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I Said, She Said: Conflict Resolution for Girl Scouts

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Presentation on theme: "I Said, She Said: Conflict Resolution for Girl Scouts"— Presentation transcript:

1 I Said, She Said: Conflict Resolution for Girl Scouts
Girl Scouts of Colorado I Said, She Said: Conflict Resolution for Girl Scouts Have Slide #2 (Kickoff) up as people arrive … have them sign in, get a packet, get comfortable and start on the question – in pg. 1 of their handout. Return to this slide to officially kickoff (~5 minutes into session) “Welcome”; introduce self “1 hour whirlwind zip through a collection of materials designed to be actionable with your troop – or in your life, right away!” (we’ll move briskly) Walk through handout packet Point out that ~ half of packet is Appendix (pages 11-19) Info on Listening & I-statements … hopefully a review for most BONUS – Excellent article (pg 17-19) that provides additional ‘walk-away’/actionable tips and nicely summarizes a lot of info presented in our ‘whirlwind zip through’

2 Intro/Kickoff Introduce yourself to those you don’t know.
Familiarize yourself with the contents of the workbook . Finish this statement: “In life, conflict is …” This slide is beginning as “warm-up” – then return to “cover” slide for opening comments … then back to this slide “So … how did you finish the sentence ...” (get some examples from the class); add brief commentary on similarities Hopefully someone offers a fairly positive one (like “opportunity”) – if so, comment on that. If all examples are negative, offer up a few phrases of what conflict COULD be like – if we change our paradigm or mindset Segue: Changing our mindset is part of what we’ll be doing today … (or at least plant some seeds/food for thought.)

3 What to Expect Conflict Overview How to Minimize Conflict
Facilitating Others in Conflict Tips for Working through Conflict Close Here’s how we’ll tackle the topic today Top of page 2 is their “mental case study” – think of something to bounce all the new ideas against – something you’ll be using to validate today’s info. This is just for you – you won’t be asked to share it. Try to focus on GS types of conflict: Girl – Girl Girl – Parent Parent – Parent Leader – Co-leader Leader – daughter Leader – Girl Leader – Parent In some of the typical kinds of conflict that could occur within a troop, you might be facilitating others through conflict (kind of like a mediator … only not that scary) Segue: Before we start talking about how to deal with conflict, let’s quickly review some of the basics about Conflict

4 Typical Causes of Conflict
Wants or Needs Differ Values Differ Perceptions Differ Inaccurate or Faulty Assumptions Expectations Differ You have this list on pg 2 of your handout. (If time permits) have them spend ~ 5 minutes in pairs/trios looking through the list and talking about conflict situations they’ve seen in the GS arena in the past … and diagnosing which category the conflict falls into

5 Defining Conflict A state of disagreement, controversy, or disharmony. The opposition of mutually exclusive desires, tendencies, etc. Expressed struggle between at least 2 parties, who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources and interference from others in achieving their goals. Let’s try to get everyone on the same page with a definition of conflict. Did you know … According to Wikipedia – there is no single universally accepted definition of conflict. Here are two definitions that I found consistently though (and both are often used in addressing conflict within a business setting) What words jump out at you? Any other words that “define” conflict for you? From (synonyms): fight, battle, war, discord, division, friction, opposition Related words: clash, contention, disagreement, dispute, quarrel, spat, squabble, animosity, hostility, confrontation. Gee – none of these words are very positive (or even neutral) are they? No wonder we tend to avoid conflict or dread it. Did you know … that there are several definitions of the word confrontation, too? And one of them is “to bring two sides together for closer examination”. That doesn’t sound too bad does it? Changing how we look at conflict … how we define it … can go a long way to changing our attitude and beliefs about it. Segue: what are some of our CURRENT common beliefs about conflict?

6 Common Beliefs About Conflict
Conflict is negative. Conflict will resolve itself if left alone. Conflict must be resolved immediately. Conflict is destructive. Run through bullets quickly. For the 2nd one – can quickly share Slide #7 (spiral) – it doesn’t resolve itself, does it? It goes underground or viral … In fact, these are all myths/fallacies about conflict. Can anyone think of (share) an example of where conflict has actually been constructive or productive (instead of destructive) or where the outcome was positive (instead of negative)? Get some examples (hopefully) or share one or two of your own. So none of these are true … and in fact, what if conflict is actually positive & constructive … an opportunity for growth … a chance for finding a win/win outcome (collaboration) … a good skill for all girls to learn (something they’ll need throughout their lives) Segue: To get to the positive side, requires us to – perhaps – think about conflict in a different way (Slide #8)

