thinking about your next verbal flurry (Real men learn to listen.)

19 APOLOGIZE Apoligize: to express regret. Apoligize: to express regret. Empathize: to experience as one’s own the feelings of another. Empathize: to experience as one’s own the feelings of another. (Empathy defuses very volatile situations, but doesn’t necessarily mean concession.) (Empathy defuses very volatile situations, but doesn’t necessarily mean concession.)

20 SOLVE Solve: to find an answer for or solution to. Solve: to find an answer for or solution to. It doesn’t mean they are always going to like it! It doesn’t mean they are always going to like it!

21 THANK Thank: to express gratitude; conscious of benefit received. Thank: to express gratitude; conscious of benefit received. Must be genuine. Don’t patronize! You can get better at this with practice. Must be genuine. Don’t patronize! You can get better at this with practice.

22 Enough is Enough You don’t have to put up with abuse in any situation. If the person you are dealing with is vulgar, threatening, loud, in need of deodorant or belligerent, calmly let them know that the meeting is over and thank them for coming. You don’t have to put up with abuse in any situation. If the person you are dealing with is vulgar, threatening, loud, in need of deodorant or belligerent, calmly let them know that the meeting is over and thank them for coming. Okay, just kidding about the deodorant, but how many of you can relate? Okay, just kidding about the deodorant, but how many of you can relate?

23 Practice The next time you encounter a difficult person try to remember the LAST principle and implement it. The next time you encounter a difficult person try to remember the LAST principle and implement it. Reflect on your interaction and learn and grow from it. Reflect on your interaction and learn and grow from it. Remember forgiveness sets you free. Remember forgiveness sets you free.

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