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© 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. I Never Knew I Had a Choice - 7 th ed. by Gerald Corey & Marianne Schneider Corey Wadsworth A division.

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1 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. I Never Knew I Had a Choice - 7 th ed. by Gerald Corey & Marianne Schneider Corey Wadsworth A division of Thomson Learning, Inc.

2 Transparency 2 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Invitation to Personal Learning and Growth  THE SERENITY PRAYER “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”  What are your personal reactions to the Serenity Prayer? I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 1 (1)

3 Transparency 3 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Balancing Self-Esteem and Other-Esteem  We are social beings and many of our relationships are affected by relationships with others  Self-esteem and other-esteem should not be thought of as polar opposites  Other-esteem involves respect, acceptance, caring, valuing, and promoting of others  Strive to see the world anew by reexamining your present beliefs and values I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 1 (2)

4 Transparency 4 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Humanistic Approach to Human Growth  Self-actualization is the core of a humanistic view of people  Self-actualization is a process you work toward, rather than a final destination at which you arrive  Striving for growth implies becoming all you are capable of becoming  Abraham Maslow’s model of the self-actualizing person offers a foundation for understanding growth I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 1 (3)

5 Transparency 5 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Key Figures of the Humanistic Movement  Alfred Adler’s theory stresses self-determination and sees people as creative, active, goal-oriented, and choice-making beings  Carl Jung believed that humans are not merely shaped by past events, but strive for growth as well  Carl Rogers stressed the importance of nonjudgmental listening and acceptance as a condition for people to feel free enough to change  Abraham Maslow emphasized joy, creativity, and self-fulfillment I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 1 (4)

6 Transparency 6 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs  Once the lower need is satisfied, then the next higher need motivates us 5) Need for self-actualization 4) Esteem needs 3) Love needs 2) Safety needs 1) Physical and survival needs I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 1 (5)

7 Transparency 7 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Core Characteristics of Self- Actualizing People  Self-awareness  Freedom  Basic honesty and caring  Trust and autonomy I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 1 (6)

8 Transparency 8 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. What Kind of Learner Are You?  Auditory learner  Visual learner  Kinesthetic learner  Emotional learner I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 1 (7)

9 Transparency 9 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Suggestions for Getting the Most From the Course and Book  Take the time to prepare for class by reading and reflecting  Be willing to take risks necessary for change  Use the class as a way to explore your beliefs about personal topics  Practice new behavior outside of the class  Keep a personal journal I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 1 (8)

10 Transparency 10 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Reviewing Your Childhood and Adolescence  INFANCY  Core task: Develop sense of trust in self and others  Erikson’s core struggle: trust versus mistrust  Critical importance of sense of being loved during infancy  Infancy provides the foundation for later development I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 2 (1)

11 Transparency 11 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Early Childhood  Erikson’s core struggle: autonomy versus shame and doubt  Central task is to begin the journey toward autonomy  A time for learning what it means to be interdependent  Importance of developing emotional competence I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 2 (2)

12 Transparency 12 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. The Preschool Years  Erikson’s core struggle: Initiative versus Guilt  A time for learning basic attitudes regarding sexuality  A time for increasing the capacity to understand and use language  Importance of learning to accept the full range of one’s feelings I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 2 (3)

13 Transparency 13 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Middle Childhood  Erikson’s core struggle: Industry versus Inferiority  Increasing understanding of self --- gender, race, culture, abilities  Relationships as a major focus during middle childhood  A time for developing the self-concept I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 2 (4)

14 Transparency 14 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Ego-Defense Mechanisms  Psychological strategies we use to protect our self-concept  We use ego defenses at various stages of life to soften the blows of reality  Ego defenses help us cope with anxiety  These defenses have adaptive value if they are not excessively used to avoid facing reality I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 2 (5)

15 Transparency 15 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Adolescence  Erikson’s core struggle: Identity versus Role Confusion  A critical period in the development of personal identity  Implications of individuation or psychological separation from parents  Psychological moratorium - a time for experimentation with different roles before making major commitments I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 2 (6)

