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Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor.

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1 Transaction Analysis By – Harshwardhan Singh Rathoor

2 PAPA PAPA Introduction Transactional Analysis Ego States Four Life Positions Stroking Transactions Change C C

3 What is Transactional Analysis? A method of dealing with behavioral disorders Developed by Eric Berne who believed that the majority of our life experiences are recorded in our subconscious minds in an unaltered fashion and become a part of the way we behave – The behavior is subconsciously designed to get reactions and determine how others feel about us.

4 PAPA PAPA Transactional Analysis Penfield, & Berne Penfields Electrodes The Brain is a Recorder Feelings are permanently locked to associated Experiences People can exist in two states – in an Experience and Observing it Recorded Experiences & Feelings can be Replayed & Relived Ever hear music or conversations in your head? Ever felt déjà vu? C C

5 PAPA PAPA Transactional Analysis Penfield, & Berne Eric Berne Transactional Analysis – social intercourse Transactional Stimulus Transactional Response Ego states - Parent, Adult, Child Four Life Positions Time Structuring The Goal is Autonomy Release or recovery of: Awareness Spontaneity Intimacy C C

6 PAPA PAPA Transactional Analysis A Language of Psychology A Model of Regularities for explaining why and how: People think like they do People act like they do People interact/communicate with others like the do A Tool - Parent, Adult, & Child A new meaning against traditional ones They all apply to every transaction Normal people oscillate between them Freedom of choice in communicating with people Languaging – getting an idea from A to B is as important as getting an idea C C

7 PAPA PAPA Transactional Analysis Structural Analysis Individual personality Transactional Analysis What people do and say to one another Game Analysis Ulterior transactions leading to a payoff Script Analysis Specific life dramas compulsively played out C C

8 Structural analysis Natural child – spontaneous, impulsive, feeling oriented, self-centered & pleasure loving Adaptive child – compliant, conforms to the wishes & demands of parental figures

9 Nurturing parent - comforts, praises and helps others Critical parent – finds faults, displays prejudices, disapproves and prevents others from feeling good about themselves A major goal is to figure out which ego state a person is using

10 Transactional Analysis Transactional analysis - Transactions between people are seen as having 3 levels: Complementary – both people are operating from the same ego state Crossed – the other person reacts from an unexpected ego state Ulterior – two ego states within the same person but one disguises the other

11 Transactional Analysis Game analysis - ulteriorly motivated transactions that appear complimentary on the surface but end in bad feelings: 1 st Degree games – minor upset, played socially end up with minor discomfort 2 nd Degree games – more intimate end up w/bad feelings 3 rd Degree games - usually involve physical injury

12 Transactional Analysis Very few games have a positive or neutral outcome In these games, people play one of three positions: Victim Persecutor Rescuer

13 Transactional Analysis Script analysis – everyone develops a life script by age 5 & these scripts determine how one interacts with others based upon the interpretation of external events A negative life script occurs when the person receives lots of injunctions by the parents that used the word DONT

14 Transactional Analysis Common negative life scripts: Never – one never gets to do what one wants Until – one must wait until a certain time or until something is done to be able to do something they want to do Always – one must continue to do what one has always done

15 Transactional Analysis After – a difficulty is expected after a certain event Open-ended – one does not know what to do after a given time Mini-scripts: Hurry up! Try harder! Be perfect! Be strong! Please someone! These drivers allow for temporary escape from life scripts

16 PAPA PAPA Transactional Analysis in Management C C Simple Language Non-Threatening Self Analysis Existing Success in Organisations Built in Humour Appropriate for Normal People Useful at Work & Home Personality Theory simplified Motivation Theory simplified A Leadership Style A Training Tool An aid in dealing with Conflict Problems

17 Ego States Parent Does not mean responsible AdultDoes not mean mature ChildDoes not mean childish

18 PAPA PAPA Ego States C C Father Mother Parent Recording of External Events Taught Concept of Life Child Adult Child

19 PAPA PAPA Ego States Parent Adult Mother Father Child C Recording of External Events Taught Concept of Life Recording of Internal Events Felt Concept of Life C

