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Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education The Power of Parents Diana Browning Wright Diagnostic Center, Southern California Presented by:

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1 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education The Power of Parents Diana Browning Wright Diagnostic Center, Southern California Presented by:

2 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Diagnostic Centers California Department of Education n Diagnostic Center, South n 4339 State University Drive n Los Angeles, CA (323)

3 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Who am I?

4 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education

5 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education And who are you?

6 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Agenda for this Evening n Review reinforcement and punishment principles- --How to get your child to do what you want using positive techniques n Informal conversation on topics of your choice

7 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Parents Are Powerful Why? n We are the most significant socializing agents in our child’s early environment n We teach how to “behave” and “misbehave” n Our appropriate responses teach n Our inappropriate responses teach as well! But not what we had in mind!

8 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Grounding Principle n NO technique will work if we don’t genuinely loveour child AND our child absolutely believes that we do. n Parents must show they love their child or no techiques will work!

9 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education The Rogers Boys CarlFred and “I like you just the way you are!” “Unconditional positive regard”

10 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Are you a dog person? Some of our children are like eager puppies

11 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Or are you a cat person? Some of our children are like cats!

12 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Children who behave like cats in school and at family gatherings….

13 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Your current teen with attitude…

14 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education was once….. And still needs your loving support

15 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Let’s go over some simple facts about behavior. We don’t need a complicated instruction manual

16 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Behavior n Is Learned… He didn’t inherit it from another family member

17 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Behavior n When it is reinforced… It tends to occur more often n Physical touch, praise, privileges, attention from desired persons, self- satisfaction

18 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Behavior n When it is ignored… It tends to occur less often if no reinforcement is received—if nothing is received or removed by this behavior n But beware of all sources of reinforcement!

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20 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Store Behavior Example n If you give Billy undivided attention for screaming in the store, or worse yet, a toy…he will scream regularly in stores n If you give Billy no reinforcement, it will occur less often

21 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Behavior n Is regulated by its consequences… n It will occur frequently if a person gets something desired, or gets rid of something undesired after the behavior is used

22 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Using Positives with Our Children n Be sincere. Watch your: Body Tone of voice Eye contact Not this!

23 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Children Learn What We Demonstrate Not this!

24 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Using Positives with Our Children n Be specific Describe exactly the behavior you liked This is Carl and Fred!

25 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Using Positives with Our Children n Get excited! Don’t save all your emotion for when you are mad about a behavior This is Carl and Fred!

26 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Using Positives with Our Children n Praise abundantly There is no maximum if you are sincere! This is Carl and Fred!

27 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Praise That Impacts Behavior n Touch your child if s/he likes it n Get eye contact on child level, not looking down n Use your relaxed voice n Smile, lean forward n State what you like in short, specific, clear language appropriate to the child’s age E.g. “Good listening!”; “It feels good to be listened to”; “Thanks for Listening” Praise as soon after the behavior as you can

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31 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Praise That Flops n Non-specific n Too superficial n Too flip, no eye contact n Not linked to what was done “You are all so great” “Good boy” “Great work” “You are terrific” Carl and Fred Know Better!

32 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Using Positives with Our Children n Once is not enough New behaviors especially take time Don’t get discouraged! n Remember the power of the unexpected powerful reinforcer Intermittent reinforcement creates lasting change This is Carl and Fred!

33 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education My Mother’s Strategy n An example of the power of “Intermittent Reinforcement” This is Carl and Fred!

34 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Advanced Strategy n Step by Step, Inch by Inch Don’t wait for the whole behavior Break it down! F Mike, good looking at me F Now put on your shirt. F You picked it up. Good listening! F Now over your head. Both arms in the holes F It’s over your shoulders. Good! F Now pull down. Great! You have it on! This is Carl and Fred!

35 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Mixed Messages n Praise, but take it away with your tone of voice, a negative word thrown in, going on too long, adding expectations, discounting an achievement or dragging the past or the future into the praise This isn’t Carl and Fred!

36 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Poor Parenting n “Expects good behavior” n Doesn’t provide praise and celebrate n Waits until they’re misbehaving and punishes harshly n At other times, ignores the same behavior that was harshly punished before This isn’t Carl and Fred!

37 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Mixed Messages n Praise, but take it away with your tone of voice, a negative word thrown in, going on too long, adding expectations, discounting an achievement or dragging the past or the future into the praise This isn’t Carl and Fred!

38 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Drag into the Past n Good work! You are FINALLY done! This isn’t Carl and Fred!

39 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Discount and Drag into the Past n “I KNEW you could do it if you applied yourself! This isn’t Carl and Fred!

