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Song of Solomon By Tommy Nelson 1. The Art of Attraction.

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1 Song of Solomon By Tommy Nelson 1. The Art of Attraction

2 SOS The Author & Presenter
Tommy Nelson has been Pastor of Denton Bible Church in Denton, TX since 1977 He’s a North Texas graduate (like Dr. Phil) He got his Masters in Biblical Studies at Dallas Theological Seminary He’s been Married to Teresa Nelson for 38 years. They have 2 grown sons, and several grandkids.

3 SOS Song of Solomon How many of you have read the “Song of Solomon” (aka, “The Song of Songs”)? If so, tell us something you know about it. One of the “Wisdom” books. Only 8 short Chapters Author & Date: Unknown, but many believe it to be Solomon (hence about 1000 B.C.) Very sensual & descriptive language between two lovers: a man and his bride. Strikingly little of the typical spiritual verbiage as found in most scripture (e.g. God, grace, mercy, sin, repentence, etc.)

4 SOS Song of Solomon Interpretation – Ranges widely
From OT times on, the Jews have viewed it allegorically as a relationship between Israel & God. It was read on the 8th day of Passover (but only by married people or those over 30 yrs of age). The early church tended to view the writing as an allegory of the relationship between God & his OT people (Israel) and Jesus & his NT people (the Church) Luther tended to view it as an allegorical illustration of God’s political provision for his nation, Israel. Lutheran tradition went along with an allegorical interpretation. In modern times, folks have been more willing to acknowledge the poetic and sexual language of the song, and apply it to literal lovers (gasp) while acknowledging some allegorical views. Some have seen it as describing the coming of a maiden into King Solomon’s Harem. Others have chosen to see it as a description of a God-pleasing loving relationship between a man (likely King Solomon)and his wife (Tommy’s preferred interpretation).

5 SOS Song of Solomon Theme & Theology
Oddly, although likely written by a man, the dominant voice used in the song is that of the female lover (with lesser dialog by the male lover, and a few voices of others). Love, as God’s great gift, is the over-arching theme. The woman’s voice picks up on love’s beauty, delights, exclusiveness (v 2:16), spontaneity, preciousness, and power. In modern times, we identify these things as good things, as God intended them within the context of marriage. In ALL times, man (and to a lesser extent women) have frequently violated this perfect picture.

6 SOS Song of Solomon Literary Figures
This is a book that even a secular literary scholar could appreciate for it’s poetic language. It doesn’t take much imagination to see sensual language within the text (hence the reason why the church has struggled with what to do with the book for 3000 years). The Author of this series (Tommy Nelson) has chosen to view it as a sequence of relationship steps from attraction to dating to courtship to marriage.

7 SOS 6-Part Series The Art of Attraction: Looking for the Right Kind of Person The Art of Dating: How to Spend Time Correctly The Art of Courtship: Moving Beyond Dating The Art of Courtship: Moving Toward Marriage The Art of Intimacy: God’s Blessing on Sex The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for Purity

8 Part 1: The Art of Attraction Opening Questions
SOS Part 1: The Art of Attraction Opening Questions When you first meet someone, what are you more attracted to: their looks or their character? (be honest) Now imagine yourself married with children. Which will be more important then: looks or character? Why is it so critical that we stay committed to our Christian standards in dating?

9 Part 1: The Art of Attraction
SOS Part 1: The Art of Attraction Questions Addressed in Part 1 What does the Bible say about how I should start a relationship? What do I do if I think I like someone of the opposite sex? What’s the next step? Two Questions are Key to this Section: What kind of person should I be attracted to? What kind of person do I want to be attracted to me?

10 Part 1: The Art of Attraction
SOS Part 1: The Art of Attraction The Text: SOS 1:1-7 (female voice) 1 Solomon’s Song of Songs. 2 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— for your love is more delightful than wine. 3    Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes; your name is like perfume poured out. No wonder the maidens love you! 4 Take me away with you—let us hurry! Let the king bring me into his chambers. We rejoice and delight in you; we will praise your love more than wine. How right they are to adore you!

11 Part 1: The Art of Attraction
SOS Part 1: The Art of Attraction The Text 5 Dark am I, yet lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, dark like the tents of Kedar, like the tent curtains of Solomon. 6 Do not stare at me because I am dark, because I am darkened by the sun.   My mother’s sons were angry with me and made me take care of the vineyards; my own vineyard I have neglected. 7 Tell me, you whom I love, where you graze your flock and where you rest your sheep at midday.   Why should I be like a veiled woman beside the flocks of your friends? Now, let’s watch the video…

12 Part 1: The Art of Attraction Bible Text Questions
SOS Part 1: The Art of Attraction Bible Text Questions What is the significance of the statement, “Your name is ointment poured forth” in verse 1:3? The point is that you have a good “name” or good “character” or good reputation. In verse 1:6, the maiden says, “My mother’s sons were angry with me; they made me caretaker of the vineyards.” Why is this important? The maiden of the Song is responsible and submissive to authorities in her life.

13 Part 1: The Art of Attraction Review Questions
SOS Part 1: The Art of Attraction Review Questions What kind of a woman “veils herself by the flocks of your companions” in verse 1:7? This is a woman that won’t compromise her character (e.g. “do anything” to get a man). “A man is not ready to be a husband until he is a bride.” What is meant by that, and what should a man’s life and heart look like at that point? It means he is a “bride” to Christ. He is a Christian who is FIRST and FOREMOST married to Christ, one who is lead by God. He has a heart after God, and it is reflected in the way he lives his life.

