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7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens

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1 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens will help parents prepare their children for the teen years. Parent University

2 It is a maze full of right or wrong turns-right or wrong choices.
LIFE FOR TEENS IS NO PLAYGROUND It is a maze full of right or wrong turns-right or wrong choices. Parents can teach teens principles, values and skills to help them make better choices. Wrong turns we have seen are: drinking, drug use, shoplifting, sex, cheating, vandalism, smoking. Can anyone else name some wrong turns they have observed in teenagers?

3 “WE CAN’T MAKE THEIR DECISIONS FOR THEM, BUT WE CAN GIVE THEM THE RIGHT TOOLS THEY NEED TO MAKE RIGHT DECISIONS.” Parents can teach teens skills, values and principles to help them make better choices.

VALUES Effective people shape their own futures. Instead of letting other people or circumstances determine their results, effective teens need to carefully plan who they want to be, what they want to do, and what they want to have, and then let their mental plan guide their decisions. You need to identify what your life is centered on. If it is determined by your work, then you are centered on work. If it is determined by your friends, then you are centered by your friends. Sean Covey suggests that you center yourself on your principles. Principles are natural laws or fundamental truths. They are universal, timeless, predictable. While other things on which we could center our lives on fluctuate, principles do not: Correct principles don’t change. We can depend on them. Principles don’t react to anything. They don’t get mad and treat us differently. They won’t divorce us. They aren’t out to get us. They can’t pave our way with shortcuts and quick fixes. They don’t depend on the behavior of others, the environment, or the current fad for their validity. Principles don’t die. They aren’t here one day and gone the next. They can’t be destroyed by fire, earthquake or theft. Values are the worth or priority we place on other people, things or principles. They are influenced by up bringing, society, and personal reflection.

5 What is a Habit? Habits are patterns of behavior composed
of three overlapping components: – Knowledge – Desire – Skill HABIT We are what we repeatedly do Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. Aristotle

6 What is an effective teen?
Are they reactive or proactive? Do they know where they are going? Do they prioritize the things they have to do? Do they see life as a competition? Do they talk first and then pretend to listen or listen actively? Do they cooperate with others or do they think they are better off doing everything by themselves? 7. Are they so busy with life that they do not have time to: Spend quality time with family and friends To do their homework Read good books Exercise Take time for nature or other inspirational things?

7 The way you see something,
PARADIGM The way you see something, your point of view, frame of reference, or belief. What is a paradigm? It is your perception-the way you see something, your point of view, frame of reference, or belief. A paradigm is like a map in our head. We assume that they way we “see” things is the way they really are or the way they should be. Give an example of one of your paradigms that others might not agree with.

8 What is a paradigm shift?
A paradigm shift is a way of looking at something differently. We are stepping “outside the box”. When we make a paradigm shift we can see, think, feel and behave differently. Example: People used to think the Earth is flat. Sailors proved the Earth is round. (a paradigm shift occurred) 8

9 Two battleships assigned to the training squadron had been at sea
Frank Koch wrote: Two battleships assigned to the training squadron had been at sea on maneuvers in heavy weather for several days. I was serving on the lead battleship and was on watch on the bridge as night fell. Shortly after dark, the lookout on the wing of the bridge reported, "Light, bearing on the starboard bow." "Is it steady or moving astern?" the captain called out. Lookout replied, "Steady, captain," which meant we were on a collision course. The captain then called to the signalman, "Signal that ship: We are on a collision course, advise you change course 20 degrees."

10 Back came the reply, "Advisable for you to change course 20 degrees."
The captain said, "Send, I'm a captain, change course 20 degrees." "I am a seaman second class" came the reply. "You had better change course 20 degrees." By that time, the captain was furious. He spat out, "Send, I'm a battleship. Change course 20 degrees." Back came the reply, "I'm a lighthouse." We changed course. Steven Covey (in “The 7 habits of Highly Effective People”) tells that story to teach that principles are “like lighthouses.” They are natural laws that cannot be broken.”

11 To show regard or value for someone or something.
RESPECT To show regard or value for someone or something. Respect is an example of something that teenagers sometimes have a different paradigm on than we do. Respect is principle to live by-Ginny give example. My parents said “respect your elders.” Especially teachers were respected. Now my students tell me they do not have to respect their teachers unless the teachers respect them first.

12 Emotional Bank Account
Like a checking or savings account, you can make deposits or withdrawals. Personal-How you feel about yourself. (Amount of trust and confidence in yourself.) Relationship-How you feel about others. (Amount of trust and confidence you have in each of your relationships)

13 Personal Bank Account Deposits
Keep promises to yourself Do small acts of kindness Be gentle with yourself Be honest in all your dealings Enhance your talents Take care of yourself Think positively and use positive self-talk

14 Personal Bank Account Withdrawals
Break promises to yourself Isolate yourself Put yourself down Think negatively and use negative self-talk Be dishonest with yourself Neglect your talents Wear yourself out Expect yourself to be perfect

15 Relationship Bank Account Deposits
Keep promises to others Do small acts of kindness Be loyal to those not present Listen actively Say you are sorry Set clear expectations Allow others to be different

16 Relationship Bank Account Withdrawals
Break promises Keep to yourself Gossip and break confidences Do not listen Be arrogant Set false expectations

17 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens
Habit 1 Be Proactive Habit 2 Begin With The End in Mind Habit 3 Put First Things First Habit 4 Think Win-win Habit 5 Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood Habit 6 Synergize Habit 7 Sharpen the Saw

18 Habit 1 Be Proactive Teenagers are the product of their environment, upbringing, and choices. Are their choices proactive or reactive? They need to choose how they act. They need to take responsibility for their choices and their life. Being proactive is the key to unlocking the other habits. Help your teen take control and responsibility for her life. Proactive people understand that they are responsible for their own happiness or unhappiness. They don’t blame others for their own actions or feelings.

