Presentation on theme: "Jeff Foxworthy on Wisconsin: You might live in Wisconsin if… you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 38 inches of ice and sitting."— Presentation transcript:
Jeff Foxworthy on Wisconsin: You might live in Wisconsin if… you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 38 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by. your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March.
you may not have actually eaten it, but you have heard of Head Cheese. you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year. someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there. you know how to say Oconomowoc, Waukesha, Menomonie, Manitowoc & Lac Du Flambeau.
you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time. your town has an equal number of bars and churches. you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number. you think ketchup is a bit too spicy.
YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE WISCONSINITE WHEN… your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway. “vacation” means going up north past Hwy 8 for the weekend. you know several people who have hit deer more than once.
you often switch from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day and back again. you can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching. you see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings and funerals).
you think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and venison. you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife or girlfriend knows how to use them. there are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Mill's Fleet Farm at any given time.
you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction. you consider Minneapolis exotic. you know how to polka. a brat is something you eat.
your neighbor throws a party to celebrate the construction of his new pole shed. your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce. you find minus twenty degrees 'a little chilly'
COLD IS A RELATIVE THING 65 above zero: Arizonans turn on the heat. People in Wisconsin plant gardens. 60 above zero: Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Wisconsin sunbathe.
50 above zero: Italian & English cars won't start. People in Wisconsin drive with the windows down. 40 above zero: Georgians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats. People in Wisconsin throw on a flannel shirt. COLD IS A RELATIVE THING
35 above zero: New York landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Wisconsin have the last cookout before it gets cold. 20 above zero: People in Miami all die. Wisconsinites close the windows.
COLD IS A RELATIVE THING Zero: Californians fly away to Mexico. People in Wisconsin get out their winter coats. 10 below zero: Hollywood disintegrates. The Girl Scouts in Wisconsin are selling cookies door to door.
COLD IS A RELATIVE THING 20 below zero: Washington DC runs out of hot air. People in Wisconsin let the dogs sleep indoors. 30 below zero: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Wisconsinites get upset because they can't start the snowmobile.
COLD IS A RELATIVE THING 40 below zero: ALL atomic motion stops. Wisconsin public schools will open 2 hrs. late. 50 below zero: Hell freezes over. People in Wisconsin start saying...”Cold enough for ya?”