2. 511104 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 1 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care Jerral Sapienza Caregiving Educator, Chaplain and Author of. URGENT WHISPERS: Care of the Dying. Unity of the Valley Church of Practical Christianity Thu Nov 18, 2004 - Eugene, OR...

3. 511104 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 2 We Are... Learning, Growing, Sharing as family, friends community. Spiritual Beings having a physical human experience. Aware of our mortality yet comfortably oblivious as well. Interdependent Resources of Strength, Friendship, Reflection. Radiant Beings of Light and Love on a journey called life.

4. 511104 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 3 Challenges Challenges A biography of my Evolution of Compassion. –C–Childhood grand mal epilepsy, hospitalization. –C–Childhood elder friendships in nursing homes. –C–Callings in the 1980s of friends and family with Cancer, Alzheimers, Heart Problems, Suicide.

5. 511104 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 4 The Journey –Writing, Poetry, Philosophy, Comparative Religion, Mystical Studies –Counseling Psychology at OSU: with terminal patients. –Reminded of the nursing homes as a child. –Vigil Sitting, simple presence. Be ye still and know that I am God. –The AIDS crisis of the 1980s... Where are their friends? –Became a family mentor, friend, guide because no one was there. –Thus, the concept for the book Urgent Whispers was born.

6. 511104 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 5 Evolving Compassion How do the Puzzle Pieces of End of-Life Care fit? Our calling in compassion: we must involve in order to evolve. Diversity, variation, situation always: be aware of The Other Commit to help and guide the inexperienced Vigil Record is a commitment for your friend, yourself, others. Onward into excerpts from Urgent Whispers: Care of the Dying… but first... an exercise.

7. 511104 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 6 Time Now for an Exercise Take a look at your exercise page… The phrases represent end-of-life caregiving roles / development. Allocate the 20 points between each of twelve boxes shown on page 2. ~8 mins.....

8. 511104 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 7 Discussion of Exercise Individual and Group responses to the allocation exercise… ~8 mins

9. 511104 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 8 Urgent Whispers Examples Exercises came from 12 whispers of the 52 in the book... Some practical examples of Evolving Compassion Urgent Whispers: Care of the Dying

10. 511104 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 9 The Breath Budget Mindfulness of how we communicate at the bedside Honor The One before you Truly listening with an intent to hear Feel free to ask me what I want, what I feel, what I need. Then honor and respect my answer, or my silence. p39 1

11. 511104 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 10 The Gatekeeper Every situation is different; every gatekeeper will have slightly different duties, but basic symbolic duties are: –Sergeant at Arms –Appointment Secretary –Overseer / Manager Before I built a wall, Id ask to know what I was walling in or walling out… --Robert Frosts Mending Wall from: http://town.hall.org/Archives/radio/IMS/HarperAudio/012294_harp_ITH.htmlhttp://town.hall.org/Archives/radio/IMS/HarperAudio/012294_harp_ITH.html I may have need of a gatekeeper now but I also need to have time with my family and friends p43 2

12. 511104 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 11 Dignity in Care Everyone always deserves respect and dignity End of life progressions can significantly change a person. Weakening, degeneration, dependence is difficult How you relate and are able to show your compassion is important This whole and wonderful being has a body which is ill and weakening. Treat my body with dignity. It is part, not all, of me. p47 3

13. 511104 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 12 Pity vs. Compassion Pity is a closed contagion of Fear we have to shrink in order to fit into, focusing attention on the self and worrying about how this affects ME Compassion is an open gift of commitment and awareness we agree to live in, an acceptance and willingness to try to understand YOU, US, ALL Do not bring me your pity. Bring me your honest compassion and expression of love, or bring me nothing. p51 4

14. 511104 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 13 Seeing as Equals Unite as One to be present. Hearing is the last of the senses to let go. Sight is often one of the first. Be near, save energy: Share a special bond. Come sit down here with me instead of so far away. I can see and hear you better if you are at my level. p65 5

