Presentation on theme: "Describe this person. What is your impression of this person? What kind of a person do you think he/she is? What do you think are his characteristics?"— Presentation transcript:
4 Little informationJudged the qualities of the person Impression developed quickly, almost immediately
5 Made inferences based on physical features, expression Possible bias?Why do we behave in such a manner? Particularly in social settings. We take a glance at someone and make an immediate judgment. Are we accurate?Even of ourselves … We judge ourselves based on our social interactions with each other… We make inferences of ourselves based on how people react to us.Such topics, and much more, are part of what social psychologists study
6 Chapter 16 SOCIAL PSYCHOLOGY Why be interested in social psych? The theories and findings they generate are important and applicable to our lives.Simply put We all live in a Social world ... Much of our behaviors are social behaviors : ..They are Inputs to and products of social interaction ... Eye contact is a social behavior ... Facing me ..smiling ... Listening ... Hopefully listening... Social behaviors ... We are interacting now ... This lil classroom is part of the social worldSOCIAL PSYCHOLOGY
7 Social PsychologyThe discipline that seeks to understand and explain how the thoughts, feelings and behavior of individuals are influenced by the actual, imagined, or implied presence of others (Allport, 1985)How would you think, feel, behave if instead of a full classroom we were only 2 people in the room. Just you and me. Would it be the same as when the classroom is full? Would it be the same if the class was here present but while i was lecturing i looked directly at you ... Just at you! For the next hour and a half ....///Soc psych a broad subject Chapter in the book written by Prof Intal ... And she chose a limited number of topics ... For the reader to gain a general appreciation of soc psych ... Focused on theories that are applicable to us ... In social settings whether that be a Work, friendships, walking around the mall,///... Again, Much of human behavior is soc behavior And At the center of any social behavior/interaction is … an individual ... A self
8 The Social Self Self Self-Concept: Selfhood always in a social contextSelf is vital for interactions/relationships“Selfhood is almost unthinkable outside of social context” (Baumeister, 1998)Self-Concept:the belief and feeling we have about ourselvesa product of social interactionThe self ... You , me , him, her ... A self ... (4) For those of you who have traveled .. Come from different countries ... I lived abroad .. No peers, no family, no religion ... Who am i? People treated me differently in a different social context ... I was no longer identified by my friends, family, school who i had left back in manila ... An opportunity ... To be whoever i wanted to be// this is the difference between sociology and socia3……………..l psychology. Sociology is more concerned with groups. While soc psych is more concerned with the behavior of an individual in the group. From an individuals perspective.
9 The Social Self Self-Concept: Cooley’s Symbolic Interactionist Theory of Self (Cooley, 1902)We create “selves” emerges from our interactions with others and our own reflection as to how others see usWe reflect about ourselves based on how we think other people see usObject of own reflectionExample:A child is told he/she is “a good kid” ... Treated as a “good kid” by parents and relatives ...The child then believes that he/she is a “good kid”Charles Horton Cooley ...looking glass self ... Gets hugs, kisses, praise, warm smiles ... “you are a good kid!” ... Affects self concept ... A product of interaction with others .. And reflection ... “hey, maybe I am a good kid!” ... In the playground ... ”Look at that bad kid over there .. Always being spanked and scolded by his parents!” (I digress .. That is more of social comparison).. Not me! I get hugs ... I must be good
10 The Social Self Self-Concept: Other influences: Gender Social roles Being a son, daughter, student, doctor etc.Self-perceptionsObservations of what we like, dislike, find interesting etc.reveals our attitudes, emotions etc.Social comparisonsOur abilities and attitudes compared with others (peers, friends)Collectivist or Individualistic societyWhat characteristics are expected? What are emphasized by the culture?(6) I like watching the Discovery channel ... I like shows about building bridges ... I like cooking shows ... I like iron chef ... I like competition
11 The Social Self Self-Schema (Markus, 1977) System of beliefs about our self is organized“Schematic” includes extreme characteristics; repeatedly observed“I am good at _____”We easily make judgments about ourselves based on info that fit our self-schemasWe predict our future behavior based on our self-schemasFilter info based on itThe reason why people with poor or negative self-schema have such difficulty changing their self-concept filter out “the good stuff” ... Believe “the bad stuff”Example: If you believe you are not good at ...(4) I am good at ... Remembering trivia ... I am good at helping others ... Listening to others ....(6) If I like food .. Maybe i’ll be a chef .. Or maybe i’ll just eat a lot .. Be a food criticInterestingly (8) . .. If you believe you do not speak well in public, lack self-confidence, uninteresting, have nothing important to say .. And someone compliments you ..nice speech ... nah ... You are really confident .... You stuttered a lil at the start .... Yah, i have a habit of stuttering .... I’m not good at public speaking ... Sweeping all the good stuff away ... Like it was never mentioned .. Im never giving a speech again!
