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Managing Conflict Leading Beyond the Obstacle. Reaching The Opportunity October 12, 2012 Presented By Kamilah Collins.

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Presentation on theme: "Managing Conflict Leading Beyond the Obstacle. Reaching The Opportunity October 12, 2012 Presented By Kamilah Collins."— Presentation transcript:

1 Managing Conflict Leading Beyond the Obstacle. Reaching The Opportunity October 12, 2012 Presented By Kamilah Collins

2 TOPICS Communication: My Message / My Intent Where Things Fall Apart: Understanding Them Hidden Feelings Wrong Turn: The Escalation Point Emotional Intelligence Ladder of Inference Let’s Try Again Solutions Opportunity to Develop Addressing Conflict Taking the Tools & Resolving the Problem

3 Communication: My Message, My Intentions What I Say What I Think (My Facts) What I Want you to Hear How I Feel (About You/ This situation/Something Totally Unrelated)

4 Understanding The Other Person What was Said What I Thought What I Heard Planning My Response How I Felt

5 Hidden Feelings Unexpressed Feelings Leak into Conversations – Make it hard to listen – Make it difficult to Convey your actual thoughts We Translate Our Feelings – Judgments “ If you were a good ___ u would…” – Attributions “Why were you trying to hurt me…” – Characterizations “ You’re so inconsiderate.” – Problem-Solving “The answer is for you to do __ …”

6 Wrong Turn: The Point of Escalation Your response matters! – Analysis Paralysis vs.. Bubble Gum Dispenser Don’t make assumptions about silence. Questioning is okay. Please be Socially Aware! Leaders aren’t afraid to embrace differences in others. The challenge is understanding how those difference impact communication & team dynamics.

7 Emotional Intelligence Self Awareness Self Management Social Awareness Relationship Management


9 What Contributed to the Conflict? What and How did I contribute to this issue? (mood that day, other events, attention on other things, priorities…) What did they contribute? (Emotional State, Tone, Nonverbal, Past Interactions, Poor Word Choice) Contribution of Others Elements (People, Circumstances, Timing, Place)

10 Let’s Try this Again Facts What Has Occurred What Action Do You Want Thoughts What information does the other person have? Are you sharing the information that brought you to your conclusion? Select Communication Repeat What You Heard Say What You Mean Allow the Other Person to Repeat Their Understanding

11 Solutions you can use. 5 Tips for Giving Feedback 1.Be specific. Give examples. 2.Be as specific with positive feedback as you are w/ negative. Remember 2:1 ratio 3.Be clear about consequences & expectations. (Suggestion vs.. Instruction) 4.Be clear about what is and is not negotiable. 5.You don’t have to persuade, just be clear. They can disagree.

12 Solutions you can use. 5 Tips for Receiving Feedback 1.Listen. Don’t assume you know what they’re going to say. 2.Know that you are competent but have room for improvement. 3.Be engaged in the conversation. Inquire when open questions are presented. 4.Be willing to learn something, you already know you’re not perfect. 5.Do NOT assume malicious intent.

13 Opportunity To Develop Building Relationships & RespectBoosting MoraleBeing seen as a LeaderTailoring Your MessageMaking Authentic ConnectionsPracticing Your Leadership SkillsSupporting a Strong Team

14 Addressing Conflict Define the concern that can be resolved. Acknowledge Contributing Factors (feelings, experience, intent, need to find fault, ) Stick to the Facts Be culpable… Own your contribution. Be flexible with your intended outcome.

15 Now Give It a Try Ask the person to get together outside of the routine environment. Something brief but casual (15-30mins) Have a non-YP discussion – Ask if they’ve done anything fun recently – Any recent successes, accomplishments, good news – Genuinely find something of interest and listen to them for at least five minutes – Repeat back something you found interesting, provide a compliment, note something that impressed you This may open an opportunity to develop a better relationship. If it doesn’t at least you made the effort.

16 Take What You’ve Learned. Go Lead. My name is Kamilah Collins NULYP Communications Chair Tweet @NULYP #WeDevelopMe Owner & Lead Consultant Restore. Rebuild. Rebrand Like the Facebook Page

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