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1 With Martin Ucik (say oo-chick) author of
The Future of Love is Integral With Martin Ucik (say oo-chick) author of “Hopefully people will get a sense of just how complete this book is.  Honestly, I haven’t seen anything quite like it—it’s very impressive.” — Ken Wilber, The Integral Vision

2 Experience without theory is blind, but theory without experience is mere intellectual play. ~ Immanuel Kant ~

3 The Map is Not The Territory

4 100 Million Americans (50% of the adult population) are considered to be single.
Over 35 Million adults are trying to find a partner on-line. Only 3-15% of Americans report to have a really good time in their relationships. 50% of first-time, 60% of second-time and over 70% of third-time marriages in American end in divorce. Men benefit more from being in a relationship than women do (income, health, life expectancy, sexual satisfaction, violence, drug abuse etc.) Women read over 90% of all relationship books. Two thirds of divorces are filed by women. Men suffer more emotionally after a breakup. The resulting suicide rate of divorced fathers is ten times higher than that of divorced mothers.

5 Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus etc.??
Stereotypes Stereotypes Communication?

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9 Love is unconditional – love relationships are not

10 Biological Sex and Learned Gender Roles

11 Feminine/Masculine Polarities

12 Lines and Levels of consiousness, spiritual, sexual and anima/animus complex developmnet

13 Personality Matrix With Types

14 Triangle of Love

15 Compatibility Matrix

16 Four Dimensions of Human Experience

17 Every human possesses these four dimensions

18 Primary Male Sexual Fantasy
How does she look? Primary attraction to body. Men want sex objects. A man wants the one thing from every woman.

19 Body: Primary Female Sexual Fantasy
What does he do? Primary attraction to social status, power, wealth/earning- potential. Women „marry up“ to success objects. A woman wants everyhin from one man.

20 Primary Fantasy Dynamic
Height 30k per“ Ms. 100% 35k Number Mr. 80% Male attractiveness $0k $150k+ Female attractiveness

21 Fear-Shame Dynamic

22 I feel threatened/scared; I feel abandoned/disconnected.
He does not love me/care for me.

23 I am not good enough to make her happy
I am not good enough to make her happy. I am not appreciated as her protector/provider.

24 Fear/Shame Downward Spiral
Stops romancing Complaining Fixing Nagging Withdrawing into his cave Shaming Angry Love/Stosny: How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It Emasculating Sexualy unfaithful Emotionaly unfaithful Relationship Crash

25 Learned Gender Roles & Stereotypes
Vary between cultures and throughout History: Type of clothes we wear Customary length of hair Professions we choose Hours we spend at work What and whom we play with Who proposes and buys the diamond ring Assignment of chores around the house, etc.

26 Animus Complex In Females:
Stage 1: Male as alien outsider She fears, hates and is strangely attracted to him. Stage 2: Male as Father, God or King She wants his approval. Stage 3: Male as Hero She wants to look up to him (marry up to him). Stage 4: Male as Independent Being She wants to find out who she is outside male relationship. Stage 5: Male as partner She sees him as an equal and opposite partner.

27 Anima Complex In Males:
Stage 1: Female as Mother He needs a mommy to take care of him. Stage 2: Female as sex objects He wants her to admire him, be sexually submissive. Stage 3: Female as a supportive partner He wants her to be his caring, loving wife who he provides for. Stage 4: Female as creative/spiritual guides She challenges him to find meaning/love from a source other than woman. Stage 5: Female as equal partner He sees her as an equal and opposite partner.

28 Feminine/Masculine Polarities:

29 Healthy ascending: To improve, to go beyond, to grow, to create (relationships/larger structures), and to think big. Unhealthy ascending: To ignore, repress, control, and dominate the lower, instead of embracing and caring for it. Healthy descending: To be connected with and sensitive to the richness and fullness of the world, body, feelings, emotions, and sexuality. Unhealthy descending: To be overwhelmed, fused with, and run by details, feelings, earthly desires, and needs. Healthy agency: Autonomous functioning of the individual, taking action through one’s own will, exerting power. Unhealthy agency: Alienation and dissociation from others. Healthy communion: Peaceful, responsible, considerate, and caring connection with others. Unhealthy communion: Fusion, dependency, neediness, and clinging.

