Presentation on theme: "Using Growing Balls: Personal Power for Young Men – the book and the group curriculum – in rehab, therapy and as a tool for mentoring."— Presentation transcript:
1Using Growing Balls: Personal Power for Young Men – the book and the group curriculum – in rehab, therapy and as a tool for mentoring
2BBS Subject Matter Expert for 15 yrs; Orals Examiner for 4 years Professional Bio of Your Intrepid Presenter for the day: David Hafter, MFT -- Author of the charmingly titled primer: Growing Balls: Personal Power for Young MenLicensed MFT for 20 yrs;BBS Subject Matter Expert for 15 yrs; Orals Examiner for 4 yearsPrivate Practice; Residential Tx (for both wealthiest and most impoverished kids in America); In-Home/community based services, including WRAPAROUNDAreas of expertise:Individual and Couple’s Therapy (including fertility issues) , Family Therapy, Men’s issues, Substance Abuse Treatment
3Why write Growing Balls? After 20 plus years of providing treatment for young men as an MFT (and often far too late), GB is my attempt at prevention.Most young men are more in need of mentoring than therapy.As a therapist, I don’t get to tell clients what to do and what not to do; as a writer, I can (and do).
4Why else? Frustrating issues that drove me to write: Kids having kids Fatherless/mentor-less boys making bad choices for them and expensive ones for the rest usPoor state of marriages and familiesDomestic Violence (empty man syndrome)Drug/alcohol problemsLack of societal emphasis on mentoring, skill building and developing Rites of PassageCurrent approaches to these issues are not working.
5Issues our kids are facing growing up today: The need to belongChild to adult transition issuesIndividuationPeer PressureSexual issuesDrug/Alcohol issuesGangsBoth parents working/supervision issuesBizarre “MTV” role models and values
6Group Exercise – Think back to your teen years. Remember a time when you:Struggled with family issuesStruggled with sexuality issuesStruggled with peer pressureStruggled with drug alcohol decisionsStruggled with relationship problemsStruggled with a poor self imageJust plain struggled?
7Besides therapy, our kids need healthy mentoring. With all that going on…Who was there for you?Besides therapy, our kids need healthy mentoring.
8GB is 175 pages of mentoring Author’s voice is to young men, not about them. However,the book was written with single mothers raising sons alone in mind,And for the girlfriends/wives who want to understand the young men in their lives.
9The title may make some of you cringe, but the guys love it… In our business, everyone pretty much agrees that the most important change element is the relationship between clinician and client. The title, chapter headings and sometimes coarse language help establish the relationship.We are attempting to connect with Young Men through a medium few (if any) of them use – Pop psych/self-help books.
10The “Balls” MetaphorPopular lexicon for using balls is nerve or chutzpah as in doing or saying something crazy or outrageous…Growing Balls uses the term balls for having courage and integrity.What kind of role modeling would it be for me to make nice with the title (to make adults feel better) so I can sell more books?How many other self help books are written to and for young men?
11Essentially, we don’t have the time to worry about making people feel comfortable, making nice and being Politically Correct.
12So, where do we begin? GB begins with an assertion: “If you are twenty-five or under, you have no business even thinking about getting married or becoming a father.”This sets the stage for discussing maturity, moral development and intelligent decision making.
13The Crash CourseTen pages summarizing the rest of the book, focusing on relationships with girls/women, the place where most guys are focused.If the guy likes the first ten pages, he will read the rest of the book; or his girlfriend will…
14Topics covered in GB include chapters on: The courage to find your valuesConscious compromising in relationshipsRelationships with womenWhy women love jerks – Finally, an answer!Being “In Love”The Intimacy QuestionWorthwhile WomenSexualityGetting Loaded (getting high is a natural desire)Maturity (immaturity is not a cause for shame)Friendship (being willing to tell your friend the truth)Fun Tests: Knowing that you are ready toBe a husbandBe a father
15Initial concerns and reservations… In therapy, this is not the best approach for all clients… Squeamishness (the clinician’s or the family’s)Political CorrectnessReligious concernsTopics include positive takes on masturbation & birth controlBottom line: you don’t have to endorse everything in GB to use it. What is important is for the topics to be discussed…
16Using GB with teens in therapy First of all, determine need and usefulness given the client’s issues.If s/he is dealing with GB issues (think back to our exercise) and can make use of the material, explain to the client’s parents/caregivers the GB approach, the meaning of the balls metaphor and if their heads do not explode, get their permission to use the book in therapy.
17Or, if that won’t work, use only the Personal Power for Young Men group curriculum. The group material is easily modified for individual work and can be billed as therapy or rehab and encapsulates most of the values areas of the book.
