Its all around us! Where do we encounter persuasion?
Character may almost be called the most effective means of persuasion -Aristotle
What Doesnt Work Well Arm Twisting Guilting Threats Logic that is not shared or understood Others???
Overcoming Barriers I dont care I dont like it I dont like you
Not brute force but only persuasion and faith are the kings of this world -Thomas Carlyle
Getting others to want what we want! First, we have to know what do we want of them – Be Clear! Then how can we make it easier for them to agree Win-Win
Before Marriage John: Ah… at last, I can hardly wait! Jane: Do you want me to leave? John: No! Dont even think about it Jane: Do you love me? John: Of course! Always have and always will Jane: Have you ever cheated on me? John: NO! Why are you even asking? Jane: Will you kiss me? John: Every chance I get! Jane: Will you hit me? John: NO!, Are you crazy? Jane: Can I trust you? John: Yes Jane: Darling!
After Marriage (Read from bottom to top) John: Ah… at last, I can hardly wait! Jane: Do you want me to leave? John: No! Dont even think about it Jane: Do you love me? John: Of course! Always have and always will Jane: Have you ever cheated on me? John: NO! Why are you even asking? Jane: Will you kiss me? John: Every chance I get! Jane: Will you hit me? John: NO!, Are you crazy? Jane: Can I trust you? John: Yes Jane: Darling!
Law of Reciprocity: If you give away something for free, people are inclined to reciprocate. It doesnt always have to be stuff! Maurice Gilbert @ 2010-12-24
Law of Commitment and Consistency: Get your audience to say yes in little ways before asking them for the big yes.
Law of Liking: When was the last time you bought something from somebody you didnt like?
If you wish to win a man over to your ideas, first make him your friend -Abraham Lincoln
Law of Authority: Having a weighty institution in support of your premise can win over a skeptical audience.
Law of Social Proof: This is the everybody else is doing it argument.
The mind is no match with the heart in persuasion; constitutionality is no match with compassion -Everett Dirksen
Motivational Interviewing Basic Principles Empathy Avoid Arguing Develop Discrepancies Roll With Resistance
Empathy Empathy is Not Sympathy Agreement Your opinion
Empathy is… Carefully listening to the other person Sorting it through your filters Responding in a way that allows the other person to say you get me And it increases their awareness and insight
Express Empathy Genuine, Non-Possessive, Warm It is not Agreement Sympathy Stating your feelings (a word about self-disclosure) What does it do? Communicates Caring Validates the individual and their experiences Builds rapport
Avoid Argumentation Arguments require a loser…Who will that be? Arguments are counterproductive Defending breeds Defensiveness Arguing is a predictor of failure
Appealing to Nature Values mapping involves the parties in imaging a future that reflects important value preferences they have
I would rather try to persuade a man to go along, because once I have persuaded him, he will stick. If I scare him, he will stay just as long as he is scared, and then he is gone -D.W. Eisenhower
Develop Discrepancy Motivation for change is created when a person perceives a discrepancy between their present behavior, and their goals
Developing Discrepancies Create or heighten the internal conflicts of the person Increase their awareness of a discrepancy between where they are currently versus where he or she wants it to be in the future
Rolling with Resistance Like Verbal Martial Arts Resistance is not challenged Use the persons energy to take you where you want to go Decreases their tendency to play devils advocate
The best way to persuade people is with your ears… by listening to them Dean Rusk