40 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Too Long n I’m so proud of you. Daddy loves it when you use the potty on your own. Daddy is soooo happy. Thank you for going and listening to Mommy and Daddy and obeying Daddy…… This isn’t Carl and Fred!

41 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Dragging into the future and adding another expectation n I am pleased you passed your test today at school. Do you think you can do better tomorrow and get all your work done too? This isn’t Carl and Fred!

42 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Adding Expectations n You made your bed nicely, but look at the floor and in your closet! This isn’t Carl and Fred!

43 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Discounting and Reminding of the Past n Thank you for doing the dishes. Now that wasn’t so bad was it? They weren’t that hard to do! This isn’t Carl and Fred!

44 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Summary n Genuine Praise is a Powerful Tool n Praise correctly used is the best way to teach our children what we want them to know and do This is the message of Carl and Fred!

45 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Problems in Using Punishment n Punishment tends to be more connected to the emotions of adults than to the behavior of children n If we punish when we are mad, the child sees the frightening display and focuses on the adult, not on his/her behavior

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47 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Problems in Using Punishment n Punishment may be teaching a child to rely on external controls of behavior rather than on one’s own value system n Punishment ALWAYS has two side effects: FLIGHT and FIGHT Punishment strains relationships

48 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Problems in Using Punishment n Punishment often doesn’t provide enough information about desirable alternatives

49 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Problems in Using Punishment n Punishment tends to be more connected to the emotions of adults than to the behavior of children n If we punish when we are mad, the child sees the frightening display and focuses on the adult, not on his/her behavior

50 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Problems in Using Punishment n Punishment often generates aggressive reactions Beware the “kick the dog” phenomena; the punished inflicts punishment on younger, weaker available targets

51 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Problems in Using Punishment n A spiral of acting out can occur The fight response n Punishment tends to result in the child hiding the full range of behavior from the parent The flight response

52 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education What Limit Setting is Effective? n Support the alternative behaviors you want n Correct, redirect and plan with your child Example: Bedtime visiting dialogues n Collaborate on Logical Consequences Make sure the child is sure of the rationale for your decision Explain the logical consequence of rule breaking “Does this make sense to you?” “Do you know why consequences need to apply?”

53 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Small Infractions Strategy n Deliver a “Corrective Sandwich” using 4 steps n Use a relaxed voice tone, eye contact, leaning forward, not looking down on the child Tell what you have liked recently F “You are listening nicely, Peter. And we just had a great dinner together” Tell the inappropriate and the appropriate F “But just now you screamed ‘Noooo!” when I told you it was bed time.” When I say, bedtime you need to say, “Ok, Mom. But may I finish this last thing?” Ask for practice F Use “dangling sentences” to plan what to do Praise Success

54 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Key Concept: This behavior has worked in the past, or it is currently working to either: 1)get something the student desires or 2)avoid or protest something the student wishes to remove. Problem Behaviors: A Modern Viewpoint Functional Behavioral Assessment tries to determine which is occurring as a result of what

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61 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Examples of functions of behavior: Billy Billy throws his homework on the floor because it is hard work for him. When he does this, his face shows anger and frustration. His actions are a protest.

62 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Examples of functions of behavior: Dolores Dolores has problems at school. She giggles and disrupts peers around her because she enjoys the attention and reactions she gets and her face shows pleasure and excitement. Her actions are to get social attention, even when that attention from peers is one of displeasure and disapproval.

63 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Examples of functions of behavior: Bruce Bruce uses swear words not related to what is going on around him. His face shows pleasure and excitement and he uses these words as a method of starting a conversation, e.g., his parents and peers immediately tell him not to use these words and start conversing with him about the use of appropriate language. His actions are to get social interactions started.

64 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education  Positive Behavioral Support Principle: Behavior is related to the context/ environment in which it occurs. Key Concept: Something is either present in the environment, or NOT present in the environment which increases the like- lihood the problem behavior will occur.

65 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Examples of context/environment impact on problem behavior: Billy Billy has NOT YET received support to complete difficult work. He throws math or reading worksheets that appear long and hard to him on the floor.

66 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Examples of context/environment impact on problem behavior: Dolores Dolores has NOT YET received direct instruction on how to appropriately make and keep friends. Her peers reinforce her behavior inadvertently by their strong responses. Her peers have neither learned how to reinforce her for appropriate behavior, nor learned how to change their loud expressions of disapproval in response to Dolores’ behavior.