12 The Social Self Self-Esteem How we evaluate ourselves: either positively or negativelySelf-worthTends to be stable over time; temporary fluctuations (Baumeister, 1998)Those with good self-esteem: Tend to be happy, healthy, successful, productive (Brehm, Kassin & Fein, 2006)One important source of self –worth is ...Parenting (Teh, 2005)Parents who love and accept unconditionally; but still place well-defined limitsProvide warmth, caring, security, availability, support(4) Interesting .. Why do you think?(5) ..Those with negative self-images ... Depressed, pessimistic about the future, prone to failure . Trapped in a vicious cycle .... Predict failure .. End up in failure ... I had a friend who would predict rejection .. Social rejection ... So he wouldn’t want to meet new people ... So he didn’t get reinforcement of meeting people and being liked ... Be aloof, distant .... When he did meet people, they would not like him .. His beliefs were reinforced(9) ... Why?
13 The Social Self Self-Discrepancies Actual self – how we see ourselves Ought self – consists of the characteristics we believe we should haveResponsibility, duty (ex. to be studious)Ideal self – characteristics we aspire for(ex. being sociable)Self-discrepancy theory (Higgins, 1987)Greater discrepancy between ACTUAL & OUGHT SELVES greater feelings of guilt, self-contemptGreater discrepancy between ACTUAL & IDEAL SELVES greater feelings of frustration, disappointment, and dissatisfactionPart of our self concept is the actual self ... Also includes ...Sometimes, there are discrepancies between these selvesI should be studious ... But i am not .. And get C’s, D’s and F’s ....you feel guilt for not being more disciplined A SHOULD, you don’t study, you don’t pass assignments, Feel guilt for not achieving this SHOULD .. OUGHTI wish i were more sociable ....but i’m not .. I go to a party .. I just talk to the same people ... There are other interesting people at these parties ... But i never make conversation with them ... You don’t feel guilt ... Just a lil dissatisfaction dissapointment that you were overcome with shyness... What discrepancy can you think of? That you might possess? erw
14 Social Perception: Understanding Others Process by which we try to understand other people & social situationsIncludesImpression FormationHow we form impressions of other peopleWe integrate info judgment of the person’s qualitiesOccur quite rapidly, even with little infoAttributionOur attempt to explain why a person behaved the way they did
15 Social Perception: Understanding Others Impression FormationPhysical featuresMost easily accessible infogender, face, age, build, clothesAnd, whatever is striking or unusualEx. Pretty?Non-verbal behaviorFacial expressionReliable basis for judging emotional states; facial expressions are universal across cultures (Ekman & Freisen,1971)Eye contactEx. Attentive, intimacy, submissiveFrom physical, non-verbal & verbal infoinitial judgements Kind? Sincere? Friendly? Flirt? Mayabang?Positive vs. Negative impressionLike vs. Dislike for the person
16 Social Perception: Understanding Others Impression FormationWe “average” not “add” info (Anderson, 1965)Average positive info with negativeExample: Sincere and kind, but, shy and not too intelligent lowered positive overall impressionTraits differ in importanceWeighted average based on what perceiver considers as importantBiases in Impression FormationImplicit Personality Theory (Anderson & Sedikides, 1991; Schneider, 1973)What personality traits are expected to go togetherExample: Shy & ___________Outgoing & ____________StereotypingWe categorizebased on a need to conserve mental energyMay result in erroneous perceptions
17 Social Perception: Understanding Others AttributionOur attempt to explain why a person behaved the way they didTaking into account the traits of the person & the situation in which the behavior occursIt helps us predict future behaviorTo form a coherent understanding of the worldTo control the environmentParticularly when something unexpected or unpleasant happensEx. Your boyfriend/girlfriend is quiet.Is she upset?With you?
18 Social Thinking Attribution The Dimensions of Causality Internal/External CausesStable/Unstable CausesControllable/Uncontrollable CauseAttribution Theory Views people as motivated to discover the underlying causes of behavior as part of their effort to make sense of the behavior.Fundamental Attribution Error That observers overestimate the importance of traits and underestimate the importance of situations when they seek explanations of an actor's behavior.1-
19 Social Perception: Understanding Others AttributionInternal AttributionWe attribute according to their internal characteristicsEmotional state, beliefs, attitudes, personality etc.Ex. He argued with the stranger ‘coz he’s a jerk.External attributionAttribute behavior to external factorsSituation or social contextEx. He argued with the stranger ‘coz that stranger was being rude.
