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1 WELCOME! This slide show is one (modified) part of a professional development workshop that I conduct. During those workshops, the slides are accompanied.

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Presentation on theme: "1 WELCOME! This slide show is one (modified) part of a professional development workshop that I conduct. During those workshops, the slides are accompanied."— Presentation transcript:

1 1 WELCOME! This slide show is one (modified) part of a professional development workshop that I conduct. During those workshops, the slides are accompanied by narration, elaboration, examples, and humor. Group activities and video clips are interspersed. I dont just turn on the show and sit back with a cup of steaming hot oolong tea. There is a code for making optimal use of this show. A red punctuation mark (period, question mark, colon) indicates that the show has paused. Left click your mouse to continue with the show. A green punctuation mark means that you have reached the end of a slide. Left click your mouse to move to the next slide. Enjoy the show. (Left click to move to the next slide.) Dr. Mac Dr. Mac

2 2 The Conflict Cycle This slide show presents Nick Longs model for explaining why teachers and students engage in arguments and disciplinary battles (some of my personal variations and interpretations of the model are interwoven). This slide show presents Nick Longs model for explaining why teachers and students engage in arguments and disciplinary battles (some of my personal variations and interpretations of the model are interwoven). While I believe that Dr. Longs model has certain limitations, it is an excellent introduction into understanding classroom-based (and our own home- based) conflict. Hopefully, Ill have my version of the teacher-student discord phenomenon (and how to respond productively and proficiently) uploaded to this site (www.BehaviorAdvisor.com) in the near future. While I believe that Dr. Longs model has certain limitations, it is an excellent introduction into understanding classroom-based (and our own home- based) conflict. Hopefully, Ill have my version of the teacher-student discord phenomenon (and how to respond productively and proficiently) uploaded to this site (www.BehaviorAdvisor.com) in the near future.www.BehaviorAdvisor.com

3 3 Do Now Activity Recollect an argument or disciplinary battle that youve had with a youngster. If youve not had this sort of interaction, think of an extended argument that you have witnessed in the classroom between a staff member and a student. (If youve not witnessed a classroom event of this nature, recall an extended argument that ensued with a friend or family member). Jot down some notes describing the sequence of events (see above). What action brought out the first negative comment? How did the other person react? How then did the first party respond? Etcetera.

4 4 Room 106 Student: Curtis, is a SPED kid from a disorganized home. He has been showing promise academically and socially over the last year and a half in Mr. Rogers room. This year, he is experiencing a rough start with his new teacher. Student: Curtis, is a SPED kid from a disorganized home. He has been showing promise academically and socially over the last year and a half in Mr. Rogers room. This year, he is experiencing a rough start with his new teacher. Teacher: Mr. Lee, an experienced educator who prides himself on not putting up with any crap from kids. Teacher: Mr. Lee, an experienced educator who prides himself on not putting up with any crap from kids. Click here to read the script of the event. (in Word format) Click here to read the script of the event. (in Word format) Click here to read the script of the event. Click here to read the script of the event.

5 5 Self discipline isnt taught in obedience school.

6 6 The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves. Getting tough with persistently defiant, non-compliant kids is counter productive.Getting tough with persistently defiant, non-compliant kids is counter productive. These youngsters dont succumb to coercion. These youngsters dont succumb to coercion. Rather, they are incited by it. Rather, they are incited by it. If our penalties are harsh and repeatedly applied, we might possibly be able to subdue the rebellion and create a non-motivated, withdrawn kid (ala Driekurs stages…see the link on the home page titled Figuring out why kids misbehave). This outcome represents another hollow victory for educators. If our penalties are harsh and repeatedly applied, we might possibly be able to subdue the rebellion and create a non-motivated, withdrawn kid (ala Driekurs stages…see the link on the home page titled Figuring out why kids misbehave). This outcome represents another hollow victory for educators.www.BehaviorAdvisor.com Skilled, knowledgeable and caring teachers do what were paid to do: Skilled, knowledgeable and caring teachers do what were paid to do: Teach Teach Inspire Inspire In order to promote positive behavior change and motivation, tough teachers must change their ways. While those ways work with 95% of the kids, its the 95% who dont need to be treated in that manner in order to get them to behave. Their ways dont work at all with the difficult 5%. In fact, their coercive interventions make things worse. However, its hard to convince negative teachers of the faults of their ways. They commonly respond with: In order to promote positive behavior change and motivation, tough teachers must change their ways. While those ways work with 95% of the kids, its the 95% who dont need to be treated in that manner in order to get them to behave. Their ways dont work at all with the difficult 5%. In fact, their coercive interventions make things worse. However, its hard to convince negative teachers of the faults of their ways. They commonly respond with:

7 7 What ?! Me Change?! THEYRE the problem. (not me).

