1 Thessalonians 5:23-24 May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. 24 The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it. (NIV)
Femininity Identity Crisis & the Development of Lesbianism Great hurts and pains from males Great hurts and pains from males –Fathers who failed or abused them Believes mother is weak as a woman Believes mother is weak as a woman –Rejects self as women; Rejects womanhood (Pain) as being unsafe Sexual abuse-promiscuity resulting in men-hating Sexual abuse-promiscuity resulting in men-hating If I can be a man I will be safe from harm! If I can be a man I will be safe from harm! –Multi-layered-loose clothes, Walk like a man, talks like a man I hate make-up Its oppressive-sexism- slave!
What do Lesbians say about themselves? Im unhappy with being a woman; its weakness Im unhappy with being a woman; its weakness When I discovered the gay bar, I finally came home When I discovered the gay bar, I finally came home I feel like I am a man in a womans body I feel like I am a man in a womans body I dont need men, I hate-despise them! I dont need men, I hate-despise them! I am more homo-emotional than homosexual I am more homo-emotional than homosexual Smoking, alcohol and drugs are cool! Smoking, alcohol and drugs are cool! You dont understand how we love, its better! You dont understand how we love, its better! Women is a stronger sex! Men are weak! Women is a stronger sex! Men are weak!
Acknowledge-resolve sexual abuse(s) –W–W–W–Work through pain to develop male-trust again Reconciliation with Mother and Father Say goodbye to girlfriends Attempt to embrace femininism –P–P–P–Put on a dress? Try cosmetics. Try high heels Have feminine affirmation by male-females Involve with womens groups
New Male Behaviors Self-Acceptance: Body-Comfort: Im okay! Male-Resocialization: I am one of the guys! Mother will be okay if I let her go! –M–M–M–Mom, do you want a son or a nurse? I cant be both! Accountability Person: No more secrets! Female-Resocialization –F–F–F–From I want a masculine woman who is not dependent –T–T–T–To Women can be feminine and they are attractive.
Emergence of the New-Self Overcoming the Expectations of Old Community –C–C–C–Change always unstablizing: Courage to move on –R–R–R–Rejection of others: You have Changed! What happened? Establishing a New Social Paradigm –R–R–R–Relationships are Neutral-Mutual: Non-Shame based –M–M–M–Male Non-Sexual Relationships –F–F–F–Female Non-Default Relationships: No more Safe-Retreats –F–F–F–Female Emotional-Physical-Sexual Relationships »O»O»O»Overcoming Fears: Enmeshment, Physical-Sexual Space »D»D»D»Dependency vs. Initiative Behaviors: Take a Lead! »M»M»M»Making a Commitment: Litmus Test of Enmeshment Resolution
What is Healing & Recovery? Presence or Absence of SSA Orientation? –R–R–R–Realistic Expectations: Some Traces of SSA –M–M–M–Memories Cant be Completely Obliterated, But Emotions Can Reduce Significantly Degree or Intensity of SSAs? –O–O–O–Overwhelming vs. In Passing Non-Dwelling The Recovered vs. The Strugglers –A–A–A–Addiction Cycles: Presence or Absence? –I–I–I–Intrusive Thoughts –P–P–P–Preoccupation & Obsessions –S–S–S–Secret vs. Honesty Litmus Tests: Stressful Times, Unstructured Times