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Money Money! Its a must! My lab was collecting data, Now it collects dust. Money! I need it to pay, My postdocs and students, Cause they wont take a TA!

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Presentation on theme: "Money Money! Its a must! My lab was collecting data, Now it collects dust. Money! I need it to pay, My postdocs and students, Cause they wont take a TA!"— Presentation transcript:

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2 Money Money! Its a must! My lab was collecting data, Now it collects dust. Money! I need it to pay, My postdocs and students, Cause they wont take a TA! States not paying, theyre no longer our owner, What we need is a really rich donor. Verse 1

3 Money Money! We need a lot. Without liquid helium our Superconductors get too hot. Money! Lets print some. I wrote a new proposal But NSF rated it dumb. We got into Science, Nature, PRL too, But if MRL crashes what are we gonna do? Verse 2

4 Money Money! At proposal time? Inflate your broader impacts If you want NSFs dime! Money! To make a hit Do bio, info, nano, Or youre in deep -----! Paychecks late? Blame UI-Integrate! U of I owns the state, now the globe well dominate! Verse 3

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7 Money Money! Whered it go? There arent any raises Just ask the G-E-O. Money, Wheres it at? My costs are still inflating But my budget is flat. Our Chief-lovin first-class-traveling Trustees, Are bringing us to our knees! Verse 4

8 Money Money! Cant get enough Fill my head with RG And field theory stuff. Money! Whats the point? Do Fradkins course Then work in a burger joint … Nobel Prize? But Im not wise – my thesis is a blank sheet Think Ill get me a job on Wall Street Verse 5

9 Money Money! Cant do without! Need strategic plans and metrics, Its what educations all about! Money! To hire today: Offer million-dollar start-ups, Its like the NBA! A fancy new stadium is the Chancellors dream, Does Illinois even have a football team? Verse 6

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