8 8 With respect to nasty-tempered teachers, the words of Pogo (a cartoon character) come to mind: We have met the enemy; We have met the enemy; And it is us! And it is us! When teachers attempt to overpower a kid who has defeated more powerful adversaries, they fight a losing battle. When teachers attempt to overpower a kid who has defeated more powerful adversaries, they fight a losing battle. These teachers create the very conflict about which they complain. These teachers create the very conflict about which they complain.

9 9 Conflict in the Classroom Given that no nonsense teachers tend to view defiant students as the enemy, let us for the moment, talk in their terms. Given that no nonsense teachers tend to view defiant students as the enemy, let us for the moment, talk in their terms. If one is fighting an enemy, it is best to gather information about them in order to increase ones chances of success. If one is fighting an enemy, it is best to gather information about them in order to increase ones chances of success.

10 10 Reconnaissance 101 Gather information on your adversary. Gather information on your adversary. Use this information to inform your actions. Use this information to inform your actions. Sun Tzu: (The art of war). The greatest victory is to win without ever having battled. Sun Tzu: (The art of war). The greatest victory is to win without ever having battled. Tom McIntyre: The sweetest victory is one in which both sides are winners. Tom McIntyre: The sweetest victory is one in which both sides are winners.

11 11 At this point, we would watch a video clip of a teacher and student engaged in an escalating war of words. The following questions would be discussed: In the short term (and the long term), who won? Did either person convince the other that his/her way was correct? Has a show of force prevented future conflict? Did the teacher do anything of which she could be proud? Did she implement best practice? (Assuming a No answer) Why not?

12 12 The Conflict Cycle Dr. Nick Long, a senior statesman in our field of students with behavior disorders, developed a model to explain why teachers and students get into battles. Dr. Nick Long, a senior statesman in our field of students with behavior disorders, developed a model to explain why teachers and students get into battles. While the diagram is used primarily with respect to students with disabilities in making appropriate behavior choices, you will probably find it to be applicable to most situations in which individuals engage in arguments. While the diagram is used primarily with respect to students with disabilities in making appropriate behavior choices, you will probably find it to be applicable to most situations in which individuals engage in arguments. Does it apply to the situation you described in slide #3? Does it apply to the situation you described in slide #3?

13 13 An explanation of the diagram can be found on the slides that follow.

14 14 What do you bring to the table? The top rectangular box refers to the self image (how one sees oneself and the personal traits that we see in ourselves) and self esteem (how highly or lowly one perceives oneself…The extent to which someone likes himself or herself). The top rectangular box refers to the self image (how one sees oneself and the personal traits that we see in ourselves) and self esteem (how highly or lowly one perceives oneself…The extent to which someone likes himself or herself). The second rectangular box refers to inaccurate beliefs that one holds about the world and the people in it. These perceptions develop from our experiences and what we have heard from important others, the media, etcetera. Examples: All people of that religious group are… Those kids from that housing project are all… Teachers are all… No one will ever love me. The second rectangular box refers to inaccurate beliefs that one holds about the world and the people in it. These perceptions develop from our experiences and what we have heard from important others, the media, etcetera. Examples: All people of that religious group are… Those kids from that housing project are all… Teachers are all… No one will ever love me. Our sense of self and our experiences influence how we perceive events and the actions of others. Odd reactions, strange behavior, andweird actions reflect a difference between the experiences of the person being described and the person doing the describing. Our sense of self and our experiences influence how we perceive events and the actions of others. Odd reactions, strange behavior, andweird actions reflect a difference between the experiences of the person being described and the person doing the describing.

