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With Martin Ucik (say oo-chick) author of Hopefully people will get a sense of just how complete this book is. Honestly, I havent seen anything quite like.

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Presentation on theme: "With Martin Ucik (say oo-chick) author of Hopefully people will get a sense of just how complete this book is. Honestly, I havent seen anything quite like."— Presentation transcript:

1 With Martin Ucik (say oo-chick) author of Hopefully people will get a sense of just how complete this book is. Honestly, I havent seen anything quite like itits very impressive. Ken Wilber, The Integral Vision The Future of Love is Integral 1

2 2 Experience without theory is blind, but theory without experience is mere intellectual play. ~ Immanuel Kant ~

3 The Map is Not The Territory 3

4 100 Million Americans (50% of the adult population) are considered to be single. Over 35 Million adults are trying to find a partner on- line. Only 3-15% of Americans report to have a really good time in their relationships. 50% of first-time, 60% of second-time and over 70% of third-time marriages in American end in divorce. Men benefit more from being in a relationship than women do (income, health, life expectancy, sexual satisfaction, violence, drug abuse etc.) Women read over 90% of all relationship books. Two thirds of divorces are filed by women. Men suffer more emotionally after a breakup. The resulting suicide rate of divorced fathers is ten times higher than that of divorced mothers. 4

5 Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus etc.?? Stereotypes Communication? 5

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9 Love is unconditional – love relationships are not 9

10 Biological Sex and Learned Gender Roles 10

11 Feminine/Masculine Polarities 11

12 Lines and Levels of consiousness, spiritual, sexual and anima/animus complex developmnet 12

13 Personality Matrix With Types 13

14 Triangle of Love 14

15 Compatibility Matrix 15

16 Four Dimensions of Human Experience 16

17 Every human possesses these four dimensions 17

18 How does she look? Primary attraction to body. Men want sex objects. A man wants the one thing from every woman. Primary Male Sexual Fantasy 18

19 Body: Primary Female Sexual Fantasy What does he do? Primary attraction to social status, power, wealth/earning- potential. Women marry up to success objects. A woman wants everyhin from one man. 19

20 Primary Fantasy Dynamic Female attractiveness NumberNumber $0k $150k+ Male attractiveness 35k Mr. 80% Ms. 100% Height 30k per 20

21 Fear-Shame Dynamic 21

22 I feel threatened/scared; I feel abandoned/disconnected. He does not love me/care for me. 22

23 I am not good enough to make her happy. I am not appreciated as her protector/provider. 23

24 Nagging Fixing Shaming Emasculating Withdrawing into his cave Angry Complaining Sexualy unfaithful Stops romancing Relationship Crash Emotionaly unfaithful Fear/Shame Downward Spiral Love/Stosny: How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It 24

25 Learned Gender Roles & Stereotypes Vary between cultures and throughout History: Type of clothes we wear Customary length of hair Professions we choose Hours we spend at work What and whom we play with Who proposes and buys the diamond ring Assignment of chores around the house, etc. 25

26 Stage 1: Male as alien outsider She fears, hates and is strangely attracted to him. Stage 2: Male as Father, God or King She wants his approval. Stage 3: Male as Hero She wants to look up to him (marry up to him). Stage 4: Male as Independent Being She wants to find out who she is outside male relationship. Stage 5: Male as partner She sees him as an equal and opposite partner. Animus Complex In Females: 26

27 Stage 1: Female as Mother He needs a mommy to take care of him. Stage 2: Female as sex objects He wants her to admire him, be sexually submissive. Stage 3: Female as a supportive partner He wants her to be his caring, loving wife who he provides for. Stage 4: Female as creative/spiritual guides She challenges him to find meaning/love from a source other than woman. Stage 5: Female as equal partner He sees her as an equal and opposite partner. Anima Complex In Males: 27

28 Feminine/Masculine Polarities: 28

29 1.Healthy ascending: To improve, to go beyond, to grow, to create (relationships/larger structures), and to think big. Unhealthy ascending: To ignore, repress, control, and dominate the lower, instead of embracing and caring for it. 2.Healthy descending: To be connected with and sensitive to the richness and fullness of the world, body, feelings, emotions, and sexuality. Unhealthy descending: To be overwhelmed, fused with, and run by details, feelings, earthly desires, and needs. 3.Healthy agency: Autonomous functioning of the individual, taking action through ones own will, exerting power. Unhealthy agency: Alienation and dissociation from others. 4.Healthy communion: Peaceful, responsible, considerate, and caring connection with others. Unhealthy communion: Fusion, dependency, neediness, and clinging. 29