67 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Examples of context/environment impact on problem behavior: Bruce Bruce has NOT YET received instruction on how to initiate social conversation without the use of his attention-getting swear words. His peers have not learned how to direct Bruce to use the alternative method of attention-seeking rather than giving him attention by correcting him for his attention-seeking behaviors. They will be important in shaping a new behavior.

68 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education  Positive Behavioral Support Principle: There are two strands to a complete behavior plan. Key Concept: Changing behavior requires addressing both the environmental features (removing the need for use of problem behavior to get needs met) AND developing a replacement behavior (teaching a functionally-equivalent behavior that student can use to get that same need met in an acceptable way).

69 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Examples of two strand, complete approaches: Strand One: Billy’s team decided, and his teacher agreed, that she will alter his homework so that hard work will not appear overwhelming to him (Thus, removing his need to protest). Strand Two: Billy also be taught an acceptable protest for work that appears difficult, such as calling a parent over to help, asking for assistance in breaking up the task, asking for a break, etc. (Thus, Billy will have new functionally- equivalent alternative behavior he can use).

70 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Examples of two strand, complete approaches: Dolores Dolores’ team, decided she will receive instruction on how to make and keep friends. Her peers will receive instruction in how to calmly redirect her to use appropriate interactions to achieve their brief expressions of approval (remove need to get social attention in maladaptive ways). Dolores will learn brief interactions during work periods that result in social approval from her peers, yet do not disrupt others (get social attention with functionally- equivalent alternative behavior).

71 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Examples of two strand, complete approaches: Bruce Bruce’s teachers will provide collaborative learning opportunities that allow Bruce to be in sustained social interactions with his peers (removes need to use swear words to start a social interaction). Bruce will be taught specific social interaction initiation techniques and his peers will be taught how to prompt him to use these techniques (functionally equivalent ways of starting a social dialogue).

72 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education  Positive Behavioral Support Principle: New behavior must get a pay-off as big or bigger than the problem behavior. Key Concept: To achieve maintenance of a new behavior, it must be reinforced. Reinforcement is actions we take, privileges or tangibles we give, that the student really wants to get, and therefore he/she does the behavior again and again to get that reinforcement.

73 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Four Considerations for Reinforcement n Power Will getting this very infrequently still work? n Frequency How often is necessary? n Variety Will satiation/boredom happen? n Immediacy Will s/he grasp that the behavior earned the reinforcer? e.g. It wasn’t random

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77 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Use Grandma’s Rule when you can! First work, then play First the hard thing, then what you like Activities can be used as reinforcers! You do what I want you to do, before you get to do what you want to do Be calm, matter of fact, sympathetic but unyielding

78 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Find out what the student typically seeks in the environment. Ask the child what s/he likes, observe him/her during free time. Does she like computer games? Adults to praise her work? Opportunities to shoot hoops with Dad? Make access to the reinforcer you discover contingent on performing the desired behavior. Parental real praise is often the most desired of all reinforcers and nothing else is required.

79 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Examples of Reinforcement of Replacement Behavior: Billy Billy’s parents will praise his use of the new form of protest behavior i.e., calling them over to tell the teacher the work looks hard. (Efficacy evidence: Billy’s behavior shows he is really pleased by any positive attention from adults.)

80 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Examples of Reinforcement of Replacement Behavior: Dolores Dolores’ circle of friends will meet daily for 5 minutes at recess to praise Dolores for her quiet, quick checking in with them during a work period that does not disrupt work. Dolores and her friends will all receive points toward lunch with the teacher for their teamwork and support of each other. (Efficacy evidence: Dolores and her friends chose this reinforcer at the beginning of the intervention, telling the teacher how much they wanted the opportunity to be in the “lunch crew” they had observed other students earning).

81 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Examples of Reinforcement of Replacement Behavior: Bruce Bruce’s friends will award him “friendly talking” points and a “high five” gestural acknowledgement each time he tries to start a conversation using the language scripts he has been taught. The teacher will allow Bruce to choose from a menu of tangible and activity reinforcers for every 10 points earned. (Efficacy evidence: Bruce loves the high fives from adults and peers and says he wants to earn the variety of reinforcers on the list).

82 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education  Positive Behavioral Support Principle: Decide how to handle problem behavior if it occurs again. Key Concept: There are four stages: 1)Beginning stage: Prompting the alternative replacement behavior;

83 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Key Concept: The behavior plan must specify reactive strategies across four stages: 2) Mid-behavior stage: The problem behavior is fully present and now requires us to handle the behavior safely through an individualized, careful deescalating of the behavior. This might include specific techniques, calming words, presenting of choices, distraction, and redirection. Each technique will be unique to your child. What has worked in the past is important to think about.