16 Transparency 16 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Adulthood and Autonomy  THE STRUGGLE TOWARD AUTONOMY  Process of autonomy begins in early childhood and continues throughout life  Ultimate goal is the development of a mature and interdependent self  Autonomy means knowing yourself and having significant connections with others  Cultural factors play a key role in determining the kind of relationships that govern one’s life I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 3 (1)

17 Transparency 17 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Challenging Early Messages (or Parental Injunctions)  Examples of parental injunctions that we incorporate into our lives:  Don’t make mistakes  Don’t be close  Don’t be a child  Don’t succeed  Don’t be you I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 3 (2)

18 Transparency 18 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Albert Ellis and Uprooting Irrational Beliefs  Your faulty thinking is what leads to your emotional upsets  You can best change your feelings and actions by changing your beliefs  It is essential to identify and challenge self-defeating beliefs  Become aware of your should’s, ought’s, and must’s  Learn ways of challenging your internal dialogue and your inner critic I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 3 (3)

19 Transparency 19 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Early Adulthood  There are wide variations in the way in which people experience early adulthood  Erikson’s core struggle: Intimacy versus Isolation  Emerging adulthood: a distinct period from both adolescence and young adulthood  Emerging adulthood offers rich opportunities for exploring personal identity in the areas of love, work, and values I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 3 (4)

20 Transparency 20 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Middle Adulthood  A time of going outside of ourselves  This can be a time of great productivity  Erikson’s core struggle: Generativity versus Stagnation  When we reach middle age, we come to a crossroads I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 3 (5)

21 Transparency 21 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Late Middle Age  People often think of what they want to do with the rest of their lives  There are many positive and creative dimensions of middle age  A time to consider new sources of meaning in our lives  A time to examine priorities and make new decisions I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 3 (6)

22 Transparency 22 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Late Adulthood  Erikson’s core struggle: Integrity versus Despair  Prevalent themes often include loss, loneliness, dependency, regrets over past events and decisions  It is essential to challenge the stereotypes of late adulthood  The attitude an older person has about aging may be more important than chronological age I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 3 (7)

23 Transparency 23 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Your Body and Wellness  HOLISTIC HEALTH versus TRADITIONAL MEDICINE  Traditional medicine focuses on identifying symptoms of illness and curing disease  Holistic health focuses on all facets of human functioning  The holistic approach assumes the unity of body and mind I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 4 (1)

24 Transparency 24 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Wellness  Wellness consists of all aspects of functioning: physical, psychological, social, intellectual, and spiritual  Wellness involves the integration of body, mind, and spirit  Wellness deals with positive health, not the absence of sickness  Wellness is a lifestyle choice rather than a one-time decision I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 4 (2)

25 Transparency 25 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. REDS — A Formula For Wellness  Developing sound habits pertaining to sleeping, eating, exercising, and cultivating our spirituality are basic to any wellness program R = Rest allows our physical body to regenerate itself E = Exercise can prolong and enhance life D = Diet is a major factor that affects our long-term health S = Spirituality is a pathway to developing meaning in life I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 4 (3)

26 Transparency 26 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Suggestions for Getting Better Sleep  Establish a regular sleep routine  Don’t take your worries with you to bed  Exercise regularly  Engage in meditation or relaxation methods prior to retiring  Avoid eating heavy meals close to bedtime  Maintain realistic self-talk about sleep I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 4 (4)

27 Transparency 27 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Some Benefits of Exercise  Increasing respiratory capacity  Releasing pent-up emotions  Increasing feelings of well-being and self-esteem  Reducing the risk of illness  Reducing body weight  Increasing physical strength and endurance  Providing you with a source of enjoyment I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 4 (5)

28 Transparency 28 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Dr. Andrew Weil’s Thoughts on Eating Well for Optimum Health  Dr. Weil, who teaches physicians at the University of Arizona’s Program in Integrative Medicine, believes that:  Eating for health and eating for pleasure are not incompatible  What and how we eat is key to how we feel and how we age  We can make choices about what to eat and what not to eat I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 4 (6)