14 Part 1: The Art of Attraction Review Questions
SOS Part 1: The Art of Attraction Review Questions What is a “rouge male” and what are the consequences of marrying one? This is a man who does not know Christ and take his responsibility to Christ and loved ones in his life seriously. Tommy said this person will either “abuse you” or be “irresponsible” to you. (Discuss this.) Why does Tommy say it should be a red flag if a girl rebels against her parents or other forms of authority in her life? In marriage and in life she will always want to go her own way. If she doesn’t take direction from authorities, she likely won’t take direction from God either.

15 Part 1: The Art of Attraction Key Points
SOS Part 1: The Art of Attraction Key Points Looks vs. Character Looks don’t ________.

16 Part 1: The Art of Attraction Key Points
SOS Part 1: The Art of Attraction Key Points Looks vs. Character Looks don’t last. Looks can __________ ______. Character will not.

17 Part 1: The Art of Attraction Key Points
SOS Part 1: The Art of Attraction Key Points Looks vs. Character Looks don’t last. Looks can deceive you. Character will not. Looks are always _________ ___ by character.

18 Part 1: The Art of Attraction Key Points
SOS Part 1: The Art of Attraction Key Points Looks vs. Character Looks don’t last. Looks can deceive you. Character will not. Looks are always cancelled out by character.

19 Part 1: The Art of Attraction Key Points
SOS Part 1: The Art of Attraction Key Points You’re ready to get married when you have these 3 things: You have a profile of the kind of person you would like to marry. You are not willing to compromise on that profile. You have become the type of person that your “profile” will want to marry.

20 SOS Coming soon… Youth Group Tonight Skiing/Tubing Next Sunday
Meet at church 3 pm Ski/Tube 4-6:30 pm Return to Church around 7 pm Cost $10 – Need Waiver Signed By tonight, let me know if you will be skiing/tubing next weekend. In 2 Weeks: Super Bowl Party at Skarshaug Home

21 Song of Solomon By Tommy Nelson 2. The Art of Dating
The Art of Attraction: Looking for the Right Kind of Person The Art of Dating: How to Spend Time Correctly The Art of Courtship: Moving Beyond Dating The Art of Courtship: Moving Toward Marriage The Art of Intimacy: God’s Blessing on Sex The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for Purity Song of Solomon By Tommy Nelson 2. The Art of Dating

22 Part 1: The Art of Attraction In Review
SOS Part 1: The Art of Attraction In Review Over long haul, choose character over looks Looks don’t last. Looks can deceive you. Character will not. Looks are always cancelled out by character.

23 Part 1: The Art of Attraction In Review
SOS Part 1: The Art of Attraction In Review To prepare for attracting someone Have a profile of the kind of person you like. Know what you can’t compromise on. Become the type of person that your “profile” will want.

24 Part 2: The Art of Dating How to spend time together
SOS Part 2: The Art of Dating How to spend time together Have you ever been in a relationship and then broken up? Was it painful? What is dating for? Why is there so often hurt involved? In this message, Tommy defines a date and shows how this experience can fit into God’s plan for biblical love and romance.

25 Part 2: The Art of Dating Text: Song of Solomon 1:8-12
SOS Part 2: The Art of Dating Text: Song of Solomon 1:8-12 8 If you do not know, most beautiful of women, follow the tracks of the sheep and graze your young goats by the tents of the shepherds. 9 I liken you, my darling, to a mare harnessed to one of the chariots of Pharaoh. 10 Your cheeks are beautiful with earrings, your neck with strings of jewels. 11 We will make you earrings of gold, studded with silver While the king was at his table, my perfume spread its fragrance.

26 Part 2: The Art of Dating Text: Song of Solomon 1:13-17
SOS Part 2: The Art of Dating Text: Song of Solomon 1:13-17 13 My lover is to me a sachet of myrrh resting between my breasts. 14 My lover is to me a cluster of henna blossoms from the vineyards of En Gedi. 15 How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves. 16 How handsome you are, my lover! Oh, how charming! And our bed is verdant. 17 The beams of our house are cedars; our rafters are firs.

27 Part 2: The Art of Dating Text: Song of Solomon 2:1-4
SOS Part 2: The Art of Dating Text: Song of Solomon 2:1-4 1 I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys. 2 Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the maidens. 3 Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my lover among the young men.   I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste. 4 He has taken me to the banquet hall, and his banner over me is love.

28 Part 2: The Art of Dating Text: Song of Solomon 2:5-7
SOS Part 2: The Art of Dating Text: Song of Solomon 2:5-7 5 Strengthen me with raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am faint with love. 6 His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me. 7 Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field:   Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

29 His Banner Over Me is Love
SOS His Banner Over Me is Love D (A7) (D7) He brought me to his banqueting table A (D) (Em7) His banner over me is love. (Repeat above 3x) A7 D

30 His Banner Over Me is Love
SOS His Banner Over Me is Love D (A7) (D7) We are the sheep and he is the shepherd A (D) (Em7) His banner over me is love. (Repeat above 3x) A7 D

31 His Banner Over Me is Love
SOS His Banner Over Me is Love D (A7) (D7) He is my beloved and I am His, A (D) (Em7) His banner over me is love. (Repeat above 3x) A7 D

