Presentation on theme: "7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens"— Presentation transcript:
17 Habits of Highly Effective Teens The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens will help parents prepare their children for the teen years.Parent University
2It is a maze full of right or wrong turns-right or wrong choices. LIFE FOR TEENSIS NO PLAYGROUNDIt is a maze full of right or wrong turns-right or wrong choices.Parents can teach teens principles, values and skills to help them make better choices.Wrong turns we have seen are: drinking, drug use, shoplifting, sex, cheating, vandalism, smoking. Can anyone else name some wrong turns they have observed in teenagers?
3“WE CAN’T MAKE THEIR DECISIONS FOR THEM, BUT WE CAN GIVE THEM THE RIGHT TOOLS THEY NEED TO MAKE RIGHT DECISIONS.”Parents can teach teens skills, values and principles to help them make better choices.
4HOW DO EFFECTIVE TEENS MAKE CHOICES? THEY BASE THEM ON: PRINCIPLES VALUESEffective people shape their own futures. Instead of letting other people or circumstances determine their results, effective teens need to carefully plan who they want to be, what they want to do, and what they want to have, and then let their mental plan guide their decisions.You need to identify what your life is centered on. If it is determined by your work, then you are centered on work. If it is determined by your friends, then you are centered by your friends. Sean Covey suggests that you center yourself on your principles. Principles are natural laws or fundamental truths. They are universal, timeless, predictable. While other things on which we could center our lives on fluctuate, principles do not: Correct principles don’t change. We can depend on them. Principles don’t react to anything. They don’t get mad and treat us differently. They won’t divorce us. They aren’t out to get us. They can’t pave our way with shortcuts and quick fixes. They don’t depend on the behavior of others, the environment, or the current fad for their validity. Principles don’t die. They aren’t here one day and gone the next. They can’t be destroyed by fire, earthquake or theft.Values are the worth or priority we place on other people, things or principles. They are influenced by up bringing, society, and personal reflection.
5What is a Habit? Habits are patterns of behavior composed of three overlappingcomponents:– Knowledge– Desire– SkillHABITWe are what we repeatedly do Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.Aristotle
6What is an effective teen? Are they reactive or proactive?Do they know where they are going?Do they prioritize the things they have to do?Do they see life as a competition?Do they talk first and then pretend to listen or listen actively?Do they cooperate with others or do they think they arebetter off doing everything by themselves?7. Are they so busy with life that they do not have time to:Spend quality time with family and friendsTo do their homeworkRead good booksExerciseTake time for nature or other inspirational things?
7The way you see something, PARADIGMThe way you see something,your point of view,frame of reference,or belief.What is a paradigm? It is your perception-the way you see something, your point of view, frame of reference, or belief. A paradigm is like a map in our head. We assume that they way we “see” things is the way they really are or the way they should be. Give an example of one of your paradigms that others might not agree with.
8What is a paradigm shift? A paradigm shift is a way of looking atsomething differently.We are stepping “outside the box”.When we make a paradigm shift we can see,think, feel and behave differently.Example:People used to think the Earth is flat.Sailors proved the Earth is round.(a paradigm shift occurred)8
9Two battleships assigned to the training squadron had been at sea Frank Koch wrote:Two battleships assigned to thetraining squadron had been at seaon maneuvers in heavy weather for several days.I was serving on the lead battleship and was on watch on the bridge as night fell. Shortly after dark, the lookout on the wing of the bridge reported, "Light, bearing on the starboard bow.""Is it steady or moving astern?" the captain called out.Lookout replied, "Steady, captain," which meant we were on a collision course.The captain then called to the signalman, "Signal that ship: We are on a collision course, advise you change course 20 degrees."
10Back came the reply, "Advisable for you to change course 20 degrees." The captain said, "Send, I'm a captain, change course 20 degrees.""I am a seaman second class" came the reply. "You had better change course 20 degrees."By that time, the captain was furious. He spat out,"Send, I'm a battleship. Change course20 degrees."Back came the reply, "I'm a lighthouse."We changed course.Steven Covey (in “The 7 habits of Highly Effective People”) tells that story to teach that principles are “like lighthouses.” They are natural laws that cannot be broken.”