20 Social Perception: Understanding Others Attribution TheoriesCorrespondent inference theory (Jones & Davis, 1965)How people make internal attributions of the actor’s behaviorActor’s intentional behavior corresponds to internal characteristic/disposition of the actorImportant factors: social desirability & noncommon effectsEx. Gary is nice ... But only when cute girls are aroundNoncommon effect : ‘being nice”Social desirability factor : wants to impress cute girls
21 Social Perception: Understanding Others Attribution TheoriesCovariation model (Kelley, 1967)We attribute the cause to what “covaries” with the behaviorIf behavior occurs, the cause is always presentIf behavior doesn’t occur, cause is always absentWe make 1 of 3 types of attribution to explain behaviorInternal attribution to the actorExternal attribution to the entity (person/object behavior is focused on)External attribution to the situation/circumstances
22 Social Perception: Understanding Others Attribution TheoriesCovariation model (Kelley)3 types of InformationConsensus: what we know about how other people behave in the same situation.Distinctiveness: what we know about actor’s behavior toward other entities.Consistency: what we know about actor’s behavior in other situations.Covariation model:People tend to make internal attributions (to the actor) when consensus and distinctiveness are low but consistency are high.People make external attributions (to the entity) when consensus and distinctiveness are both high and consistency is still high.When consistency is low, they will make situational attributions – external attribution (to the circumstance).
23 Social Perception: Understanding Others Attribution TheoriesCovariation model (Kelley)Example:If a manager yells at a person, we assume it is his nature if he is the only person to yell at that person (low consensus), he yells at other people too (low distinctiveness) and he yells at them often.However, if everyone else gets cross with the same person (high consensus) and the manager does not yell at other people (high distinctiveness), we assume it is something external—probably the person being yelled at.Finally, if the manager has not yelled at the person before (low consistency), we assume that something unusual has happened (situational attribution).
24 Social Perception: Understanding Others Biases in AttributionFundamental Attribution error (Ross, 1977)Tendency to overestimate internal causes and underestimate situational causes for other people’s behaviorThis can be due to our focus on the person more than their situation, about which we may know very little.When we are playing the role of observer, which is largely when we look at others, we make this fundamental attribution error.
25 Social Perception: Understanding Others Reasons for Fundamental Attribution ErrorActor-observer effect (Jones & Nisbett, 1972)We tend to see other people’s behaviors as being caused by their personal disposition, while perceiving our own actions as due to situational factors.Ex. When other people are rude They aren’t nice.When we are rude because we had a bad dayPerceptual salienceWe tend to over-estimate the causal role (salience) of information we have available to us.From the observer’s point of view: actor stands outTherefore, observer makes internal attributionFrom the actor’s point of view: the situation stands outTherefore, actor makes external attribution (situational)
26 Social Perception: Understanding Others Biases in AttributionSelf-serving BiasThis is our tendency to take credit for success (attribute to internal factors) and deny any responsibility for failure (attribute to external factors).This helps to protect our ego.ExampleI am proud of my good exam results except for the failure in one subject where I was unfortunately rather ill on the day of the examination.
27 Social Perception: Understanding Others Explanatory Style and Life PerspectiveHow we approach life is shaped by the attributions we makeThe difference between optimists & pessimists Explanatory style – how they habitually make attributionsOptimists:explain good experiences due to permanent, universal, & internal causes.Pessimists:explain good experiences as being due to external, temporary, or specific causes.the opposite for pessimists/optimists concerning bad experiencesOrigins of explanatory style?Childhoodparent optimists or pessimists? How would they explain things?Type of criticism receivedbad experiences (leads to pessimism)
28 Attitudes: Understanding How We React to Our Social World Predispositions towards action.About or towards people and things. (like/dislike; favorable/unfavorable)Evaluative of people, objects and ideas.3 components: Made up of emotional reactions (affective), thoughts and beliefs (cognitive), and actions (behavioral) componentsThree components may not always be consistent (Affective usually more powerful)Ex. Smoke cigarettes even though cognitively one is aware of the facts about smoking
29 Attitudes: Understanding How We React to Our Social World Forming AttitudesDirect experience with objectWas it a positive or negative experience?Observations of own behavior (Self-Perception Theory)If unaware of our attitude, we make conclusions based on our own behaviorEx. “I spend a lot of time with Juan I must like Juan.”“My best friend and I don’t talk as much maybe I’ve outgrown her”Influence of mediaClassical and operant conditioning
30 Social Thinking Attitudes Can Behavior Predict Attitudes? Cognitive Dissonance TheoryA concept developed by Festinger that refers to an individual's motivation to reduce the discomfort (dissonance) caused by two inconsistent thoughts.Self-Perception TheoryBem's theory about the connection between attitudes and behavior; it stresses that individuals make inferences about their attitudes by perceiving their behavior.Cognitive Dissonance A concept developed by Festinger that refers to an individual's motivation to reduce the discomfort (dissonance) caused by two inconsistent thoughts.Self-Perception Theory Bem's theory about the connection between attitudes and behavior; it stresses that individuals make inferences about their attitudes by perceiving their behavior.1-
39 Attitudes: Understanding How We React to Our Social World Attitudes & BehaviorA person’s behavior does not always correspond with their attitudeDo you care about the environment?Do you believe in honesty? In not stealing?Some factorsIs there freedom of choice?Situational pressures
40 Attitudes: Understanding How We React to Our Social World Attitude ChangeVariablesSource (communicator)Message (communication)Channel (medium)ReceiverResearch revealsMore credible the source produces more attitude change.The more attractive/likable produces more attitude change.