32 His Banner Over Me is Love
SOS His Banner Over Me is Love D (A7) (D7) He is the vine and we are the branches, A (D) (Em7) His banner over me is love. (Repeat above 3x) A7 D

33 His Banner Over Me is Love
SOS His Banner Over Me is Love D (A7) (D7) He brought me to his banqueting table A (D) (Em7) His banner over me is love. (Repeat above 3x) A7 D Now, the video…

34 Part 2: The Art of Dating Discussion Questions
SOS Part 2: The Art of Dating Discussion Questions How did Tommy define a date? Sharing a common event with a person of the opposite sex (with no expectation of physical intimacy or a long-term relationship) Why did Tommy distinguish between the noun “date” and the verb “dating”? What is the difference? A date is an event. Dating is a relationship. What is the difference between dating and courtship? Dating is a sequence of dates or events with the same person. Courtship involves a commitment where the two people are going to consider the viability of a long-term relationship. It may involve gradual and limited—but appropriate*—physical intimacy. *Appropriate: hug, holding hands, arms around shoulders, short kiss What do you think of this?

35 Part 2: The Art of Dating Discussion Questions
SOS Part 2: The Art of Dating Discussion Questions Tommy said “With the way dating works in our culture, many people have already been emotionally divorced three times before they ever get married.” What did he mean by that? Remember, our husband-wife relationship is meant to be a “copy” of our human-Christ relationship, so our “copy” ideally will be singular.

36 Part 2: The Art of Dating Discussion Questions
SOS Part 2: The Art of Dating Discussion Questions Verse 8 reads “If you do not know, most beautiful of women, follow the tracks of the sheep and graze your young goats by the tents of the shepherds. “ How does the man treat the woman in this verse? Tommy (and others) sometimes attribute vs. 8 to the man. Most attribute it to her friends, “the daughters of Jerusalem.” The woman is treated with respect & kindness What effect does this have on the woman? She is emboldened to get to know the man. It’s kind of like a date—an opportunity to become acquainted or get to know one-another.

37 Part 2: The Art of Dating Discussion Questions
SOS Part 2: The Art of Dating Discussion Questions Verse 2:7 reads ”Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field:   Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. “ Explain this verse. The woman, in speaking to her friends, realizes the passion she has for her man. She advises caution to her friends. Why? The attraction between a man and woman is a God-designed thing. Some say this attraction is like magnets attracting. How so?

38 Part 2: The Art of Dating Discussion Questions
SOS Part 2: The Art of Dating Discussion Questions How should the person you date affect your spiritual life? Remember the race analogy. Ideally you are running a race, not to get married to an earthly spouse, but to get to heaven to your creator. Whoever you choose to run that race with (who needs to be running the same race) should assist and encourage you along the way.

39 Part 2: The Art of Dating Discussion Questions
SOS Part 2: The Art of Dating Discussion Questions Why is it important that the guy takes the leadership in exercising self-control in the area of passion? How can the woman assist in this? The TRICK is this: like magnets, we are not designed to resist God-given passion, so we need to avoid placing ourselves in positions where this passion is inappropriate.

40 Part 2: The Art of Dating Discussion Questions
SOS Part 2: The Art of Dating Discussion Questions Tommy said “When you are starting a fire, you need to get the coals burning down deep, not just on the surface with lighter fluid.” What 3 things did he say the coals are in a good relationship? __________ ________ ___________

41 Part 2: The Art of Dating Discussion Questions
SOS Part 2: The Art of Dating Discussion Questions Tommy said “When you are starting a fire, you need to get the coals burning down deep, not just on the surface with lighter fluid.” What 3 things did he say the coals are in a good relationship? Godliness ________ ___________

42 Part 2: The Art of Dating Discussion Questions
SOS Part 2: The Art of Dating Discussion Questions Tommy said “When you are starting a fire, you need to get the coals burning down deep, not just on the surface with lighter fluid.” What 3 things did he say the coals are in a good relationship? Godliness Respect ___________

43 Part 2: The Art of Dating Discussion Questions
SOS Part 2: The Art of Dating Discussion Questions Tommy said “When you are starting a fire, you need to get the coals burning down deep, not just on the surface with lighter fluid.” What 3 things did he say the coals are in a good relationship? Godliness Respect Character

44 Part 2: The Art of Dating Discussion Questions
SOS Part 2: The Art of Dating Discussion Questions Tommy said “When you are starting a fire, you need to get the coals burning down deep, not just on the surface with lighter fluid.” What 3 things did he say the coals are in a good relationship? Godliness Respect Character He said these are coals on which you can build a fire that will last a lifetime.

45 SOS Coming soon… Today: Super Bowl Party at Skarshaug Home
Starts at 4 pm Pizza & Lemonade Provided The cake boss is bringing a cake Optional: Snacks to Share Looking at possibly rescheduling skiing/tubing

46 3. The Art of Courtship: Moving Beyond Dating
The Art of Attraction: Looking for the Right Kind of Person The Art of Dating: How to Spend Time Correctly The Art of Courtship: Moving Beyond Dating The Art of Courtship: Moving Toward Marriage The Art of Intimacy: God’s Blessing on Sex The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for Purity Song of Solomon By Tommy Nelson 3. The Art of Courtship: Moving Beyond Dating

47 Part 1: The Art of Attraction In Review
SOS Part 1: The Art of Attraction In Review Choose character over looks To prepare for attracting someone Have a profile of the kind of person. Know what you can’t compromise on. Become the person your “profile” will want.