20 PAPA PAPA Ego States Parent birth to 5 Adult 10 months on Child birth to 5 C Recording of External Events Taught Concept of Life Recording of Data acquired & computed through exploration & testing Thought Concept of Life Recording of Internal Events Felt Concept of Life C

21 Adult PAPA PAPA Ego States C C Critical Parent Nurturing Parent Adapted Child Natural Child Lecturing, Judging, Traditions, Criticizing, Should & Dont Consoling, Sympathy, Advising, Guides, Taking Care Of Objective, Data, Rational, Problem Solving, Less Emotion Manipulative, Submissive, Conform To Adult Expectations Playful, Impulsive, Curious, Creative, Fun, Rebel

22 PAPA PAPA Ego States Critical Parent C Cant you turn in a report on time just once? What? It takes 1 week to answer an email? Im surprised at you. The quality of this work is terrible. C

23 PAPA PAPA Ego States Nurturing Parent C Im only trying to help you Let me clean up that desk for you Youve done a good job C

24 PAPA PAPA Ego States Adult C What are the alternatives Cant we reach some sort of agreement? What consequences will this action have? C

25 PAPA PAPA Ego States Adapted Child Anything you say sir. Sorry, Ill try to improve. What would we do without you? C C

26 PAPA PAPA Ego States C C Nobody follows that rule anyway Forget about it. He is just the boss Lets take off work today. Who wants to work Friday afternoon anyway? Natural Child

27 Computer PAPA PAPA Ego States 1. Parent Exteropsychic (archaic) C C Neopsychic Archeopsychic 2. Data Bank (updated) 3.Child (archaic) Decisions Probability Estimating

28 Computer DataBank P A C PAPA PAPA Ego States Updated validated Parent data Updated Adult data Updated appropriate Child data Parent (archaic) Child (archaic) REALITY C C

29 PAPA PAPA Ego States C C Parent Adult Child Parent Adult Child Parent Adult Child

30 PAPA PAPA Ego States We need all Ego States – dropping one means 2/3 human potential States, and not Roles Realities Unedited recordings What the child understood at the time – differs from reality? TA is like sorting your mind into drawers C C

31 PAPA PAPA Ego States – Parent Clues Physical Furrowed brow, pursed lips, pointing finger, head wagging, horrified look, foot tapping, hands on hips, arms folded, wringing hands, tongue licking, sighing, patting another on the head, & other individual ones C C

32 PAPA PAPA Ego States – Parent Clues Verbal Stupid, naughty, ridiculous, disgusting, shocking, lazy, poor thing, sonny, honey, ridiculous, disgusting, now what, not again, How dare you? Im going to put a stop to this I cant for the life of me.. Now always remember.. If I were you.. How many times.. The use of always & never The use of should & ought C C

33 PAPA PAPA Ego States – Child Clues C C Physical Tears, quivering lips, pouting, temper tantrum, high pitched whining, rolling eyes, shrugging shoulders, downcast eyes, teasing, laughter, delight, hand raising, nail biting, squirming, giggling

34 PAPA PAPA Ego States – Child Clues Verbal I wish, I want, I dunno, I dont care, I guess, when I grow up, bigger, biggest, better, best, look no hands Why, what, where, who, when, & how are the Adult operating in the little person C C

35 PAPA PAPA Ego States – Adult Clues Physical Continual movement of the face, eyes, body Non movement is non listening – cultural? Head tilted is listening with an angle Adult allows the curious & excited child to show its face C C

36 PAPA PAPA Ego States – Adult Clues C C Verbal Why, what, where, who, when, & how How much, in what way, true, false, comparative, probable, possible, unknown, objective, I think, I see, it is my opinion

37 PAPA PAPA Ego States Parent Prejudicial views (not based on logic or facts) on things such as: religion, dress, salespeople, traditions, work, products, money, raising children, companies Nurturing views: sympathetic, caring views Critical views: fault finding, judgmental, condescending views Adult Thoughts, feelings, attitudes, behavioral patterns based on objective analysis of information (data, facts) Make decisions based on logic, computations, probabilities, etc., not emotion Child Thoughts, feelings, attitudes, behavioral patterns based on child-like emotions, impulses, feelings we have experienced Child-like examples: impulsive, self-centered, angry, fearful, happy, pleasure seeking, rebellious, curious, eager to please C C

