2Healthful and Dysfunctional Families Family HealthHealthful and Dysfunctional Families
3We are family… Everyone belongs to a family Family – a group of people who are related by blood, adoption, marriage, or have a desire for mutual support
4Family Structures Vary Traditional Married FamiliesSingle Parent FamiliesFamilies built around PartnershipsHealthful family: family that has all the skills needed for loving, responsible relationshipsDysfunctional family: a family that lacks the skills to be successful and function in healthful ways
5Dysfunctional Family Characteristics Chemical dependenceOther addictionsPerfectionismViolencePhysical abuseEmotional abuseNeglectSexual abuseAbandonmentMental disorders
6No Family is Perfect We are all human, and make mistakes Each person has strengths and weaknesses. Even you!HOWEVER, in healthful families, children can learn from their parentsWhat might you learn? 12 things!!!
8Self-Respecting Behavior Treating yourself in a healthful and responsible wayDon’t harm selfAre not self-centeredFulfills personal needs and cares little for others
9Healthful Attitudes Toward Sexuality Feelings and attitudes a person has about her body, sexual identify and sexual orientationPart of self-esteem and body imageEating disordersCan you talk to your parents about puberty?How did you learn about your menstrual cycle?
10Effective Communication Learn to communicate through familyCan you talk to your parents?Get ready for a communication activity!
11Communication Activity Partner A will be the drawer firstPartner B will turn around so they are back to back with Partner AGiven 1 minute, partner A will draw whatever they like; partner B sits quietlyPartners may not communicate during this timeAfter the minute is up, the students remain back to back; it is partner B’s turn to drawPartner A will now describe their pictures to partner BPartner B has three minutes to replicate the drawing
12Clear Sense of ValuesValues – standards, principles or beliefs of a personParents act consistent with the values they teachExample: parents value education; therefore, they help you with your homework
13Make Responsible Decisions Evaluate options before decidingWeight the consequencesSkip class…or go to it?Miss notes and discussion, do poor on testHave notes, learn something new!Parents set guideline and expectationsGuideline for breaking guidelines
14Resolve Conflicts Listen to both sides and find a solution No violence “I don’t care who started it!”No violence
29PerfectionismParents are overly critical of themselves and their childrenChildren feel inadequate and insecureBehavior is self-destructive and harms relationshipsYou can become a perfectionist too
30Violence Controlling Keep peace by avoiding disagreements Between violence, family member may be kind, gentle and apologeticThus, children blame themselves – NOT YOUR FAULTAt risk of becoming juvenile offenders
31Abuse Controlling and moody Children are afraid and confused Can understand the changesWant to feel lovedDeny feelings about abuseCover up abuseBlame selfBelieve they deserve to be abusedYOU DO NOT DESERVE TO BE ABUSED. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!
32Abandonment Absence can cause pain, suffering, confusion Difficult getting close to othersPush away othersCan be overly needy
33Mental Disorders Feel responsible and guilty May allow disorder to dominate family lifeNOT YOUR FAULT
34Important TermsCodependence – a compulsion to control, take care of, and rescue people by fixing their problems and minimizing their painIntimacy – deep and meaningful sharing between two people
35It Can IMPROVE! Give love and respect as much as possible Change your own behaviorIndividual and group therapyRecovery programsTELL SOMEONESomeone you trustSomeone that can DO something to help
36Putting it to use… We are all different You do not know what is happening in someone else’s homeBe sensitive to othersGet to know your friends’ familiesBe alertTalk to your parents
38Extended Families Who is in my extended family? All relatives in addition to parents, brothers and sistersGrandparents, aunts, uncles, cousinsStepparents, stepbrothers, stepsisters
39Separation and Divorce 50% of first marriages end in divorceSeparation – the living apart of marriage partnersDivorce – a legal way to end a marriageCourt decides the terms with respect to property, custody, and supportSingle custody: one parent keeps legal custody of a child or childrenJoint custody: both partners keep legal custody of a child or childrenMay live with one parent or alternateBoth parents maintain legal rightsRequires meaningful communication between parents, even after marriages is endedVisitation rights: guidelines set for the visitation of children by the parent who does not have custodyExact number of days and time amountsSet schedulesFlexibleGrandparents’ rights: the visitation rights with grandchildren when marriage is over
40Blended Family/Stepfamily A family consisting of:The marriage partnersChildren that one or both of them had previouslyChildren they have by their marriage to one anotherThe success of a blended family often depends on how stepsiblings interactClear guidelines must be set by parentsNo acting on attractionMany teens resent their stepparent
41Putting it to use…Be aware of your family’s communication and relationshipsBe considerate of all your family membersFollow the rules and avoid unnecessary conflictYou cannot control the relationship between your parentsYou cannot control the actions of othersAlways be ready for change
43What is a healthful friendship? A balanced relationship that promotes mutual respect and healthful behaviorImproves the quality of lifeFriends…Take a personal interest in each otherSupport each otherEncourage each otherParticipate in social activities together
44Initiating friendships Make a background check on the personWhat do I know about this person?Does this person have good character?Do my parents know this person?Will my parents approve?There is always a risk in initiating friendship!