48 Part 2: The Art of Dating In Review
SOS Part 2: The Art of Dating In Review A date is sharing an event with a person Dating is a sequence of dates or events with the same person: Non-Exclusive & Non-Intimate Courtship involves a commitment where the two people are going to consider marriage: Exclusive & Appropriate Intimacy

49 Part 3: The Art of Courtship Text: Song of Solomon 2:1-4
SOS Part 3: The Art of Courtship Text: Song of Solomon 2:1-4 1 I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys. 2 Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the maidens. 3 Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my lover among the young men.   I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste. 4 He has taken me to the banquet hall, and his banner over me is love.

50 Part 3: The Art of Courtship Text: Song of Solomon 2:5-7
SOS Part 3: The Art of Courtship Text: Song of Solomon 2:5-7 5 Strengthen me with raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am faint with love. 6 His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me. 7 Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field:   Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

51 Part 3: The Art of Courtship Moving Beyond Dating
SOS Part 3: The Art of Courtship Moving Beyond Dating Courtship is a word not often used today Courtship is when you enter into a repetitive, exclusive relationship to discover IF this is the person you are supposed to Marry. Tommy will introduce us to the concept, including 9 steps of Courtship Now, the video…

52 Part 3: The Art of Courtship Moving Beyond Dating
SOS Part 3: The Art of Courtship Moving Beyond Dating Tommy said courtship happens when 3 things have occurred: When you have a recognition of your own maturity (you are marriageable material) You have an evaluation of the other person: their character is “set up” The recognition that your relationship is good; their presence makes you a better person.

53 Part 3: The Art of Courtship Moving Beyond Dating
SOS Part 3: The Art of Courtship Moving Beyond Dating Dating & Courtship Compared Observation vs. Conclusion No Escalation vs. Appropriate Escalation No Expectation vs. Responsibility Not Exclusive vs. Very Exclusive Focus is Event vs. Focus is the Person

54 Part 3: The Art of Courtship Moving Beyond Dating
SOS Part 3: The Art of Courtship Moving Beyond Dating The Nine Steps of Courtship Observation – of the other person Edification – you are better because of friend Evaluation – you assess your situation Declaration – Guy declares his intention & gives the Woman opportunity to say “no” Invitation – Guy asks Woman if he can seek permission of her parent Discovery – You start discovering that person, REALLY getting to know him/her Resolution – You figure out if you can resolve “issues” that are revealed or discovered in you partner Desire – You should realize if you have passion for the other person Self-Control – How you both must react to the desire you have

55 Part 3: The Art of Courtship Discussion Time
SOS Part 3: The Art of Courtship Discussion Time How do the nine steps of courtship compare with how dating is done today? Tommy uses expression “courtship”. Others have used “going steady” or “lovelier”. What is used today?

56 Part 3: The Art of Courtship Discussion Time
SOS Part 3: The Art of Courtship Discussion Time Whether you adopt Tommy’s approach to dating & courtship, there are some very valuable guidelines to adopt: Know who you are and what God expects of you Always leave your partner’s good reputation intact Always treat your partner with honesty & respect Name some others…

57 Part 3: The Art of Courtship Discussion Time
SOS Part 3: The Art of Courtship Discussion Time What personal guidelines do you think are reasonable for… A Single Date Dating Courting

58 Part 3: The Art of Courtship Discussion Time
SOS Part 3: The Art of Courtship Discussion Time A Single Date What’s the purpose? How should you treat your partner? How intimate is appropriate? What is an appropriate follow-up? If you had a good time, what do you do next? If you didn’t have a good time, what next?

59 Part 3: The Art of Courtship Discussion Time
SOS Part 3: The Art of Courtship Discussion Time Dating What’s the purpose? How do you know when you are “dating”? How should you treat your partner? How intimate is appropriate? What is an appropriate follow-up? If you really enjoy their company; if not? If you think you are ready for marriage; if not? How many “dates” before you “owe” that person a “statement” of intention to “Court” or “Go Steady” How do you rationally assess where the relationship is going, and whether you & your partner want it to go there?

60 Part 3: The Art of Courtship Discussion Time
SOS Part 3: The Art of Courtship Discussion Time Courting (or “Going Steady” or “Dating Seriously”) What’s the purpose? How do you know you are in “Courtship”? How should you treat your partner? How intimate is appropriate? What is an appropriate follow-up? If you begin to realize the two of you are not compatible? If you find that you definitely are compatible but not ready? If you realized you are both compatible and read? How long before formal “engagement” is necessary? How do you rationally assess where the relationship is going, and whether you & your partner want it to go there?

61 SOS Coming soon… Tonight: ROCK Youth Group at 6:30
Skiing/Tubing Next Sunday, February 16 Meet at church 3 pm Ski/Tube 4-6:30 pm Return to Church around 7 pm Cost $10 – Need Waiver Signed

62 4. The Art of Courtship: Moving Toward Marriage
The Art of Attraction: Looking for the Right Kind of Person The Art of Dating: How to Spend Time Correctly The Art of Courtship: Moving Beyond Dating The Art of Courtship: Moving Toward Marriage The Art of Intimacy: God’s Blessing on Sex The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for Purity Song of Solomon By Tommy Nelson 4. The Art of Courtship: Moving Toward Marriage

63 Part 1: The Art of Attraction In Review
SOS Part 1: The Art of Attraction In Review Choose character over looks To prepare for attracting someone Have a profile of the kind of person. Know what you can’t compromise on. Become the person your “profile” will want.