84 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Key Concept: 3) Problem-solving/Debriefing stage: Debriefing with your child to review what happened, practice the alternative behavior again, and plan what to do next. 4) Required consequences stage: Clearly taken logical consequences, if needed at all, occur at the fourth stage, when everyone is calm.

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86 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Example of reactive strategies: Billy Billy’s parents have considered four stages of reactive strategies as follows: Howard Knoff, Stop & Think Social Skills Program, 1.Beginning Behavior Stage: Use gestures Billy has been taught that are cues to Billy to use the alternative protest, i.e., call parent over to protest hard work. Parents have been taught the same “Stop and Think” gestural system used at Billy’s school.

87 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Example of reactive strategies: Billy 2.Mid-behavior Stage: Parents increase proximity to Billy, point to the work on the floor, get on eye level, use calm voice requiring work to be replaced on desk, wait patiently for compliance and praise Billy for switching strategies. If Billy is too agitated to work, invite him to take a “Time Away” in a specified area. Praise his return when he is ready to work.

88 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Example of reactive strategies: Billy 3.Debriefing Stage: Billy’s parents discuss why he chose the old form of protest rather than his new alternative. They discuss what cues they can give to help Billy switch behaviors next time.

89 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Example of reactive strategies: 4.Consequences Stage: If the behavior escalates to loud swearing, Billy will be sent to his room to cool off. When he is calm, his parents and Billy discuss his inappropriate behavior and plan what to do next. The amount of minutes lost in this process will be calculated and Billy will do extra chores for those lost minutes (work the parent might otherwise have been able to do). This logical consequence will appear “fair” when fully explained to Billy. Loss of privileges such as a movie with parents, staying up late on Friday night will very rarely be used to avoid side effects of punishment.

90 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Who is my child? n Current developmental stage n Skill mastery levels n Personality, temperament, and other unique characteristics n Parents must continue to respond to the unique being that is their child Carl and Fred knew this!

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92 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education n Some children make social errors without even realizing it n They need our instruction and support and full acceptance of their apologies

93 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Some children show their distress openly, while others take it all in and suffer in silence. Both types need our tenderness and protection from too much exposure to adult worries and concerns.

94 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Some students become so absorbed in tasks. They need us to get their full attention before we take actions or give directions. Fictitious picture

95 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Some of our children are joyous and moody in rapid succession. They have short attention spans and slower developing skills in developing forethought and planning. They make many social mistakes and need our calm teaching and debriefing. Fictitious picture

96 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Some of our children process language very slowly and need us to slow down, check for understanding and be brief. Fictitious picture

97 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Young adults need Carl and Fred from us just as much as when they were small, but may have trouble letting us know that for a few years. They need us to remember their love, and continue to give ours liberally as they become adults on their own. Fictitious picture

98 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Some of our children have moderate to severe mental retardation and require us to think very carefully about long range goals for education and quality of live now and in the future. They also need us to celebrate small successes and love them without reservation.

99 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Some of our children crave peer approval at high rates, fooling us into thinking our approval is less valued. Not so! Ask any psychotherapist working with adults! Fictitious picture

100 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Some of our children need our help in getting them engaged in peer activities and developing leisure interests in addition to our loving support. They need high rates of approval and messages to enhance their sense of self worth.

101 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Some of our children have learning disabilities and deeply need our validation that they are smart and can achieve great things. They need high rates of praise, information about what they are good at, and support to achieve high academic standards. Fictitious picture

102 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Some of our children struggle to fit in with peers and develop a positive image of themselves as their sexuality becomes of primary interest. They need to know they are loved and accepted for who they are and can count on our support unconditionally. Fictitious picture

103 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Some of our children speak softly and are overly concerned with our fatigue and busy- ness. They are too cautious in telling us what is on their minds. We need to gently seek them out to stay connected. Fictitious picture

104 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Some of our children have Autism or Asperger’s Syndrome, requiring us to read their behavior very carefully to determine their happiness, distress or sensory overload. They need us to celebrate who they are, provide the structure they need to thrive, and not overfocus on our fears for their future.

105 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Some of our children have difficulty with anger They need our support, our own management of our own angry responses, and time to cool down

106 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Some of our children need help resisting the pull of troubled youth, and drugs It is never too late to show you deeply care and will take action to protect their future

107 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Your Thoughts?

108 Diagnostic Centers California Department Of Education Last Statement: Let’s treasure our children for their uniqueness, and celebrate the privilege of being their parent Thank you for being here. Drive home safely.


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