2 Violence in Dating Relationships Dating violence is a pattern of emotional, physical, or sexual abuse that occurs in a dating relationshipOne partner abuses to gain control over another partner
3 What does it look like?It ranges from punching, slapping, pushing, and grabbing to rape and murder- threats of violence, verbal attacks, and other forms of extreme jealousy, possessiveness, and controlling behavior.
4 Look for the pattern…Dating abuse is typically not a one-time incident, but a pattern of abusive behaviors over time that causes fear and/or harm.The abuser uses emotional manipulation and /or physical domination to gain control and power over their partner.
5 GenderThe majority of abusers are male and most victims are female, but it is important to realize that females can be abusers and males can be targets as well.It is an especially difficult topic for boys to talk about.
6 Who can it affect?89% of teenagers between 13 and 18 say they have been in dating relationships.
7 Dating Abuse Fast Facts One in five high school students report being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partnerOne in four teens who have been in a serious relationship say their boyfriend or girlfriend has tried to prevent them from spending time with friends or family; the same number have been pressured to only spend time with their partnerOne in three girls who have been in a serious relationship say they have been concerned about being physically hurt by their partner
8 Dating Abuse Fast Facts One in three girls between the ages of 16 and 18 say sex is expected for people their age if they are in a relationship; half of teenage girls who have experienced sexual pressure report they are afraid the relationship would break up if they did not give inNearly one in four girls who have been in a relationship (23%) reported going further sexually than they wanted as a result of pressureNearly 80% of girls who have been physically abused in their intimate relationships continue to date their abuser40% of teenage girls ages report knowing someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend
9 Warning Signs for Teens of Abusive Relationships Does your boyfriend or girlfriend…..Look at you in ways that scare you?Act jealous or possessive?Put you down criticize you in person or online?Try to control where you go, what you wear, and what you do?Text or IM you excessively?Monitor your to check up on you?Blame you for the hurtful things they say and do?Threaten to kill or hurt themselves or you if you leave them?
10 More Warning Signs…… Stop you from seeing family or friends Try to guilt you or force you to have sex before you are ready?Do they hit, slap, punch or kick you?Restrain you from leaving during an argument?
11 If you said yes to even one…………. YOU MAY BE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP
12 Teen Dating Bill of Rights I have the right:To always be treated with respectTo be in a healthy relationshipTo not be hurt physically or emotionallyTo refuse sex or affection at any timeTo have friends or activities apart from my boyfriend or girlfriendTo end a relationship
13 Date RapeMore than half the young women raped, know the person who raped them.The person may have been a steady date, a casual date or an acquaintanceRape and other forms of abuse are not just a problem for women
14 Date Rape DrugsThese are fast acting drugs that are hard to detect in food or drinkThey are colorless, odorless, and tastelessWhat are tips to reduce possibility of date rape?
16 Sexual HarassmentAny uninvited and unwelcome sexual remark or sexual advanceMaking a comment about a person’s body parts, touching, spreading rumors about their sexual behavior, telling jokesSexual harassment can a part of hazing
19 Hate ViolenceSpeech of behavior that is aimed at a person or a group based on person characteristicsBehaviors range from gestures to physical attacksA person might be targeted because of race, ethnicity, gender, religion or sexual preference
22 What is a Hate Crime?crimes, hate speech, or vandalism motivated by feelings of hostility or hate directed towards a specific social groupIn 2008, there were 7,780 single hate crimes in the U.S.Surprisingly this has decreased from 1996, 10,700
23 Hate Crimes Anti black 2,876 Anti Jewish 1,013 Anti homosexual 1,200. Anti Hispanic 561Anti Islamic 105Anti Christian 101
24 Hate CrimesEveryday, 8 African Americans, three whites, three homosexuals, three Jewish, and one Latino becomes victim of a hate crimeInformation from National Crime Prevention Council
25 National PolicyThe hate Crime Prevention Act of 1998, was initiated in the House of Representatives and Senate to expand federal jurisdiction over hate crimes by permitting federal authorities to examine all possible hate crimes, and expanding the categories that are covered by hate crime laws to include gender, sexual orientation, and disabilityThe United States Congress has defined a hate crime as an offense in which “the defendant’s conduct was motivated by hatred, bias, or prejudice, based on the actual or perceived race, color, religion, national origin, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, or gender identity of another group of individuals
26 Prevention Appreciate your own cultural values Object to ethnic, sexists, racist jokesRefrain from labeling peopleNot judge others, especially things they have no control over
28 StatisticsA 2001 study of high school students showed 33% of students have been in a fight at one point ( according to National Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center)
29 Choosing Not to FightIt isn’t easy to avoid a fight, but it can be doneWhen people who know each other fight, there are usually a history of events leading up to the fightConflicts tend to grow to a point where others no about it leading up to a fightIt is best to deal with conflict early when people are less angry
30 Choosing Not to FightIt is more difficult to resolve a problem after someone has been embarrassed in front of othersOnce you recognize a conflict exist there are two general approaches:Ignore the conflictConfront the person
31 Ignoring a Conflict A stranger bumps into you in the hallway You are angry friends didn’t invite you to go to the movies even though you didn’t want to goNone of these situations are worth fight
32 Ignoring a Conflict Some people think ignoring a conflict is cowardly It shows signs of maturity and self controlWhen deciding to ignore a fight, you will need to be flexible and control your anger
33 Controlling AngerLearning to control anger is an important skill to masterOveracting to a situation is due to lack of control of your anger and emotionsWhat techniques you use to control your anger?
34 Ways to Control Anger1. Take a “ time out” : counting to 10 or 20 can often diffuse your temper2. Get some space: take a break from the person you are angry with3. Once you calm down, express your anger: it is healthy to express your frustration in a non- confrontational way
35 Ways to Control Anger4. Get some exercise: physical activity can provide an outlet for your emotions5.Think carefully before you say anything: it can be helpful to write down what you want to say prior to your conversation6. Identify solutions to the problem: instead of thinking about what made you mad, think how you can solve the issue
36 Ways to Control Anger7. Use “I” statements: explain how you feel, instead of “ You” statements8. Don’t hold a grudge: it is important to forgive, you can’t expect people to always act and say the things you want9. Use humor to lighten the tension: lighten up but don’t use sarcasm10.Practice relaxation skills: breathing, visualization, repeating calming words etc.
37 Confronting a Person Wisely Some issues may be too important to ignoreConfronting a person in the proper way is criticalYou need to choose the right place and time, and remember to stay calm
38 Confronting a Person Wisely Face to face talk is often the best approachMake sure you don’t have an audienceIt is best to meet in a public area, food court, parkif you suppose the person is under the influence, postpone the meeting
39 Confronting a Person Wisely It is important to remain calm when you are upsetFocus on keeping your voice lowAvoid name callingSometimes rehearsing what you would like to say is a good idea
40 Confronting a Person Wisely Take deep breathesOr count to 20 when you start to get angered or upsetIf you find yourself unable to stay calm or control your temper, postpone your discussion
41 Confronting a Person Wisely When resolving problems, communication is keyUse “I” messages, assertiveness and seeing others point of view“ I know this issue is important to the both of us”Using this techniques causes the other person to be less defensive
42 Confronting a Person Wisely do the unexpected: be friendly, confident and caringProvide a way out: provide a compromising solution – meet in the middleBe willing to Apologize
43 Helping Others Avoid a Fight You can prevent fights through mediationMediation is the process of resolving conflicts using a neutral third partyPut pressure on the two involved not to fightIgnore negative remarks about other peopleRefuse to spread rumorsStay away from an area where a fight could take placeInvolve an adult of serious situations