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International AIDS Conference Wednesday, July 25 2012 Disclosure & Dating: From early courting to intimacy for teens and young adults.

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Presentation on theme: "International AIDS Conference Wednesday, July 25 2012 Disclosure & Dating: From early courting to intimacy for teens and young adults."— Presentation transcript:

1 International AIDS Conference Wednesday, July Disclosure & Dating: From early courting to intimacy for teens and young adults

2 Disclosure & Dating Workshop Presented by AIDS Alliances Youth Advisory Committee

3 Your Presenters Jahlove Serrano – New York, NY Dee Borrego – Boston, MA Cristina Jade Peña – San Francisco, CA Trell Jackson – Atlanta, GA Yuri Velasquez – Miami, FL *For Youth, By Youth

4 Session Outline Explore four stages of a romantic relationship Define challenges and barriers for HIV disclosure and multidisclosure in a romantic relationship Provide disclosure-specific communication approaches and tips

5 Four Stages of a Relationship Stage 1: Getting to Know You Stage 2: Dating Stage 3: Intimacy Stage 4: Long-Term Love *The stage or phase of your relationship can help you decide when its the right time to discuss serious issues and when its the right time for you to disclose

6 Stage 1- Getting to Know You Definition: Getting to know each other by spending time together, exploring mutual interests, crushing, curious, going out, flirting, holding hands, cuddling, maybe kissing. Keep In Mind: Important phase to begin building & developing trust and respect for each other. --Hello, I love you, Wont you tell me your name?---The Doors

7 Empowering Your Self to Take Responsibility HIV positive partner must ask self: ­ How is the relationship progressing? ­ Do I need to disclose soon? ­ Am I close to putting my partner at risk? ­ Is our relationship ready for sex?

8 Responsibility Laws and Rights: – Varies by state, region, country – Failure to disclose HIV status to partner prior to sexual activity can make you vulnerable to criminal prosecution and/or lawsuit by your sexual partner – Become familiar with the specific disclosure laws & resources in your region and country

9 Why to hold off on Disclosing Havent established enough trust & respect At this time, disclosure is unnecessary Own safety Emotionally not ready to disclose Not ready mind, body & soul for relationship


11 Stage 2- Dating Definition: Consistency in time spent and intimacy together, progressing emotionally and physically, becoming closer, identifying as a couple, falling for each other, feeling in love Timeframe: Typically, Stage when more serious conversation takes place (disclosure, STDs, safety, comfort level, future of relationship) ---I, I love you like a love song, baby! – Selena Gomez

12 Reasons to Disclose Physically moving closer and/or ready for sex Emotionally moving closer Pressure from outside forces Partner poses questions Just want to get disclosing over with

13 Dual Disclosure and Identity There may be other things you need to disclose about yourself especially if... – Youre transgender – Youre bisexual – Youre polyamorous – You have mental health issues – You have physical health issues

14 Disclosure & History Other aspects of your personal life to consider disclosing that may or may not relate to your HIV status Past or Present Drug Use Violence, Abuse and/or Rape HIV+ vs. AIDS diagnosis HIV status of other family members


16 Pre-Disclosure: Things to Consider Is enough trust and respect established ? Prepare for rejection Practice disclosure dialogue Seek help from Social Service Providers, Caregivers, Physicians, HIV+ mentors Prepare to Get Emotional - its ok!

17 Practice Disclosure Dialogue What are you planning to say? What would you like your partner to know about you? What would you like your partner to know about HIV/AIDS? What setting do you plan to disclose in? Who do you have to turn to for support after the conversation, if the conversation goes bad?

