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The Bully and Hero in Every Child

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Presentation on theme: "The Bully and Hero in Every Child"— Presentation transcript:

1 The Bully and Hero in Every Child
Barbara Micucci – Caley Elementary Jessica Rosenfeld – Candlebrook Elementary

2 Agenda Bullying Basics The Bully Triangle The Power of the Bystander
What Parents Can Do What Schools Are Doing Action Planning Review of definition, some statistics, types of bullying. Action planning – let parents know that this is a good opportunity to make a plan for the next time their child comes home talk about these issues. “You have brains in your head and feet in your shoes. You can point yourself in any direction you choose.” - Dr. Seuss

3 Bullying Basics What is bullying?
Negative actions carried out by physical contact, words, making faces, gestures, rumors, intentional exclusion (Dan Olweus, 1997) When a more powerful person hurts or frightens a less powerful person deliberately and repeatedly Lack of empathy

4 Is it RUDE? Is it MEAN? Is it BULLYING?
Bullying is: Deliberate, intentionally hurtful Repeated, person is targeted again and again Imbalance of Power, vulnerabilities are detected Be informed to help your child choose NOT to put the bully hat on!

5 The Behavioral Continuum
Teasing………….Taunting Sharing Stories………….Malicious Gossip Normal Exclusions………….Malicious Exclusion Supportive Friendships………….Alliance Building Reporting………….Tattling Genuine Remorse………….Insincere Apologies

6 Types of Bullying Physical Aggression
Hitting, poking, kicking, beating up Verbal Aggression (verbal and non-verbal) Yelling, teasing, name calling Relational Aggression Silent treatment, exclusive clubs, starting rumors, using personal information to humiliate someone Cyberbullying Use of computers, cell phones and other electronic devices to deliberately and repeatedly harm others Show American Girl Video (scenes 2 – 5)

7 Monkey Business Illusion

8 Bullying Statistics 9 out of 10 elementary students have been bullied by their peers (Stanford University School of Medicine and Lucile Packard Children’s Hospital, 2007) One in 4 students reported being excluded or emotionally hurt by another student on a regular basis. One in 10 students reported being physically victimized on a regular basis. (Youth Voice Project, 2010) Most cyerbullying occurs between the ages of 9 to 14 (Dr. Parry Aftab,

9 Cyberbullying Statistics
One out of 5 youth has cyberbullied others online (Cyberbullying Research Center, Spring 2010) Less than 10% of targets of cyberbullying told a parent and less than 5% told a teacher (Patchin and Hinduja, 2006) Electronic bullying tends to peak in middle school years (Williams and Guerra, 2007) Girls experience and participate in cyberbullying more frequently than traditional bullying (Patchin and Hinduja, 2009)

10 The Bully Triangle The Person Bullying The Person Being Bullied

11 Bullying Behaviors What should I look for?
Physical Aggression Verbal Aggression Relational Aggression Cyberbullying Poking Teasing Ignoring, Excluding Excluding someone from an online group Pushing, Hitting, Kicking Name-calling, Yelling, Insulting Spreading rumors, Telling lies Sending hurtful, embarrassing or threatening images Beating Up Threatening to harm Getting others to hurt someone Spreading rumors, Posting false or private information

12 Everyone in the triangle is affected
Aggressors are at risk: Loneliness, depression, distress Disruptive behaviors Peer rejection Negative view of self and others Low attachment to school and parents Jealousy and conflicts

13 Warning signs of bullying
Unexplained damage or loss of clothing and other personal items Evidence of physical abuse such as bruises or scratches Loss or change of friends Reluctance to participate in activities with peers Loss of interest in favorite activities Problems with eating, sleeping or bed wetting Decline in school achievement Thoughts of suicide

14 Everyone in the triangle is affected
Targets are at risk: Headaches, stomachaches, other somatic symptoms Unusually sad, moody, anxious, lonely or depressed Low self esteem School avoidance

15 The Bystander 80% of bullying occurs with an audience.
Hurtful Bystander Instigate, Encourage, Join In, Passively Accept Passively standing by provides an audience and an implied acceptance of the behavior Helpful Bystander Directly intervene Gets help (from peers or adults) Support the person being bullied

16 The Power of the Helpful Bystander
When bystanders intervene within 10 seconds, it stops the bullying 50% of the time (Hawkins, 2001) A target with one close friend can buffer the effects of bullying (Hodges, 1999) Bystanders can be empowered to notice the behavior and support the target!

