Prospective Suitors for my Daughter A) What are your interests? Music (listening to and making), socialising, meeting people, reading, geeky board games (that scare Anna), sport: football and cricket B) Do you share Anna's love of the Lord; her sense of humour and outlook on Life? Yes, yes and yes
C) What do you have to offer in the relationship? My collection of ornamental spoons D) What are your aims in life, what would you like to achieve, and where would you want to visit? I have already achieved my greatest aim, which was to pass my cycling proficiency, a feat attained at the tender age of 11. There are so many places I'd love to visit; loads more of Europe for starters, and also Africa and Asia. Sorry, that's a bit broad, but it's accurate. I love different cultures and languages and people
E) What do you think about fox-hunting? About euthanasia? About world poverty? About pre-marital intercarpalation? (You know, of course, what carpals and metacarpals are?) Fox-hunting I can see both sides of the debate with fox hunting, but being a lily-livered city-boy with little vested interest in country life I'd probably fall on the side of the fox. About euthanasia: Similarly with euthanasia it's a difficult thing to be too dogmatic about, but I'm certainly against it in principal because I believe only God has the right to give or take life away, we are way too flawed to make such decisions. About world poverty What do I think about world poverty? Youre not big into small talk then? Well I dunno it's a reality of life. I believe in trying to alleviate it but I don't think we'll ever make it history.
About pre-marital intercarpalation: I've absolutely no objections, as long as gloves are worn. Otherwise there would be the sight and feel of flesh, which as Lady Whiteadder would say 'reminds me too much of fornication!' F) Do you share Annas well-kept secret interests in scuba diving, philosophy, philately and entomology? (The latter being more a passionate obsession!) Apart from my collection of insect stamps I picked up whilst in Greece studying at the Parthenon and scuba diving in the Med at weekends, no, not at all.
G) What are your most interesting topics of conversation? Err…. Um…. I cant think of anything to talk about, sorry. H) Are you interested in nature i.e. the flora and fauna of the countryside? (like Annas Auntie Jo). No I prefer 'I can't believe it's not butter' personally. I) What 'gets on your goat'? (meaning what winds you up /upsets /angers /riles or generally annoys you). Answering questionnaires. J) How do you chill out? Sometimes by just sitting down and doing nothing for a bit, sometimes by doing things I enjoy like playing football or guitar
K) When stuck in a lift - do you: (1) Jump up on and down shouting Dont let panic Mr. Mainwaring!? (2) Engage all in discussing the weather? (3) Write a postcard to your mother, saying Wish you were here (4) Ask the other people in the lift; take a 50-50 vote on survival or phone a friend? Tell them the Gospel and ask if anyone would like prayer. Mwwahahahah! No escape! L) Finally, have you got loadsa money? If not, forget it (only joking). OK then, it's been nice knowing you.
For extra bonus points, guess why my email address – email@example.com - contains oxen50? I assumed you were offering me a quote on a dowry.
A & O This is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning. It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life. He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son (and daughter). (Revelation 21:6 – 7)