29 Transparency 29 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Your Body Image  A healthy body and a positive body image allows you to do what you want physically  Your view of your body has much to do with choices in other areas of your life  Early decisions you have made about your body will likely affect you now  Weight is related to body image for many people I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 4 (7)

30 Transparency 30 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Managing Stress  STRESS AND EVERYDAY LIFE  Stress - an event or series of events that lead to strain, often results in physical and psychological health problems  Sources of stress are frustrations, conflicts, pressures, and change  Learning to cope with stress is essential to maintain wellness  Stress has both positive (eustress) and negative (distress) effects  Either we control stress, or stress controls us I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 5 (1)

31 Transparency 31 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Effects Of Stress  If stress is not handled in a constructive way, it often produces adverse physical and psychological effects  Under stress our bodies experience the “fight-or-flight” response  Chronic stress causes bodily wear and tear resulting in psychophysiological disorders  Negative emotional states of anxiety and depression are the result of prolonged stress I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 5 (2)

32 Transparency 32 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Stress and the Hardy Personality  Some people seem to be especially resilient and are better able to cope with stress  Distinguishing characteristics of hardy people are  A liking for challenge  A strong sense of commitment  An internal locus of control I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 5 (3)

33 Transparency 33 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Some Constructive Paths to Managing Stress  Time management  Money management  Challenging self-defeating thinking and negative self-talk  Developing a sense of humor  Learning to relax  Mindfulness  Meditation I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 5 (4)

34 Transparency 34 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Suggestions for Managing Stress  Think of ways to simplify your life  Learn and practice a variety of relaxation exercises  During the day – pause and remember to breathe  Make the time each day to do what you really enjoy doing  Keep your mind focused on what you are experiencing in the present  Make the time to be alone on a regular basis  Be kind to yourself --- and to others I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 5 (5)

35 Transparency 35 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Some Hints on Time Management  Time management can be a route to helping you set priorities and accomplishing your goals  Actions you can take to remain in charge of your time:  Establish clear and attainable goals  Decide what you can accomplish in a given period of time  Keep a schedule book and organize your time  Before accepting a new project consider if you have a full plate  Be comfortable with what you do accomplish  Reward yourself I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 5 (6)

36 Transparency 36 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Recognizing and Dealing with Burnout  Burnout is a state of physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual exhaustion  Striving for unrealistically high goals can lead to burnout  The key is to recognize subtle sign of burnout  Changing the way in which you approach school or work can prevent burnout  Prevention is better than remediation  Don’t forget to take good care of yourself I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 5 (7)

37 Transparency 37 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Love  MYTHS AND MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT LOVE  Love is eternal  Love implies constant closeness  We fall in and out of love  Love is exclusive  True love is selfless  Love and anger are incompatible I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 6 (1)

38 Transparency 38 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Fears of Loving and Being Loved  Fear of isolation  Fear of being discovered  Uncertainty of love  no guarantees I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 6 (2)

39 Transparency 39 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Characteristics of Inauthentic Love  Pseudo-love may look like authentic love, but it stifles growth  One whose love is inauthentic ---  Attaches strings to loving and loves conditionally  Is possessive  Depends on the other person to fill a void in life  Needs to be in charge and make decisions for the other person  Lacks commitment I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 6 (3)

40 Transparency 40 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Meanings of Authentic Love – A Personal Perspective  LOVE MEANS  Knowing the person  Caring about the person  Having a responsibility toward the person  Having respect and dignity for the person  Accepting imperfection  Growth for both people in the relationship I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 6 (4)

41 Transparency 41 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Relationships  MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS — A PERSONAL PERSPECTIVE  Each person in the relationship has a separate identity  Both actively work at keeping the relationship alive  Each person is growing and changing  Each person is moving in a direction in life that is personally meaningful  They encourage each other to become all they are capable of becoming  Each has a commitment to the other I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 7 (1)