30 Masculine Feminine Masculine Feminine

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33 Intelligences/Competencies
Cognitive Emotional Musical Mathematical Kinesthetic

34 Intelligences/Competencies
aesthetics (what is beautiful) affect/emotion (feelings about things) altruism care cognition (awareness of what is) communicative competence concern creativity death seizure defense mechanisms empathy gender identity idea of the good interpersonal capacity (interacting with others) kinesthetic mathematical meditative stages morals/ethics (what to do) modes of space and time musical needs (immediate needs for well-being) psychosexual (expression of Eros) role-taking self-esteem self-identity (who are you) socioemotional capacity spiritual (what is of ultimate concern) values/worldviews (what is important)

35 Developmental Stages High Medium Low Cog- nitive Inter- per- sonal
Emo- tional Kine- sthetic Psycho- sexual Moral Spiri- tual

36 Developmental Stages Consciosness Spiritual Sexual Anima/Animus

37 Consciousness Development

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40 Consciousness Development
8. Turquoise—Transpersonal—Evolutionary 7. Teal—Integral—integrated or partial 6. Green—Pluralistic—sensitive or indifferent 5. Orange—Rational—win or lose 4. Amber—Mythic—right or wrong 3. Red—Egocentric—good or bad 2. Magenta—Magic—safe or unsafe 1. Infrared—Archaic—dead or alive Second Tier First Tier

41 1. Infrared Archaic - dead or alive
Basic Qualities and Capacities Limited Views Basic survival instincts. Oneness with nature. No conscious awareness of interior, past or future. 

42 Consciousness Development
8. Turquoise—Transpersonal—Evolutionary 7. Teal—Integral—integrated or partial 6. Green—Pluralistic—sensitive or indifferent 5. Orange—Rational—win or lose 4. Amber—Mythic—right or wrong 3. Red—Egocentric—good or bad 2. Magenta—Magic—safe or unsafe 1. Infrared—Archaic—dead or alive Second Tier First Tier

43 2. Magenta Magic/Superstitious safe or unsafe
Basic Qualities and Capacities Limited Views Deep bonding with family, group or tribe. No individuality. False beliefs in the magic.

44 Consciousness Development
8. Turquoise—Transpersonal—Evolutionary 7. Teal—Integral—integrated or partial 6. Green—Pluralistic—sensitive or indifferent 5. Orange—Rational—win or lose 4. Amber—Mythic—right or wrong 3. Red—Egocentric—good or bad 2. Magenta—Magic—safe or unsafe 1. Infrared—Archaic—dead or alive Second Tier First Tier

45 3. Red Egocentric - good or bad
Basic Qualities and Capacities Limited Views Power, independence, creativity, spontaneity, uninhibited, carefree, alive, authentic, refreshingly open, setting of narrow boundaries.   It’s all about me and now.

46 Consciousness Development
8. Turquoise—Transpersonal—Evolutionary 7. Teal—Integral—integrated or partial 6. Green—Pluralistic—sensitive or indifferent 5. Orange—Rational—win or lose 4. Amber—Mythic—right or wrong 3. Red—Egocentric—good or bad 2. Magenta—Magic—safe or unsafe 1. Infrared—Archaic—dead or alive Second Tier First Tier

47 4. Amber Mythic/Conformist right or wrong
Basic Qualities and Capacities Limited Views Stability, order, purpose, rules, loyalty, hope, recognition, morals, honors past and considers future. Mythic beliefs. Only one right way. Marginalizes non-conformists. Inflexible, rigid, patriarchal.  

48 Consciousness Development
8. Turquoise—Transpersonal—Evolutionary 7. Teal—Integral—integrated or partial 6. Green—Pluralistic—sensitive or indifferent 5. Orange—Rational—win or lose 4. Amber—Mythic—right or wrong 3. Red—Egocentric—good or bad 2. Magenta—Magic—safe or unsafe 1. Infrared—Archaic—dead or alive Second Tier First Tier

49 5. Orange Rational/Modern win or lose
Basic Qualities and Capacities Limited Views Objectivity, good life for all, liberty, happiness, democracy. Rational, calculating, cold and driven by status and success. Little consideration for environment and losers. Kepler, Copernicus, Newton, Galileo, Columbus

50 Consciousness Development
8. Turquoise—Transpersonal—Evolutionary 7. Teal—Integral—integrated or partial 6. Green—Pluralistic—sensitive or indifferent 5. Orange—Rational—win or lose 4. Amber—Mythic—right or wrong 3. Red—Egocentric—good or bad 2. Magenta—Magic—safe or unsafe 1. Infrared—Archaic—dead or alive Second Tier First Tier

51 6. Green Pluralistic/Postmodern sensitive or indifferent
Basic Qualities and Capacities Limited Views Equality, sensitivity, compassion, non-judgmental, holistic, caring, environmentally conscious, celebrates the feminine, animal rights, sexual liberation/polyamory. Endless processing and inability to reach decisions, pre/trans fallacy, confuses natural with dominator hierarchies, performative contradictions, marginalizes men and the masculine, elevates the feminine/Goddess image. New-age narcissism.