30 Masculine Feminine 30

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33 Intelligences/Competencies Cognitive Emotional Musical Mathematical Kinesthetic 33

34 Intelligences/Competencies aesthetics (what is beautiful) affect/emotion (feelings about things) altruism care cognition (awareness of what is) communicative competence concern creativity death seizure defense mechanisms empathy gender identity idea of the good interpersonal capacity (interacting with others) kinesthetic mathematical meditative stages morals/ethics (what to do) modes of space and time musical needs (immediate needs for well-being) psychosexual (expression of Eros) role-taking self-esteem self-identity (who are you) socioemotional capacity spiritual (what is of ultimate concern) values/worldviews (what is important) 34

35 High Medium Low Cog- nitive Inter- per- sonal Emo- tional Kine- sthetic Psycho- sexual Moral Spiri- tual Developmental Stages 35

36 Developmental Stages Consciosness Spiritual Sexual Anima/Animus 36

37 Consciousness Development 37

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40 Consciousness Development 8. TurquoiseTranspersonalEvolutionary 7. TealIntegralintegrated or partial 6. GreenPluralisticsensitive or indifferent 5. OrangeRationalwin or lose 4. AmberMythicright or wrong 3. RedEgocentricgood or bad 2. MagentaMagicsafe or unsafe 1. InfraredArchaicdead or alive Second Tier First Tier 40

41 1. Infrared Archaic - dead or alive Basic Qualities and CapacitiesLimited Views Basic survival instincts. Oneness with nature.No conscious awareness of interior, past or future. 41

42 Consciousness Development 8. TurquoiseTranspersonalEvolutionary 7. TealIntegralintegrated or partial 6. GreenPluralisticsensitive or indifferent 5. OrangeRationalwin or lose 4. AmberMythicright or wrong 3. RedEgocentricgood or bad 2. MagentaMagicsafe or unsafe 1. InfraredArchaicdead or alive Second Tier First Tier 42

43 2. Magenta Magic/Superstitious safe or unsafe Basic Qualities and CapacitiesLimited Views Deep bonding with family, group or tribe. No individuality. False beliefs in the magic. 43

44 Consciousness Development 8. TurquoiseTranspersonalEvolutionary 7. TealIntegralintegrated or partial 6. GreenPluralisticsensitive or indifferent 5. OrangeRationalwin or lose 4. AmberMythicright or wrong 3. RedEgocentricgood or bad 2. MagentaMagicsafe or unsafe 1. InfraredArchaicdead or alive Second Tier First Tier 44

45 3. Red Egocentric - good or bad Basic Qualities and CapacitiesLimited Views Power, independence, creativity, spontaneity, uninhibited, carefree, alive, authentic, refreshingly open, setting of narrow boundaries. Its all about me and now. 45

46 Consciousness Development 8. TurquoiseTranspersonalEvolutionary 7. TealIntegralintegrated or partial 6. GreenPluralisticsensitive or indifferent 5. OrangeRationalwin or lose 4. AmberMythicright or wrong 3. RedEgocentricgood or bad 2. MagentaMagicsafe or unsafe 1. InfraredArchaicdead or alive Second Tier First Tier 46

47 4. Amber Mythic/Conformist right or wrong Basic Qualities and CapacitiesLimited Views Stability, order, purpose, rules, loyalty, hope, recognition, morals, honors past and considers future. Mythic beliefs. Only one right way. Marginalizes non-conformists. Inflexible, rigid, patriarchal. 47

48 Consciousness Development 8. TurquoiseTranspersonalEvolutionary 7. TealIntegralintegrated or partial 6. GreenPluralisticsensitive or indifferent 5. OrangeRationalwin or lose 4. AmberMythicright or wrong 3. RedEgocentricgood or bad 2. MagentaMagicsafe or unsafe 1. InfraredArchaicdead or alive Second Tier First Tier 48

49 5. Orange Rational/Modern win or lose Kepler, Copernicus, Newton, Galileo, Columbus Basic Qualities and CapacitiesLimited Views Objectivity, good life for all, liberty, happiness, democracy.Rational, calculating, cold and driven by status and success. Little consideration for environment and losers. 49

50 Consciousness Development 8. TurquoiseTranspersonalEvolutionary 7. TealIntegralintegrated or partial 6. GreenPluralisticsensitive or indifferent 5. OrangeRationalwin or lose 4. AmberMythicright or wrong 3. RedEgocentricgood or bad 2. MagentaMagicsafe or unsafe 1. InfraredArchaicdead or alive Second Tier First Tier 50