42 Transparency 42 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Anger in Relationships  There is value in recognizing and expressing anger  Express anger in a way that does not assassinate another’s character  Don’t hold on to anger or nurse grudges  Recognize danger signs when anger gets in the way of relationships  Talk more about yourself than about what is wrong with the other person  Decide when it is better not to express anger I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 7 (2)

43 Transparency 43 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Guidelines for Dealing Effectively with Conflict and Confrontation  Conflict can be a healthy sign of individual differences  If you confront a person, know why  View confrontation as a caring act  Accept responsibility for your own feelings  Tell others how you are struggling with them  Don’t walk away from conflict  Be open to forgiving others who have hurt you  Be willing to forgive yourself I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 7 (3)

44 Transparency 44 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Barriers to Effective Communication  Recognizing communication blocks is the first step toward opening the channels to dialogue  Some barriers are  Hearing only what you want to hear  Being overly concerned about getting your point across  Silently rehearsing what you will say as you are “listening”  Becoming overly defensive  Making assumptions about the other person without checking them out I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 7 (4)

45 Transparency 45 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Hints for Coping with Termination of a Meaningful Relationship  Allow yourself the time to grieve  Express your anger without violence  Take responsibility for your own part in the relationship  Find a support network  Make use of writing in your journal  Be willing to forgive — both yourself and the other person  Seek closure I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 7 (5)

46 Transparency 46 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Becoming the Woman or Man You Want to Be  SOME KEY POINTS ON GENDER-ROLE IDENTITY  The gender-role standard encourages a static notion of “clear roles into which all women and men must fit”  Examine the experiences you have had that influence your gender-role identity  Reflect on your models that have influenced your views of what it means to be a woman or a man  Be patient with yourself in challenging and changing your attitudes  Decide for yourself what kind of person you want to be, based on what you truly value I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 8 (1)

47 Transparency 47 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Portrait of Traditional Male Roles  Some stereotypes associated with the traditional male role include a man’s  Emotional unavailability  Power and aggressiveness  Denial of fears  Protection of his inner self  Denial of “feminine” qualities  Being driven to succeed  Lack of bodily awareness I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 8 (2)

48 Transparency 48 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Portrait of Traditional Female Roles  Some stereotypes associated with the traditional female role include  Women are warm, expressive, and nurturing  Women are not aggressive or independent  Women are emotional and intuitive  Women are passive and submissive  Women are more interested in relationships than in professional accomplishments I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 8 (3)

49 Transparency 49 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Challenging Traditional Gender-Role Expectations  Both women and men often pay a price for staying within the limited boundaries defined for them by their culture  Becoming aware of the process of gender-role socialization is the first step toward making choices about assuming expected role behavior  Men and women are challenging the societal conditioning that results in rigid role behavior I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 8 (4)

50 Transparency 50 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Alternatives to Rigid Gender-Role Expectations  The challenge is for women and men to work together in deciding how they want to be  Androgyny is the flexible integration of both feminine and masculine traits  Androgynous people can adjust their behavior to what the situation requires in integrated and flexible ways  Gender-role transcendence involves moving beyond gender roles I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 8 (5)

51 Transparency 51 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Sexuality  MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT SEXUALITY  Women are not as sexually desirable when they initiate sex  As people get older, they are bound to lose interest in sex  By their very nature, men are sexually aggressive  The more physically attractive a person is, the more sexually exiting he or she is  Being attracted to someone of the same gender is abnormal I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 9 (1)

52 Transparency 52 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Some Concerns About Sexuality  A few concerns that many people have about sexuality  Worrying about performance standards  Contracting sexually transmitted diseases  Being preoccupied with one’s body  Feeling responsible for a partner’s dissatisfaction  Experiencing guilt over sexual feelings or behavior  Worrying if one is normal I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 9 (2)

53 Transparency 53 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Guidelines on Making Responsible Choices  In making responsible, inner-directed choices about whether to act on sexual feelings, you might consider  Will my actions hurt another person or myself?  Will my actions limit another’s freedom?  Will my actions exploit another’s rights?  Are my actions consistent with my values and commitments? I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 9 (3)