15 15 Behind the Behavior Students who persistently display behavior that is unacceptable and inappropriate in our schools, are revealing their life space (what they have experienced and learned about life so far). Students who persistently display behavior that is unacceptable and inappropriate in our schools, are revealing their life space (what they have experienced and learned about life so far). No nonsense, tough, and mean teachers blame the victim for the crime. Children have no choice as to the homes into which they are born. They do not choose their parents. They have little control over the things that will influence them in their young lives. They are a product of their environments. Teachers who view these youngsters as the enemy and attack them with negative words, punishments, and rejection further ingrain the unfortunate self images and life views that the student presently holds. No nonsense, tough, and mean teachers blame the victim for the crime. Children have no choice as to the homes into which they are born. They do not choose their parents. They have little control over the things that will influence them in their young lives. They are a product of their environments. Teachers who view these youngsters as the enemy and attack them with negative words, punishments, and rejection further ingrain the unfortunate self images and life views that the student presently holds. Caring and skilled educational professionals help these kids to develop positive self images, accurate life views (such as Not all teachers are mean…just a lot of them. Some are nice, so I ought to give each new teacher I meet a chance to prove themselves as worthy of my trust and compliance.), better interpretations of events, and more appropriate ways of behaving. Caring and skilled educational professionals help these kids to develop positive self images, accurate life views (such as Not all teachers are mean…just a lot of them. Some are nice, so I ought to give each new teacher I meet a chance to prove themselves as worthy of my trust and compliance.), better interpretations of events, and more appropriate ways of behaving. Well look more in-depth at these two rectangular boxes in the Conflict Cycle diagram in later slides. Well look more in-depth at these two rectangular boxes in the Conflict Cycle diagram in later slides.

16 16 Sucked Down Into The Whirlpool The four connected circles in the lower part of the Conflict Cycle diagram represent the events in an escalating battle that are readily apparent and observable (unlike the self assessment and world views found in the rectangular boxes ). The four connected circles in the lower part of the Conflict Cycle diagram represent the events in an escalating battle that are readily apparent and observable (unlike the self assessment and world views found in the rectangular boxes ). In the top circle, the student experiences a stressful incident frustration in trying to meet a goal, rejection by others). The level of the stress is dependent on the students self image and interpretation of events (the items in the rectangular boxes at the top of the diagram). To the teacher, the event may seem innocuous, but that assessment on our part results because we are looking at the event from our perspective. The student views that event from a very different perch on the tree of life. In the top circle, the student experiences a stressful incident frustration in trying to meet a goal, rejection by others). The level of the stress is dependent on the students self image and interpretation of events (the items in the rectangular boxes at the top of the diagram). To the teacher, the event may seem innocuous, but that assessment on our part results because we are looking at the event from our perspective. The student views that event from a very different perch on the tree of life.

17 17 Flushed The stress will cause emotions to well up (the circle on the right side of the diagram). Perhaps the student feels anger, fear, anxiety, intrigue/interest, sadness, or sulks in self pity or self hatred. The stress will cause emotions to well up (the circle on the right side of the diagram). Perhaps the student feels anger, fear, anxiety, intrigue/interest, sadness, or sulks in self pity or self hatred. If the emotions overwhelm the students ability to contain and manage them, an observable behavior (the lower bubble on the cycle diagram) will burst out. We might witness crying, hitting oneself or another, running away, verbal insults toward oneself or others, cursing, or other behavior. The behavior might increase in magnitude as the youngster continues to reflect on the incident (perhaps inaccurately in our minds) and emotions continue to build. If the emotions overwhelm the students ability to contain and manage them, an observable behavior (the lower bubble on the cycle diagram) will burst out. We might witness crying, hitting oneself or another, running away, verbal insults toward oneself or others, cursing, or other behavior. The behavior might increase in magnitude as the youngster continues to reflect on the incident (perhaps inaccurately in our minds) and emotions continue to build. Upon witnessing the inappropriate action, the adult responds (even ignoring or not noticing is a response). Upon witnessing the inappropriate action, the adult responds (even ignoring or not noticing is a response). Competent and concerned teachers will respond in a manner that then reduces the stress (as we move up to the top circle), soothes the emotions, and subdues the behavior. Competent and concerned teachers will respond in a manner that then reduces the stress (as we move up to the top circle), soothes the emotions, and subdues the behavior. Teachers who brag that I dont put up with any crap from kids. react in harsh ways that heighten the stress on the student, intensify the emotions, and increase the observable behaviors. Teachers who brag that I dont put up with any crap from kids. react in harsh ways that heighten the stress on the student, intensify the emotions, and increase the observable behaviors.