38 PAPA PAPA Ego States C C All are present All have value Child – intuition, creativity, spontaneous drive, enjoyment Adult – survival, dealing with the world, mediate Parent & Child Parent – parent of children, automatic responses One is usually dominant Different States for different communications Different States for different people Message sent and received from different States How people say something (what others hear) is just as important as what is said Parent runs on old tapes – 20+ years old

39

40 - - - - Four Life Positions Im not OK Youre OK Im not OK Youre not OK Im OK Youre not OK Youre OK

41 PAPA PAPA Four Life Positions C C Im not OK - Youre OK Every Child – even happy childhood ones Happens around the age of 2 – first 3 positions Happens due to on & off Stroking This position has hope as there is Stroking from the Youre OK position The first understanding or equilibrium Built on the appraisals of others If this is not confirmed or settled it give rise to the next 2 positions Unless changed to the 4 th position it remains lifelong People do not shift back and forth The first 3 positions are non verbal – conclusions vs. the 4 th position of explanation Results in Mine is Bigger game for relief of this unjust position Im not OK comes from Adaptive Child However, everyone is born OK – a baby is in fact perfect

42 PAPA PAPA Four Life Positions Im not OK - Youre not OK Slowing Stroking and Increasing Punishments Longs to be an infant again Loses interest in living In Autism this may be the first position Possibly 1% C C

43 PAPA PAPA Four Life Positions C C Im OK - Youre not OK Abused child Im OK comes from being OK when alone Strikes back when older No matter what they do the fault is with Others Will not believe future Strokes from others, as are Not OK The ultimate expression here is Homicide 4% of Cases, two facing each other a big problem

44 PAPA PAPA Four Life Positions C C Im OK - Youre OK People live out their positions The 4 th position is the only real way forward – only Hope It is a Position not a Feeling Includes infinitely greater amount of data than the others Includes experiences and things not yet experienced The only Conscious and Verbal Position The only Proactive (not Reactive) Position Cannot Guarantee instant OK feelings but can switch off Feelings from past Positions First 3 is Why? 4 th is Why Not? Can accept uncertainty unlike the other 3 - rationalise We can change – Thinking is separate from Cause & Effect Data Processing Order – Parent, Child, Adult Goal is the Emancipated Adult – Freedom to Choose

45 You PAPA PAPA OK Four Life Positions C C Im not ok, youre ok -ve Adaptive Child Get Away From Introjective Position Im not ok, youre not ok -ve Adaptive Child & Critical Parent Get nowhere Futility Position Im ok, youre ok All states +ve Get on with Ideal Position Im ok, youre not ok -ve Critical Parent Get rid of Projective Position Not OK Me OK

46 PAPA PAPA Four Life Positions C C About oneself – Higher is Adult, lower is Child I can think for myself Im worth knowing Im stupid Im worthless About others – Higher is Adult, lower is Parent People can be trusted Everyone has good points People are bad Everyone is incompetent

47 PAPA PAPA Four Life Positions C C Youre OK for children comes from Stroking Im Not OK is also with happy children; happy children = parents unconditional love Knowing the positions does not mean feeling OK; but you can make bad feelings go away Im OK does not mean Im perfect Treat a person the way they are and they will become worse; treat them as their potential and they will be as they should be

48 PAPA PAPA Stroking Positive Strokes Negative Strokes Conditional Strokes Need Solitude Comfort Zone Need Strokes C C The types of Strokes you seek depend on your Okayness No Strokes is the worst The worst punishment in Prisons is Solitary Confinement

49 PAPA PAPA Stroking C C Positive Strokes Praise, complements, recognition, affection, rewards, sympathy, consolation, self-satisfaction from job well done Negative Strokes Put-downs, criticism, degrading, ridicule, scolding, punishment, discounting Conditional Strokes Strokes with Ulterior Motives Strokes given for what you do, rather than for what you are: Performance oriented strokes Accommodation & conformity oriented strokes

50 PAPA PAPA Stroking C C Physical from parents, partners Psychological from teachers, friends, partners, acquaintances, managers Physical Strokes early in life move to Psychological Strokes later Positive for Being Morning, Karen. Morning, John, youre looking very smart. Positive for Doing This report is excellent. Negative for Being Why are you so unhelpful ? Negative for Doing Youre late again.