54 Transparency 54 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Basic Facts About AIDS  AIDS affects a wide population and continues to be a major health problem  There is much ignorance and fears of AIDS  AIDS weakens the body’s immune system and that allows other diseases to prey on the body  AIDS is considered an “equal opportunity disease” because it is found among people of all ages, genders, races, and sexual orientations I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 9 (4)

55 Transparency 55 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Transmission of HIV  Much is known about the transmission of HIV and how it can be avoided  Most people with HIV infection will eventually develop AIDS  With early treatment HIV can be retarded and the onset of AIDS can be delayed  Common forms of HIV transmission are unprotected sex with, or sharing intravenous needles with, a person infected with the virus I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 9 (5)

56 Transparency 56 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Prevention of HIV/AIDS and STD’s  Educate yourself about HIV/AIDS and about sexually transmitted diseases (STD’s)  Engaging in sex with multiple partners is high-risk behavior  Effective and consistent use of safer sex methods is a key to prevention  Consider abstinence as an alternative  Make responsible choices I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 9 (6)

57 Transparency 57 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Suggestions for Reducing Date Rape  Recognize that date rape is a betrayal of trust  Realize that using alcohol and drugs at parties can cloud your judgment  Listen carefully to each other and respect each other’s values and boundaries  Clarify your values and attitudes about sex before you are in situations where you have to make decisions about sexual behavior  Be prepared to act forcefully if assertive refusals don’t stop unwanted sexual advances I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 9 (7)

58 Transparency 58 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Facts About Sexual Harassment  Sexual harassment is repeated and unwanted sexually oriented behavior in the form of comments, gestures, or physical contact  Sexual harassment is abuse of the power differential between two people  It diminishes choice and is not flattering  If you are a recipient of harassment, realize you are not powerless and you have a right to break the pattern I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 9 (8)

59 Transparency 59 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Work and Recreation  FACTORS IN VOCATIONAL DECISION MAKING  Motivation and achievement  Attitudes about occupations  Abilities  Interests  Values  Self-concept I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 10 (1)

60 Transparency 60 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. John Holland’s Six Worker Personality Types  Realistic  Investigative  Artistic  Social  Enterprising  Conventional I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 10 (2)

61 Transparency 61 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Steps in the Process of Deciding on a Career  Begin by focusing on yourself  Generate alternative solutions  Gather and assess information  Weigh and prioritize your alternatives  Make the decision and formulate a plan  Carry out the decision  Get feedback I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 10 (3)

62 Transparency 62 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Balancing Work and Recreation  Work alone does not generally lead to a rich existence  Recreation involves creating ourselves anew and is a path to vitality  Recreation requires the ability to let go and experience life  The appropriate balance between work and recreation depends on the needs of the individual I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 10 (4)

63 Transparency 63 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Loneliness and Solitude  Loneliness often results from certain events in life such as:  Death of someone we love  The decision to leave a secure job for an unknown one  Moving to a new city  A long stay in a hospital  Loneliness is an experience of feeling set apart from others  Loneliness can indicate that we’ve failed to listen to our inner voice I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 11 (1)

64 Transparency 64 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Solitude  Solitude is typically something we choose for ourselves  In solitude, we make time to be with ourselves and to discover who we are  Solitude provides an opportunity for renewal  Through solitude we are able to examine our lives and gain a sense of perspective I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 11 (2)

65 Transparency 65 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Ways People Attempt to Escape from Facing Loneliness  Living an overscheduled life  Striving for perfect control of the environment  Surrounding ourselves with people  Becoming a slave to routine  Numbing ourselves with alcohol or drugs I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 11 (3)

66 Transparency 66 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Some Consequences of Shyness  Shyness can make it difficult to communicate effectively  Shyness often holds people back from meeting new people  Shyness may prevent people from expressing themselves  Shyness often results in feelings of depression, anxiety, and loneliness I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 11 (4)

67 Transparency 67 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Death and Loss  FEARS OF DEATH AND DYING  Some of the aspects of death we may fear are ---  Ceasing to be  Leaving behind those we love  Losing ourselves  Encountering the unknown  Coping with the indignity of a painful and long dying process  Growing distant in the memories of others I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 12 (1)

