Core of Carried Shame Children are spongesChildren are sponges They are egocentricThey are egocentric Emotion is energyEmotion is energy Shameless behavior is induced into children.Shameless behavior is induced into children. They are vulnerableThey are vulnerable They are collecting dataThey are collecting data They develop a shame core that is not their own.They develop a shame core that is not their own.
Exercise – pick a partner
What I make up about it… Communication Feedback Loop When you – state the behaviorWhen you – state the behavior What I made up about it – describe your thinking, or what you are making up about itWhat I made up about it – describe your thinking, or what you are making up about it How I felt about it is …How I felt about it is … What I need from you is …What I need from you is …
Addictions AlcoholAlcohol Drugs – IllegalDrugs – Illegal Drugs - PrescriptionsDrugs - Prescriptions GamblingGambling SpendingSpending DebtingDebting Eating disordersEating disorders NicotineNicotine Caffeine Sugar Work Busyness Sexual acting out Pornography Love addiction Internet surfing
Shame Core Circle Life Spark Carried Feelings Wounded Child Adaptations Codependent behaviors
Normal Development Life Spark Rights to life Feelings Gifts from feelings Our own shame
Shame Binds A shame bind happens whenever a codependent begins to have a feeling and immediately has shaming messages go through the mind about how bad or wrong having that feeling is. This stops the original feeling and a shame attack takes over as the predominant feeling.
Learn to practice the 3 step Get your history straight – have your feelings about it.Get your history straight – have your feelings about it. Nurture the child ego states that are stuck in you. Affirm and protect.Nurture the child ego states that are stuck in you. Affirm and protect. Meetings, step work, service work, sponsorship to strengthen the healthy adult self that is being formed.Meetings, step work, service work, sponsorship to strengthen the healthy adult self that is being formed. Re- parenting Process Exercise Recovering Adult Muscle Debriefing Childhood Trauma