51 PAPA PAPA Stroking C C Maslow lists optimum stimulation with food & water as a primary need Stoking mostly comes from people – charity baskets do not fill hungry hearts We will get Strokes one way or another – like in the case of starvation Most common way getting strokes is Games One source is reliving Stroking from the past – think of a hobby & it will mostly connect to someone People entering a room always have a question: How do I get Strokes around here Some people need more than others Scientists may need only one a year

52 PAPA PAPA Stroking C C Stroking is needed and seeked daily by most of us Relationships get reliable Stroking Need to see the whole person to be able to give Positive Strokes – specially the Child However beware of Peda Throwing While we give Strokes, understand that others also need to give Strokes People in grief do not need advice or material – they need you Listening is one of the biggest strokes

53 PAPA PAPA Stroking - Relationships Children Parent Friend C C Spouse Etc. Me Etc. Colleague Etc.

54 Stroking - Forms 1.Eye Contact look to validate 2.Listen empathically at the other persons pace 3.Ask Questions keeping the other in mind 4.Use Names to validate the individual 5.Give Yourself Away risk a real conversation or encounter 6.Be A Rewarder thank you, letters, compliments – do it today

55 Stroking - Forms 7. Carry an Address Book, Postcard, & Pen never lose travel or waiting time 8. Plan spontaneous things happen to planners 9. Dont Allow Discounting reinstate a hello or other transaction 10. Loosen Up humour diffuses any situation (kiss kid) 11. Doers Do, and Tryers Try new feelings only come out of action 12. Dont Be Over Numerous in Your Intentions one call vs. a list of 99 that you will call in the year

56 PAPA PAPA Transactions 1 1 C C Parent Adult Child 2345678923456789 2345678923456789 Parent Adult Child

57 C C PAPA PAPA Transactions Complimentary Crossed Ulterior Parent Adult Child Parent Adult Child Parent Adult Child Parent Adult Child Parent Adult Child Parent Adult Child Parent Adult Child Parent Adult Child Parent Adult Child Parent Adult Child Parent Adult Child Parent Adult Child Expected Response No Conflict Produce Conflict Stop Communication Hurt Feelings Non Verbal Psychological Level Social Level

58 1. PAPA PAPA Transactions - Complementary Appropriate & Expected response Parallel communication arrows No Conflict Communication continues C C Parent Adult Child 2. Parent Adult Child What time do you have? Ive got 11:15 Parent Adult Child 2. Parent Adult Child Youre late again Im sorry, it wont happen again

59 Adult PAPA PAPA Transactions C C Critical Parent Nurturing Parent Adapted Child Natural Child Lecturing, Judging, Traditions, Criticizing, Should & Dont Consoling, Sympathy, Advising, Guides, Taking Care Of Objective, Data, Rational, Problem Solving, Less Emotion Manipulative, Submissive, Conform To Adult Expectations Playful, Impulsive, Curious, Creative, Fun, Rebel

60 1. 2. PAPA PAPA Transactions - Crossed Not Appropriate & not Expected response Crossed communication arrows Conflict Communication breakdown C C Parent Adult Child Parent Adult Child What time do you have? The clock is on the wall for you to see Parent Adult Child Parent Adult Child Youre late again I know, I had a flat tire

61 Adult PAPA PAPA Transactions C C Critical Parent Nurturing Parent Adapted Child Natural Child Lecturing, Judging, Traditions, Criticizing, Should & Dont Consoling, Sympathy, Advising, Guides, Taking Care Of Objective, Data, Rational, Problem Solving, Less Emotion Manipulative, Submissive, Conform To Adult Expectations Playful, Impulsive, Curious, Creative, Fun, Rebel