18 18 Making Sense of What Happened Read a somewhat modified version of the page containing the Curtis script. Label where the various parts of the conflict cycle come into play. Click here for the script. Read a somewhat modified version of the page containing the Curtis script. Label where the various parts of the conflict cycle come into play. Click here for the script. Click here for the script. Click here for the script. When finished, list various reasons that teachers sometimes have a short fuse (become irritated) on certain days or in certain situations with certain kids. What things influence our perceptions and reactions? When finished, list various reasons that teachers sometimes have a short fuse (become irritated) on certain days or in certain situations with certain kids. What things influence our perceptions and reactions?

19 19 Why Do Otherwise Caring Professionals Lose Their Cool With These Kids ? (with kids, colleagues, supervisors, and loved ones) Inadequate training in respectful, supportive, non- confrontational ways to manage behavior~ Unappreciated or ineffective efforts drain our energy, make us doubt our competence, & build dislike for persistent offenders~ Life events lower our ability to handle frustration~ Their actions violate our value system~ Unresolved personal or professional issues of our own~ These circumstances can cause us to strike out at our students when they dont quickly and fully comply.

20 20 Behind the Facade Despite what was said to Dorothy and her escorts by the enormous, fiery, angry head of the Wizard of Oz… Despite what was said to Dorothy and her escorts by the enormous, fiery, angry head of the Wizard of Oz… DO pay attention to the man behind the curtain ! DO pay attention to the man behind the curtain ! Attempt to understand the factors that have influenced this students behavioral pattern. (For those nasty-tempered teachers who cant stop being mean, keep thinking reconnaissance on the enemy until you come to better understand human behavior and are ready to become more effective with tough kids. Attempt to understand the factors that have influenced this students behavioral pattern. (For those nasty-tempered teachers who cant stop being mean, keep thinking reconnaissance on the enemy until you come to better understand human behavior and are ready to become more effective with tough kids.

21 21 Tabla Rosa

22 22 Rousseau, Freud, God, and others Whether you believe that we are born tabla rosa (blank slate, waiting for society to write upon you), inherently evil (as per Freuds view and the Bibles view based onoriginal sin), or inherently good (Right now, I cant think of any names to go with this view), the massive influence of society (parents, teachers, influential others, media) on who one becomes (loyal, friendly, trustworthy, and cooperative versus disloyal, manipulative, untrustworthy, and uncooperative) is a belief that the viewpoints hold in common. Whether you believe that we are born tabla rosa (blank slate, waiting for society to write upon you), inherently evil (as per Freuds view and the Bibles view based onoriginal sin), or inherently good (Right now, I cant think of any names to go with this view), the massive influence of society (parents, teachers, influential others, media) on who one becomes (loyal, friendly, trustworthy, and cooperative versus disloyal, manipulative, untrustworthy, and uncooperative) is a belief that the viewpoints hold in common. Kids become who they are trained to be (systematically or haphazardly so; via informed positive guidance or by parents badly winging it due to incompetence/misinformation/lack of information ). Kids become who they are trained to be (systematically or haphazardly so; via informed positive guidance or by parents badly winging it due to incompetence/misinformation/lack of information ).

23 23 Predictability in ones environment, combined with consistently calm and supportive adult guidance, gives children emotional comfort and psychological security in a world that can seem random and/or threatening. Predictability in ones environment, combined with consistently calm and supportive adult guidance, gives children emotional comfort and psychological security in a world that can seem random and/or threatening. The further the distance from that style of upbringing, the less kids are able to trust others. The further the distance from that style of upbringing, the less kids are able to trust others. Kids who did not experience calm, supportive guidance from adults in their lives, will test each new authority figure to see if s/he is deserving of their trust and allegiance (Hoping, against the history of past experiences, that this adult will be their guiding light). Few adults are able to pass the rigorous tests they are given. Kids who did not experience calm, supportive guidance from adults in their lives, will test each new authority figure to see if s/he is deserving of their trust and allegiance (Hoping, against the history of past experiences, that this adult will be their guiding light). Few adults are able to pass the rigorous tests they are given.

