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Session 4 Marriage BE a real man – Gods Way1. The real man and... Week 1: a friend Week 2: his devotion to God Week 3: prayer Week 4: his marriage Week.

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Presentation on theme: "Session 4 Marriage BE a real man – Gods Way1. The real man and... Week 1: a friend Week 2: his devotion to God Week 3: prayer Week 4: his marriage Week."— Presentation transcript:

1 Session 4 Marriage BE a real man – Gods Way1

2 The real man and... Week 1: a friend Week 2: his devotion to God Week 3: prayer Week 4: his marriage Week 5: his children Week 6: his acquaintances Week 7: his work Week 8: his free time BE a real man – Gods Way2

3 Ephesians 5:22-33 BE a real man – Gods Way3

4 The physical and spiritual union of a man and a woman Harper's Bible Dictionary A humbling journey Jim Burns, Creating an Intimate marriage Covenant, not contract Contract Mutual contribution of two business partners Arrangement ends if contributions are not satisfactory Covenant Loving agreement, bonds together in love Covenant love in bible: Never stopping, never giving up, unbreaking, always and forever love BE a real man – Gods Way4

5 1 Corinthians 13:11 (ESV) 11 When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. BE a real man – Gods Way5

6 Leave parents homeEducation/trainingJobMarriageParent BE a real man – Gods Way6

7 G. Stanley Hall, Phsycologist, 1904 BE a real man – Gods Way7

8 MenBibleBoysMenWorldlyBoysAdolescence Adolescent Men BE a real man – Gods Way8

9 The essence of man is taking responsibility – Mark Driscoll BE a real man – Gods Way9

10 MENBiblicalProducerCreateCultivateWorldlyConsumerDestroyDecay BE a real man – Gods Way10

11 Tough Defend, justice, mercy Honourable in business Truth, error, false teaching Sin Persistent sinful brothers BE a real man – Gods Way11

12 TenderWife, children Encourage downcast Teaching the simple Comfort hurting Already broken by sin BE a real man – Gods Way12

13 Lacks emotion (other than anger). Not verbal, no opening up No deep conversation with wife, selfish Not physical unless sexual Learn: Both man and woman created in image of God Both have same emotions, express different ways BE a real man – Gods Way13

14 Possessions Beauty of wife Appearance Performance of children Income Skills Degree Car BE a real man – Gods Way14

15 Hates to be under authority Appoints himself as king and lord Be in charge, boss around, barks orders Whiny Their wives often weary, shows on faces Children either dispise or parrot Bible reading: Remembers: Man is head over woman Forgets: Repentance, friendship, love, humility BE a real man – Gods Way15

16 Disorganised with life Keeping a job difficult Responsibilities in way of hobbies, friends Immature in interests and mannerisms Money trouble, borrows Women sometimes attracted, mothering BE a real man – Gods Way16

17 Works hard – job, garden, house Pays bills TV Always busy on something Car, internet, housework, study Something other than connection with family Solo or male activities – hunt, fish, ride Physically present, emotionally absent BE a real man – Gods Way17

18 Christian t-shirts, bumper sticker Christian music, books Embarrasses wife and children Everything has connection with out-of- context bible verse/theological position BE a real man – Gods Way18

19 Tough Religious – All factions False teachers – Apostle Paul (Saul) Proud - Pharisees Arrogant – Pilate, Peter Tender Women – Adulteress, Mary, Woman at well Children – brought by disciples Suffering – All he healed Humble – Centurions with sick daughter BE a real man – Gods Way19

20 The husband must so unite authority and love that neither of them may be omitted or concealed, but both will be exercised and maintained. Love must not be exercised so imprudently as to destroy the exercise of authority; and authority must not be exercised over a wife so magisterially and imperiously as to destroy the exercise of love Richard Baxter - The Godly Home BE a real man – Gods Way20

21 For Himself Carpenter For his Mother John For Us On the cross The World Father sent son BE a real man – Gods Way21

22 Be head of wife as Christ is of church Lovingly, humbly, sacrificially leads Take responsibility Self, Dependants, Others The husband must undertake the principal part of the government of the whole family, even of the wife herself Richard Baxter - The Godly Home 1 Peter 3:7 (ESV) 7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. BE a real man – Gods Way22