62 1. 2. PAPA PAPA Transactions - Ulterior C C Disguised Communication Non Verbal communication arrows May or may not be in conflict May or may not be communication breakdown Angular Parent Adult Child Parent Adult Child Duplex Parent Adult Child Parent Adult Child The Sale ends tomorrow Ill have one of those Please come into my office Im a little busy right now

63 Adult PAPA PAPA Transactions C C Critical Parent Nurturing Parent Adapted Child Natural Child Lecturing, Judging, Traditions, Criticizing, Should & Dont Consoling, Sympathy, Advising, Guides, Taking Care Of Objective, Data, Rational, Problem Solving, Less Emotion Manipulative, Submissive, Conform To Adult Expectations Playful, Impulsive, Curious, Creative, Fun, Rebel

64 PAPA PAPA Transactions Direct or Indirect Speaking so a third person can overhear I wonder if the boss knows that he is upsetting people Straightforward of Diluted Half hostile and half affectionate Hey genius, when are you going to finish this book? Intense or Weak Superficial or lack of feeling Whatever you say Gallows Transactions Amusement at a persons misfortune Reinforces negative behaviour Losers game C C

65 PAPA PAPA Transactions - Differences C C We differ in 2 ways Content of Parent, Adult, & Child Function of Parent, Adult, & Child Contamination Exclusion Ideally Parent, Adult, & Child should be separate Smooth transitions between the three Too rigid means slow people Too fast means unpredictable

66 PAPA PAPA Transactions Differences - Contamination C C Parent birth to 5 Prejudice (parents beliefs) Adult 10 months on Child Delusion (grounded in fear) Hallucination (abuse as child) birth to 5 Decontaminate your Adult

67 P P Transactions Differences - Exclusion ACAC ACAC Parent Adult Parent contaminated Adult with blocked out Child A person who cannot play Unhappy and controlled childhood Child

68 P P Transactions Differences - Exclusion Parent Child contaminated Adult with blocked out Parent A person without a conscience Adult Extremely brutal Parents No remorse Child Can be a Psychopath ACAC ACAC

69 P P Transactions Differences - Exclusion Parent Blocked out or decommissioned Adult Out of touch with reality Adult ACAC ACAC Conflicting info gives up on being Adult Psychotic Child Can be Manic- Depressive

70 PAPA PAPA Parent Adult Child Transactions Differences - Programming Adult using Parent Programming Parent Adult C Adult rejecting Parent or Child C Programming Child Parent Adult Child Adult using Child Programming

71 PAPA PAPA Transactions C C Being in one State evokes a response from a Complimentary State – Child evokes Parent In a Conflict, first compliment the others State and then move both to Adult Discounting is a big crossed transaction Ulterior happens when one is hiding the Parent or Child TA encourages Honesty vs. Ulterior

72 PAPA PAPA Transactions - Tips at Work How I see them: How they see themselves: Boss: Critical Parent Boss: Nurturing Parent Peers: Nurturing Peers: Adults Parents Support Staff: Support Staff: Most Mostly consider Natural Children, themselves Adults some Adapted except some admit Children, few Adults to being Natural Children C C

73 PAPA PAPA Transactions - Tips at Work C C Try mostly to keep Adult to Adult Do not get your Parent or Child Hooked Do divert into Natural Child to Natural Child sometimes Holidays, sport, music, etc Dont get into Critical Parent to Adaptive Child You havent given me any reason for… Nor Nurturing Parent to Adaptive Child If I were your boss, I would agree… I agree, threshold assessment is nonsense Certainly, dont do Adaptive Child to Nurturing Parent (with a hidden third party Critical Parent) Im sorry I have to ask this, but the …. demands it Nor Critical Parent to Critical Parent I agree, young people today are illiterate

74 PAPA PAPA Change What makes People Want to Change? Pain They are hurt sufficiently They have invested in the same slot machines without any returns for a long time They are severely ill and want relief Boredom So what becomes there is more to life than this Enlightenment Im OK – Youre OK is the only Proactive Position to initiate change C C

75 PAPA PAPA Change C C We are not helpless even though we feel we are When we are responsible (response able) then we can change If we are part of the problem then we can be part of the answer We cannot change others; others change only when we change ourselves – start with yourself