18 Safer Conditions for Disclosure Alone with partner in private, safe or neutral environment Face-to-face With a trusted friend or family member After you have had a good day together Before any risky behavior has occurred After trust and respect is established by both partners If your partner is asking you questions or probing If discussing your future together

19 Less Safe Conditions for Disclosure In public and/or around a large group of people or friends Via text, , phone Leaving limited time to fully disclose or answer questions When HIV+ partner is feeling guilty, depressed, insecure Right before or during sex/risky behavior If you have already put them at risk or had a close call After a fight When youre about to break up

20 Potential Emotions/Reactions Range of emotions/reactions to disclosure Emotions/reactions can change over time – From hours to days to weeks to months to years

21 Post-Disclosure: Things to Consider For Yourself: Prepare to answer questions Clarify: How open you want partner to be with your HIV status Protect yourself: Tell partner your legal rights For Your Partner Give partner time Give partner HIV resources Give partner support in decision they make

22 Red Light Green Light Read & listen to each scenario Would you disclose based off this scenario? Decide; hold up selected color paper Red Paper – No, will absolutely NOT disclose Yellow Paper – Requires caution Green Paper – Yes, willing to disclose

23 Scenario 1: Friends –turned-Lovers Meet Jamal and Courtney Friends since middle school Now in college Jamal wants to date Courtney Courtney is HIV+ *Should Courtney disclose her HIV status now?

24 Scenario 2: Last Test Meet Angela and Shawn Just started dating During drive home, Angela asks Shawn: When was the last time you got tested for HIV or an STI, and what were your test results? Shawn is HIV + *Should Shawn disclose his HIV status now?

25 Scenario 3: Got Condoms? Meet Jason and Timothy Just started seeing each other Share a bottle of wine while watching a movie. Kissing evolves Jason asks: Do you have condoms? Timothy is HIV+ *Should Timothy disclose his HIV status now?

26 Scenario 4 I Love You Meet Tonya and Kris Tonya and Kris have been dating for over 2 months Kris tells Tonya I love you! Tonya feels the same way toward Kris Tonya is HIV + *Should Tonya disclose status now?

27 Stage 3- Intimacy Definition: Engaging in any/all risky sexual behavior, emotional attachment increasing Timeline: May occur soon after or instead of a dating stage. At this point the partners have built enough trust to explore a deeper emotional and physical connection ---Its getting hot in here (so hot) -Nelly

28 Post-Disclosure: How to Decide to Continue the Relationship? Do both partners want to make the relationship work – Do both partners have similar expectations for the relationship? – Are both partners ready to be mature and thoughtful moving forward in the relationship – Mutual understanding: Much to learn about selves, one another and how to work together

29 Having Sex and Being Safe How to prepare for safe sex? 1. Seek professional support & ask questions 2. Learn preventative safe sex practices 3. Talk to each other: understand level of comfort Why practice safe sex? - Keep partner HIV Free - Prevent unwanted pregnancy - Reduce risk of acquiring other STIs & STDs.

30 Levels of Risky Behavior Non Risky - Kissing, holding hands, masturbating Very Minimal Level Risk - Protected/Safe Anal, Vaginal & Oral Sex High Level Risk - Unprotected Anal, Vaginal, Oral Sex - Exchange of bodily fluids (ie: vaginal, blood, semen)

31 What Can Lead to Unsafe/Risky Sex? Under the influence Quickie/ Caught up in the moment Protection Burnout Curious Belief that risk level not high Pressures from partner Apathy toward HIV infection Denial Belief that HIV is no big deal In long-term relationship

32 Close Calls Steps to Take: 1. Stay calm 2. Call HIV physician, clinic, center 3. Go to HIV clinic or hospital 4. Discuss severity of risk with professional and if PEP is needed

33 PrEP vs. PEP PrEP (Before Exposure) Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis ARVs taken before exposure to reduce chance of getting HIV Ask doctor $$$ PEP (After Exposure ) Post-Exposure Prophylaxis ARVs after exposure to reduce chances of infection Ask doctor $$$


35 Stage 4- Long Term Love Definition: Committed in a relationship for 2+ years, continuing to grow physical and emotional intimacy; considering a life together (ex: moving in together, marriage, starting a family) Its important to work together to continue HIV risk-reduction ---I got you babe, I got you babe- Sonny & Cher

36 Emotions Both Partners Can Experience Overtime For HIV+ Partner:For Partner: Happy in relationship and loved Concern with becoming infected Not enough concerned over own health & risk Fear for your HIV+ health Fear inner circle/outside worlds impression Happy in relationship and loved Concern with infecting partner Concern with rejected by partner Fear partner will disclose without your consent Fear partners inner circle will not accept you


