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Lesson 7 Is It A Healthy Relationship? ©Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

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Presentation on theme: "Lesson 7 Is It A Healthy Relationship? ©Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved."— Presentation transcript:

1 Lesson 7 Is It A Healthy Relationship? ©Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

2 Goals To acquire the ability to use a three question quide to assess the health of a relationship. To gain familiarity about what healthy and unhealthy relationships look like in the real world. To learn that unmet needs can lead to poor relationship choices. To foster parent/guardian-teen dialogue on healthy relationships. ©Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

3 Signs of Healthy Relationships Youve been dating for awhile and you like that person. But after a while, you begin to wonder about the relationship. You cant put your finger on it, but something doesnt feel right. Should you continue the relationship? What signs can you look for to see if this relationship has potential- or if it is healthy?

4 What about unhealthy relationships? Some teens find themselves in unhealthy and sometimes abusive relationships. Some find themselves attached or glued to someone who has big problems or are not good for them. Breaking Up is Hard To Do! It can be even harder when it is a bad relationship.

5 The Good News… 3 Important Questions to Ask! Unhealthy relationships can be avoided by asking yourself these 3 questions: 1. Is the relationship conditional or unconditional? 2. Is the relationship controlling or is it equal, respectful, and supportive? 3. Is the relationship mostly physical or is there attraction on many levels?

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7 Sculpting Activity 1. Get into 6 different groups draw a IS IT…? CARD. 2. Read the card aloud and Discuss it: Have you seen any relationships like this in real life or in the media? What specific behaviors might represent that type of relationship? 3. What symbols, images, or metaphors might represent this kind of relationship? 4. Using the sculpting supplies at the front of the room- create a visual representation of the relationship you have just discussed. You have 10 Minutes to sculpt! 5. Share your sculpture with your classmates! Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

8 Is It CONDITIONAL? This sculpture represents a fragile egg trying to stay balanced and avoid holes so it wont crash and break. Each color of the web represents a different condition for love to continue. Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

9 Does It Feel UNCONDITIONAL? This sculpture represents the support found in an unconditional relationship through the use of the connected hands. All the hearts, with their various colors represent the differences in all of us. Their position on the hands shows that despite all their warts, they are still loved, supported and accepted. We see a battered heart, a broken heart, a chubby heart, with all types of warts and curly-qs. We see the happy heart with the musical notes representing a song. The large arrangement again symbolizes different circumstances in life that affect us in connection to another person. Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

10 Is it CONTROLLING? The figures/sculptures are representative of one person controlling the other. Notice the size, in relationship to the other person. The bigger one carries a control stick which represents possible, and even likely, abuse in the future. Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

11 Does It Feel EQUAL & SUPPORTIVE? This sculpture represents a relationship that is separate but equal. They are holding hands for support. The stance shows they are able to branch out for personal growth and exploration, yet remain close and help each other. Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

12 Does It Feel LIKE ITS MOSTLY PHYSICAL? Bang! Fireworks. Enough said. Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

13 Is It GIVING? Attraction on Many Levels? There are multiple levels to represent the attraction on many levels which balance the relationship. Spiritual connection of the union is represented by the cross. Mental connection of the couple is the light bulb which shows acceptance of each others ideas. The joined hands are the give and take. The butterfly bush represents both give and take on many levels, and the beneficial nature of relationships, as well as added beauty to surroundings. Colored balls are the bumps of life. The toothpicks represent the pricks of life, disagreements and small things in relationships. Hearts represent emotional connections. The yarn represents how the various aspects of the relationship are intertwined to become a healthy physical union. The sun represents warmth and nourishment needed to sustain and grow the relationship. Green represents continued growth of the relationship. Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

14 Writing Assignment Choose one of the six types of relationships from the sculpting activity and write a description of a couple that fits that type. Listed below are the writing tasks: 1.Give your couple pretend names, ages, and the length of time they have been together. 2.Describe three typical interactions within the relationship. 3.Describe what it is like being around the couple. 4.Describe how aware the couple is that they have a healthy or unhealthy relationship. 5.Make a guess about how long the relationship will last. Describe how the relationship turns out. 6.Any of these six types of relationships could end. In fact, most teen relationships do not last. What could your couple have learned from this relationship experience?. Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

15 UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

16 Basic Human Needs EMOTIONAL Need for love & security MENTAL How you see yourself; how we think others see us PHYSICAL Need for touch SOCIAL Need to belong Unmet needs can lead to poor relationship and choices….. Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

17 Physical Needs The basic human need for physical touch. Ex: Babies who are neglected- not cuddled and held- can become sick and fail to grow. You dont outgrow your need for physical touch and physical affection.

18 Emotional Need Everyone wants to feel loved, and everyone has a need for security. Everyone needs to know that someone is there and will love him or her no matter what. Everyone has a need for unconditional love from family, friends, or mentors.

19 Mental Needs About how you see yourself and how you think others see you. Everyone cares what others think, and everyone wants to see themselves in a positive light. Everyone has a basic need for acceptance, respect, and approval by others.

20 Social Needs Involves the desire to belong. Everyone wants to feel that he or she belongs. Everybody wants to belong to a family or with friends. Eventually, most people want to be connected to someone in a romantic love relationship.

