2Teen Dating ViolenceIt knows no boundaries and crosses all lines of race, socio-economic statusIt CAN happen to ANYONE
3Teen Dating Violence Facts Prevalence and Frequency: Teen dating Violence runs across race, gender and socio-economic lines. Both males and females are victims, but boys and girls are abusive in different ways:Girls are more likely to yell, threaten to hurt themselves, pinch, slap, scratch or kick.Boys injure girls more severely and frequentlySome teen victim experience violence more frequently, some are abused more often, sometimes daily.
4Teen Dating Violence Statistics continued Girls and women between the ages of 16 and 24 experience the highest rates of intimate partner violence.1 in 5 high school girls is physically or sexually hurt by a dating partner.1 in 3 teens experience some kind of abuse in their romantic relationships.Only 33 % of teens who have been in or known about an abusive dating relationship report having told anyone about it.
5Teen Dating Violence Statistics continued Teen girls face relationship violence 3 times more than adult women.25% of victims say they have been isolated from family and friends.More than half of victims say they have compromised their own beliefs to please a partner.Many teens think this is normal.Teens report dating abuse via cell phones is a serious problem.
6Teen Dating Violence Statistics continued Cell phone calls and texting mean constant control: 1 in 3 teens say they are text messaged 10, 20, 30 times an hour by a partner keeping tabs on them82% of parents whose teens were ed or text messaged 30 times an hour were not aware of thisThe majority of parents of teen victims are unaware of the abuseStatistics from the US Dept. of Justice, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and Liz Claiborne Inc. teen dating violence survey
7Teen Dating ViolenceDating violence, like domestic violence, is a pattern of controlling, aggressive, and abusive behaviors of one person over another within a romantic relationship. It can include verbal, emotional, physical, sexual, and financial abuseIt can occur in all types of relationships.
8Warning SignsExtreme Jealousy- jealousy is sign of insecurity and lack of trust, but the abuser will say that is a sign of loveControlling behavior- one partner completely rules the relationship and makes the decisions, checking up on the victimQuick involvement- “love at first sight”, often the abuser is very charming at the beginning of the relationship
9Warning Signs ContUnrealistic expectations- abusers except their partners to meet all their needs and be “perfect”Isolation- abusers try to keep the victim from family and friends by putting down everyone they knowBlames others for their problems and feelings- the abuser does not take reasonability for their problemsHypersensitivity- an abuser is easily insulted and takes everything as a personal attack
10More…. Cruelty to animals and children “Playful” use of force in sex- pressure to have sexVerbal Abuse- says cruel and harmful things, degrades them, curses at them, calls them namesDr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde- experiences severe mood swingsPast Battering- has a history of past batteringThreats of ViolenceBreaking or striking objectsAny force during an argument
11Types of ViolenceVERBALEMOTIONALPHYSICALSEXUALFINANCIAL
12Verbal AbuseName-calling, using put-downs, accusing, blaming, lying, yelling, accuses you of cheating, threatens to harm or kill you, threatens to commit suicide, says they are the only one that loves you, puts down your family and friends, tells you what to wear, tells you everything is your fault, tells you no one else will ever be interested in you.
