Presentation on theme: "Open Dialogical Practice in Relationship therapy Writing our Book of Love Yves Dingens and Leo Bormans 2nd International Conference on Dialogical Practices."— Presentation transcript:
Open Dialogical Practice in Relationship therapy Writing our Book of Love Yves Dingens and Leo Bormans 2nd International Conference on Dialogical Practices – 7 – 9 maart 2013
New dialogues New definitions of Love Re-new-ed- identity
European chairman Van Rompuy & Leo Bormans Kofi Annan (Nobel Peace prize) & Leo Bormans
A book with 200 empty pages 2 pages for each season starting 1 year before the relation today + 3 years empty pages
Timeline: Double page Season by Season Top of the page: partner A / Bottom: Partner B Colour strip: each partner can give colour to felt emotions
Open – end dreams Imagination Create hope
Rational Level Objective data e.g. official date of cohabition, date of marriage, date of birth children, relocation, job change, objective frame >> grip for involved people in the dialogue (e.g. parents, friends, children,…)
Awareness of the systemic approach
… hearing all voices
Timeline + strip of feelings + data
What do these partners feel, now that they are face to face with the history of their relation ?
Second Level: emotion driven. add old pictures, remembrances,… to explore the meaning of Love
Making a new story out of Highlights Important moments What do they actually feel in this moment?
What is IN the picture?
Repositioning of the self in relationship and Repositioning the relationship itself.
City of Words, Lithograph by Vito Acconci, image via Wikipedia A dialogical space arises
Investigation 100 PhDs >> everyone has his own perspective, something the researcher is looking for, when he does an investigation 100 PhDs>> each with his own interpretation of the results 100 PhDs:>> their own story must have been involved Conclusion:>> the Worldbook of Love are 100 interpretations about Love in a multicultural perspective
First element>> the clients Second element>> the dialogue between the cliënt(s) and the therapist Third element>> the Worldbook a multiplicity of voices of the World outside Peter Lenaerts, third element, Systeemtheoretisch Bulletin 2009, n°3
PhD Ellen S. Berscheid University of Minnesota Romantic Love Compassionate Love Companionate Love Attachment Love
Research documents that no 2 individuals use the word in exactly the same way The meaning of the word Love not only is likely to differ among individuals…..but even for a single individual, the word may carry different meanings as it is used in different relationships Ph D Ellen S. Berscheid University of Minnesota
Even in a single relationship, the meaning of the word Love may vary each time the individual uses it. Ph D Ellen S. Berscheid University of Minnesota
Romantic Love: passionate Love – erotic Love – being in Love Companionate Love: friendship Love strong liking Compassionate Love: caregiving Love - altruistic Love – selfless Love Attachment Love: depends on a long familiarity – receiving comfort and protection
continuous search for meaning of Love in an ongoing dialogue with couple and therapist and the third element Writing our Book of Love:
Facilitate continuous dialogue To deepen dialogical approach View through the grid of Romantic Love Companionate Love Compassionate Love Attachment
Facilitate continuous dialogue To deepen dialogical approach Using the 100 narratives about Love as a third element
Texts of the Outer World Representations validated by a worldwide community
Love is the life force, the soul, the idea. There is no dialogical relation without love, just as there is no love in isolation. Love is dialogic. (Patterson, D. 1998) Literature and spirit: Essay on Bakhtin and his contemporaries, 142)
Non-verbal dialogue and language skills Less linguisticly proficient partners modeling clay, paint, paper-mache, …. The advantage of working with mondeling clay and other materials is that there can be more bodily felt emotions. The hands, in contact with structures as clay, draperie, cloth, etc… can create even better dialogues about feelings. Going into dialog through shaping clay and offering the form to the partner to reform and bring changes, can open bodily felt dialogues as an continuing meaning-shaping story.
Non-verbal dialogue and language skills Pictures, drawings and puppets may help to define emotions Putting puppets in intersubjective placings - adjust the placing as they would do in a verbal dialogue and certain experiences, believes, sitations can be taken in dialogue. People can talk with/through the puppets, expres feelings, etc.. Use of pictures partners can find pictures to go in dialogue with each other about the meaning of the aspects of love, they can show what is important for them.
Case A couple, both have 2 children from a former relationship. Each of the children need extra caregiving because of different problems they are facing. The parents did receive an autism diagnose for one boy, another one has a serious mental retardation, one daughter with high sensitivity etc.. The woman was incapacitated because of of a chronic fatigue syndrome. There is a lot of hassle in the house. Each parent loses itself in loyalty for their own children
its difficult to persist rules, they are blaming each other. Man and wife are not interested in each other anymore. Intimicy is completely gone. They barely speak with each other, except to reproach. He was disappointed about a lack of intimacy and sexuality. When her partner talked about this topic, the women started to cry. However they want to stay together because, so they say, they feel love for each other. In therapy, each week again >> negative – negative.
Text of Ph D Zak about oxytocine came into the conversations. They were interested in it. We talked about what Ph D Zak discovered, the so-called Love-hormone. They were surprised. We talked together about the positive sense of touch. The text became a third element in our dialogues. It did shape enough distance and safety to talk about intimacy, it was not a diagnose about their problem, nor an advice. They could re-member fine feelings. The fine feeling of touching was becoming a member of their memory again. The next days they had planned a weekend with only the 2 of them, in Luxembourg.
The devil escaped ! Oxytocine has worked! Oxytocine has worked! One week later, I received this postcard.