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Ratiocination of College Application Essay Do this on your rough draft.

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Presentation on theme: "Ratiocination of College Application Essay Do this on your rough draft."— Presentation transcript:

1 Ratiocination of College Application Essay Do this on your rough draft

2 1. With a pen, put a box around the first word of every sentence. See how many times the same word is used to start a sentence. …I felt something on my arm and brushed it off. I was only half awake, but I noticed something scurry across my bed in the corner of my eye. A cockroach! Instantly, I was more awake than a murderer at his own trial. I flicked on the light, threw on my glasses, grabbed a shoe, and crushed the little black demon…

3 What was the purpose of all the sentence combining we’ve done using adverbials and participles? To create more variety! Let’s say your paper had this sentence: We went from house to house, and we played trick or treat. For more variety, you could rewrite it so the sentence now says: Playing trick or treat, we went from house to house.

4 2. Find two sentences with a first word that you use too often and make them begin with another phrase (add, take away, or combine as necessary).* …I felt something on my arm and brushed it off. I was only half awake, but I noticed something scurry across my bed in the corner of my eye. A cockroach! Instantly, I was more awake than a murderer at his own trial. I flicked on the light, threw on my glasses, grabbed a shoe, and crushed the little black demon… While in the throes of sleep, Even though

5 2. Find two sentences with a first word that you use too often and make them begin with another phrase (add, take away, or combine as necessary).* …I felt something on my arm and brushed it off. I was only half awake, but I noticed something scurry across my bed While in the throes of sleep, Even though *BE CAREFUL: Don’t just slap on some extra words without making sure it is grammatically correct—creating a fragment would only make it worse. Example: I flicked on the light, threw on my glasses, grabbed a shoe, and crushed the little black demon. All that did was create a fragment. Although

6 3. With a pen, underline every other sentence. 4. Label every sentence for its length: S (small), M (medium), L (long) 5. Add, take away, or combine, so you don’t have too many sentences of the same length close together.* …In the throes of sleep, I felt something on my arm and brushed it off. Half awake, I noticed something scurry across my bed in the corner of my eye. A cockroach! Instantly, I was more awake than a murderer at his own trial. After flicking on the light, I threw on my glasses, grabbed a shoe, and crushed the little black demon… M M S M M

7 3. With a pen, underline every other sentence. 4. Label every sentence for its length: S (small), M (medium), L (long) 5. Add, take away, or combine, so you don’t have too many sentences of the same length close together.* …In the throes of sleep, I felt something on my arm and brushed it off. Half awake, I noticed something scurry across my bed in the corner of my eye. A cockroach! Instantly, I was more awake than M M S M *BE CAREFUL: Don’t just change words without making sure it is grammatically correct. Example: I climbed the hill. A rock hit me on the head. X All that did was make it look like a rock climbed over a hill. Climbing over the hill, a

8 In spots where there are too many small or medium sentences close together, add more detail to lengthen one. …In the throes of sleep, I felt something on my arm and brushed it off. Half awake, I noticed something scurry across my bed in the corner of my eye. A cockroach! Instantly, I was more awake than a murderer at his own trial. After flicking on the light, I threw on my glasses, grabbed a shoe, and crushed the little black demon… M M S M M in a flash of instinctive hatred.

9 In spots where you have too many long sentences close together, break them up into two sentences. …No, wait! I couldn’t have crushed it because the foam padding between the mattress and sheet did not provide the hard surface I needed, and the bottom of Rachel’s leather shoe was not completely flat so the cockroach was probably safe within the traction--trapped, but safe… S L

10 In spots where you have too many long sentences close together, break them up into two sentences. …No, wait! I couldn’t have crushed it because the foam padding between the mattress and sheet did not provide the hard surface I needed. and the bottom of Rachel’s leather shoe was not completely flat so the cockroach was probably safe within the traction--trapped, but safe… S L Furthermore,

11 In spots where you have too many small sentences close together, combine them into one. …How could I kill it? I pressed my hand harder into the shoe. I looked at the red numbers on the end table and saw that it was almost midnight. I put my free hand in the other shoe. I was ready to pounce. I thought the pest might still be alive when I unveiled it… S S M S S S

12 In spots where you have too many small sentences close together, combine them into one. …How could I kill it? I pressed my hand harder into the shoe. I looked at the red numbers on the end table and saw that it was almost midnight. I put my free hand in the other shoe, I was ready to pounce. I thought the pest might still be alive when I unveiled it… S S M S S S lived if

13 Cont. Ratiocination of College Application Essay Do this on your rough draft

14 for and nor but or yet so Remember Comma Rule #1? Use a comma and a FANBOYS (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so) between two sentences or INDEPENDENT CLAUSES. I (SENTENCE) I (SENTENCE),