64 Part 2: The Art of Dating In Review
SOS Part 2: The Art of Dating In Review A date is sharing an event with a person Dating is a sequence of dates or events with the same person: Non-Exclusive & Non-Intimate Courtship involves a commitment where the two people are going to consider marriage: Exclusive & Appropriate Intimacy

65 Part 3: The Art of Courtship In Review
SOS Part 3: The Art of Courtship In Review The Nine Steps of Courtship Observation – of the other person Edification – you are better because of friend Evaluation – you assess your situation Declaration – Guy declares his intention & gives the Woman opportunity to say “no” Invitation – Guy asks Woman if he can seek permission of her parent Discovery – You start discovering that person, REALLY getting to know him/her Resolution – You figure out if you can resolve “issues” that are revealed or discovered in you partner Desire – You should realize if you have passion for the other person Self-Control – How you both must react to the desire you have

66 Part 3: The Art of Courtship In Review
SOS Part 3: The Art of Courtship In Review Again, how do we know when we’re ready for Courtship? When you have a recognition of your own maturity (you are marriageable material) You have an evaluation of the other person: their character is “set up” The recognition that your relationship is good; their presence makes you a better person.

67 Part 4: The Art of Courtship: Moving Toward Marriage
SOS Part 4: The Art of Courtship: Moving Toward Marriage Opening Bible geography question. Where are the mountains of Bether?

68 Part 4: The Art of Courtship: Moving Toward Marriage
SOS Part 4: The Art of Courtship: Moving Toward Marriage Remember, when we’re talking courtship, we’re talking about a relationship where BOTH parties think perhaps this may be THE ONE. So, this doesn’t apply to casual dating. Last week, Tommy explained how courtship should work. In this session, we’ll see how some of the concepts of courtship were evident between Solomon & his bride- to-be. The goal is that these principles be a guide for us in our dating & courtship relationships.

69 Part 4: The Art of Courtship Text: Song of Solomon 2:8-13
SOS Part 4: The Art of Courtship Text: Song of Solomon 2:8-13 8 Listen! My lover! Look! Here he comes, leaping across the mountains, bounding over the hills. 9 My lover is like a gazelle or a young stag. Look! There he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, peering through the lattice. 10 My lover spoke and said to me, “Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me. 11 See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. 12 Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. 13 The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me.”

70 Part 4: The Art of Courtship Text: Song of Solomon 2:14-17
SOS Part 4: The Art of Courtship Text: Song of Solomon 2:14-17 14 My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding places on the mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely. 15 Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom. 16 My lover is mine and I am his; he browses among the lilies. 17 Until the day breaks and the shadows flee, turn, my lover, and be like a gazelle or like a young stag on the rugged hills.

71 Part 4: The Art of Courtship Text: Song of Solomon 3:1-5
SOS Part 4: The Art of Courtship Text: Song of Solomon 3:1-5 1 All night long on my bed I looked for the one my heart loves; I looked for him but did not find him. 2 I will get up now and go about the city, through its streets and squares;   I will search for the one my heart loves. So I looked for him but did not find him. 3 The watchmen found me as they made their rounds in the city. “Have you seen the one my heart loves?” 4 Scarcely had I passed them when I found the one my heart loves.   I held him and would not let him go till I had brought him to my mother’s house, to the room of the one who conceived me. 5 Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field:   Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

72 Part 4: The Art of Courtship Discussion Time
SOS Part 4: The Art of Courtship Discussion Time Why do you think God has the poet reference the spring time in verses 2:10-13? Metaphorically, in your life, what is important about understanding the concept of seasons? Spring time is the concept of a time for love There is a season for everything in life. Always remember that when you are growing up. In short: act your age!!!!

73 Part 4: The Art of Courtship Discussion Time
SOS Part 4: The Art of Courtship Discussion Time There should be amazing desire within the courtship. What does “Catch us the foxes” mean in verse 15? What is the vineyard? Give some examples of foxes or “problems” in the vineyard? What is the general attitude of the woman toward the man in our text? What is the general attitude of the man toward the woman in our text?

74 Part 4: The Art of Courtship Discussion Time
SOS Part 4: The Art of Courtship Discussion Time In the real teen world of 2014, how does a man/woman know when there are problems in the relationship? Women, name some things guys do that indicate they are NOT a person you’d like to continue to date. Men, name some things women do that indicate they are NOT a person you’d like to continue to date. In courtship, you should find spiritual & emotional growth. What if you notice you or your partner are withering spiritually or emotionally? When problems are evident, what is the best thing to do?

75 Part 4: The Art of Courtship Discussion Time
SOS Part 4: The Art of Courtship Discussion Time Tommy used the analogy of a fireplace in describing a man-woman relationship. Explain. A fireplace is a place of light & beauty and warmth in your house, but it’s contents must remain in the fireplace, or the house can burn down.