45Conversation keepers/killers Asking questionsTalking about yourselfShowing interest in othersAppearing disinterestedListening carefullyInterruptingResponding to othersChanging the topicEncouraging othersBraggingBeing positiveComplainingMaking eye contactAvoiding eye contactSharing ideas/feelingsTalking about othersEncouraging others to talkDominating the conversation
46Rejection Everyone experiences rejection Rejection: the feeling of being unwelcomed or unwantedHow should you respond?Anger?Bury feelings?Don’t care?
47Handling RejectionUse I-messages to share feelings with the person who rejected your gestures of friendshipShare your feelings with a trusted adultReaffirm your high-self worth always!“they don’t know what they’re missing!”
48Barriers to Making New Friends Shyness: characterized by discomfort, inhibition, and awkwardness in social situationsWithdraw from interaction and expressionLoneliness: characterized by unpleasant, painful, or anxious feelings as a result of having fewer or less satisfying relationships than desiredTemporary!
49Balanced Friendships Friendships require the commitment of 2! Balanced friendship: 2 people give and receive form each other acts of kindness
50Equaling out friendships GivingListeningHelping celebrate successBuying special giftsTakingAccepting gifts or helpExpress gratitude
51One-sided friendships One-sided friendship: a friendship in which one person does most of the giving and the other person does most of the takingWhy?People pleasers: person who constantly seeks the approval of othersInsecureGive to be liked and noticed by othersDon’t know how to “take” from others
52“Users” People who do most or all of the “taking” Take from others to get their needs metLittle interest in meeting the needs of their “friends”They believe they always should come firstWant to be in control of decisionsThey do not know how to become close to others
53Ending friendships Changing friends is a part of growing up! Why do friendships change?Friends may move awayA friend may break confidenceInterests changeThere are times when a person needs to be objective about and decide if a “friend” is a friendEncourages wrong actions contrary to one’s own values
54Putting it to use… Not everyone will be a friend Don’t be consumed with yourself, take interest in othersIf you are unhappy in a friendship, confront the other person kindlyDo not feel guilty about ending a friendship
56RelationshipRelationship: a connection a person has with another personA person’s health status is affected by the quality of relationships they haveIn general, relationships are usually healthful or harmful
57Relationships Healthful relationships Harmful relationships Promotes self-respectHarms self-respectEncourages productivity and healthInterferes with productivity and healthFree of violence and drug misuse and abuseIncludes violence or drug misuse and abuse
58Harmful Ways of Relating The people pleaserThe controllerThe enablerThe centerThe clingerThe abuserThe fixerThe liarThe distancerThe promise breaker
59The People Pleaser Constantly seeks the approval of others Do almost anything to be likedUse alcohol or other drugsDescribed as “doormats” because others can walk all over them with no consequencesSabotage their chances for healthful relationships because others don’t respect them
60The Enabler Support other’s harmful behavior Deny or overlook another person’s harmful behavior, such as:Drinking, gambling, or cheatingMake excuses or cover up others behaviorMight contribute to others behaviorMake bets for another with gambling problemDrink with another who has a drinking problemSabotage: don’t require others to behave responsibly
61The Clinger Needy and dependent Feels empty inside and constantly turns to another person to feel betterNo amount of attention or affection keeps the clinger feeling fulfilledEventually “suffocates” the other personSabotage: not giving other people space
62The Fixer Tries to fix other people’s problems Take on problems that are not their responsibilityQuick to give adviceWill identify different possible solutions and try them for the personFixers avoid their own feelings and problemsSabotage: healthy people do not want others to solve their problems
63The Distancer Emotionally unavailable to others Keeps other people from getting too close in a number of waysBeing too busy to spend timeAvoid sharing feelingsKeep others at a distance to avoid getting hurtSabotage: not risking emotional involvement
64The Controller Possessive, jealous, and domineering Seeks power Might tell another person what to do, what to wear, and what to believeMight monopolize a girlfriend/boyfriend’s timeSabotage: not respecting interests or opinions of others; dominating
65The Center Self-centered Wearing “badge” that says “Me, Me, Me” They do most of the talking and have little interest in what you sayDo what they want to do, when they want to do itAren’t too concerned with othersSabotage: focusing on themselves, ignoring other’s needs
66The Abuser Person who is abusive Constantly put others down or harm othersThreaten, begin fights, act in other violent waysForce another person to have sexTend to alternate periods of abusiveness with periods of gentlenessSabotage: threatening and harming others
67The Liar Does not tell the truth Honesty is a foundation in any healthful relationship!Lie about themselves to look goodPretend to be something they are notAvoids truth to manipulate others into the responses the liar wantsSabotage: lying to get what they want
68The Promise Breaker Not reliable Make plans with another person and then be a “no show,” opting to do something better that has come alongMight promise to change their waysPeople doubt their sincerity and commitmentSabotage: not keeping their word
