1. WELCOME TO V-MEN

2. {SISTER}

3. {MOTHER}

4. {GIRLFRIEND }

5. {NIECE}

6. {DAUGHTER}

7. {AUNT}

8. {GRANDMOTHER }

9. {WIFE}

10. {STEPDAUGHTER }

11. {LIFE}

12. For women and girls 16–44 years old, violence is a major cause of death and disability. Of the ten selected risk factors facing girls and women in this age group, rape and domestic violence are more dangerous than cancer, motor vehicle accidents, war and malaria. Studies also reveal increasing links between violence against women and HIV and AIDS.

13. If we are to have a future... NOW. We must change how we relate to violence and to women… If we value life itself...

14. FACT: 1 out of every 3 women is beaten or sexually abused in her lifetime. FACT: Approximately 1 in 3 adolescent girls in U.S. is a victim of physical, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner. FACT: 1 in 5 college women experience sexual assault during their college years and approximately 1 in 6 have been raped.

15. FACT: 4 million women & girls are trafficked annually. This has been the story of women. FACT: In Africa and, in some cases, the Middle East, more than 130 million women have undergone Female Genital Mutilation, and 2 million girls a year are at risk.

16. But then in 1998, Eve Ensler, author of the The Vagina Monologues, decided it was time to change all of that. She stood on a stage in New York City and in front of hundreds of people called for the end of violence against women and girls. It was a bold determination but thousands of others soon joined in the fight. VDAY was founded… And a new story began.

17. Tens of thousands of grassroots activists throughout the world have staged benefit productions of The Vagina Monologues, and other creative vehicles, to raise awareness and funds.

18. Last year, there were over 5800 benefit events that took place in 150 countries and all 50 U.S. states. V-Day has raised over $90 million dollars. V-Day funds over 11,000 groups worldwide that are working to end violence against women and girls. There are V-Day safe houses in the Democratic Republic of Congo, Haiti, Kenya, South Dakota, Egypt and Iraq.

19. Women have found their voices, they are standing up, making a difference in their communities and creating change throughout the world. This is the new story.

20. Violence against women and girls is not a womens issue - 95% of violence against women is committed by men. There are more pleasant things to do than beat up people. -Muhammad Ali MEN MUST RISE UP TO END THIS EPIDEMIC V-Day believes that a worldwide cultural shift needs to take place in order to stop violence against women.

21. It is now time for men to talk to other men about male issues and about how their relationship to violence impacts the lives of the women they love. Jimmie Briggs and Dr. Denis Mukwege

22. The Vagina Monologues: A Wakeup Call for Men? Men know little about the dangerous world their mothers and daughters, wives and sisters live in: a world where sexual harassment and sexual assault are commonplace. A world where personal security means checking the back seat of your car before getting into it. A world where going out at night means carrying a whistle, or a can of mace. A world most men, myself included, have a hard time relating to. It is not easy for men to acknowledge how widespread violence against women is, or to admit how much further we have to go to create a safe, egalitarian society. Hardest of all is men admitting that to get there means giving up some of the privilege we enjoy. -Rob Okun

23. V-MEN IS… TO STEP UP AND CHANGE THE STORY OF WOMEN to create a world without violence and… to ask questions to address the root causes of violence to explore the issue of violence against women and girls from a male perspective to talk openly with one another an opportunity a challenge an invitation

24. FIRST STEPS (Open Forum Discussion) Who are you? What or who brought you to the workshop today? What do you hope to get out of the experience?

25. The Closet We cannot abide by the violence one miserable person lets loose on another. We must shout and scream, as I and my brothers did, until it stops. At the same time, we must think of the more profound job ahead, to change the conditions of life that drive human beings to violencemen against women, and indeed all violence of one frustrated, angry person against another, one angry, aggrieved people against another. -Howard Zinn

26. SMALL GROUP DISCUSSION What is your first recollection of violence in your own life -- were you a witness? A participant? A victim? In what way has violence affected your relationships with the women in your life?

27. Getting the Frat Guys to Care About Sexual Violence I was in relationship with a woman who was molested by her father. Whenever her father would call, I was the one who had to watch her shutdown and was helpless to help her through it. Her drug and alcohol addiction, which she used to cope with the pain of incest, eventually became my problem and ultimately destroyed our relationship. I have been with other women who have sexually shutdown on me a few months into the relationship because of the abuse in their life. Once I raised my voice to a woman I was dating. It was a simple spat in the car over which route to take to a party. But what I said to her were the exact same words and tone another boyfriend used before she was beaten. That trigger ruined our evening and our relationship. -Derek Dujardin

28. HOME TRUTH FACT: Studies of domestic violence consistently have found that violence occurs among all types of families, regardless of income, profession, region, ethnicity, educational level or race. However, the fact that lower income victims and abusers are over-represented in calls to police, battered women's shelters and social services may be due to a lack of other resources.