76 SOS Coming soon… Skiing/Tubing this afternoon Meet at church 3 pm
Ski/Tube 4-6:30 pm Return to Church around 7 pm Bring $10 per person Signed waiver Additional money for snacks (optional)

77 4. The Art of Intimacy: God’s Blessing on Sex
The Art of Attraction: Looking for the Right Kind of Person The Art of Dating: How to Spend Time Correctly The Art of Courtship: Moving Beyond Dating The Art of Courtship: Moving Toward Marriage The Art of Intimacy: God’s Blessing on Sex The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for Purity Song of Solomon By Tommy Nelson 4. The Art of Intimacy: God’s Blessing on Sex

78 Part 1: The Art of Attraction In Review
SOS Part 1: The Art of Attraction In Review Choose character over looks To prepare for attracting someone Have a profile of the kind of person. Know what you can’t compromise on. Become the person your “profile” will want.

79 Part 2: The Art of Dating In Review
SOS Part 2: The Art of Dating In Review A date is sharing an event with a person Dating is a sequence of dates or events with the same person: Non-Exclusive & Non-Intimate Courtship involves a commitment where the two people are going to consider marriage: Exclusive & Appropriate Intimacy

80 Part 3: The Art of Courtship In Review
SOS Part 3: The Art of Courtship In Review Again, how do we know when we’re ready for Courtship? When you have a recognition of your own maturity (you are marriageable material) You have an evaluation of the other person: their character is “set up” The recognition that your relationship is good; their presence makes you a better person.

81 Part 3: The Art of Courtship In Review
SOS Part 3: The Art of Courtship In Review The Nine Steps of Courtship Observation – of the other person Edification – you are better because of friend Evaluation – you assess your situation Declaration – Guy declares his intention & gives the Woman opportunity to say “no” Invitation – Guy asks Woman if he can seek permission of her parent Discovery – You start discovering that person, REALLY getting to know him/her Resolution – You figure out if you can resolve “issues” that are revealed or discovered in you partner Desire – You should realize if you have passion for the other person Self-Control – How you both must react to the desire you have

82 Part 4: The Art of Courtship In Review
SOS Part 4: The Art of Courtship In Review There is a season for everything in life: don’t rush it. In Courtship, there should be amazing desire for your partner, tethered by self-control. Both man & woman recognize problems that could mess up their ideal courtship (foxes in the vineyard). During courtship, both parties should recognize spiritual & emotional growth in one-another.

83 Part 5: The Art of Intimacy, God’s Blessing on Sex
SOS Part 5: The Art of Intimacy, God’s Blessing on Sex So we’ve seen attraction, dating, courtship, and now…the wedding day. In the text of Song of Solomon 3:6-11, we find the Wedding Procession, where Solomon fetches his bride from her home and brings her to the wedding. In the text of Song of Solomon 4, we witness the wedding night: how God intended sex.

84 Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Text: Song of Solomon 3:6-11
SOS Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Text: Song of Solomon 3:6-11 6 Who is this coming up from the desert like a column of smoke, perfumed with myrrh and incense (a.k.a., Old Spice) made from all the spices of the merchant? 7 Look! It is Solomon’s carriage (a.k.a. stretch limo), escorted by sixty warriors (a.k.a. Navy SEALS), the noblest of Israel, 8 all of them wearing the sword, all experienced in battle, each with his sword at his side, prepared for the terrors of the night. 9 King Solomon made for himself the carriage; he made it of wood from Lebanon.

85 Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Text: Song of Solomon 3:6-11
SOS Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Text: Song of Solomon 3:6-11 10 Its posts he made of silver, its base of gold.   Its seat was upholstered with purple, its interior lovingly inlaid by the daughters of Jerusalem. 11 Come out, you daughters of Zion, and look at King Solomon wearing the crown, the crown with which his mother crowned him on the day of his wedding, the day his heart rejoiced.

86 Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Text: Song of Solomon 4-5:1
SOS Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Text: Song of Solomon 4-5:1 1 How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes behind your veil are doves.   Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from Mount Gilead. 2 Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn, coming up from the washing.   Each has its twin; not one of them is alone. 3 Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon; your mouth is lovely.   Your temples behind your veil (aka, cheeks) are like the halves of a pomegranate. 4 Your neck is like the tower of David, built with elegance; on it hang a thousand shields, all of them shields of warriors.

87 Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Text: Song of Solomon 4-5:1
SOS Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Text: Song of Solomon 4-5:1 5 Your two breasts are like two fawns, like twin fawns of a gazelle that browse among the lilies. 6 Until the day breaks and the shadows flee,   I will go to the mountain of myrrh and to the hill of incense. 7 All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you. 8 Come with me from Lebanon, my bride, come with me from Lebanon.   Descend from the crest of Amana, from the top of Senir, the summit of Hermon, from the lions’ dens and the mountain haunts of the leopards.

88 Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Text: Song of Solomon 4-5:1
SOS Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Text: Song of Solomon 4-5:1 9 You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace (aka, neckline) How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice! 11 Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my bride; milk and honey are under your tongue. The fragrance of your garments is like that of Lebanon. 12 You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride; you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain.

89 Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Text: Song of Solomon 4-5:1
SOS Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Text: Song of Solomon 4-5:1 13 Your plants are an orchard of pomegranates with choice fruits, with henna and nard, 14 nard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon, with every kind of incense tree, with myrrh and aloes and all the finest spices. 15 You are a garden fountain, a well of flowing water streaming down from Lebanon. 16 Awake, north wind, and come, south wind!   Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread abroad.   Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits.

