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Relationships and IBD Debbie Pullen Liaison Mental Health Nurse Liaison Psychiatry.

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Presentation on theme: "Relationships and IBD Debbie Pullen Liaison Mental Health Nurse Liaison Psychiatry."— Presentation transcript:

1 Relationships and IBD Debbie Pullen Liaison Mental Health Nurse Liaison Psychiatry

2 What is a relationship? Family, partners, children etc Social – friends, community groups, leisure etc Work

3 Other People’s Attitudes to IBD What difficulties have you experienced in your relationships with others?

4 What are the challenges? Chronic disease with symptoms that impact on lifestyle eg pain, fatigue, toilet issues, diet etc Taboo subject

5 Challenge The challenge is to improve and maintain healthy relationships alongside living with IBD

6 Reflective Group Activities

7 Examples of Roles Family / Relationship Mother Friend Partner Son Carer Work / Task Related Teacher Manager Driver CookGardener Banker Interests / Passions Traveller Writer Runner Bookworm Socialite Internet lover Lover Personal Qualities Listener Learner Organiser Dreamer Carer Follower

8 Styles of Communication Direct Aggression Indirect Aggression Assertive Passive

9 Direct Aggression ‘What you could do with…’ ‘How dare you!’ ‘do as I say’ ‘If I were you, I’d do it this way’ ‘I always win’ ‘I don’t give a **** about you’ Traits:Bossy Arrogant Intolerant Opinionated Over-bearing Result: Get what you want but at what price?

10 Indirect Aggression ‘Don’t worry about me, I will manage…SOB’ ‘I’ll be ill if you behave like that’ ‘I’m never angry’ ‘Can’t you take a joke’ ‘I’m surprised that you’ve managed that’ ‘Martyrdom's my way of life’ ‘You make me feel…’ Traits:Manipulative Sarcastic Deceiving Insinuating Ambiguous Guilt inducing Result: Get your own way but people back away…

11 Passivity ‘I’m so sorry’ ‘Nothing goes right for me’ ‘You decide for me’ ‘Whatever you want is OK by me’ ‘I’m waiting for my life to get better’ ‘I don’t matter’ Traits:Waiting Martyrdom Apologetic Indecisive Moaning Submissive Result: No responsibility for self, therefore no guilt feel resentful when others take responsibility

12 Assertiveness ‘I’m not perfect’ ‘I feel…’ ‘I’ll take a risk’ ‘I’m OK – you’re OK’ Traits:Open Direct Honest Positive Accepting Spontaneous Responsibility Result: I like to be responsible for me and if I make mistakes, I will accept them - Balance - Not demeaning - Self respect - Control

13 Assertiveness YOUR Feelings Needs Rights Opinions OTHERS Feelings Needs Rights Opinions

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15 Communicating effectively Choosing important topics Choosing the right time Accepting it will take time Agreeing a language Saying no Repetition Scripting

16 Strategies 1) I understand… However… Therefore… 2) Broken Record Technique 3) Scripting Tool

17 Broken Record Technique Example: Jo – ‘Jane can you take me to the supermarket in the car because it is raining?’ Jane – ‘I am unable to take you right now Jo” Jo – ‘But it’s raining and I need to do a big shop. You know I would do the same for you. Jane – ‘I am unable to take you right now Jo. Jo – ‘It will only take 20 minutes’ Jane – ‘I know it wouldn’t take that long but I am unable to take you right now. You can borrow my umbrella if you like’ Jo – ‘Okay then, I’ll catch the bus’

18 Scripting Tool E ven F ish N eed C onfidence Even fish need confidence E vent F eelings N eeds C onsequences

19 The ‘Toolkit’ of Assertion Body language Setting the scene Disclose feelings Being clear Staying with it Empathising Working for a compromise

20 Where to access help? If you feel you are in need of help for any aspect of your mental health you can access counselling and therapy services through your GP. Just visit them and ask to be referred If you feel you are not coping with IBD at all and would like help – liaison psychiatry can be accessed through your local IBD nurse

21 Samaritans Carers Leeds Relate (relationship counselling)


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