13Emotional AbuseShows jealousy, embarrassing or humiliating you, controlling behavior, keeping tabs on you through frequent phone calls, s, instant messaging, breaks your possessions, smashes things, destroys property, causes isolation by keeping you from spending time with others, tries to keep you from working or controls where you work, stalking
14Physical AbuseHitting, slapping, biting, squeezing, punching, kicking, choking, pushing, shoving, shaking, twisting your arm, grabbing, pulling hair, spitting, burning, trapping you, hiding your car keys or money, sabotaging your car to keep you from leaving
15Sexual AbuseForcing you to have sex against your will, rape, unwanted rough or violent sex, not letting someone use birth control (they intentionally try to get you pregnant so you are tied to them for years)
16Financial AbuseIf the victim has a charge card, the abuse may tell the victim to put their name on it and they will run up high bills making the victim responsible for payment, making the victim pay for other things as well
17CYCLE OF ABUSE TENSION BUILDING STAGE HONEYMOON STAGERelationship starts out with romance, flowers, lots of compliments and attention says “l love you” early on, comes on strong with quick involvement; after abuse apologizes, makes excuses and all of the aboveCYCLEOFABUSEACUTE BATTERING STAGEWorst abuse, verbal, physical,sexual violence, leaving victimwounded physically,psychologicallyTENSION BUILDING STAGETension builds, arguments, emotional andpsychological abuse, criticism, name-calling,threats, intimidation, may be minor physicalabuse; victim fearful
18Patterns of AbuseMany people who are the target of dating violence find that the abuse occurs in a distinct pattern that is repeated over and over again. TENSION BUILDING, EXPLOSION and HONEYMOONAfter the honeymoon phase, the tension starts to build again, leading to another explosion
19Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships Understanding EqualityWhen both people in the relationship believe they are equal, and neither tries to gain power or control over the other = a healthy, non-violent relationshipUnderstanding power and control tacticsWhen there is a pattern of one person trying to gain power and control over the other. USING VIOLENCE- physical, verbal, emotional
22Barriers to Leaving Love Hope Fear Embarrassment, humiliation, shame Lack of supportLack of self-esteem and confidenceLack of knowledge about healthy/unhealthy relationships and community resources
23Effects of Dating Violence on the Victim Loss of appetite, eating disordersWeight lossGastrointestinal disordersHeadachesNervous, anxiousBruises, broken bonesSelf blameConfusionGuiltShameMistrust of self and others
24Effects con’t Feelings of worthlessness, low self-esteem Central nervous system disordersSadness, depressionSuicidalTerrorFeardeath
25Post Traumatic Stress Disorder FlashbacksNightmaresAnxietyEmotional numbingInsomniaAvoidance of traumatic triggers and talking about the problemhelplessnessSense of being different than othersIsolationSubstance abuseSelf-mutilation, self harm
26Battered Women’s Syndrome Believe violence is their faultInability to place responsibility for violence elsewhereFears for her life and or children’s livesIrrational belief that the abuser is omnipresent and omniscient
27On average, victims tend to leave and return about 7 times before leaving permanently The number one reason victims do not leave is because they fear for their lives.
28Theories to Explain Dynamics of Abusive Relationships Learned Helplessness Theory“Survival focus vs. escaping focus”Traumatic Bonding Theory“The abuser gains power through the victims dependence on them”Approach and Avoidance Theory“victim is likely to focus on positives to avoid abuse”US. Dept. of justice; US. Dept. of veteran affairs
29“The Dynamics of relationship abuse are similar to brainwashing of soldiers” U.S. Department of Justice
30Not the words they speak but how they show you Love is a behavior…Not the words they speak but how they show you
31How can I help?? Assure Confidentiality Be understanding, non-blaming, honest and supportiveListen and validate feelingsAcknowledge the abuse, show concernAsk questionsRemind them of their strengths, compliment themAsses for dangerExpress Concern
32More Help….Offer help, refer to school social worker, guidance, administratorShare information about abusive relationshipsSupport their decisions, be patient, stand by them for as long as it takesProvide information: RICADV and hotline , safety plans and legal info.Remember that the most dangerous time for a victim is right after they leave the relationship. The VICTIM NEEDS TO HAVE A SAFETY PLAN
33Don’t…. Judge or blame Pressure Assume victim wants to leave the relationshipsTalk to victim and abuser togetherPlace conditions on your supportPut down the abuser
34Teens and the Law Teens can obtain a restraining order Minors go to Family Court with a parent18 or older, go to District CourtIf abuser is a minor, restraining order will also be served to parentsRemember, the Restraining order is only a piece of paper… NEED A SAFETY PLANsee attached handout
35For more information.. www.labmf.org www.cdc.gov Rhode Island Coalition Against Dating Violence HotlineNational DV hotline SAFEBlackstone ShelterSojourner House ,