41 Attitudes: Understanding How We React to Our Social World Research revealsWhen a person is more motivated to and able to assess merits central route of persuasion will be takenMerits of the messageWhen person is not motivated or able to examine merits peripheral route of persuasion (peripheral cues)Attractiveness of communicator?Number of arguments (regardless of quality)Fear is more effective ...If consequences are likely;And person is capable of taking the action recommendedContact with people, more effective than the mass mediaMore likely to change attitudes, during adolescence & early adulthood
42 Social Influence Conformity and Obedience Conformity Involves a change in a person's behavior to coincide more with a group standard.Asch’s Conformity Experiment“choose the matching vertical line”Factors that Contribute to ConformityNormative InfluenceThe influence that other people have on us because we seek their approval or avoid their disapproval.Informational InfluenceThe influence other people have on us because we want to be right.Conformity Involves a change in a person's behavior to coincide more with a group standard.Normative Social Influence The influence that other people have on us because we seek their approval or avoid their disapproval.Informational Social Influence The influence other people have on us because we want to be right.1-
43 Social Influence Conformity and Obedience Conformity Factors that Contribute to ConformityUnanimity of the GroupPrior CommitmentPersonal CharacteristicsGroup Member’s CharacteristicsCultural Values
44 Social Influence Conformity and Obedience Obedience Milgram’s Obedience StudyResisting Social InfluenceObedience Behavior that complies with the explicit demands of the individual in authority.1-
45 The Milgram Study: The experiment The experimenter The “teacher” The “learner” year-old with a heart conditionTold by the experimenter that they would be participating in an experiment helping his study of memory and learning in different situations.The "teacher" was given a 45-volt electric shock from the electro-shock generator as a sample of the shock that the "learner" would supposedly receive during the experiment. The "teacher" was then given a list of word pairs which he was to teach the learner. The teacher began by reading the list of word pairs to the learner. The teacher would then read the first word of each pair and read four possible answers. The learner would press a button to indicate his response. If the answer was incorrect, the teacher would administer a shock to the learner, with the voltage increasing for each wrong answer.After a number of voltage level increases, the “learner” started to bang on the wall that separated him from the subject. After several times banging on the wall and complaining about his heart condition, all responses by the learner would cease.At this point, many people indicated their desire to stop the experiment and check on the learner. Some test subjects paused at 135 volts and began to question the purpose of the experiment. Most continued after being assured that they would not be held responsible. A few subjects began to laugh nervously or exhibit other signs of extreme stress once they heard the screams of pain coming from the learner.If at any time the subject indicated his desire to halt the experiment, he was given a succession of verbal prods by the experimenter, in this order:[Please continue.The experiment requires that you continue.It is absolutely essential that you continue.You have no other choice, you must go on.If the subject still wished to stop after all four successive verbal prods, the experiment was halted. Otherwise, it was halted after the subject had given the maximum 450-volt shock three times in succession.
47 The Milgram Study: Results The subjects believed that for each wrong answer, the learner was receiving actual shocks. In reality, there were no shocks.Before conducting the experiment, Milgram polled fourteen Yale University senior-year psychology majors as to what they thought would be the results.All of the poll respondents believed that only a sadistic few (average 1.2%) would be prepared to inflict the maximum voltage.Milgram also informally polled his colleagues and found that they, too, believed very few subjects would progress beyond a very strong shock.In Milgram's first set of experiments, 65 percent (26 of 40) of experiment participants administered the experiment's final 450-volt shockthough many were very uncomfortable doing so; at some point, every participant paused and questioned the experiment, some said they would refund the money they were paid for participating in the experiment. No participant steadfastly refused to administer shocks before the 300-volt level.Later, Prof. Milgram and other psychologists performed variations of the experiment throughout the world, with similar results
48 The Milgram Study:Professor Milgram elaborated two theories explaining his results:A subject who has neither ability nor expertise to make decisions, especially in a crisis, will leave decision making to the group and its hierarchy. The group is the person's behavioral model.the essence of obedience consists in the fact that a person comes to view himself as the instrument for carrying out another person's wishes, and he therefore no longer sees himself as responsible for his actions. Once this critical shift of viewpoint has occurred in the person, all of the essential features of obedience follow.
50 The Tragedy of the Commons The Tragedy of the Commons is a type of social trap, often economic, that involves a conflict over finite resources between individual interests and the common good.The term derives originally from William Forster Lloyd – observed a medieval village land holding for his 1833 book on populationCurrent problemsUncontrolled human populationWater over-extraction of groundwater and wasting waterForests - slash and burnEnergy resources and climate - Burning of fossil fuels and consequential global warmingAnimals - Habitat destruction and poachingOceans – Overfishing
51 The Tragedy of the Commons Preventing the Tragedy of the CommonsThe individualistic solutionMaking the collectivist interest profitable to people acting to promote their own short –term interestsTaxesFinesThe collectivistic solutionInducing individuals to accept values which serve the group’s interest or to act explicitly with the group’s interest in mindSocial normsLearning to line up? To wait your turn?Learning to follow traffic rules?