68 Transparency 68 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Death and the Meaning of Life  Life and death are two facets of the same reality  Realization of death can revitalize our goals  Acceptance of death can lead to discovery of meaning and purpose in life  Because time on earth is limited, there is an urgency about living  Ancient Greek dictum — “Contemplate death if you would learn how to live.” I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 12 (2)

69 Transparency 69 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Some Common Myths About Suicide  There are no warning signs  People who are suicidal want to die  People who talk about suicide will not do it  Suicide is genetic  Young people are more likely than old people to commit suicide I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 12 (3)

70 Transparency 70 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Some Warning Signs Indicating Suicidal Potential  Previous suicidal threats or comments  Giving away prized possessions  Talking about specific ways and a time plan for committing suicide  Chronic depression and feelings of hopelessness  Extreme changes of behavior and sudden personality shifts  Getting one’s life in order I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 12 (4)

71 Transparency 71 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Stages of Dying  Denial  Anger  Bargaining  Depression  Acceptance I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 12 (5)

72 Transparency 72 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Being “Dead” Psychologically and Socially  Are you caught up in deadening roles?  Are you alive to your senses and your body?  Can you be spontaneous and playful?  Are you alive to your feelings?  Are your relationships alive?  Are you alive intellectually?  Are you alive spiritually? I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 12 (6)

73 Transparency 73 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. How Well Are You Living Life?  Consider writing three eulogies for yourself  Write an actual eulogy — one you would give at your own funeral  Write a feared eulogy — one that you fear someone might say  Write the eulogy you would hope for I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 12 (7)

74 Transparency 74 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Meaning and Values  THREE EXISTENTIAL QUESTIONS  Who am I?  Where am I going?  Why? I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 13 (1)

75 Transparency 75 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Our Quest for Identity  Identifying core values is a part of the quest for identity  An identity is not achieved once and for all  We need to listen to our inner selves and trust what we hear  We may decide to go against our cultural upbringing to create an identity that is congruent with our values I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 13 (2)

76 Transparency 76 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Examining Your Values  Where did I develop my values?  Are my values open to challenge and modification?  How do my values affect my behavior?  Am I able to accept others — even if they think, feel, or act in different ways from me? I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 13 (3)

77 Transparency 77 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Embracing Diversity  Meaning in life can be found by paying attention to the common ground we are sharing and by becoming aware of universal themes that unite us  Create a philosophy of life that embraces under- standing and acceptance of diverse world views  Prejudice and discrimination are paths toward an empty existence  Becoming aware of our own subtle prejudice is the first step toward change I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 13 (4)

78 Transparency 78 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Ways of Breaking Down Barriers and Building Connections  Acknowledge and challenge your biases and prejudices  Avoid judging differences — view diversity as a strength  Be respectful of those who differ from you  Learn about cultures that differ from your own  Be willing to test, adapt, and change your perceptions I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 13 (5)

79 Transparency 79 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Where to Go From Here: Pathways to Growth  PATHWAYS FOR CONTINUED SELF-EXPLORATION  Develop a reading program  Continue your writing program  Engage in self-directed behavior change  Get involved in a support group I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 14 (1)

80 Transparency 80 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Counseling as a Way to Understand Yourself  You might consider seeking counseling when —  You feel out of control of your life  You are stuck  You are involved in an unsatisfying relationship  You are experiencing a spiritual crisis  You are experiencing a significant loss  You are the victim of discrimination or oppression  You fear using your potential I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 14 (2)

81 Transparency 81 © 2002 Wadsworth, a division of Thomson Learning, Inc. Understanding Your Dreams  The messages we receive in dreams are related to our hopes, fears, concerns of daily life  Dreams can reveal significant clues to events that have meaning for us  Dreams are messages that deserve to be listened to and respected  Dreams can provide a pathway to better understanding of yourself I Never Knew I Had a Choice - Chapter 14 (3)


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