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Peer Pressure Fallout Presenter: Brian Burkhalter Director of Care Ministries Counseling Pastor Lake City Community Church.

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Presentation on theme: "Peer Pressure Fallout Presenter: Brian Burkhalter Director of Care Ministries Counseling Pastor Lake City Community Church."— Presentation transcript:

1 Peer Pressure Fallout Presenter: Brian Burkhalter Director of Care Ministries Counseling Pastor Lake City Community Church

2 What we will cover: Understanding peer pressure Associated behaviors - emphasis on bullying Human brain development Understanding self esteem / confidence Parental roles and responsibilities The importance of relationships Tools to add to your “tool box” When to seek help

3 Drinking from a “fire hose” 60 minutes to teach About three hours of material 10-15 minutes at the end for QUESTIONS Break Outs Resources available to you

4 Teenagers Have you ever wondered what planet they come from ?

5 Peer Pressure Definition “Social pressure by one’s peer group, to take a certain action, adopt a certain value, or otherwise conform” - or - “Social influence exerted on individual members, as each member attempts to conform to the expectations of the group”

6 Associative Behaviors Taking risks Bullying / cyber-bullying Sexual activity Specific dress (especially girls) Self injury Substance abuse Acting out / alone or in a group

7 The Human Brain God’s Greatest Creation There are more neurological connections and potential connections in one human brain, than there are stars in the universe. The human brain is in a constant state of: Development Adopting Re-wiring Repair

8 The Pre-Adolescent Brain 1.The world is black and white 2.Has trouble with abstract or theory 3.Believe they see life clearly 4.Tremendous sense of “fairness” 5.Quickly changing interests

9 The Adolescent Brain The FRONTAL LOBE begins to grow again, causing: 1.Abstract thinking 2.Creates confusion in them 3.Provides for poor short term memory 4.Increased risk taking / poor judgment 5.Begins to develop = who am I ? 6.Messages delivered = “stick” (especially from parents) 7.Increased reliance on peer acceptance


11 The Fully Developed Brain Current research suggests NOT UNTIL 28-30 years of age Unless substance abuse involved which limits things like EMOTIONAL GROWTH Full Integration of the characteristics of: 1.Emotions / feelings 2.Their past 3.Logic

12 People Hurting People One of the first recorded instances Present all our lives (not just teenagers) WHY ? 1.To exert or gain power / influence / get their way 2.To make them feel better about themselves 3.The belief that it raises status or societal position 4.Simply repeating learned behavior 5.Conflict over possessions or people

13 Bullying “ A behavior that hurts another either physically or emotionally” Current “hot” topic Multiple and diverse definitions 4 categories :  Emotional  Verbal  Physical  Cyber

14 Cyber-Bullying All forms of technology Opportunity to be anonymous Involves larger numbers of people Increased sense of power and influence Less effort / perceived less consequence Many believe: As technology advances, we become less mature emotionally and relationally

15 Self Worth “Self judgment of a persons ability to face life’s challenges, to understand and solve problems, their right to achieve happiness and gain respect” A SIGNIFICANT KEY TO: 1.Behavior 2.Ability to be resilient 3.Ability to learn 4.Ability to have healthy relationships 5.Ability to survive and heal 6.Ability to believe and dream

16 God’s Thought on Self Esteem In HIS creation of us, God gave us a fundamental question that resonates deep within us, and is directly connected to our self esteem… MEN: Do I measure up ? WOMEN: Am I loveable ?

17 Parental Influence Begins very early; lasts much of our lifetimes Our messages “stick” more intensely during adolescence……good or bad

18 Suggestions 1.Develop a sense of safety and trust for communication 2.Don’t tease or put them down constantly 3.Teach / try not to be critical 4.Tell them what they do “right” more than what they do “wrong” 5.Empathize 6.Don’t live vicariously through them 7.Remember the LONG term goal = healthy adults 8.Be the parent: Kids thrive on boundaries

19 More tools! 1.Self assessment: What are we modeling ? 2.Invest in learning: a.How did God design boys vs. girls? b.How does the human brain work and develop? c.What are some of the “best practices” to produce healthy adults? 3.Fight against the cultural/societal messages like: a.It’s all about ME b.Just be “friends” with your kid c.Divorce is so common now, it really doesn’t affect kids 4.Be honest about how you were raised; seek to do better 5.What does God say about raising kids ?

20 The Victim of Bullying Accept and empathize with their level of pain Don’t minimize or understate the issue Encourage the expressions of hurt through talking or writing, or both Affirm their worth Expand their perspective Empower them; help create a plan LISTEN TO THEM Affirm how loved they are “Coming to the rescue” may not be the best option (boys)

21 Your Child, the Bully BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF about your child Seek input from others about your child Recognize your “blind spots” or “guilt” influence What is being modeled at home? Attempt to discover the “why?” Support the school or authorities if involved Help create accountability and responsibility Evaluate current boundaries / create new Keep the issue current, stayed connected And……DISCIPLINE


23 Your Child, Cyber-Bully In addition to ‘bullying’ suggestions, Consider a “NO ACCESS – NO USE” policy It is NOT an invasion of privacy to know all passwords, pass codes, pin numbers, and other access information to any piece of technology your child uses. Consider granting yourself the permission, and “seeing for yourself” : a.What are they posting on FB b.What are they texting c.What are they emailing d.What are they tweeting e.What web sites are they visiting f.What about the use of site restrictive software

24 Other Behaviors Sexual inappropriateness Dress (especially girls) Self Injury Substance Abuse Acting out / alone or in a group

25 God’s Design HE created us to be relational with HIM and others using our hearts, not our brains. If we are relational, then we must have a sense of priority in our lives, and periodically evaluate that list. Key relational self-assessment questions: 1.Where does your child (ren) fit in your priority of life list? 2.How much time do you devote to that/those relationship(s)? 3.Are you parenting from a position of “guilt” (i.e.. divorce)? 4.Are you trying to be their “friend” instead of their parent? 5.How much do you listen? 6.How many times do you model reaching out for help?

26 When to Seek Help Getting past societal / cultural messages Pay attention to your gut / intuition / Holy Spirit What does God say about doing “life” together Great opportunity to “model” for your kids Recommended Books The Relationship Principles of Jesus Tom Holladay Sticks and Stones Emily Bazelon

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