11To show regard or value for someone or something. RESPECTTo show regard or value for someone or something.Respect is an example of something that teenagers sometimes have a different paradigm on than we do. Respect is principle to live by-Ginny give example. My parents said “respect your elders.” Especially teachers were respected. Now my students tell me they do not have to respect their teachers unless the teachers respect them first.
12Emotional Bank Account Like a checking or savings account, you can make deposits or withdrawals.Personal-How you feel about yourself. (Amount of trust and confidence in yourself.)Relationship-How you feel about others. (Amount of trust and confidence you have in each of your relationships)
13Personal Bank Account Deposits Keep promises to yourselfDo small acts of kindnessBe gentle with yourselfBe honest in all your dealingsEnhance your talentsTake care of yourselfThink positively and use positive self-talk
14Personal Bank Account Withdrawals Break promises to yourselfIsolate yourselfPut yourself downThink negatively and use negative self-talkBe dishonest with yourselfNeglect your talentsWear yourself outExpect yourself to be perfect
15Relationship Bank Account Deposits Keep promises to othersDo small acts of kindnessBe loyal to those not presentListen activelySay you are sorrySet clear expectationsAllow others to be different
16Relationship Bank Account Withdrawals Break promisesKeep to yourselfGossip and break confidencesDo not listenBe arrogantSet false expectations
177 Habits of Highly Effective Teens Habit 1 Be ProactiveHabit 2 Begin With The End in MindHabit 3 Put First Things FirstHabit 4 Think Win-winHabit 5 Seek First to Understand, Then to Be UnderstoodHabit 6 SynergizeHabit 7 Sharpen the Saw
18Habit 1 Be ProactiveTeenagers are the product of their environment, upbringing, and choices. Are their choices proactive or reactive? They need to choose how they act. They need to take responsibilityfor their choicesand their life.Being proactive is the key to unlocking the other habits. Help your teen take control and responsibility for her life. Proactive people understand that they are responsible for their own happiness or unhappiness. They don’t blame others for their own actions or feelings.
19What other people say and do CIRCLE OF NO CONTROLBirthplaceCIRCLE OF CONTROLWhat other people say and doOurselvesAttitudesWeatherChoices & ResponsesParents
20Habit 2 Begin With the End in Mind Identify the principles they want to live by.Values are self-chosen & provide foundations for decision making about where they are going in life.Define their mission and goals.If teens aren’t clear about where they want to end up in life, about their values, goals, and what they stand for, they will wander, waste time, and will be tossed to and fro by the opinions of others. A suggestion would be to make a family mission statement first so that the teens have a clear, agreed upon sense of purpose. Help your teen create a personal mission statement which will act as a road map and direct and guide his decision-making process.
21Habit 3 Put First Things First PrioritizeActions flow from that which is important.This habit helps teens prioritize and manage their time so that they focus on and complete the most important things in their lives. Align activities with priorities. Putting first things first also means learning to overcome fears and being strong during difficult times. It’s living life according to what matters most.
22Habit 3: Put first things first. UrgentNot UrgentQuadrant ICrisesDeadline driven projects Pressing ProblemsQuadrant II:PreparationPreventionCommitmentRelationship buildingImportantQuadrant IIIUnimportant phone calls, , meetings or reportsInterruptionsQuadrant IVTriviaBusy workTime wastersNot ImportantWe want Quadrant II > Quadrant I.Quadrant II comes from Quadrants III and IV. Estimate how much time you spend in Quadrant II (and what IS Quad IV?) ... How do you plan your day? Datebook? Palm Pilot? How much is your time worth to you, in dollars/hour?
