Presentation on theme: "Male Friendship and Other Social Relationships"— Presentation transcript:
1 Male Friendship and Other Social Relationships Men and MasculinityMale Friendship and Other Social Relationships
2 What Men DesireMen have the desire to be with other men and women in positive emotional and instrumental waysMen express identification with each otherHope for success, respect, and significant attachments to groupsEnact manly qualities, such as courage, determination, goal-orientation, hard work, and team-spirit
3 Problems of Masculinity Most men in our culture have been followers and not leaders, as Emerson said, "living lives of quiet desperation." This desperation has often resulted in acting out real social and psychological deprivations, and acting out distortions, such as alcoholism and domestic violence.
4 Problems of Masculinity The striving for success directly linked to stress, and the high rate of cardio-vascular disease among menThe striving for respect has often led to distorted images of other menhomophobic remarks and violencedistorted images of women in language, through discrimination and sexualized violenceLoneliness
5 The Double-EdgeOur desire for male friendships that embody complete trust that other men will not take advantage of our vulnerabilitiesThe competing demand to be:the self-reliant lonerthe winneremotionally strong and hard
6 Men In Groups Men in groups are often a source of: conflict, violence, substance abuse, and ugly sexist and sexual behaviorOften this is acted out through:use of violence against oneself and against others -- physical abuse of others, substance abuse, irresponsible sex and risk-taking behaviorThis creates a cycle of fear in women, and a cycle of self-destruction in men
7 Masculinity is a Test Themes: "the flight from the feminine “ defense of masculine turfdeny fearing other menmen fear being exposed as a sissyfear being unmasked as feminineconstant tests of manhood
8 The Male Sex Role1. "NO SISSY STUFF!" -- One may never do anything that even remotely suggests femininity. Masculinity is the RELENTLESS repudiation of the feminine.2. "BE A BIG WHEEL" -- Masculinity is measured by power, success, wealth and status.3. "BE A STURDY OAK" -- Masculinity depends on remaining calm and reliable in a crisis, holding emotions in check. In fact, proving you're a man depends upon never showing your emotions at all (except anger).4. "GIVE ‘EM HELL" -- Exude a aura of manly daring and aggression. Go for it. Take risks.
9 Problems with the Model No opportunity to think critically about the sexist model of masculinitythe strong offense turns out to be a shaky defenseimagined security is a source of insecurityexpression of confidence is often bluster, and is actually driven by fear
10 Pleck’s ParadoxMen have power, but most men experience powerlessness in much of their livesMen do not recognize the destruction that we have caused ourselves or others need to understand how we oppress ourselvesThe "male mystique" makes it difficult to have loving male friendship and bonding -- it turns men permanently against one another
11 Shame and Male Loyalty Shame leads to silence To preserve the distorted male bondmen often resort to denial and distortion of themselves in defense of masculinitymen often deny the "other" and render them invisiblemen together profess loyalty to the distorted ideal of masculinity, and simultaneously, because embedded in it is fear of other men, find themselves in opposition to each other!
12 Taking Action Reverse the standard be critical rather than just going alongspeak out instead of remaining silentUnderstand the linkage of domination to masculinity that pits each man against each other
13 Hobart Leaders Can take a stand against these distortions express new modelsgenerate more positive & committed friendshipsgenerate more enriching social relationshipsbecome better communicators and better listenersteach others how to create groups and friendships that help men to feel truly secure in themselves and their manhood
14 Worthy Goals exhibit gentle-manliness unmask your selves, act funny, be silly, and be in a relationship of care with one anotherenhanced and enriched relationshipsbecome more rounded, less lonely, and less stressed
15 Horizon Thinking Embrace this opportunity for leadership Create new models of masculinitiesDeepen your relationships with each other and the women of William SmithBe active in the community, do good work, help others, and be a source of healingReclaim brotherhood, fatherhood, and reinvent what it means to be a man
16 Creating Masculinities Men can create and sustain masculinities that:celebrate deepening friendshipscelebrate male varietycreate expressions of lasting and humane valuecreate bonds that rest on the worthy foundations of respect and careBe proud to be a Hobart Man!