52 Group Behavior Group Structure How do groups make decisions? Roles LeaderMemberNormsrulesCultureHow do groups make decisions?Informational influence (intellective tasks)Who has the best factual info and argumentsNormative influence (judgemental tasks)Conformity that leads to consensusGroup Polarization effectTendency of groups to arrive at decisions that are more extreme than the initial opinions of the membersIf already cautious .. After group discussion, more cautiousIf already a risk-taker ... After group discussion, more risk-takingAll arguments in one direction leads to extreme position
53 Group Behavior Groupthink Faulty decision-making that happens when a group fails to examine alternative courses of action leading to defective decisionsWhy? To achieve consensus... And a pleasant social atmosphereLead to the explosion of the Space shuttleInvasion of Iraq?How to avoid?Leader should first take impartial position, be open to criticismShould encourage members to question, criticizeAssign devil’s advocateOutside experts2nd round of discussion
54 Group Behavior Leadership Tries to achieve “constructive or adaptive change”3 interrelated processesLeader establishes directionAligns people to the visionMotivates and inspires
55 Individual Decision Making vs. Group Consensus 1. The Problem: Your spaceship has just crash-landed on the “dark side” of the moon. You are scheduled to rendezvous with the mother ship 200 miles away on the lighted side of the moon, but the crash-landing has ruined your spaceship and destroyed all the equipment on board, except for the 15 items listed below. Your crew’s survival on the moon depends upon reaching the mother ship, so you must choose the most critical items available to take with you on the 200- mile trip to reach the mother ship.2. Your task is to rank order the 15 items below in terms of their importance for your survival.15 ITEMS YOUR RANKINGS YOUR GROUP’S RANKINGSBox of matchesFood concentrateFifty feet of nylon ropeParachute silkSolar-powered portable heating unitTwo .45 caliber pistolsOne case of dehydrated milkTwo 100-pound tanks of oxygenStellar map of the moon’s constellationSelf-inflated life raftMagnetic compassFive gallons of waterSignal flaresFirst aid kit containing injection needlesSolar-powered FM receiver-transmitter
56 NASA’s rankings of the 15 items Box of matches No oxygen on the moon to sustain flame; virtually useless 15Food concentrate Efficient means of supplying energy requirements 4Fifty feet of nylon rope Useful in scaling cliffs, tying injured together 6Parachute silk Protection from sun’s rays 8Solar-powered portable heating unit Not needed on dark side 13Two .45 caliber pistols Possible means of self-propulsion 11One case of dehydrated milk Bulkier duplication of food concentrate 12Two 100-pound tanks of oxygen Most pressing survival need 1Stellar map of the moon’s constellation Primary means of navigation 3Self-inflated life raft CO2 bottle in military raft may be used for propulsion 9Magnetic compass Magnetic field on moon is not polarized; worthless for navigation 14Five gallons of water Replacement for tremendous liquid loss on lighted side 2Signal flares Distress signal when mother ship is sighted 10First aid kit containing injection needles Needles for vitamins, medicines, etc. 7Solar-powered FM receiver-transmitter For communication with mother ship; 5but FM requires line-of-sight transmission and short ranges
57 Individual Decision Making vs. Group Consensus Were two heads better than one?Do groups make better decisions than individuals? If so, what goes on in the group decision-making process that makes this possible?If not, why not?Answers to these questions are important because throughout life you will have many opportunities to make decisions alone or in groups.The activity was to help you develop effective group decision-making skills.
58 Group Behavior Organizational Effectiveness How good companies become great?Clear understanding ofWhat they can be the best in the world atWhat are they deeply passionate aboutWhat drives their economic engine
59 Interpersonal Attraction: Go to the board and make a list of qualities you would want in the opposite sex/romantic partnerEveryone!Write at least one each
60 Top-Ten Attributes:Robin Gilmore (1988) found that men and women, when asked to list and rank desirable attributes in the other gender, produced dramatically different lists. Women Find Attractive in a Man Men Find Attractive in a Woman a. a record of achievement a. physical attractiveness b. leadership qualities b. ability in bed c. skill at his job c. warmth and affection d. earning potential d. social skill e. a sense of humor e. homemaking ability f. intellectual ability f. dress sense g. attentiveness g. sensitivity to others’ needs h. common sense h. good taste i. athletic ability i. moral perception j. good abstract reasoning j. artistic creativity
61 Interpersonal Attraction: 2 loves (Hatfield)Passionate lovePhysiological arousalCompanionate loveAffectionSternberg triangular theory of love3 basic components:Intimacy (connection/closeness)Passion (romantic/sexual)Commitment (the decision to love & maintain the relationship)
62 Interpersonal Attraction: Understanding the Psychology of Love Sternberg’s Triangle of LoveLiking Intimacy --Empty Love CommitmentRomantic Passion Intimacy --
63 Interpersonal Attraction: Understanding the Psychology of Love LeeSix Love StylesEroserotic/physicalStorgeaffection/deep friendshipLudusLove is a game/no commitmentManiaObsessive/jealousPragmaPragmatic (ex. Arranged marriages)AgapeSelfless and altruistic
64 Interpersonal Attraction: Understanding the Psychology of Love What makes loving relationships last?SternbergWe each have a schema of love: a love story with a plot, theme & charactersWe are guided by this love storyWe subconsciously write these stories beginning in childhoodGarden storyLoving relationships are nurtured and cared for by partnersSacrifice storyGiving and sacrificing is central to the storyBusiness storyLike a business partnershipGovernment storyPower is a concernTeacher-student storyTravel storyFantasy story etc.