18One Chapter a Week In 1 to 1 counseling: acknowledge that the book is “aimed at guys a little older than you are” but you think they are ready to tackle the topics.Focus on discussion of the content issues, not adherence to writer’s opinion.Search out and encourage linkage to other sources of healthy mentoring
19In Family CounselingGB is at its best in starting conversations on sometimes difficult and uncomfortable topics.Agree or disagree with the ideas or premises – just talk about them with kids.Some parents discuss the book, chapter by chapter, with their teens (boys and girls).You can facilitate discussions between kids and parents/caregivers on GB topics, with you focusing your attention on their process.
20Or, as the perfect stocking stuffer… I’m only partially kidding and not just to sell books.GB gives parents (or others caring for/ mentoring young men) a format for addressing sensitive topics. It breaks the ice and opens doors for important discussionsA copy tossed into a young man’s room, without explanation, can achieve good results.
21Personal Power for Young Men A (free) group counseling curriculum A flexible curriculum designed for a 9 week groupCan be run by professionals or non-professionalsCan be used in a variety of settingsCan be modified for boys 13 and up.
22Skipping potential drama Using the subtitle of the book for the group name – Personal Power for Young Men - gives the material wider access to traditional settings where the GB moniker might make waves.PPYM groups are being done in schools, at Transitional Aged Youth (TAY) programs. Outpatient clinics and residential treatment programs.
23Focusing on the FutureThe group curriculum is set up to help guys form a picture their desired future and then help them see what it will take to get there.PPYM helps them to develop their Personal Power, which is their ability to live their lives according to their values and desires.
24The Personal Power for Young Men Group PPYM Group is designed to help young men to indentify what gives or takes away from their personal power.Personal Power is defined as a man’s ability to live life the way he wants to live it with underlying values of being safe, healthy and out of trouble.
25The Group ProcessGo through normal rules of group process, including limits of and expectations of confidentiality (illustrate with the use of practical examples), no put downs and expectations that everybody participate.“We’re just guys here.” (Or, with a female facilitator, “You can be just guys here.”In other words, swearing is okay and honesty is encouraged.
28Personal Power Comes To You When: You come to know and like yourselfYou live by your own set of valuesYou exercise self-discipline and accountabilityYou take care of your mind and bodyYou show patience with yourself and othersYou listen to others with more experience than you haveYou take (reasonable) chances and risk making mistakesYou appreciate your life and respect the lives of others
29Personal Power is lost when: You forget your own values as a personYou act against your own set of valuesYou act out weaknessYou act impulsivelyYou abuse substances that affect your mind and bodyYou ignore people who try to help or teach youYou shrink away from new challengesYou risk your life or the lives of others with your actions
31The Lightning Round Each guy makes his list of answers on the board. Then, take turns going through each list.Have each group member ask a quick question of the boy who wrote the list. The question should be related to answers given on the list.This increases group interaction and helps the guys to get to know one another better.
34Personal Power For Young Men Week 4Personal Power For Young Men
35Personal Power Comes To You When: You come to know and like yourselfYou live by your own set of valuesYou exercise self-discipline and accountabilityYou take care of your mind and bodyYou show patience with yourself and othersYou listen to others with more experience than you haveYou take (reasonable) chances and risk making mistakesYou appreciate your life and respect the lives of others
36Exercising Self-Discipline What does the phrase “self-discipline” mean to you?What does it mean to be accountable for you actions?Tell the group one instance in which you exercised self-discipline.How did it make you feel? What could have gotten in the way of you exercising self-discipline?Accountability means taking responsibility for your contributions to your problems.Tell of a time when you got into trouble for something you did. What was your fault and what was not?How do you develop self-discipline?
37Activity: What does it cost to be a good father? If you want to do the job right, you have to provide for your family.1) Make a list of every cost you can think of associated with having a baby, from the hospital on… Guess at dollar amounts and duration of expenses.2) List every change of lifestyle you would experience:a. How you use your free timeb. What you do for func. How you spend your what’s left of your money
38And just know that…Any experienced mother would laugh her head off at our lists because of all the stuff we forgot to mention regarding our money and time commitments…
39Final QuestionWhat does exercising self-discipline have to do with Personal Power?
40Fidelity to Concepts; Flexibility in Delivery The curriculum is designed for each group to have:A specific topicQuestions that prompt discussionsAn activityKnow that you are free to use your own questions or make up your own activities.
41The Curriculum is Free Go to www.growingballs.com (what else?) There, you can read snippets from each chapter of the book, order copies and best of all:Download the curriculum! There are instructions for the facilitator, a certificate of completion and power-points you can use (though not necessary)
42All I ask…Is that you use the free pre and post test also on the website and that you send me the results so I can see how it is working
43Questions on using the GB book or PPYM group material? Thank-you for your timeThank-you for being open-mindedThank-you for not throwing anything at me…Please fill out your Presentation Evaluation formsRemember to visit and check out the Growing Balls song on Youtube. (type in Growing Balls or my name in the Youtube search engine)