69InteractionsInteractions or dynamics in harmful relationships often explain why people end up in such relationshipsPeople who relate in harmful ways are drawn to othersSome examples of match-ups…
70Promise Breaker (PB) & People Pleaser (PP) PB makes plans to go to a movie with PPPB cancels the plans when something else comes alongPP is angry, but keeps anger inside and accommodates PB with a new datePB – must learn to keep commitmentsPP – must set limits and share feelings
71Controller (C) & Enabler (E) C objects when girl/boyfriend spends time with friendsC is suspicious and accusesE makes excuses for him, “He loves me so much…”E gives up all her friends for himC – respect gf’s rights to have friendsE – take responsibility for herself
72Clinger (C) & Distancer (D) C attracted to D because they fear being abandonedD is emotionally unavailableC & D afraid to get closeD runs from relationships; spends time, then backs offC chases harderC – address emptiness; develop self-confidenceD – share feelings and become close to others
73What to do! Evaluate each of your relationships on a regular basis Recognize when you must end a friendship, rather then work it outIdentify changes in behavior that must occur for you to stay in that relationshipTalk to a parent, guardian, or trusted adultHave a frank discussion with the other person, sharing concerns and expectationsSet a future date to evaluate again
74Putting it to use… Life is full of relationships You can prevent, change and free yourself from harmful relationshipsYou do not have to stay in a harmful relationshipEvaluate. Discuss changes. Set and keep a date to re-evaluateWatch for others who may be in trouble
76DatingYoung teens are still interested in group activities, but groups include both sexesDating – having social plans with another personAn extension of friendship
77Why is dating significant? Learnt o develop and sustain successful relationships in order to prepare for more important decision regarding commitment and marriageProvide opportunity to learn about themselves and others
78Dating gives the opportunity to… Strengthen self-esteemImprove social skills
79Is dating exclusively vital? NO!!!GROUP DATES ARE THE WAY TO GO!Why group date?Not as intimidating; less pressureGet to know a group of peopleParents will approve
80Establishing Dating Standards Concern of parents and guardians: the appropriate time to begin datingDon’t want dating to interfere with emotional, social, and psychological developmentDating at a young age can have negative consequencesDating before 15, teens tend to be more superficialEarly dating can interfere with the development of an independent sense of identityMay base identity on dating experienceMay not remain abstinent if dating begins too earlyResearch findings: teens who begin dating at a young age are more at risk for becoming sexually active!
816 Dating StandardsGive parents/guardians background info on the person you will be datingTell you parents/guardians your exact plans. This requires honesty!Arrange for safe transportationEstablish a reasonable curfewCurfew – a fixed time when a person is to be at homeEstablish a personal code of conductUse wise judgmentMoney!Establish the expected code of conduct for the person you will dateRespect – high regard for someone or something
82Dating SkillsDo not base your self-worth on your ability to get a dateAsk questions and get the facts before accepting a dateDecline a date when there will be pressure to drink or make/take risky decisionsOlder guys are not coolerAsk yourself, “why can’t they date someone their own age?”Honor your dating commitments and don’t change your plans if someone better comes alongTreat people with respectRecognize the advantage of dating a variety of people rather than going steadyMake fast exits when you find yourself in a situation that violates the guidelines
83Dating Skills Continued Don’t hesitate to call your parents or guardian if you’re on a date and need helpFeel comfortable about staying home when you don’t want to dateBe clear about your expectations when you give and take a giftYou never owe anythingBe honest when you turn someone down for a date
84Sexual AbstinenceSexual feelings are normal and healthy, but sexual activity requires maturity and the commitment (or promise) found in marriagesThe best way to show that you care about yourself, your family and your friends is to practice sexual abstinenceSexual abstinence is the refusal to take part is sexual activityPlanning can make sexual abstinence easierSetting limits before you are in a situation in which you feel sexual desire helps you maintain abstinence
85Benefits The benefits of choosing abstinence include the following: Being sure you will not cause an unwanted pregnancyBeing absolutely sure you will not get diseases or infections that are spread by sexual activityBeing absolutely sure you will not be hurt emotionally from sexual involvementDemonstrating care for yourself, your family and your futureAbstinence is the healthiest choice for teens to make – it can help protect your physically and emotionallyIt can help you keep from changing your life in dangerous and harmful ways
86Maintaining Abstinence Refusal skills can help you maintain abstinence – use them!!!If anyone pressures you, say no with your words, actions and body languageStick to your values, walk away, or call for a ride homeTry to avoid putting yourself in risky situationsNever pressure other people to do anything they don’t want to doSexual activity does not prove you are grown up or independent!!In fact, you can show you are gaining healthy independence by choosing abstinence to protect your health and future