65 Interpersonal Attraction: Understanding the Psychology of Love What makes loving relationships last?SternbergWe fall in love with those whose stories are similar, but whose roles are complementaryEx. Fantasy storyThe knight in shining armorPrincessIncompatible stories lead to difficultiesDifferent expectations and role enactmentsYou should know your love story!Seek out a compatible partner based on the storyOr, change storyWe can write a happy ending!
67 What is your Love Story?Rate each statement on a scale from 1 to 9, 1meaning that it doesn't characterize your romantic relationships at all, 9 meaning that It describes them extremely well. Then average your scores for each story. In general, averaged scores of 7 to 9 are high, Indicating a strong attraction to a story, and 1 to 3 are low, indicating little or no interest in the story. Moderate scores of 4 to 6 indicate some Interest, but probably not enough to generate or keep a romantic interest. Next, evaluate your own love story. (There are 12 listed here; see Sternberg’s book “Love is a Story” for more.)
68 What is your Love Story? STORY #1 1. I enjoy making sacrifices for the sake of my partner.2. I believe sacrifice is a key part of true love.3. I often compromise my own comfort to satisfy my partner's needs.Score:The sacrifice story can lead to happy relationships when both partners are content in the roles they are playing, particularly when they both make sacrifices. It is likely to cause friction when partners feel compelled to make sacrifices. Research suggests that relationships of all kinds are happiest when they are roughly equitable. The greatest risk in a sacrifice story is that the give-and-take will become too out of balance, with one partner always being the giver or receiver.
69 What is your Love Story? STORY #2 Officer: 1. I believe that you need to keep a close eye on your partner.2. I believe it is foolish to trust your partner completely.3. I would never trust my partner to work closely with a person of the opposite sex. Score:Suspect:1. My partner often calls me several times a day to ask exactly what I am doing.2. My partner needs to know everything that I do.3. My partner gets very upset if I don't let him or her know exactly where I have been. Score:Police stories do not have very favorable prognoses because they can completely detach from reality. The police story may offer some people the feeling of being cared for. People who are very insecure relish the attention that they get as a "suspect," that they are unable to receive in any other way. But they can end up paying a steep price. As the plot thickens, the suspect first begins to lose freedom, then dignity, and then any kind of self-respect. Eventually, the person's mental and even physical well-being may be threatened.
70 What is your Love Story? STORY #3 1. I believe that, in a good relationship, partners change and grow together.2. I believe love is a constant process of discovery and growth.3. I believe that beginning a relationship is like starting a new journey that promises to be both exciting and challenging.Score:Travel stories that last beyond a very short period of time generally have a favorable prognosis, because if the travelers can agree on a destination and path, they are already a long way toward success. If they can't, they often find out quite quickly that they want different things from the relationship and split up. Travel relationships tend to be dynamic and focus on the future. The greatest risk is that over time one or both partners will change the destination or path they desire. When people speak of growing apart, they often mean that the paths they wish to take are no longer the same. In such cases, the relationship is likely to become increasingly unhappy, or even dissolve completely.
71 What is your Love Story? STORY #4 Object: 1. The truth is that I don't mind being treated as a sex toy by my partner.2. It is very important to me to gratify my partner's sexual desires and whims, even if people might view them as debasing.3. I like it when my partner wants me to try new and unusual, and even painful, sexual techniques Score:Subject:1. The most important thing to me in my relationship is for my partner to be an excellent sex toy, doing anything I desire.2. I can never be happy with a partner who is not very adventurous in sex.3. The truth is that I like a partner who feels like a sex object. Score:There are no obvious advantages to the pornography story. The disadvantages are quite dear, however. First, the excitement people attain is through degradation of themselves and others. Second, the need to debase and be debased is likely to keep escalating. Third, once one adopts the story, it may be difficult to adopt another story. Fourth, the story can become physically as well as psychologically dangerous. And finally, no matter how one tries, it is difficult to turn the story into one that's good for psychological or physical well-being.