24 24 In the beginning… Life at home Let it be said here and now that there are wonderful, loving, skilled parents who have kids who have developed inappropriate behavior patterns for reasons other than incompetent or wrongly directed parenting practices. Let it be said here and now that there are wonderful, loving, skilled parents who have kids who have developed inappropriate behavior patterns for reasons other than incompetent or wrongly directed parenting practices. Let it also be said that among kids with behavioral and/or emotional disorders, there is an unusually high occurrence of disorganized and wrongly-practiced parenting. Let it also be said that among kids with behavioral and/or emotional disorders, there is an unusually high occurrence of disorganized and wrongly-practiced parenting. The following slides provide some examples. The following slides provide some examples.

25 25 Many Kids Have Low Self Esteem & Negative Self Concepts Due To ? (Top rectangle in Cycle) Rotten childhoods filled with negative experiences. Abuse, neglect, and/or consistent messages of rejection. Inconsistently due to multiple care-takers using very different practices, and/or giving very different messages. Inconsistent caretaking from primary adults who are: alcoholic/substance addicted mentally ill (unmanaged) manic-depressive (unmanaged) negatively oriented authoritarian personalities incompetent due to lack of childrearing knowledge.

26 26 Reiterated negative labels & messages: You rude little son of a b----. When I catch you, Ill… You little criminal. Youre going to end up dead or in jail someday. Man, youre strange. Why dont you use your head once in a while? Stupid. Whats wrong with you, anyway? Get outta my face before I… You little loser. Why cant you be like Fran? You evil little beast ! Ill beat the devil out of you ! Client to psychologist friend of mine when the parent was asked what he does when his 10 year old son acts up: Client to psychologist friend of mine when the parent was asked what he does when his 10 year old son acts up: I tell him hes an a- -h-le. I tell him hes an a- -h-le.

27 27 Kids Who Have Had Randomized and Inconsistent Upbringings: Like the kids who have come from negative and hurtful environments, kids from disorganized and inconsistent households will initially challenge the legitimacy of procedures & practices in structured and positive environments. This support and predictability is all new & bewildering to them. Like the kids who have come from negative and hurtful environments, kids from disorganized and inconsistent households will initially challenge the legitimacy of procedures & practices in structured and positive environments. This support and predictability is all new & bewildering to them. Are in a state of hyper-vigilance anticipating that a threat to their emotional comfort could occur at any moment. Are in a state of hyper-vigilance anticipating that a threat to their emotional comfort could occur at any moment.

28 28 Due to those painful or unpredictable childhood experiences, irrational beliefs form about oneself & others (2 nd rectangle in the Cycle) Based on their inconsistent and/or negative history of happenings, they interpret happenings differently than most people. Based on their inconsistent and/or negative history of happenings, they interpret happenings differently than most people. They view those events through a distorted lens (as is explained on the next slide). They view those events through a distorted lens (as is explained on the next slide). Their (re) actions reflect those misperceptions. Their (re) actions reflect those misperceptions. Waco.

29 29 The Perceptions That Might Develop From Maltreatment, Neglect, Rejection My parents treated me badly. (Fact) I cant count on my parents to care for me or treat me well. (Fact) I was treated badly because I am a bad person. Because Im BAD, no one could ever like me, care for me, or treat me well. ( Distorted belief) You say that you want to help me, but I know adults… When I show you why Im not likeable, youll quickly reject and hurt me like my parents (and past teachers). (Identity and reaction pattern become further ingrained~) You say youre different… While I hope that is true, PROVE IT! youll have to PROVE IT! (over & over again as I seek reassurance that you really are different).

30 30 With regard to kids whove heard consistently negative messages: Our task is to help them Our task is to help them develop accurate and useful perceptions develop accurate and useful perceptions exhibit prosocial behaviors when under stress. exhibit prosocial behaviors when under stress. Kids who have had painful lives need adults who refuse to inflict more emotional harm. Kids who have experienced confusion in their young lives need organized, stable, and supportive adults. Kids who have had painful lives need adults who refuse to inflict more emotional harm. Kids who have experienced confusion in their young lives need organized, stable, and supportive adults. If we de-value kids, they separate from us. Domination tactics backfire as injured kids strike out in order to protect their fragile sense of self from further harm. If getting tough works, why do we still have defiant kids? If we de-value kids, they separate from us. Domination tactics backfire as injured kids strike out in order to protect their fragile sense of self from further harm. If getting tough works, why do we still have defiant kids? All kids need and deserve long-term exposure to pole star adults who demonstrate predictable and assertive responses wrapped in calm, unswervingly supportive emotional displays. All kids need and deserve long-term exposure to pole star adults who demonstrate predictable and assertive responses wrapped in calm, unswervingly supportive emotional displays.