15 6. With a pen, put a triangle around every FANBOY (for, and, nor, but, or, yet, so). 7. Make sure there is a complete thought on each side of the FANBOYS (unless the AND is part of a list, like below). …In the throes of sleep, I felt something on my arm and brushed it off. Half awake, I noticed something scurry across my bed in the corner of my eye. A cockroach! Instantly, I was more awake than a murderer at his own trial. After flicking on the light, I threw on my glasses, grabbed a shoe, and crushed the little black demon…

16 8. Add a comma before the FANBOYS only if there is a complete thought on each side of the FANBOYS. …No, wait! I couldn’t have crushed it because the foam padding between the mattress and sheet did not provide the hard surface I needed. Also, the bottom of Rachel’s leather shoe was not completely flat so the cockroach was probably safe within the traction--trapped, but safe…

17 8. Add a comma before the FANBOYS only if there is a complete thought on each side of the FANBOYS. …No, wait! I couldn’t have crushed it because the foam padding between the mattress and sheet did not provide the hard surface I needed. Also, the bottom of Rachel’s leather shoe was not completely flat so the cockroach was probably safe within the traction--trapped, but safe…,

18 9. Check for run-ons/comma splices. 10. If there is a run-on/comma splice, fix it by adding a FANBOYS or a period. …Quickly lifting my first weapon off the enemy, I saw him scurry closer toward me, so I came down on him again with my other weapon. He was under the shoe again. It seemed, though, that he was crawling up my spine, all bugs gave me the willies!

19 comma splice 9. Check for run-ons/comma splices. 10. If there is a run-on/comma splice, fix it by adding a FANBOYS or a period.

20 …Quickly lifting my first weapon off the enemy, I saw him scurry closer toward me, so I came down on him again with my other weapon. He was under the shoe again. It seemed, though, that he was crawling up my spine, all bugs gave me the willies! and 9. Check for run-ons/comma splices. 10. If there is a run-on/comma splice, fix it by adding a FANBOYS or a period.

21 …Quickly lifting my first weapon off the enemy, I saw him scurry closer toward me, so I came down on him again with my other weapon. He was under the shoe again. It seemed, though, that he was crawling up my spine. All bugs gave me the willies! 9. Check for run-ons/comma splices. 10. If there is a run-on/comma splice, fix it by adding a FANBOYS or a period.

22 Finish Ratiocination of College Application Essay Do this on your rough draft

23 …No, wait! I couldn’t have crushed it because the foam padding between the mattress and sheet did not provide the hard surface I needed. Furthermore, the bottom of Rachel’s leather shoe was not completely flat, so the cockroach was probably safe within the traction--trapped, but safe… 11. Circle all BE verbs (am, is, are, was, were, be, being, been). This includes contractions: I’m (I am), it’s (it is), she’s, he’s, we’re, they’re, aren’t, isn’t, wasn’t.

24 …No, wait! I couldn’t have crushed it because the foam padding between the mattress and sheet did not provide the hard surface I needed. Furthermore, the bottom of Rachel’s leather shoe was not completely flat, so the cockroach was probably safe within the traction--trapped, but safe… sat 12. Get rid of 1/2 of them by rewording sentences to create stronger verbs.

25 …I put my free hand in the other shoe. I was ready to pounce. I thought the pest might still be alive when I unveiled it. I lifted my first weapon off the enemy. I saw him scurry closer toward me, so I came down on him again with my other weapon. He was under the shoe again. It seemed, though, that he was crawling up my spine. All bugs gave me the willies! Get rid of 1/2 of them by rewording sentences to create stronger verbs.

26 …I put my free hand in the other shoe, I was ready to pounce. I thought the pest might still be alive when I unveiled it. I lifted my first weapon off the enemy. I saw him scurry closer toward me, so I came down on him again with my other weapon. He was under the shoe again. It seemed, though, that he was crawling up my spine. All bugs gave me the willies! Get rid of 1/2 of them by rewording sentences to create stronger verbs.

27 …I put my free hand in the other shoe, I was ready to pounce. I thought the pest might still be alive when I unveiled it. I lifted my first weapon off the enemy. I saw him scurry closer toward me, so I came down on him again with my other weapon. He was under The shoe again. It seemed, though, that he was crawling up my spine. All bugs gave me the willies!... trapped him 12. Get rid of 1/2 of them by rewording sentences to create stronger verbs.

28 down on him again with my other weapon. He was under The shoe again. It seemed, though, that he was crawling up my spine. All bugs gave me the willies!... trapped him 12. Get rid of 1/2 of them by rewording sentences to create stronger verbs. BE CAREFUL: Don’t just change a BE verb into a contraction, like He’s under the shoe again. He’s is still passive because it means “He is.” Besides, that would also change the tense from past (was) to present (is), which creates another problem.


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