38 Making HIV & STI Testing Routine Discuss why testing is important Share how you both feel about HIV/STI testing Decide on regularity of testing Consider going together

39 Safe Sex: Fun, Frisky, Do-able Safe sex shows you care about the health of yourself and partner(s) Know how to correctly use male/female condoms Keep condoms nearby Support each other in maintaining safe sex practices * Safe Sex takes work, communication & understanding *

40 Other Aspects of Relationship HIV is just one component of a relationship However, HIV can affect other aspects in a relationship - Finances- Needs - Career Ambitions - Residency - Emotional Stability - Family Remember HIV will be a factor in the relationship, but should never be everything in the relationship

41 Happy, Healthy and Successful Relationships Require: Commitment Strong Communication Patience Belief in Relationship Trust Responsibility Honesty Understanding Fun Respect and... Love!

42 Any Final Questions?

43 Questions About Legal Issues? We are not experts in the legal issues surrounding disclosure and we suggest you may want to contact an expert as you go through this process. We have developed a list of some resources for more information and to help you identify experts regarding issues in your area. This resource guide is also on our website at

44 Helpful Tools Resource guide created to assist youth in finding support around disclosing in their day-to-day lives SourceService(s) ProvidedDescriptionWebsite or address Contact Info The Center for HIV Law and Policy HIV law and policy/ legal support National legal and policy resource and strategy center for people living with HIV / Catherine Hanssens Executive Director HIV Law ProjectLegal support/ HIV Law and policy Legal agency providing services to low-income people living w/HIV/AIDS in New York City Tracy L. Welsh, Esq. Executive Director National AIDS Hotline Counseling, testing, legal support HIV/AIDS counseling and testing resources for discrimination and other legal issues CDC-INFO Gay Mens Health Crisis Counseling, support, hotline Hotline for those newly diagnosed trying to access HIV/AIDS resources AIDS-NYC International:

45 Helpful Tools SourceService(s) ProvidedDescriptionWebsite or address Contact Info HIV Law ProjectLegal support/ HIV Law and policy Legal agency providing services to low-income people living w/HIV/AIDS in New York City Tracy L. Welsh, Esq. Executive Director US Dept. of Health & Human Services, Office for Civil Rights Legal support/ civil rights Principal agency to bring forth discrimination complaints based on HIV status office/about/contactus/i ndex.html AIDS.orgHIV/AIDS resourcesNumerous resources around HIV/AIDS in the US s-factsheets/aids- hotlines/ The BodyHIV/AIDS resourcesWebsite that offers innumerable HIV/AIDS resources x/hotlines/national.html Created by AIDS Alliance Youth Advisory Council- 2012

46 Helpful Tools SourceService(s) ProvidedDescriptionWebsite or address Contact Info State Health Facts HIV related Health information Provides up-to-date, easy-to-use health data including HIV Criminal HIV Transmission Blog Opinions and resources related to HIV crimes Collection of published news stories, opinion and resources about so-called HIV crimes The Canadian HIV/AIDS Legal Network HIV law and policy/ legal support Legal network that promotes the human rights of people living with and vulnerable to HIV/AIDS tions/publicationsdocE N.php?ref=847 Americans with Disabilities Act Information & Assistance Hotline Education and legal support Assistance navigating HIV laws international: Center for Disease Control Business & Labor Resource Center Workplace support and education Comprehensive workplace HIV/AIDS programs international: Created by AIDS Alliance Youth Advisory Council- 2012

47 Helpful Tools SourceService(s) Provided DescriptionWebsite or address Contact Info AIDSLEXHIV Law and Human Rights Education This free e-Library has resources on HIV-related legal issues and human rights issues. International Labor Organization (HIV/AIDS Division) International policy development Practical guidelines and policy development for international communities HIV Travel HIV and travel- related information information on current HIV travel restrictions, including short-term stays and visas Created by AIDS Alliance Youth Advisory Council- 2012

48 More info

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