31 31 What Can We Do To Win Over Defiant Youngsters ? Establish personal connections. (308 NYC BD) Establish personal connections. (308 NYC BD) Human nature: We are more motivated to do things for those for whom we hold respect and affection. Human nature: We are more motivated to do things for those for whom we hold respect and affection. Promote achievement/Ensure progress. Promote achievement/Ensure progress. The desire to continue in a pursuit requires that one see oneself as proficient, or making progress. (driving test repeated failure) The desire to continue in a pursuit requires that one see oneself as proficient, or making progress. (driving test repeated failure) Modify material and assignments to meet special needs. Modify material and assignments to meet special needs. Create a safe environment for individuals with a failure identity who will otherwise resist trying new things. (Eskimo roll) Create a safe environment for individuals with a failure identity who will otherwise resist trying new things. (Eskimo roll) Teach the behaviors we want to see Teach the behaviors we want to see Appropriate ( re) actions & behavior choices, like academics, are learned. Appropriate ( re) actions & behavior choices, like academics, are learned. We often need to teach correct behavior to those arent yet displaying it. We often need to teach correct behavior to those arent yet displaying it. We may need to teach how to interpret happenings & handle feelings. We may need to teach how to interpret happenings & handle feelings.

32 32 How do we establish positive personal connections with our students ? Give them the time of day. Give them the time of day. Develop a history of positive interactions. Develop a history of positive interactions. Make sure that the first contact of the day or period is a positive one. Make sure that the first contact of the day or period is a positive one. Make sure that the last contact of the day is a positive one. Make sure that the last contact of the day is a positive one. Remain consistently supportive and encouraging, even when needing to administer penalties. Remain consistently supportive and encouraging, even when needing to administer penalties. You made a mistake in judgment, but they are further and farther between. Im sure that the future will bring even more good choices. You made a mistake in judgment, but they are further and farther between. Im sure that the future will bring even more good choices. Find the little bit of positive inside an inappropriate action. Find the little bit of positive inside an inappropriate action. I admire your loyalty to friends. However, it is not OK to pummel others on their behalf. I admire your loyalty to friends. However, it is not OK to pummel others on their behalf. Even though you refused the direction, I want to thank you for doing it with acceptable words. That shows maturity. However,... Even though you refused the direction, I want to thank you for doing it with acceptable words. That shows maturity. However,...

33 33 How do we promote self control ? Social skills instruction. Social skills instruction. Teach reflective thinking. Teach reflective thinking. Stop-think-choose (see the link on this sites home page titled Problem solving ). Stop-think-choose (see the link on this sites home page titled Problem solving ). Problem solving (see the link on this sites home page ). Problem solving (see the link on this sites home page ). Self monitoring (see the link on this sites home page ). Self monitoring (see the link on this sites home page ). Anger management/replacement training. Anger management/replacement training. Differential reinforcement procedures (see the link on this sites home page ). Differential reinforcement procedures (see the link on this sites home page ). Personalized check-ins with supportive adult (s). Personalized check-ins with supportive adult (s). Other ideas from www. BehaviorAdvisor. com & Other ideas from www. BehaviorAdvisor. com & The Behavior Survival Guide for Kids: How to make good choices and stay out of trouble (McIntyre, Free Spirit Press). The Behavior Survival Guide for Kids: How to make good choices and stay out of trouble (McIntyre, Free Spirit Press).

34 34 How do we promote academic achievement ? Modify materials and presentation. Modify materials and presentation. Ensure understanding by asking the student to repeat the directions in own words. Ensure understanding by asking the student to repeat the directions in own words. Check in early with the student to assure. understanding and task engagement. Check in early with the student to assure. understanding and task engagement. Relate material to the students life & interests. Relate material to the students life & interests. Promote motivation by: Promote motivation by: Focusing on effort rather than accuracy Focusing on effort rather than accuracy Reminiscing about earlier successes resulting from effort. Reminiscing about earlier successes resulting from effort. Assign peer helpers/cross age tutors. Assign peer helpers/cross age tutors.