90 Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Text: Song of Solomon 4-5:1
SOS Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Text: Song of Solomon 4-5:1 1 I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride; I have gathered my myrrh with my spice.   I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey; I have drunk my wine and my milk. Eat, O friends, and drink; drink your fill, O lovers. Now, let’s watch the video…

91 Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Follow-up Discussion
SOS Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Follow-up Discussion Both Tommy and Doug Fields (in his video series) used a common teaching phrase. Although they stated it differently, with Tommy attributing it to the woman, and Doug Fields attributing it to BOTH partners, they basically said this: “The greatest sex organ in the human body is the mind.” Why did Tommy seem to say that this was important for the man to remember about the woman in the context of the wedding day? Why would it be important for the woman to remember about the man while dating? Vice versa?

92 Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Follow-up Discussion
SOS Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Follow-up Discussion In chapter 4, in contrast to the rest of the book, the man does virtually ALL the talking. Why the man? What does he talk about? Why is it significant that the guy describes the woman from her head on down? The woman needs to be romanced top down (vs. 1-6) The man is attracted by sight and scent (vs. 9-10)

93 Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Follow-up Discussion
SOS Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Follow-up Discussion What is significant about the “locked garden” in verse 4:12? The woman’s body is likened to a locked garden, a fresh spring, a sealed fountain (v. 12). God paints with history. Why is the picturing of the woman’s body as a garden historically poetic?

94 Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Follow-up Discussion
SOS Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Follow-up Discussion Verse 4:16, in a way is like the woman inviting the man, or giving her permission to the man, to have sex with her. Why is this important? He initiates the romance by engaging her mind When she is ready, she invites the man to delight in love. Something happened between the last verse of chapter 4 and the first verse of Chapter 5. What? Why the emphasis on the possessive “my” in 5:1? What does this tell us about the couple now that is different than before the marriage?

95 Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Verse 5:1b in various translations
SOS Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Verse 5:1b in various translations Eat, O friends, and drink; drink your fill, O lovers. (NIV, 1973) Eat, friends; Drink and imbibe deeply, O lovers.” (NASV, 1960) Eat, friends, drink, and be drunk with love! (ESV, 2001) Oh, lover and beloved, eat and drink! Yes, drink deeply of your love! (NLT, 1996) Take meat, O friends; take wine, yes, be overcome with love. (Bible in Basic English, 1965) Eate O ye frendes, drinke and be merie O ye beloued. (Bishop’s Bible, 16th C.)

96 Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Verse 5:1b in various translations
SOS Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Verse 5:1b in various translations Eat, O friends; Drink, yea, drink abundantly, O beloved. (ASV, 1901) eat, O friends; drink, yea, drink abundantly, O beloved. (KJV, 1611) Eat, O friends! Drink, yes, drink deeply, O beloved ones! (NKJV, 1982) eat, O friends, and drink, and be inebriated, my dearly beloved. (Douay Bible, 1610) Eat, O friends; drink, yea, drink abundantly, beloved ones! (J.N. Darby Bible, )

97 Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Verse 5:1b in various translations
SOS Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Verse 5:1b in various translations eate, O friends, drinke, and make you mery, O welbeloued. (Geneva Bible, 16th C) Eat, friends, and drink! Drink freely, O lovers! (NET, 1996) Eat, friends! Drink, yes, drink abundantly, beloved.   (World English Bible) eat, O friends; drink, yes, drink abundantly, O beloved. (The Noah Webster Bible, 1833)

98 Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Follow-up Discussion
SOS Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Follow-up Discussion What is God’s view of sex, based upon Song of Solomon 5:1b, and why do you think people have struggled so long with understanding this? Tommy implies some rather sharp criticism toward “the church” regarding our approach toward teaching folks about sex. How do you think the church should address subjects like romantic relationships, dating, and sex?

99 SOS Coming soon… Tonight, Feb 23, Youth Group at 6:30, led by Matt Skarshaug Next Sunday, March 2, Youth Committee & Youth Group Sunday, March 23, ROCK Movie Night at Church Sunrise Service: need actors, testimonies, musicians (solo, small group, OR praise band)

100 6. The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for Purity
The Art of Attraction: Looking for the Right Kind of Person The Art of Dating: How to Spend Time Correctly The Art of Courtship: Moving Beyond Dating The Art of Courtship: Moving Toward Marriage The Art of Intimacy: God’s Blessing on Sex The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for Purity Song of Solomon By Tommy Nelson 6. The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for Purity

101 Part 1: The Art of Attraction In Review
SOS Part 1: The Art of Attraction In Review Choose character over looks To prepare for attracting someone Have a profile of the kind of person. Know what you can’t compromise on. Become the person your “profile” will want.

102 Part 2: The Art of Dating In Review
SOS Part 2: The Art of Dating In Review A date is sharing an event with a person Dating is a sequence of dates or events with the same person: Non-Exclusive & Non-Intimate Courtship involves a commitment where the two people are going to consider marriage: Exclusive & Appropriate Intimacy

103 Part 3: The Art of Courtship In Review
SOS Part 3: The Art of Courtship In Review Again, how do we know when we’re ready for Courtship? When you have a recognition of your own maturity (you are marriageable material) You have an evaluation of the other person: their character is “set up” The recognition that your relationship is good; their presence makes you a better person.