19 What other people say and do
CIRCLE OF NO CONTROL Birthplace CIRCLE OF CONTROL What other people say and do Ourselves Attitudes Weather Choices & Responses Parents

20 Habit 2 Begin With the End in Mind
Identify the principles they want to live by. Values are self-chosen & provide foundations for decision making about where they are going in life. Define their mission and goals. If teens aren’t clear about where they want to end up in life, about their values, goals, and what they stand for, they will wander, waste time, and will be tossed to and fro by the opinions of others. A suggestion would be to make a family mission statement first so that the teens have a clear, agreed upon sense of purpose. Help your teen create a personal mission statement which will act as a road map and direct and guide his decision-making process.

21 Habit 3 Put First Things First
Prioritize Actions flow from that which is important. This habit helps teens prioritize and manage their time so that they focus on and complete the most important things in their lives. Align activities with priorities. Putting first things first also means learning to overcome fears and being strong during difficult times. It’s living life according to what matters most.

22 Habit 3: Put first things first.
Urgent Not Urgent Quadrant I Crises Deadline driven projects Pressing Problems Quadrant II: Preparation Prevention Commitment Relationship building Important Quadrant III Unimportant phone calls, , meetings or reports Interruptions Quadrant IV Trivia Busy work Time wasters Not Important We want Quadrant II > Quadrant I. Quadrant II comes from Quadrants III and IV.  Estimate how much time you spend in Quadrant II (and what IS Quad IV?) ...  How do you plan your day? Datebook? Palm Pilot?  How much is your time worth to you, in dollars/hour?

23 “everyone can win” attitude.
Habit 4 Think Win-win Mutual Benefits. Have an “everyone can win” attitude. Teens can learn to foster a belief that it is possible to create an atmosphere of win-win in every relationship. This habit encourages the idea that in any given discussion or situation both parties can arrive at a mutually beneficial solution. Your teen will learn to celebrate the accomplishments of others instead of being threatened by them. (Demonstrate courage and consideration and build trust.) Win-win is like an all you can eat buffet.

24 Five Dimensions of Win/Win
Character Integrity Maturity Abundance mentality Relationships From transactional to transformational Agreements What needs to be done – not how Processes Third alternative Supporting systems

25 Habit 5 Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood
Communication solves problems. Listen to people sincerely. One of the greatest frustrations in life is that many people don’t feel understood. This is due to most people filling in the blanks unnecessarily when talking to people. Effective communication: Key skills in life An effective communicator really tries to understand as much information as possible about the situation before providing a solution. Teens will learn that if someone comes to them with a situation, they need to hear that person out and that it often requires the full story and some questions before the correct plan of action is revealed. This means listening and attempting to see the situation from the speaker’s perspective and not just their own. Many problems begin with perception differences. Our perceptions come out of our experiences –we see the world as we are, not as it is. Genuine Listening: Listen with eyes, heart, and ears. Stand in their shoes. Practice Mirroring-do not judge or give advice, repeat back in your own words what the other person is saying and feeling. (you feel that, so what you are saying is, so as I see it.) Some Poor Listening Styles: Ignoring- spacing out Pretend listening-not paying attention but pretending by making comments at key moments like uh huh. Selective Listening-pay attention only to the part of the conversation that interests you

26 Celebrate differences.
Habit 6 Synergize Open-mindedness. Teamwork. New ways to do things. Work together to achieve more. Celebrate differences. A fruit salad is delicious precisely because each fruit maintains its own flavor. Synergy is achieved when two or more people work together to create something better than either could alone. Through this habit, teens learn it doesn’t have to be “your way” or “my way” but rather a better way, a higher way. Synergy allows teens to value differences and better appreciate others. Build on strengths.

27 Habit 7 Sharpen the Saw Continuous self-renewal and self-improvement in: your brain your body your heart Teens should never get too busy living to take time to renew themselves. When a teen “sharpens the saw” she is keeping her personal self sharp so that she can better deal with life. It means regularly renewing and strengthening the four key dimensions of life-body, brain, heart, and soul. your soul

1. Name the problem, and who owns it. (Be sure it is the REAL problem) 2. Describe it specifically. (Name the parts of the problem.) 3. Brainstorm. (Name all the solutions you can think of, no matter how crazy they may seem.) 4. Think about each solution: *Does it honor the values of your family, yourself, and others whom you respect? *Would it solve the problem? *Would it affect yourself and others for better or worse?

29 5. Choose a solution, and act on it.
6. Evaluate the outcome: *Is the problem solved? *Did the solution produce the results you expected? *How did the solution fit with your feelings and values? *Did the solution fail to meet your or the other party’s needs in any way? *What else happened? *Would another solution work better?

30 Successful Family Checklist
Are effective communication channels in place? Is the family committed to excellence? Does everyone in the family know their specific role? Do the individuals in the family regularly operate out of their strengths as opposed to their weaknesses? Do members understand – and share – the common goals and vision? Is there a detailed plan of action for success? Do family members respect and appreciate one another? Does the family take a break from time to time to just have fun together? Adapted from

31 Expected Outcomes Increased engagement and motivation
Greater responsibility for learning Increased peer collaboration skills Greater confidence and self-esteem Increased listening skills Greater content mastery Better peer collaboration More time on task More skill in analyzing and solving problems

32 GETTING UNDERWAY WITH THE 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens
As parent you provide a safe and caring environment at home for your teenagers. You promote positive feelings between your children and you. This workshop will help you use these positive feelings to teach your children important life skills.

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