7 Conflict Spiral Left unaddressed, it can spiral out of control “black swirly hole” May not need to be handled immediately – but also can’t delay or avoid forever Don’t let it go underground. Denial won’t help you succeed. Doesn’t ever really go away … it goes “underground” or out into the parking lot (perhaps that’s where road rage comes from …) Back to Myths list

8 Changing your Paradigm about Conflict
Strong Emotions Opposing Opinions This slide builds as you talk through the definition This “definition” of conflict comes from a great resource, mentioned in the Bonus article in the handout – it’s called Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High. Also a class and have a great website with ideas/tips. I think how they define a Crucial Conversation is a useful way of re-thinking about Conflict. (And in general … thinking about a conflict as ‘just a conversation’ seems like a pretty healthy place to start …) The authors of the book define a crucial conversation as: 1 – High Stakes 2 – Opposing Opinions 3 – Strong Emotions That simply definition is descriptive of not only a lot of the ‘crucial’ conversations in my life .. But also descriptive of conflict The authors of the book have some other useful tips about dealing with conflict that I’ll share later High Stakes From Crucial Conversations

9 How to Minimize Conflict
Keys to Troop Management How Girl Scouts Look at Conflict Tools for Leaders Your role … So let’s start first -- in thinking about conflict – by considering how we can minimize conflict. As troop leaders – it’s likely you’ll have to deal with some conflicts related to your girls … but it is prudent to ‘be prepared’ to minimize it. Page 5 in handouts has a worksheet of sorts for you to capture some notes as we briskly move through the next few slides & discussions

10 How Girl Scouts Look at Conflict
What is GSUSA’s view of Conflict? Can something good come from a conflict situation within a troop? What supports/tools are there for you as a leader? First of all, let’s think about how GSUSA views conflict. ASK – “Does anyone know? What DO you know about how Girl Scouts looks or considers this topic? A search or the word ‘conflict’ on the GSUSA website (and GS of Co too) yields a LOT! Being able to deal with conflict is an OUTCOME of many of the things that are part of the Girl Scout approach – that’s good, right? We’re expecting girls to learn more about themselves and how to deal with others (INCLUDING DEALING WITH PEOPLE WHO DISAGREE WITH THEM) in various Journeys, Badges, Leadership Experience, etc. Even the Girl Scout Law and Promise form a foundation for many useful aspects of teaching your girls how to deal with conflict All GS programming (GSLE) work together to give girls experience resolving conflict in the ‘safe’ learning environment of a GS troop – with a leader who is able to guide them through What about the 2nd question – can something good come from a conflict situation with a troop? Pull from previous discussion or pose question again Next slide (#11-Keys to Successful Troop Management) help form a backdrop on what GS expects from you as a leader … AND all of these things that help you manage a troop and meet GS expectations also work to guide you when dealing with conflict in your troop What about the 3rd question on this slide … what support/tools are there for you? Resources at Council & Service Unit Setting up boundaries/Troop Agreement (recommended in Nuts & Bolts and in Volunteer Essentials) – Slide #12 & 13

11 5 Keys to Successful Troop Management
Adults who actively work in partnership with girls A place where girls feel secure, trusted and valued Girls’ ownership of activities Girls’ planning activities Girls and adults who respect and like each other This is from GS USA website … “What Works” (see note on previous slide for how to weave this in) Other tips for Troop Management & Conflict are on pg 13-14/Appendix of your handouts

12 Good Boundaries Boundaries set up expectations
How can boundaries reduce conflict? What Girl Scout traditions establish boundaries? Bullet #2 -- Answers…by creating a reference point for everyone, something to refer to, by encouraging open communications and not assumptions Bullet #3 -- Answer….Group Agreement! A troop or group created set of guidelines for behavior by all members of the troop!

13 Group Agreement Establish common ground Describe observable behaviors
Define boundaries May include consequences for violations In Girl Scouts, should be based on the Promise & Law Have advantage of being participant-led & participant-monitored for better buy-in Here are some basics on Troop/Group Agreements ... (don’t read this … but talk through the info below while they are viewing this slide) - do it at the beginning of every girl scout year -allow the document to grow with the troop, it’s a “living” document -have a physical reminder of the agreement handy at meetings -consider different engagement tools for older girls, how can you leverage technology to record? Lots more info on Group/Troop Agreements in Volunteer Essentials, GS 101, Program level trainings … “how to set up a Troop Agreement” Pause for questions about “minimizing conflict”? Segue to “Facilitating Others Through Conflict”

14 Your role: Let’s start with … what’s your role in facilitating others through conflict. Pause (slide builds) – What do you think your role really is? . That’s right … to guide. Let’s take a look at the definition of “facilitate” – because I think it’s helpful to keep in mind. “To make easy” Enable, assist, help, encourage … My favorite – to be a catalyst Segue: so one of the ways to make easy/assist/encourage/be a catalyst is for you to have a process in mind that you can use (have at the ready) that acts as the guide for everyone involved.

