2RELATIONSHIPWe form relationships as we are born (parents, siblings, family)As we move outside the home friends, teachers and neighbors become importantAs we get older new relationships (teacher-student, employer-employee) are formed
3BENEFITS OF RELATIONSHIPS LoveCompanionshipSafetyShared interestsAffectionSharing hopes and dreamsSomeone is there for youShared culture or religionSomeone to have fun with
4Relationships… Involve a connection between people We come into contact with many people but few will be relationshipsSome people have many, some prefer few
5HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP Happiness Trust Love Affection Equality Mutual RespectFriendshipHumour / FunCan be yourselfNo fear of otherStill independent peopleLaughterCommon InterestsSupportFair fightsAcceptanceComfortKindnessStrong self-esteemGood communicationHonesty
6UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP No trustNo respectJealousyAbuse – emotional, physical, sexualBad/no communicationLow self-esteemPower issuesUnfair fightsOther person tries to change youLiesManipulationLack of understandingNo funFear
7Discussion Questions??? How do you feel in a healthy relationship? How do you feel in an unhealthy relationship?Why do some people stay in unhealthy relationships?
8Relationship Role Play This will allow students to practice skills for building, maintaining and enhancing positive, healthy relationships.Get into your 4 groups again and get a role play cardRole-play should provide appropriate example of negotiating in relationships1-3 min…no harsh language!!
9Role Play QuestionsWhat skills were used to deal with the relationship?What level of commitment is involved in this relationship?Can you suggest other ways the characters may have handled this situation?What were you thinking/feeling as you watched this role play?
10COPY AND COMPLETE..1. Why can dealing with friends, family and the people we work with sometimes be so difficult?2. What are the most effective ways to start talking about a difficult topic?3. What skills and elements were used to maintain these relationships?4. Can you suggest other ways the characters may have handled these situations? Positive or negative…..
12GROUP WORKIn 4 groups write one assigned question on your chart paper and answer in a group:1. Define the term “dating relationship”.2. Do you think there is a pressure to date? If so, where does it come from?3. Do you think that males and females have similar expectations about dating?4. How do we know what factors influence the qualities we look for in a partner?
14SAFE DATINGDating should be fun and provide you with an opportunity to get to know the other person. It is important to share decisions around where you will go and what you might do on a date. If it is your first time out together you may want to go out with another couple or in a group.
15Safe Dating cont’dBe aware of the effects of substance use and the risk of sexual activity as a resultKnow your limits around sexual activity. Being clear about your limits makes it easier to express them to a date and stick to them.Be honest with your date and use assertive communication. If you no longer want to date that person explain why clearly and simply.
16BUILD A RELATIONSHIP Activity Give each person a card and use the gym to have everyone line up in an order they think is the best way to build a relationship
17RIGHT / WRONGThere is no right way for a relationship to develop – everyone is differentNot everyone will agree with the order**It is most important that the people in the relationship are happy with the speed the relationship is progressing
18QUESTIONSWhat about gender stereotypes? IF this activity was done with males and then females – would the progression be the same?Have we built a “real” relationship or an “ideal” one/Do most teen relationships look like this?Is there a “point of no return”?How long does each step take?Are the birth control cards in the right place?
19MATURE vs IMMATURE LOVE Often people feel that they are in love, but sometimes it turns out to be infatuation rather than “mature love”Immature love may involve one person “taking” more that “giving”; jealousy; one person calling the shots, broken promises and possibly violence
20HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP CHECKLIST Listen to and take your feelings and ideas seriouslyTalk openly and honestly with you about what matters to themNever use threats of harm, violence or suicide to get their own wayNever hit, punch, bite, slap, push or otherwise strike out in anger or jealousyNot try to control what you do, where you go or who you talk toRespect you, and say good things to you and about youEnjoy spending time with youTrust you and earn your trust by keeping confidencesAllow you to enjoy the activities and people that matter to youAccepts your limits about sexual activity, every timeHave a sense of humorCommunicate positively with each other
21UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS Problems may begin to arise in relationshipsThey may start out as “innocent” issues and can eventually lead to abuse and violenceMany teens settle for unhealthy relationships and find it difficult to communicate their concerns to their partners
22WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT FOR SOMEONE TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT THEY ARE IN AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP?
23UNHEALTHY REL’N The expression “love is blind” is often true Someone may feel that they are so in love that they do not look deeply at the problems and stay in the relationships for the following reasons:
24Reasons People Stay Belief things will get better Problems are just a phaseThey can change their partnerSeen this behavior elsewhereDon’t know this is unhealthyHaving a partner is more importantScared to break it off (can’t cope without the other or the other may be violent)
26Relationship Violence …is the emotional, physical, and/or sexual abuse of one partner by another in a dating relationship where the couple is not living together
27Forms of Abuse Physical Abuse The intentional use of any action that could cause pain or injury. Shoving, pushing, slapping, kicking, biting, punching, pinching, hair-pulling, throwing things, threatening to cause harm with a weapon.Emotional AbuseAffects our feelings and includes name-calling, insulting, blaming, humiliating, swearing or yelling, being disrespectful, causing embarrassment, being explosive, extreme mood swings, manipulating, being possessive, isolation
28Forms of Abuse Psychological Abuse Throwing or breaking things, destroying possessions, threatening to cause personal harm to friends, family or pets, threatening to commit suicide to get their way, threatening gestures or facial expressions, stalking, contact by phone etc that causes fear or discomfort, guilt tripping, mind gamesSexual AbuseUnwanted sexual touching, sexual acts without consent, making fun for not wanting to do certain sexual things, unsafe sexual practices, forcing a person into degrading, humiliating or painful sexual acts, making rude comments or gestures
29How Common? Can be either partner… Most studies report people ages have highest risk of dating violence…Females in their teens experience dating violence at a higher rate than males
30Warning SignsA person who is experiencing an abusive situation may show the following signs of changes of behaviorMood or personality changesPhysical injuries like bruises, sores, scratches or broken bones (especially if injuries don’t match the story they tell you)Sudden changes in clothes or makeupFailing grades or dropping out of school activitiesEmotional outbursts or over-reacting to things that seem small or unimportant
31Warning Signs Withdrawing from family and friends Difficulty making decisionsSudden changes in mood or personality (ex: becoming anxious or depressed, acting out and being secretive)Changes in eating or sleeping habits, avoiding eye contactConstantly thinking about their dating partnerUsing alcohol or drugs or increased use of drugs or alcohol
32Warning Signs Someone is Abusive and Could be Violent S/He pressures to make the relationship very serious or to have sexS/He becomes extremely jealous and possessive and thinks these destructive displays of emotion are signs of loveS/He is controlling and bossy (ie: makes all the decisions, does not take your opinion seriously,or uses put-downs when alone or with friends)S/He uses guilt trips (ie: if you really loved me you would…)
33Warning Signs Someone is Abusive and Could be Violent Blames you for relationship problems (ie: its because of you I get so mad)S/He may apologize for violent behaviors promising never to act violent again and to changeS/He keeps you from spending time with close friends or familyS/He is verbally and emotionally abusive
34Why might teens not tell… Embarrassed, ashamed, stupid, worthlessAlone and afraid of getting hurtConvinced it’s their faultScared of getting in troubleParents or friends will blame them or will be disappointedConfused- they may think this is how people show love
35POWER IMBALANCESWhenever there is an imbalance of power, there is potential for misuse of that power.POWERFUL LESS POWERFULAdult childrenMen womenRich poorWhite people of colorBoss workerAble-bodied disablitiesFormally educated non-formally educatedBorn in Canada immigrant