72 What is your Love Story? STORY #5 Terrorizer: 1. I often make sure that my partner knows that I am in charge, even if it makes him or her scared of me.2. I actually find it exciting when I feel my partner is somewhat frightened of me.3. I sometimes do things that scare my partner, because I think it is actually good for a relationship to have one partner slightly frightened of the other. Score:Victim:1. I believe it is somewhat exciting to be slightly scared of your partner.2. I find it arousing when my partner creates a sense of fear in me.3. I tend to end up with people who sometimes frighten me. Score:The horror story probably is the least advantageous of the stories. To some, it may be exciting. But the forms of terror needed to sustain the excitement tend to get out of control and to put their participants, and even sometimes those around them, at both psychological and physical risk. Those who discover that they have this story or are in a relationship that is enacting it would be well-advised to seek counseling, and perhaps even police protection.
73 What is your Love Story? STORY #6 Co-dependent: 1. I often end up with people who are facing a specific problem, and I find myself helping them get their life back in order.2. I enjoy being involved in relationships in which my partner needs my help to get over some problem.3. I often find myself with partners who need my help to recover from their past. Score:Person in recovery:1. I need someone who will help me recover from my painful past.2. I believe that a relationship can save me from a life that is crumbling around me.3. I need help getting over my past Score:The main advantage to the recovery story is that the co-dependent may really help the other partner to recover, so long as the other partner has genuinely made the decision to recover. Many of us know individuals who sought to reform their partners, only to experience total frustration when their partners made little or no effort to reform. At the same time, the co- dependent is someone who needs to feel he or she is helping someone, and gains this feeling of making a difference to someone through the relationship. The problem: Others can assist in recovery, but the decision to recover can only be made by the person in need of recovery. As a result, recovery stories can assist in, but not produce, actual recovery.
74 What is your Love Story? STORY #7 1. I believe a good relationship is attainable only if you spend time and energy to care for it, just as you tend a garden.2. I believe relationships need to be nourished constantly to help weather the ups and downs of life.3. I believe the secret to a successful relationship is the care that partners take of each other and of their love.Score:The biggest advantage of a garden story is its recognition of the importance of nurture. No other story involves, this amount of care and attention. The biggest potential disadvantage is that a lack of spontaneity or boredom may develop. People in garden stories are not immune to the lure of extramarital relationships, for example, and may get involved in them to generate excitement, even if they still highly value their primary relationship. In getting involved in other relationships, however, they are putting the primary relationship at rise Another potential disadvantage is that of smothering--that the attention becomes too much. Just as one can overwater a flower, one can overattend a relationship. Sometimes it's best to let things be and allow nature to take its course.
75 What is your Love Story? STORY #8 1. I believe that close relationships are partnerships.2. I believe that in a romantic relationship, just as in a job, both partners should perform their duties and responsibilities according to their "job description."3. Whenever I consider having a relationship with someone, I always consider the financial implications of the relation ship as well.Score:A business story has several potential advantages, not the least of which is that the bills are more likely to get paid than in other types of relationships. That's because someone is always minding the store. Another potential advantage is that the roles tend to be more dearly defined than in other relationships. The partners are also in a good position to "get ahead" in terms of whatever it is that they want. One potential disadvantage occurs if only one of the two partners sees their relationship as a business story. The other partner may quickly become bored and look for interest and excitement outside the marriage. The story can also turn sour if the distribution of authority does not satisfy one or both partners. If the partners cannot work out mutually compatible roles, they may find themselves spending a lot of time fighting for position. It is important to maintain the option of flexibility.
76 What is your Love Story? STORY #9 1. I think fairy tales about relationships can come true.2. I do believe that there is someone out there for me who is my perfect match.3. I like my relationships to be ones in which I view my partner as something like a prince or princess in days of yore. Score:The fantasy story can be a powerful one. The individual may feel swept up in the emotion of the search for the perfect partner or of developing the perfect relationship with an existing partner. It is probably no coincidence that in literature most fantasy stories take place before or outside of marriage: Fantasies are hard to maintain when one has to pay the bills, pack the children off to school and resolve marital fights. To maintain the happy feeling of the fantasy, therefore, one has to ignore, to some extent, the mundane aspects of life. The potential disadvantages of the fantasy relationship are quite plain. The greatest is the possibility for disillusionment when one partner discovers that no one could fulfill the fantastic expectations that have been created. This can lead partners to feel dissatisfied with relationships that most others would view as quite successful If a couple can create a fantasy story based on realistic rather than idealistic ideals, they have the potential for success; if they want to be characters in a myth, chances are that's exactly what they'll get: a myth.
77 What is your Love Story? STORY #10 1. I think it is more interesting to argue than to compromise.2. I think frequent arguments help bring conflictive issues into the open and keep the relationship healthy.3. I actually like to fight with my partner. Score:The war story is advantageous in a relationship only when both partners clearly share it and want the same thing. In these cases, threats of divorce and worse may be common, but neither partner would seriously dream of leaving: They're both having too much fun, in their own way. The major disadvantage, of course, is that the story often isn't shared, leading to intense and sustained conflict that can leave the partner without the war story feeling devastated much of the time. People can find themselves in a warring relationship without either of them having war as a preferred story. In such cases, the constant fighting may make both partners miserable. If the war continues in such a context, there is no joy in it for either partner.