52 Consciousness Development
8. Turquoise—Transpersonal—Evolutionary 7. Teal—Integral—integrated or partial 6. Green—Pluralistic—sensitive or indifferent 5. Orange—Rational—win or lose 4. Amber—Mythic—right or wrong 3. Red—Egocentric—good or bad 2. Magenta—Magic—safe or unsafe 1. Infrared—Archaic—dead or alive Second Tier - Being-Based/Evolutionary First Tier - Need-Based

53 7. Teal Integral integrated or partial
Basic Qualities and Capacities Limited Views Recognizes the importance of all preceding levels, including the process of development itself, and integrates them with the healthy qualities of masculine agency and feminine communion. Does not force own values onto others. Knowledge and competency supersede rank, power, gender, or status. Flexibility, spontaneity, and functionality become the highest priority. Frustrated, especially with Green, can be cynical, cold, calculating, distant, opportunistic, manipulative, overly analytical and arrogant. Can feel quickly discouraged and bored as it can think it has seen and had it all. Often feels isolated and alone.

54 7. Teal Integral integrated or partial

55 Consciousness Development
8. Turquoise—Transpersonal—Evolutionary 7. Teal—Integral—integrated or partial 6. Green—Pluralistic—sensitive or indifferent 5. Orange—Rational—win or lose 4. Amber—Mythic—right or wrong 3. Red—Egocentric—good or bad 2. Magenta—Magic—safe or unsafe 1. Infrared—Archaic—dead or alive Second Tier First Tier

56 8. Turquoise Transpersonal wisdom and compassion
Basic Qualities and Capacities Limited Views Embodiment, full embrace, interweaving, tantric, non-dual . Evolutionary desire to co-create to serve universal goals with partner and others. Wisdom. Radical when it comes to ego-transcendence. Feelings of spiritual superiority and evolutionary elitism. Gurus/teachers negligent about blind-spots and uneven development. Inability to create sustainable organizational structures.

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58 Spiritual State-Stages
Gross/Waking (Observe body/objects) Subtle/Dreaming (Observe thoughts) Causal/Deep Sleep (Observe experience) Pure Wittness (No subject/object split) Non-Dual (Integration of the above)

59 Repressed Sexuality Fucking Having Sex Lovemaking Transcendent Sex
Sexual State-Stages Repressed Sexuality Fucking Having Sex Lovemaking Transcendent Sex

60 States of Falling In Love
State 1: Lust/Infatuation–driven by sex hormones testosterone and estrogen. State 2: Attraction/Romance –love-struck phase, driven by dopamine (in cocaine, nicotine, meth), norepinephrine (adrenalin) and serotonin that all make us “temporarily insane”. (Conflict) State 3: Attachment–driven by oxytocin (produced during child birth, nursing and orgasm) and vasopressin.

61 Five Love Languages Personality Types
Words of affirmation (NLP auditory) Quality Time Receiving Gifts (NLP visual) Acts of Service Physical Touch (NLP kinesthetic)

62 Personality Types Enneagram

63 Enneagram Personality Types Self Preservation Instinct
Preoccupied with the safety, comfort, health, energy, and well-being of the physical body. Sexual (aka "Attraction") Instinct Intense drive for stimulation and a constant awareness of the "chemistry" between themselves and others. Social (aka "Adaptive") Instinct Serve the needs of the social situation they find themselves in.

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65 Relationships Through Lower Quadrants

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67 Metaphorical Triangle of Love
Intimacy Passion Commitment

68 Relationships Through Lower Quadrants

69 Levels of Interior/Exterior Attraction
Him to her Her to him Interior Interior Exterior Exterior

70 Metaphorical Triangle of Love
Interior (Emotional) Intimacy Exterior (Sexual) Passion Unconscious Dependence

71 Metaphorical Triangles of Love

72 Integral

73 Compatibility Matrix

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75 Resources for Integral Singles and Couples


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