21 Jeffs Story Jeffs family members are all very independent. Each member manages his own life with little consideration for or consultation with the other family members. The children have always been encouraged to keep busy with lots of activities, and his parents are busy with their work. Home seems to be just a place to sleep, eat, and get moving again. There is very little conversation or interaction between the parents and children and very little physical affection. Jeff knows his parents love him, but they both work a lot of hours to provide for their family. He doesnt have an adult to talk to about whats going on in his life. He feels very alone in his family environment and has been spending more and more time with his new girlfriend. He also has been hanging out at his friends house after school. He and his buddies have been viewing a lot of porn on the internet. Lately, Jeff has begun to pressure his girlfriend for more physical affection, and they are moving toward sexual involvement at a rapid pace. Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

22 Jeffs Story Which unmet needs might be contributing to Jeffs pressuring his girlfriend for more physical affection and sex? Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

23 Myras Story Myra just turned 14. Her dad has a string of women and who knows how many other kids out there. Besides, her dad rarely comes by to see her. Her mom is often depressed and has her share of boyfriends that come around, too. Sometimes Myra feels like shes raising herself. At least when shes with Jason, her 16 year old boyfriend, she doesnt feel so alone. Hes all shes got, and she feels sex will make them closer. Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

24 Myras Story Which unmet needs is Myra experiencing? Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

25 Brads Story Im in a relationship right now that is probably the best one Ive had so far. Ive had a lot of messed-up relationships in the past. Before asking Chelsea out, I had taken off a couple of years from dating to re-examine my priorities. I think that this extended period of reflection helped me recognize the reasons I became attracted to certain types of girls. It helped me figure out what good traits I wanted in women. Before re- examining my priorities, I would exclusively pick girls who appeared promiscuous and troubled, just like me. Entering the relationship, I believed that I was there for sex with a throw-away girl, and would have no trouble dropping her if the relationship got to be trouble or too taxing. What would invariably happen is that I would feel like I had fallen in love with them, and they would manipulate me into a wretched lump seeing they were better at the mind games. They were generally pretty troubled and had rough childhood experiences, including divorce and sexual abuse. The promiscuity, Im guessing, was a way to get attention. I picked up on this, not wanting to wait more than one date for the sex, and went for whichever girl seemed to be the fastest way to the bedroom. The sexa contributing factor was our young, high school agewas almost always disappointing and extremely sketchy. Since I had no good experience to compare it to, I guess I was just there for the points. Happy, normal girls never really caught my eye. I assumed that they were boring, would not wear exciting underwear, and would want me to wait for physical intimacy. The memory of my old behavior makes me cringe nowadays… Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

26 Reflection Reflect on your own personal situation. How well are your needs being met? Are they being met in healthy ways?

27 14 Tips for Teens 1. Develop yourself, forge your own identity, pursue your own interests and acquire a solid sense of self. In the long run, the best relationships are made of two people who have a solid sense of self and some direction in life. And, dont ignore your friends after starting a romantic relationship. Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

28 14 Tips for Teens 2. Remember the 7 principles of smart relationships. Sometimes girls or guys ignore having a clear idea for how they want to be treated in order to hold onto a relationship. They may also try to change themselves and not be true to themselves or ignore value differences just to keep a relationship. Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

29 14 Tips for Teens 3. Look for a person with character and integrity. Have a future vision of the kind of relationship or marriage you want, and let that vision guide your relationship choices. Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

30 14 Tips for Teens 4. Slow down your emotional desire to be in a serious relationshipto be part of an us too soon. Get to know and/or date a variety of people. Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

31 14 Tips for Teens 5. Make clear decisions; dont just slide into romantic and/or sexual involvements. Handle your attractions with your brain turned on and eyes wide open. Girls, in particular, can become glued to an unhealthy relationship by getting sexually involved. Remember, sex often does not mean the same thing to two people. Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

32 14 Tips for Teens 6. Have a clear boundarya stopping point in your mindbefore you are with a boyfriend or girlfriend. It is hard to stop after a certain point of physical involvement when both are aroused. Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

33 14 Tips for Teens 7. Teens will have sexual feelings. Guys, in particular, think about sex a lot. As one young man said, As a teenage guy, you think of sex about every l0 minutes. It is normal and natural. Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

34 14 Tips for Teens 8. Always remember that its easy to be blinded, even fooled, by hormones and the brain chemicals of infatuation. Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

35 14 Tips for Teens 9. Remember that sex can create a child. Ask yourself if you are ready (emotionally and financially) to marry and be a good father or mother. Children deserve committed parents who are ready and able to parent together. If you are not, your child could pay a price. Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

36 14 Tips for Teens 10. Satisfying sexuality goes with a satisfying and mature relationship, like a healthy marriage. It takes self-development, growth, and maturity to have those kinds of relationships. They usually do not happen until your twenties. Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

37 14 Tips for Teens 11. Remember that among your prospective dates are some individuals with whom you may want to experience a real relationship someday. It will be about love. Will you be proud of your past? Have you acted with character? Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

38 14 Tips for Teens 12. To someday have a great relationship, you need to grow yourself and figure out how to be interesting to a partner who is your equal and who you find attractive in many waysnot just in a physical sense. Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

39 14 Tips for Teens 13. Keep your eyes on what is importantthat is, developing a satisfying relationship some day with a partner you love. Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.

40 14 Tips for Teens 14. Even when pregnancy and STDs are not an issue in a relationship, the emotional stakes can be high. No matter what orientation, the tips above apply to everybody. Copyright © 2007 by Marline E. Pearson. All Rights Reserved.


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