23“everyone can win” attitude. Habit 4 Think Win-winMutual Benefits.Have an“everyone can win” attitude.Teens can learn to foster a belief that it is possible to create an atmosphere of win-win in every relationship. This habit encourages the idea that in any given discussion or situation both parties can arrive at a mutually beneficial solution. Your teen will learn to celebrate the accomplishments of others instead of being threatened by them. (Demonstrate courage and consideration and build trust.)Win-win is like anall you can eat buffet.
24Five Dimensions of Win/Win CharacterIntegrityMaturityAbundance mentalityRelationshipsFrom transactional to transformationalAgreementsWhat needs to be done – not howProcessesThird alternativeSupporting systems
25Habit 5 Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood Communication solves problems.Listen to people sincerely.One of the greatest frustrations in life is that many people don’t feel understood. This is due to most people filling in the blanks unnecessarily when talking to people.Effective communication:Key skills in lifeAn effective communicator really tries to understand as much information as possible about the situation before providing a solution. Teens will learn that if someone comes to them with a situation, they need to hear that person out and that it often requires the full story and some questions before the correct plan of action is revealed. This means listening and attempting to see the situation from the speaker’s perspective and not just their own.Many problems begin with perception differences. Our perceptions come out of our experiences –we see the world as we are, not as it is.Genuine Listening:Listen with eyes, heart, and ears.Stand in their shoes.Practice Mirroring-do not judge or give advice, repeat back in your own words what the other person is saying and feeling. (you feel that, so what you are saying is, so as I see it.)Some Poor Listening Styles:Ignoring- spacing outPretend listening-not paying attention but pretending by making comments at key moments like uh huh.Selective Listening-pay attention only to the part of the conversation that interests you
26Celebrate differences. Habit 6 SynergizeOpen-mindedness. Teamwork. New ways to do things. Work together to achieve more.Celebrate differences.A fruit salad is delicious precisely because each fruit maintains its own flavor.Synergy is achieved when two or more people work together to create something better than either could alone. Through this habit, teens learn it doesn’t have to be “your way” or “my way” but rather a better way, a higher way. Synergy allows teens to value differences and better appreciate others. Build on strengths.
27Habit 7 Sharpen the SawContinuous self-renewal and self-improvement in:your brainyour bodyyour heartTeens should never get too busy living to take time to renew themselves. When a teen “sharpens the saw” she is keeping her personal self sharp so that she can better deal with life. It means regularly renewing and strengthening the four key dimensions of life-body, brain, heart, and soul.your soul
28SOLUTION ORIENTED PROBLEM SOLVING 1. Name the problem, and who owns it. (Be sure it is the REAL problem)2. Describe it specifically. (Name the parts of the problem.)3. Brainstorm. (Name all the solutions you can think of, no matter how crazy they may seem.)4. Think about each solution:*Does it honor the values of your family, yourself, and others whom you respect?*Would it solve the problem?*Would it affect yourself and others for better or worse?
295. Choose a solution, and act on it. 6. Evaluate the outcome:*Is the problem solved?*Did the solution produce the results you expected?*How did the solution fit with your feelings and values?*Did the solution fail to meet your or the other party’s needs in any way?*What else happened?*Would another solution work better?
30Successful Family Checklist Are effective communication channels in place?Is the family committed to excellence?Does everyone in the family know their specific role?Do the individuals in the family regularly operate out of their strengths as opposed to their weaknesses?Do members understand – and share – the common goals and vision?Is there a detailed plan of action for success?Do family members respect and appreciate one another?Does the family take a break from time to time to just have fun together?Adapted from
31Expected Outcomes Increased engagement and motivation Greater responsibility for learningIncreased peer collaboration skillsGreater confidence and self-esteemIncreased listening skillsGreater content masteryBetter peer collaborationMore time on taskMore skill in analyzing and solving problems
32GETTING UNDERWAY WITH THE 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens As parent you provide a safe and caring environment at home for your teenagers. You promote positive feelings between your children and you. This workshop will help you use these positive feelings to teach your children important life skills.