23 Men fear commitment – dont like responsibility Woman? Fear of men being adolescent men? When a woman marries a man, shes trusting that for the rest of her life he wont hit her, cheat on her, rape her, or kill her; that hell work hard, pay the bills, love their children, finish the race well, and walk with Jesus till the end; that if she gets sick, hell look after her; that if she is dying, he will be faithful to her. Gentlemen, it is a terrifying thing for a woman to trust a sinful man. Will he take responsibility or dump it all on her? Will he be too tough and crush her? Will he be too tender and allow her to be crushed? – Mark Driscoll BE a real man – Gods Way23

24 My dear wife, Muriel, has been in failing mental health for about eight years. So far I have been able to carry both her ever-growing needs and my leadership responsibilities at CBC. But recently it has become apparent that Muriel is contented most of the time she is with me and almost none of the time I am away from her. It is not just discontent. She is filled with fear even terror that she has lost me and always goes in search of me when I leave home. Then she may be full of anger when she cannot get to me. So it is clear to me that she needs me now, full-time. Perhaps it would help you to understand if I shared with you what I shared at the time of the announcement of my resignation in chapel. The decision was made, in a way, 42 years ago when I promised to care for Muriel in sickness and in health … till death do us part. So, as I told the students and faculty, as a man of my word, integrity has something to do with it. But so does fairness. She has cared for me fully and sacrificially all these years; if I cared for her for the next 40 years I would not be out of debt. Duty, however, can be grim and stoic. But there is more; I love Muriel. She is a delight to me her childlike dependence and confidence in me, her warm love, occasional flashes of that wit I used to relish so, her happy spirit and tough resilience in the face of her continual distressing frustration. I do not have to care for her, I get to! It is a high honor to care for so wonderful a person. - Robertson McQuilkin, resignation letter BE a real man – Gods Way24

25 Do you Hit her? Push her? Grab, restrain, threaten, intimidate, get in her face? Physical protection in todays world Leaving her with too much responsiblity alone? Finance? Homework? Administration? Children? Workers in home? BE a real man – Gods Way25

26 Im not emotional, I dont connect LIES. Same emotions, different expressions Male friendships – shoulder to shoulder Female friendships – face to face Not enough to say I didnt... What DID you do then? Try Be Intimate Get to know her (again) Tell her about details Open up, be honest, be loving, be passionate BE a real man – Gods Way26

27 1. Words of affirmation Encouraging words, kind, humble, 2. Quality Time Undivided attention 3. Receiving Gifts Physical, self 4. Acts of Service House work, cooking, errands 5. Physical Touch In passing, intimacy The five love languages - Gary Chapman BE a real man – Gods Way27

28 The tongue of the righteous is choice silver; the heart of the wicked is of little worth. (Proverbs 10:20, ESV) The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly. (Proverbs 15:2, ESV) A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit. (Proverbs 15:4, ESV) Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits. (Proverbs 18:21, ESV) With patience a ruler may be persuaded, and a soft tongue will break a bone. (Proverbs 25:15, ESV) It is the duty of husbands to preserve the authority of their wives over their children. Richard Baxter - The Godly Home BE a real man – Gods Way28

29 But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. (1 Timothy 5:8, ESV) The husband is to be the chief provider for the family. Richard Baxter - The Godly Home Get a grip on your finances Delegate if you need to, but you are accountable! BE a real man – Gods Way29

30 Commission: always checking your phone? Always on internet? TV in bedroom? Have tech free times in the house Omission: (if you are the technology minded one...) Take care of her upgrades Perhaps record her favourite shows Make sure her phone is charged BE a real man – Gods Way30

31 A good husband will either make a wife good or will easily and profitably endure a bad one. Richard Baxter, The Godly Home BE a real man – Gods Way31

32 Discipline of a Godly Man – Kent Hughes The Godly Home – Richard Baxter The Five Love Languages – Gary Chapman Real Marriage – Mark and Grace Driscoll Creating an intimate marriage – Jim Burns BE a real man – Gods Way32

33 ? BE a real man – Gods Way33

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