35 35 Its Deja Vu all over again. (Yogi Berra, NY Yankees Baseball Hall of Fame Catcher) Got it? Got it? The following slides will provide you with a bit of a review of Nick Longs Conflict Cycle model. The following slides will provide you with a bit of a review of Nick Longs Conflict Cycle model. Does that instruction seem a bit redundant? If so, youll have to excuse me… Does that instruction seem a bit redundant? If so, youll have to excuse me… I used to work for the Department of Redundancy Department. I used to work for the Department of Redundancy Department.

36 36 How Do Nice Educators End Up In Conflict? Past negative experiences with teachers and authority figures influence interactions with caring folks (like you) Student Self Esteem & Self Concept: The youngster has a history of painful rejections in his/her life from parents, peers, & teachers. S/he possesses a negative sense of self and a distrust of educators. Stressful incident: The student is enrolled in class of a nice teacher like you. S/he hears the promises of a good year. S/he has heard it before and makes the inevitable rejection from you happen on his/her terms, preventing the increased pain that would result if you became important to him/her previous to that rejection.

37 37 Student Behavior: Displays behavior that caused rejection before. We try to deal with it nicely. However, we eventually get irritated with the persistent testing behavior; failing that test when we decide to… Teacher Reaction: show em whos boss. We then find ourselves failing to notice appropriate actions, but being hyper-vigilant for inappropriate ones. We intervene (negatively) more quickly (and maybe even predict misbehavior by saying Dont you be…) as we get tough with that kid. Because the student causes us to reflect upon our personal frailties & concerns that we have about our teaching skills, our own Conflict Cycle engages at the stressor of student misbehavior. Emotions well up and we then deliver directions, comments, and punishments in an caustic or condescending manner (reaction). The student refuses this disrespectful and alienating treatment, piling more stress onto us.

38 38 An activity that illustrates the Cycle: Rent a DVD or video tape of The Breakfast Club movie (Circa 1982). Rent a DVD or video tape of The Breakfast Club movie (Circa 1982). Watch the scene in which the students in the library detention engage in arguments with each other (a peer example of the Conflict Cycle). Watch it for ten or fifteen minutes as the adult enters into the fray, causing the students to bond together to fight against him (Old Middle Eastern saying: The enemy of my enemy is my friend). Watch as a hero arises from the masses to confront the bully (the adult). Watch until the adult prepares to leave the library after engaging in an escalating battle with the kid in the leather coat. (You might want to stop the movie before the adult gets to the library exit because as he is walking out, the kid yells the F word.) Watch the scene in which the students in the library detention engage in arguments with each other (a peer example of the Conflict Cycle). Watch it for ten or fifteen minutes as the adult enters into the fray, causing the students to bond together to fight against him (Old Middle Eastern saying: The enemy of my enemy is my friend). Watch as a hero arises from the masses to confront the bully (the adult). Watch until the adult prepares to leave the library after engaging in an escalating battle with the kid in the leather coat. (You might want to stop the movie before the adult gets to the library exit because as he is walking out, the kid yells the F word.)

39 39 Suggestions for The Dean of Discipline in The Breakfast Club Video: Devise a plan before entering or while waiting in doorway. Devise a plan before entering or while waiting in doorway. Avoid Why questions (especially when in an agitated state) Avoid Why questions (especially when in an agitated state) (see the link on this site titled Nice ways to build self-discipline). (see the link on this site titled Nice ways to build self-discipline). Use respectful phrasing and voice tone Use respectful phrasing and voice tone see the link on this site titled Nice ways to build self-discipline). see the link on this site titled Nice ways to build self-discipline). Talk with the suspect privately. Talk with the suspect privately. Find a Plan B: Open the other door or wedge a chair to partially open the door that wont stay open. Find a Plan B: Open the other door or wedge a chair to partially open the door that wont stay open. Offer a choice: When I return in 3 minutes, this door will have to be in working order again, or… Offer a choice: When I return in 3 minutes, this door will have to be in working order again, or… -Ill have to sit in here with you. -Ill have to sit in here with you. -Well be leaving 15 minutes later than scheduled. -Well be leaving 15 minutes later than scheduled.