76 PAPA PAPA Change - Requirements C C Wanting comes first Requires Child participation – Want instead of Have To Positives work, negatives dont New Years donts – replace with something first Dos are exhilarating, donts are depriving Have a Reward in sight Continuous ones – not only a big one at the end A new Internal Model If parents are not good enough pick & be another We change a little at a time Small change over time becomes large (airplane 1 deg) Record your Gains The Child likes to see progress - proof

77 PAPA PAPA Change - Requirements Change produces Loss as well as Gain We feel Loss before Gain Freedom & Responsibility is related Have Options Nothing in life is sure Otherwise you will go back Get Help One and Only, None and Lonely Be shown where to look, not what to see – magic answers TA does not work, you do The Power of a Habit Time saving Energy repeatedly applied or we do the old way C C

78 PAPA PAPA Change - Requirements C C Energy Energy creates new Habit pathways Change takes energy – see Stress situations Avoid too many changes at once Concentrate it (10 units of energy on cake) Energy comes from people – strokes

79 Honey, Have You Seen My Car Keys? Harry and Wilma are husband and wife. One morning, Harry is running late for work and cant find his car keys. When he asks for Wilmas assistance in finding them, they eventually get into an argument. Whos fault was it?

80 Dont Grump At Me One summer evening recently, a lady walks into a restaurant of a well-known national chain. She places an order after waiting in line for another lady friend and four kids who are with her. After receiving her food, she discovers she did not get everything she ordered. She returns to the counter and complains, First, I have to wait and wait to place my order. Then, you mess it up on top of that. Robbie, who had taken her order makes a mistake in responding to the complaint. What did Robbie do? What should Robbie have done?

81 Theres A Good Farmer Lukes father would often take the family for a drive around the countryside after supper on Sunday. His father liked to look at other farms. Lukes father would sometimes say, Hes a good farmer when driving by a farm. What was the basis for his fathers conclusion?

82 Well It Worked the Last Time Charlene had a very successful sales call when she called on Herman. She had tons of information and Herman was seemingly interested in every detail, every number, every fact. When she gave the same presentation on her next stop with Paul it backfired. What went wrong and why?

83 Some Selling Implications of TA Develop an adaptive selling strategy for parent, adult, child customers Best communication exchange for selling? – Remember to respond in complementary manner – Most effective selling involves adult to adult Strokes, or positive interactions, important – Verbal (e.g. hello, compliment) – Touch (handshake, pat on back) – A gift – Listening

84 Being a Response Able Salesperson Recognize you cannot control anothers behavior, but you can affect their behavior by the way you respond to them. Remember you control your own behavior and thoughts. 1)Keep things in perspective Dont sweat small stuff Give it test of time Ask if its happened before Distinguish what can be changed from what cant Focus on haves vs. have nots 2)Have realistic expectations Life is not fair or perfect Bad (good) things happen, usually dont last forever Things dont always go according to plan People dont always act as youd like (remember ego state explanations, people have bad days, etc.)

85 Dealing with Difficult Customers Keep adult ego state in control of yourself. Dont get defensive, argumentative, emotional. Dont take it personally. Move cautiously, stay cool, remember complementary transactions and strokes. Do not need to take continued abuse. If handled well (e.g. didnt embarrass customer, allowed them to take something out on you), can turn out to be positive later.

86 Sales Quotes: Transactional Analysis When a relationship is right, details are negotiable; When tension is high, details become obstacles.

87 Sales Quotes: Transactional Analysis Rule #1: The customer is never wrong. Rule #2: If the customer is wrong, read rule #1.

88 Summary Transactional Analysis Ego States Four Life Positions Stroking Transactions Change

89 Summary There are many lessons here…. The first three are: 1. Be in your Adult ! 2. Be in your Adult !! 3. Be in your Adult !!!

90 PAPA PAPA Recommended Readings 1. Im OK, Youre OK Dr. Thomas Harris 2. Staying OK Dr. Thomas Harris 3. Games People Play Dr. Eric Berne C C


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