17 Everyone in the triangle is affected
Bystanders are at risk School phobia Headaches, stomachaches Anxiety Feelings of helplessness and powerlessness Poor coping and problem solving skills

18 Excerpts seen here from An American Girl: Chrissa Stands Strong
Examples of bullying can be found in many places online and in movies Excerpts seen here from An American Girl: Chrissa Stands Strong

19 Bullying Scenarios Identify what role the child in the scenario is playing. What type of bullying is occurring? How would you handle this situation?

20 Be a supportive parent Your child is using bullying behavior…
Teach and encourage empathy – the more compassion your child feels, the less likely he or she might be to use bullying behaviors with another student Teach your child to self reflect: Is it TRUE? Is it KIND? Is it NECESSARY? Monitor activities and be aware of peer interactions Model positive behavior Intervene immediately Encourage reconciliation, expect restitution

21 Be a supportive parent Your child is being bullied… Be a good listener
Support your child Let your child know that they are not at fault Teach problem-solving skills Role play situations and practice assertiveness skills Be a positive role model for your child Bullying is not a normal part of childhood, be sure to reinforce this concept with your child. Discuss pothole responses and resurfaced responses.

22 Be a supportive parent Your child is a bystander…
Review the ways your child can help Role play – teach specific skills and PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE! Support your child and encourage your child when they help others Remind your child that “just being there” and showing support to a friend is a good way to be an active bystander Model positive behavior

23 Ways parents can take action
If you see bullying or cyberbullying happening: Intervene immediately Avoid lecturing the person bullying in front of an audience Don’t impose immediate consequences Monitor all technology devices and activity Make your child aware – don’t put something in writing that you wouldn’t say directly to someone Discuss internet safety Report dangerous online behavior Think twice before forwarding hurtful s or visiting sites that promote cyberbullying. Think before allowing others to take videos or pictures (be aware of the content.)

24 What should you tell children about bullying?
Bullying is not acceptable and will not be tolerated If a bully bothers you, it’s okay to stand up for yourself, walk away, or ask a friend or adult for help. Responding to bullying by fighting back doesn’t usually work – and may make matters worse. It is important to report bullying when you see and hear about it. Bullying does not have to happen. Be a helpful bystander – silence when others are being bullied is not acceptable.

25 What should you tell your child about cyberbullying?
Teach your kids to “Take 5” when cyberbullying Drop the mouse Step away from the computer Calm down Teach the consequences of their actions Think about how much bullying hurts “In the end we will not remember the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.” - Martin Luther King Jr. Cyberbullying is different than normal bullying. Goes beyond face to face, can be known or unknown…anyone can bully anyone else online. Its more difficult to prevent, get rid of, can spread quickly and leave a permanent online trail. When someone write something the possibility of being retraumatized by words increases.

26 What is in your child’s toolbox?
Different situations require different tools STOP! Why? Why? Why? So, Whatever, Huh, Who Cares (Neutral Tones) Change the subject Use Humor Turn an insult into a compliment Agree Report the bullying to an adult

27 6 Toolbox Strategies to be a Bully Buster Bystander
B – Befriend the victim U – Use a Distraction S – Speak Out and Stand Up! T – Tell or Text For Help E – Exit ALONE OR With Others R – Give a Reason or Remedy

28 What are we doing? Guidance Lessons Individual Counseling
Small Group Counseling Role Play Bibliotherapy Administrative Action School District Policy

29 Now what? Take a moment to create a plan.
What are you going to say to your child? How can you help if you child is currently being bullied?

30 Resources, Eyes on Bullying Toolkit
Dr. Michele Borba The Bully and Hero in Every Child, Parents Magazine, September , p Bullying in the Girls World: A School-Wide Approach to Girl Bullying, Diane Senn Dr. Russell Sabella

31 Contact Us! If you would like to speak with either Mrs. Micucci or Ms. Rosenfeld further, please contact us at: Barbara Micucci, Caley Elementary School Jessica Rosenfeld, Candlebrook Elementary School **If you would like a copy of this powerpoint, please visit our websites. Websites can be accessed through

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