78 What is your Love Story? STORY #11 Audience: 1. I like a partner who is willing to think about the funny side of our conflicts.2. I think taking a relationship too seriously can spoil it; that's why I like partners who have a sense of humor.3. I like a partner who makes me laugh whenever we are facing a tense situation in our relationship.Score:Comedian:1. I admit that I sometimes try to use humor to avoid facing a problem in my relationship.2. I like to use humor when I have a conflict with my partner because I believe there is a humorous side to any conflict.3. When I disagree with my partner, I often try to make a joke out of it. Score:The humor story can have one enormous advantage: Most situations do have a lighter side, and people with this story are likely to see it. When things in a relationship become tense, sometimes nothing works better than a little humor, especially if it comes from within the relationship. Humor stories also allow relationships to be creative and dynamic. But the humor story also has some potential disadvantages. Probably the greatest one is the risk of using humor to deflect important issues: A serious conversation that needs to take place keeps getting put off with jokes. Humor can also be used to be cruel in a passive- aggressive way. When humor is used as a means of demeaning a person to protect the comedian from responsibility ("I was only joking"), a relationship is bound to be imperiled. Thus, moderate amounts are good for a relationship, but excessive amounts can be deleterious.
79 What is your Love Story? STORY #12 1. I think it is okay to have multiple partners who fulfill my different needs.2. I sometimes like to think about how many people I could potentially date all at the same time.3. I tend and like to have multiple intimate partners at once, each fulfilling somewhat different roles.Score:There are a few advantages to a collection story. For one thing, the collector generally cares about the collectible's physical well-being, as appearance is much of what makes a collection shine. The collector also finds a way of meeting multiple needs. Usually those needs will be met in parallel--by having several intimate relationships at the same time--but a collector may also enter into serial monogamous relationships, where each successive relationship meets needs that the last relationship did not meet. In a society that values monogamy, collection stories work best if they do not become serious or if individuals in the collection are each viewed in different lights, such as friendship or intellectual stimulation. The disadvantages of this story become most obvious when people are trying to form serious relationships. The collector may find it difficult to establish intimacy, or anything approaching a complete relationship and commitment toward a single individual. Collections can also become expensive, time-consuming, and in some cases illegal (as when an individual enters into multiple marriages simultaneously).
80 Interpersonal Attraction: Understanding the Psychology of Love What makes loving relationships last?The Michelangelo PhenomenonA pattern of relationship interdependence in which close partners influence each other's dispositions, values, and behavioural patterns in such a manner as to bring both people closer to their ideal selves.Sculpture: as a process of bringing out figures already hidden in stone by chipping away the excess“You make me a better person ... You bring out the best in me”
81 Interpersonal Attraction: Understanding the Psychology of Love What makes loving relationships last?BrandenImportant behaviors that characterize “happy” couples with long- lasting relationshipsExpress love verballyPhysical affectionAppreciation and admirationShare thoughts, feelings, dreams etc.HurtsEmotional support for each otherPut up with the shortcomings (“virtues outweigh the shortcomings”)Enjoy the positives and not dwell on the negatives
82 Interpersonal Attraction: Understanding the Psychology of Love What makes loving relationships last?Clarke and GrotePromote each other’s well-being (good physical and mental health & achieve personal/mutual goals)Trust each otherFeel secure with each otherUnderstand, validate, care for each other etc.” the relationship is a safe haven”
83 Aggression: Understanding Why We Hurt Others Is aggression part of human nature?Frustration & AggressionFrustration-aggression hypothesisWhen a person is blocked from attaining an expectation/outcome frustration primes them for aggressionexpression of aggression results in catharsisFindings:Frustration does not always lead to aggression. There are other factors.Social normsThreat of punishmentLearning other ways to respondEtc.Research shows the opposite effectCatharsis (thru aggression) doesn’t lead to less aggression, but to more. Person becomes “deserving of aggression.
84 Aggression: Understanding Why We Hurt Others The Learning of AggressionSocial learning:acquisition of responses through observation and maintenance of behavior through reinforcement.Watching violenceEarly exposure to TV violence is a predictor of later life aggressionMen: 3x more likely of being convicted of a crimeWomen: more likely later in life: thrown something at a spouse; shoving, punching, choking othersAggression cues“Guns not only stimulate violence, they can stimulate it as well. The finger pulls the trigger, but the trigger may also be pulling the finger”
85 Aggression: Understanding Why We Hurt Others Reducing Aggression & ViolenceParents as role models for childrenShow disapproval of violenceShow how to control anger and rechannelReduce viewing of violent TVHelp develop empathy for othersSocietyStrengthen norms/values and structural mechanisms (police/justice system) against violenceGun controlRedirection of media away from violenceThe powerful as role modelsThe economy