40 40 To make a long story short. (Too late?) Difficult kids:Difficult kids: Have an ingrained behavior patterns that become more so with rejection by significant adults (including educators) Have an ingrained behavior patterns that become more so with rejection by significant adults (including educators) They often project a hardened image to those who would help them in order to fend off more emotional hurt (from rejection by someone they start to trust) They often project a hardened image to those who would help them in order to fend off more emotional hurt (from rejection by someone they start to trust) Punishing these youngsters strengthens their negative world view. Punishing these youngsters strengthens their negative world view. It takes highly skilled, emotionally secure, caring, and resilient professionals to reach these youngsters. It takes highly skilled, emotionally secure, caring, and resilient professionals to reach these youngsters. The most hardened of kids are the most in need of the guidance of aniron hand in a velvet glove. Firmness and strength underlie the soft touch. The most hardened of kids are the most in need of the guidance of aniron hand in a velvet glove. Firmness and strength underlie the soft touch. The glove must remain on the behavior management hand at all times. The glove must remain on the behavior management hand at all times.

41 41 When emotions start to FlareRemember…

42 42 Is your Chinese a bit rusty? While Im told (by my Chinese speaking wife) that the translation isnt precise. The two kanji/symbols on the previous slide, taken together, can be translated to the English wordCrisis. The first symbol translates to Danger (This simplified modern symbol is a stylized version of the ancient pictograph showing a human figure on the edge of a cliff. See it?) The lower symbol is equivalent to the English word Opportunity. While Im told (by my Chinese speaking wife) that the translation isnt precise. The two kanji/symbols on the previous slide, taken together, can be translated to the English wordCrisis. The first symbol translates to Danger (This simplified modern symbol is a stylized version of the ancient pictograph showing a human figure on the edge of a cliff. See it?) The lower symbol is equivalent to the English word Opportunity. The message???? The message???? In a crisis situation with another, there is danger for making the situation worse, and opportunity for making it better. In a crisis situation with another, there is danger for making the situation worse, and opportunity for making it better. Seize the opportunity ! Seize the opportunity !

43 43 Your Turn To Talk Back Which points made the most impact on you? Which points made the most impact on you? In what ways do you see yourself changing In what ways do you see yourself changing your interaction/intervention patterns? your interaction/intervention patterns? With which points do you disagree? With which points do you disagree? (and why?) (and why?)

44 44 Stretch Your Brain Do you have your brain wrapped around the model? Do you have your brain wrapped around the model? If so, its time to bend it into another shape. If so, its time to bend it into another shape. This show talked about the students conflict cycle. However, it takes two to tangle…er, I mean tango. The teacher also has a conflict cycle going. This show talked about the students conflict cycle. However, it takes two to tangle…er, I mean tango. The teacher also has a conflict cycle going. Your task: Draw a blank, unlabeled Conflict Cycle diagram. Then fill in the boxes and circles as they pertain to your Do Now activity from slide #3. Your task: Draw a blank, unlabeled Conflict Cycle diagram. Then fill in the boxes and circles as they pertain to your Do Now activity from slide #3. Hint: The top circle in the diagram will have students unacceptable behavior as the stressor. Hint: The top circle in the diagram will have students unacceptable behavior as the stressor.

45 45 Resources Why not read about it from the man (and his former student) who wrote it? For Long & Feschers description to the Conflict Cycle model, go to: They also provide a brief introduction to the Life Space Crisis Interview, a counseling strategy for working with kids in crisis. Why not read about it from the man (and his former student) who wrote it? For Long & Feschers description to the Conflict Cycle model, go to: They also provide a brief introduction to the Life Space Crisis Interview, a counseling strategy for working with kids in crisis. To get a better idea of how the Conflict Cycles of two individuals (perhaps a student and teacher) interact, go to: While this cycle diagram differs from the model proposed by Dr. Long, it is conceptually similar. To get a better idea of how the Conflict Cycles of two individuals (perhaps a student and teacher) interact, go to: While this cycle diagram differs from the model proposed by Dr. Long, it is conceptually similar.


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