51 6. Green Pluralistic/Postmodern sensitive or indifferent Basic Qualities and CapacitiesLimited Views Equality, sensitivity, compassion, non-judgmental, holistic, caring, environmentally conscious, celebrates the feminine, animal rights, sexual liberation/polyamory. Endless processing and inability to reach decisions, pre/trans fallacy, confuses natural with dominator hierarchies, performative contradictions, marginalizes men and the masculine, elevates the feminine/Goddess image. New-age narcissism. 51

52 Consciousness Development 8. TurquoiseTranspersonalEvolutionary 7. TealIntegralintegrated or partial 6. GreenPluralisticsensitive or indifferent 5. OrangeRationalwin or lose 4. AmberMythicright or wrong 3. RedEgocentricgood or bad 2. MagentaMagicsafe or unsafe 1. InfraredArchaicdead or alive Second Tier - Being-Based/Evolutionary First Tier - Need-Based 52

53 7. Teal Integral integrated or partial Basic Qualities and CapacitiesLimited Views Recognizes the importance of all preceding levels, including the process of development itself, and integrates them with the healthy qualities of masculine agency and feminine communion. Does not force own values onto others. Knowledge and competency supersede rank, power, gender, or status. Flexibility, spontaneity, and functionality become the highest priority. Frustrated, especially with Green, can be cynical, cold, calculating, distant, opportunistic, manipulative, overly analytical and arrogant. Can feel quickly discouraged and bored as it can think it has seen and had it all. Often feels isolated and alone. 53

54 7. Teal Integral integrated or partial 54

55 Consciousness Development 8. TurquoiseTranspersonalEvolutionary 7. TealIntegralintegrated or partial 6. GreenPluralisticsensitive or indifferent 5. OrangeRationalwin or lose 4. AmberMythicright or wrong 3. RedEgocentricgood or bad 2. MagentaMagicsafe or unsafe 1. InfraredArchaicdead or alive Second Tier First Tier 55

56 8. Turquoise Transpersonal wisdom and compassion Basic Qualities and CapacitiesLimited Views Embodiment, full embrace, interweaving, tantric, non-dual. Evolutionary desire to co-create to serve universal goals with partner and others. Wisdom. Radical when it comes to ego-transcendence. Feelings of spiritual superiority and evolutionary elitism. Gurus/teachers negligent about blind-spots and uneven development. Inability to create sustainable organizational structures. 56

57 57

58 Spiritual S TATE -S TAGES 1.Gross/Waking (Observe body/objects) 2.S UBTLE /D REAMING (Observe thoughts) 3.Causal/Deep Sleep (Observe experience) 4.Pure Wittness (No subject/object split) 5.Non-Dual (Integration of the above) 58

59 Sexual S TATE -S TAGES 1.Repressed Sexuality 2.Fucking 3.Having Sex 4.Lovemaking 5.Transcendent Sex 59

60 State 1: Lust/Infatuation–driven by sex hormones testosterone and estrogen. State 2: Attraction/Romance –love-struck phase, driven by dopamine (in cocaine, nicotine, meth), norepinephrine (adrenalin) and serotonin that all make us temporarily insane. (Conflict) State 3: Attachment–driven by oxytocin (produced during child birth, nursing and orgasm) and vasopressin. States of Falling In Love 60

61 1.Words of affirmation (NLP auditory) 2.Quality Time 3.Receiving Gifts (NLP visual) 4.Acts of Service 5.Physical Touch (NLP kinesthetic) Personality Types Five Love Languages 61

62 Personality Types Enneagram 62

63 Personality Types Enneagram Self Preservation Instinct Preoccupied with the safety, comfort, health, energy, and well-being of the physical body. Sexual (aka "Attraction") Instinct Intense drive for stimulation and a constant awareness of the "chemistry" between themselves and others. Social (aka "Adaptive") Instinct Serve the needs of the social situation they find themselves in. 63

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65 Relationships Through Lower Quadrants 65

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67 Passion Intimacy Commitment Metaphorical Triangle of Love 67

68 Relationships Through Lower Quadrants 68

69 Levels of Interior/Exterior Attraction Interior Exterior Him to herHer to him Interior & Exterior Attraction 69

70 Exterior (Sexual) Passion Interior (Emotional) Intimacy Unconscious Dependence Metaphorical Triangle of Love 70

71 Metaphorical Triangles of Love 71

72 Integral 72

73 Compatibility Matrix 73

74 74

75 Resources for Integral Singles and Couples 75


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