104 Part 3: The Art of Courtship In Review
SOS Part 3: The Art of Courtship In Review The Nine Steps of Courtship Observation – of the other person Edification – you are better because of friend Evaluation – you assess your situation Declaration – Guy declares his intention & gives the Woman opportunity to say “no” Invitation – Guy asks Woman if he can seek permission of her parent Discovery – You start discovering that person, REALLY getting to know him/her Resolution – You figure out if you can resolve “issues” that are revealed or discovered in you partner Desire – You should realize if you have passion for the other person Self-Control – How you both must react to the desire you have

105 Part 4: The Art of Courtship In Review
SOS Part 4: The Art of Courtship In Review There is a season for everything in life: don’t rush it. In Courtship, there should be amazing desire for your partner, tethered by self-control. Both man & woman recognize problems that could mess up their ideal courtship (foxes in the vineyard). During courtship, both parties should recognize spiritual & emotional growth in one-another.

106 Part 5: The Art of Intimacy In Review
SOS Part 5: The Art of Intimacy In Review Remember that intimacy begins with the mind It begins in the mind of each partner Men are easily aroused by sight & scent Women need to be romanced The man initiates the romancing The woman invites the intimacy when ready God approves of passionate intimacy within the context of marriage (Song 5:1b)

107 Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It
SOS Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It Tommy chose NOT to cover the last four chapters of the Song of Solomon in this “Teen” edition of his SOS series. Why? It covers the couple in the married state It’s lessons primarily apply to married folks

108 Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It
SOS Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It Poor man’s synopsis of Chapters 5-8 Couple have their first misunderstanding (5:2-9) Wife affirms the great features of the man (5:10-16) Wife testifies to friends of her love (6:1-3) Husband repeats great attributes of wife (6:4-10) Wife years for her absent husband (6:11-13)

109 Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It
SOS Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It Poor man’s synopsis of Chapters 5-8 Cont’d Husband repeats great attributes of wife (7:1-9a) Wife reiterates her longing for husband (7:9b-13) Wife delights in security of her marriage (8:1-4) Couple affirms their love for one-another (8:5-7) Concluding thoughts & advice from wife (8:8-14)

110 Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It
SOS Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It Interesting that the woman’s voice of the Song of Solomon, expresses concern about a younger sister at the end of the book: 8 We have a young sister, and her breasts are not yet grown. What shall we do for our sister for the day she is spoken for? 9 If she is a wall, we will build towers of silver on her. If she is a door, we will enclose her with panels of cedar. -- Song 8:8-9 What do you think she means? Raise your hand if you have a younger sister. What advice would you give her? What example would you give her?

111 Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It
SOS Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It Tommy provides 10 reasons to save sex Premarital sex violates scripture But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. – Eph 5:3

112 Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It
SOS Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It Tommy provides 10 reasons to save sex Premarital sex violates scripture Premarital sex violates another person Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. – 1 Cor. 13:6

113 Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It
SOS Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It Tommy provides 10 reasons to save sex Premarital sex violates scripture Premarital sex violates another person Premarital sex violates the purpose of your body Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; . – 1 Cor. 6:19

114 Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It
SOS Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It Tommy provides 10 reasons to save sex Premarital sex violates scripture Premarital sex violates another person Premarital sex violates the purpose of your body Premarital sex violates command for self-control that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, – 1 Thes. 4:4

115 Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It
SOS Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It Tommy provides 10 reasons to save sex Premarital sex violates scripture Premarital sex violates another person Premarital sex violates the purpose of your body Premarital sex violates command for self-control Premarital sex violates your testimony Now this is our boast: Our conscience testifies that we have conducted ourselves in the world, and especially in our relations with you, in the holiness and sincerity that are from God. We have done so not according to worldly wisdom but according to God’s grace. – 2 Cor 1:12

116 Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It
SOS Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It Tommy provides 10 reasons to save sex Premarital sex violates the church Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. – 1 Peter 5:8

117 Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It
SOS Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It Tommy provides 10 reasons to save sex Premarital sex violates the church Premarital sex violates your parents 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.” – Eph. 6:2-3

118 Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It
SOS Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It Tommy provides 10 reasons to save sex Premarital sex violates the church Premarital sex violates your parents Premarital sex violates your future marriage Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. – Heb. 13:4

119 Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It
SOS Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It Tommy provides 10 reasons to save sex Premarital sex violates the church Premarital sex violates your parents Premarital sex violates your future marriage Premarital sex violates good health Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well. – 3 John 2

120 Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It
SOS Part 6: The Importance of Purity: God’s Reasons for It Tommy provides 10 reasons to save sex Premarital sex violates the church Premarital sex violates your parents Premarital sex violates your future marriage Premarital sex violates good health Premarital sex removes your boldness The wicked man flees though no one pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion. – Proverbs 28:1

121 Bonus Guideline: The Great Relationships Commandment
SOS Bonus Guideline: The Great Relationships Commandment Not in SOS, but the Great Commandment is a Key verse in all your relationships: friendships, dating, courtship, & marriage. 37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.” -- Matthew 22:37-40 First, you strive to please God in ALL you do (including relationships) Second, in ALL you do (including relationships) you treat others in a way that would please God

122 Bonus Guideline: The Great Relationships Commandment
SOS Bonus Guideline: The Great Relationships Commandment As applied to dating, the Great Commandment… Tells you if you are ready to date Tells you how to treat others while dating Tells you how to behave on a date Tells you what you can and can’t do on a date Tells you if your relationships are in proper alignment or out of wack

123 Coming to a youth group near you…
SOS Coming to a youth group near you… Tonight: Youth Committee at 6:00 ROCK Youth Group at 6:30


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