29. Were you ever a witness to an incidence of domestic violence? Have you ever intervened to protect someone from violence, or have you ever not? Why or why not, and how did each make you feel?

30. Write the names of three women you know who have been harmed by men.

31. Pick one name from that list and consider how it made you feel when that woman was hurt or abused.

32. What would you say to that woman if she were here today and standing in front of you?

33. He Dised Me In the course of (my) work, I have been struck by the frequency with which I received the same answer when I asked prisoners, or mental patients, why they assaulted or even killed someone. Time after time, they would reply, "because he disrespected me" or "he disrespected my visitor [or wife, mother, sister, girl-friend, daughter, etc.]. In fact, they used that phrase so often that they abbreviated it into the slang phrase, He dis'ed me. -James Gilligan

34. What could incite YOU to violence? Has it ever happened? Have you ever lost it? When you lose it, what is it that you are giving up?

35. WHAT IS A MAN? Write ten qualities that define a V-Man

36. WHAT IS A MAN? Write ten qualities that every man should let go of

37. WHAT IS A MAN? Write ten qualities that best describe your father.

38. I Carry Her With Me In high school I was always looking for a fight, typically for the sake of some girls honor. In my twenties I was the guy the female bar tenders called on when a girl was being harassed. I would gladly jump across the bar and deal with any man that had the indecency to disrespect a woman. My motives were pure, but the methodology was obviously lacking, and ultimately landed me in jail on numerous occasions. -Jared Miller

39. THE WORLD OF MEN FACT: Boys who witness their fathers violence are 10 times more likely to engage in spouse abuse in later adulthood than boys from non-violent homes.

40. THE WORLD OF MEN What is patriarchy? What is the relationship between patriarchy and male violence? What does the world expect of me as a man? What does it mean to be strong?

41. The REAL World of Men I staffed a Boys to Men Weekend recently where we took boys from the ages of 13 to 17 years old and introduced them into the world of healthy, strong, trustworthy men. The REAL world of men. Most importantly, we dealt with what it means to be a man. Men keep their commitments, especially to themselves and their communities. Men dont hurt themselves or others. Men speak their truth from their integrity. We modeled this for all the boys, to show them they can trust men. And trust themselves. Make good choices. For many, it was the first time in their lives they have met men like this. We cried in front of them and showed them there is no shame in our emotions. Open, vulnerable and raw, we showed up. -Derek Dujardin

42. {WOMAN} {YOU}

43. Imagine that girl is the part of each of us that feels compassion, empathy, passion, intensity, association, relationship, emotion, play, resistance, vulnerability, intuitive intelligence, vision. Imagine that compassion informs wisdom. That vulnerability is our greatest strength. That emotions have inherent logic and lead to radical saving action. Now remember that those in power essentially taught us and conditioned us to believe the opposite… I have been with boys as well, watched as they have been ridiculed, censored and abused for their tenderness, their doubts, their grief, their need for comfort and protection. I have seen how the tyranny of masculinity has forced boys and then men to cut off their hearts and cast them into a brutal, lonely state of disassociation and isolation. -Eve Ensler EVE AND BOYS AFTER A PERFORMANCE OF THE VAGINA MONOLOGUES IN HAITI

44. {WOMAN} How have women personally contributed to your life? What qualities do they possess that you recognize as valuable, desirable? Do you feel like you have a girl cell inside you? Is it alive in you, or has it been repressed? What would it need to awaken it? {YOU}

45. I didnt confront a friend who had date raped another friend of mine in college. The rape occurred one year before I knew either of them. When I found out, I simply stopped being the guys friend. Yet, because I didnt confront him, whos to say he didnt do it again. I added to the problem. - Derek Dujardin

46. BE THE CHANGE Name one thing that YOU are willing to CHANGE about yourself in order to end violence against women and girls. Name one thing that you are willing to DO in your community to bring about an end to violence against women and girls.

47. BE THE CHANGE Turn to the guy next to you and tell him what you have resolved to do, ask him if he will be your WITNESS and your SUPPORT in getting it done. Name three men who can JOIN you in the fight to end violence against women and girls.

48. {MAN KIND} www.vday.org