15. 511104 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 14 Honoring Beliefs Perhaps the single most sacred of respects we can offer the dying is letting them determine their own spiritual practices and beliefs. Along with beliefs we must honor their values and lifestyles. For instance: regardless of how you feel about gay marriage, a partner must not be excluded from end-of-life times. Please respect my own religious beliefs, whether they are consistent with yours or not p75 Please do not demean nor mock nor cry out against my own views and practices of Spirit. They are mine. p77 6

16. 511104 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 15 Tuning In to the Process Dying is a very personal process… difficult in some ways, and extremely simple in others. Not everyone dies the same. Be present now. Breathing as One can help tune in / reflect. Tune into what Im going through here. Be present with me here and now. p87 7

17. 511104 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 16 What Time is it? Semi-conscious states at the end of life. Discussions of desired plans and process. Be mindful of the Breath Budget when discerning when… Day? Night? Early? Late? Jefferson – Adams 7/4/1826 50 th Anniversary I may like to choose the day and hour of my death… What time is it now? p99 8

18. 511104 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 17 Importance of Touch Human connectedness touches. Respecting Giving vs. Taking in touch. Appropriate loving touch is self-worth, value, love, kindness. Touch me gently (but not distractingly) as I die. Be with me but do not demand that I be with you. p101 9

19. 511104 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 18 Cathedral of the Soul Must we go see Aunt Millie? Each person has a history, beingness, unique and everlasting. But only one body. Encourage the visit by children. They need to say their goodbyes, too. Please remember me as a Personal Being with history and not just as the fragment you may find me to be now. p107 10

20. 511104 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 19 Death as Teacher If Death is a teacher, many of us in the West are always trying to skip that class! Yin Yang says that in all darkness there is light and in all light, darkness. As we are present to support, so they are present with their torch to lead that way. Realize that I go before you now, at least in part, as Teacher and Reflector for where you one day will follow. p 113 11

21. 511104 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 20 Letting Go Isnt Saying Goodbye Life and Death both have strong pull. Giving permission to go is a gift you give. Let go of attachments, fears, worries. Dont try to hold onto me beyond my time. Dont keep my physical body here beyond its will. p117 12.eof…

22. 511104 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 21 Once you Understand about Evolving Compassion… Share Your Wisdom; Touch Lives Sharing your Stories and Wisdom goes a long way to helping others discover the loving gift of Evolving Compassion in their lives. End of Life Care is a gift we give ourselves and others. Lessons abound in context... Where from here? Other ways to share?

23. 511104 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 22 Sharing Your Wisdom 2 of 2 Developing outreach projects around End of Life care to assist in community awareness for evolving compassion: Care of Dying Public Outreach Discussion (CodPods) Help to initiate the discussion. Speak up. Help Out. Activate Church Groups, Civic Organizations, Friends Start Library / Book Discussions around EOL issues. Other ideas YOU have? How will YOU reach out?

24. 511104 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 23 Training Materials to assist with discussion groups: Available online from LLX Press Urgent Whispers training site: http:// WWW.LLX.COM / UW / Train / –T–This PowerPoint presentation and handout available. –7–7-Week extended Discussion / Training materials –D–Downloadable manuals for facilitator and participants. –A–A Unity-specific 12-Powers of End of Life Care based on this material and Charles Fillmores Twelve Powers of Man. –S–Short story, poetry, writings on End of Life topics.

25. 511104 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 24 URGENT WHISPERS: Care of the Dying by Jerral Sapienza © 2002 LLX Press, Eugene, Oregon USA ISBN 0971710708:Paper / 0971710759:Spiral / $14.95 152 pg Available here today for purchase / autograph; also available online, at booksellers everywhere, and direct from LLX Press. Available here today $14.95

26. 511104 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 25 Thanks for attending this evening. Your Friends and Family will appreciate that you now better understand Compassion... Oh, and one last thing...

27. 511104 Evolving Compassion in End of Life Care -- Jerral Sapienza ©2004 LLX Press Eugene, Oregon: Tel 541.343-1202 26 My next book, actually due to be released Mon Jan 17 th, 2005 actually arrived in Eugene earlier this week. So it is also available here tonight in limited quantities... Thanks again, T h e E n d