15 Facilitating Others Through Conflict
Step 1: Determine Ground Rules How to Fight Fair Step 2: Discuss and Define the Problem What is Going On? Step 3: Jointly Develop a Desired Outcome What Do We Both Want? Step 4: Determine a Plan How Will We Get It? Step 5: Commit to Follow Up How Did We Do? You have an expanded version/worksheet or guide for this process in your handouts on pg 6-8. I’ll give you a few moments to review and then we’ll take some questions. NOTE: Step 1 mentions “I-statements” … everyone familiar with those? (Mentioned/more info on them in GS101, Volunteer Essentials.) Your kids are likely already familiar with them … they are taught at most schools these days as part of classroom behavior. More info on I statements is on pg 16/Appendix in your handouts. Googling it will yield other helpful info, too I think it’s a fairly easy, simple – nice set of questions – to help you guide others. Be mindful of the fact that THEY are the ones doing the work … you’re guiding them But having facilitated a few of these conversations … let me warn you – they are exhausting (because of the strong emotion) so you will have your work cut out for you (even though they should be doing the ‘heavy lifting’ of the conversation) Take questions Comments? Anyone have a similar process/tips to share? Other tips from Crucial Conversations on facilitating are on pg 12/Appendix of your handouts Segue: So to wrap up … I thought it’d be good to quickly go through some age-old wisdom or tips/tricks … best practices of things you probably already know about when dealing with conflict (whether it’s your own, or whether you’re facilitating others) …

16 Words of Wisdom (Best Practices) When Working Through Conflict:
BEFORE Focus on behaviors and consequences of behaviors; be specific. Be prepared to explain a specific behavior you want instead of the behavior you don’t want. Take ownership of your behavior and feelings. Think about where you can agree and what YOU are willing to change ahead of time. Ask yourself: “What am I pretending not to notice about my role in this?” Try to humanize the other person. Ask yourself: “Why would a reasonable, rational, and decent person do what they are doing?” Ask for help if you need it. In your handout you have the next 3 slides as thought starters … we’ll pause on each slide to see what other ideas the group can contribute. Walk through these briefly. NOTE: The “Ask Yourself: ‘What am I pretending not to notice …’” sub-bullet’ comes from Crucial Conversations. (say a few words about usefulness of this) The “Ask Yourself: ‘Why would a reasonable …’” sub-bullet comes from Crucial Conversations. (say a few words about this one.) Other tips/BPs to share?

17 Words of Wisdom (Best Practices) When Working Through Conflict:
DURING Use active listening behaviors. Make it safe for others to express their opinions, needs, etc. Talk tentatively to soften the message: “The fact is…” (vs)  “In my opinion…” “Everyone knows that…” (vs)  “I’ve talked to 3 others who share my view…” “It’s clear to me ..” (vs)  “I’m beginning to wonder …” Try to remain open to a variety of solutions and compromises. Encourage testing. Ask: “What am I missing here?” or “I’d really want to hear from you” Take time out when feelings heat up. Set a time to start again if you take time out. Ask for help if you need it. Walk through these briefly. NOTE: The “make it safe” sub-bullet’ comes from Crucial Conversations. The “Talk Tentatively” is a Crucial Conversations tip. The “Encourage Testing” is a Crucial Conversations idea. Other tips/BPs to share? One I’ve found useful: “Acknowledge, with grace, the significance of the other’s comment or statement.” (from the author of the Bonus article in your handouts.) Another: make it a conversation … give & take, etc. Tips on Active Listening in the Appendix of your handouts pg 15

18 Follow up on your commitments.
Words of Wisdom (Best Practices) When Working Through Conflict: AFTER Follow up on your commitments. Hold a brief ‘debrief’ to prompt continuous improvement & learning. What did we do well? What could/should we do better next time? What have we learned? Walk through these briefly. Other tips/BPs to share? I particularly like the last one – (what have we learned) and found it useful with my Jr. Troop (not just for conflict situations, but honestly for every project, etc.! Saying thank you and acknowledge/appreciating everyone’s efforts & contributions. Learn & grow … find better ways to handle in the future

19 How will YOU ‘Take Action’?
Write down something that you have learned during this session that you will be able to use with your troop. Pg 10 in handout has a place for you to capture this right now … while you’re thinking about it! Discover – Connect – Take Action

20 Questions? Hope this has been useful for you …
Questions or other thoughts that are bubbling up for you? Questions?

21 Thank you! Thank you … enjoyed being here with you and learning from you. And Thank you for all you are doing to help girls grow into leaders of Courage, Confidence & Character!

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