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By Tommy Nelson 1. The Art of Attraction Song of Solomon 1.

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1 By Tommy Nelson 1. The Art of Attraction Song of Solomon 1

2 The Author & Presenter Tommy Nelson has been Pastor of Denton Bible Church in Denton, TX since 1977 Hes a North Texas graduate (like Dr. Phil) He got his Masters in Biblical Studies at Dallas Theological Seminary Hes been Married to Teresa Nelson for 38 years. They have 2 grown sons, and several grandkids. SOS 2

3 Song of Solomon How many of you have read the Song of Solomon (aka, The Song of Songs)? If so, tell us something you know about it. One of the Wisdom books. Only 8 short Chapters Author & Date: Unknown, but many believe it to be Solomon (hence about 1000 B.C.) Very sensual & descriptive language between two lovers: a man and his bride. Strikingly little of the typical spiritual verbiage as found in most scripture (e.g. God, grace, mercy, sin, repentence, etc.) SOS 3

4 Song of Solomon Interpretation – Ranges widely From OT times on, the Jews have viewed it allegorically as a relationship between Israel & God. It was read on the 8 th day of Passover (but only by married people or those over 30 yrs of age). The early church tended to view the writing as an allegory of the relationship between God & his OT people (Israel) and Jesus & his NT people (the Church) Luther tended to view it as an allegorical illustration of Gods political provision for his nation, Israel. Lutheran tradition went along with an allegorical interpretation. In modern times, folks have been more willing to acknowledge the poetic and sexual language of the song, and apply it to literal lovers (gasp) while acknowledging some allegorical views. Some have seen it as describing the coming of a maiden into King Solomons Harem. Others have chosen to see it as a description of a God-pleasing loving relationship between a man (likely King Solomon)and his wife (Tommys preferred interpretation). SOS 4

5 Song of Solomon Theme & Theology Oddly, although likely written by a man, the dominant voice used in the song is that of the female lover (with lesser dialog by the male lover, and a few voices of others). Love, as Gods great gift, is the over-arching theme. The womans voice picks up on loves beauty, delights, exclusiveness (v 2:16), spontaneity, preciousness, and power. In modern times, we identify these things as good things, as God intended them within the context of marriage. In ALL times, man (and to a lesser extent women) have frequently violated this perfect picture. SOS 5

6 Song of Solomon Literary Figures This is a book that even a secular literary scholar could appreciate for its poetic language. It doesnt take much imagination to see sensual language within the text (hence the reason why the church has struggled with what to do with the book for 3000 years). The Author of this series (Tommy Nelson) has chosen to view it as a sequence of relationship steps from attraction to dating to courtship to marriage. SOS 6

7 6-Part Series 1.The Art of Attraction: Looking for the Right Kind of Person 2.The Art of Dating: How to Spend Time Correctly 3.The Art of Courtship: Moving Beyond Dating 4.The Art of Courtship: Moving Toward Marriage 5.The Art of Intimacy: Gods Blessing on Sex 6.The Importance of Purity: Gods Reasons for Purity SOS 7

8 Part 1: The Art of Attraction Opening Questions When you first meet someone, what are you more attracted to: their looks or their character? (be honest) Now imagine yourself married with children. Which will be more important then: looks or character? Why is it so critical that we stay committed to our Christian standards in dating? SOS 8

9 Part 1: The Art of Attraction Questions Addressed in Part 1 What does the Bible say about how I should start a relationship? What do I do if I think I like someone of the opposite sex? Whats the next step? Two Questions are Key to this Section: What kind of person should I be attracted to? What kind of person do I want to be attracted to me? SOS 9

10 Part 1: The Art of Attraction The Text: SOS 1:1-7 (female voice) 1 Solomons Song of Songs. 2 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth for your love is more delightful than wine. 3 Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes; your name is like perfume poured out. No wonder the maidens love you! 4 Take me away with youlet us hurry! Let the king bring me into his chambers. We rejoice and delight in you; we will praise your love more than wine. How right they are to adore you! SOS 10

11 Part 1: The Art of Attraction The Text 5 Dark am I, yet lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, dark like the tents of Kedar, like the tent curtains of Solomon. 6 Do not stare at me because I am dark, because I am darkened by the sun. My mothers sons were angry with me and made me take care of the vineyards; my own vineyard I have neglected. 7 Tell me, you whom I love, where you graze your flock and where you rest your sheep at midday. Why should I be like a veiled woman beside the flocks of your friends? Now, lets watch the video…video SOS 11

12 Part 1: The Art of Attraction Bible Text Questions What is the significance of the statement, Your name is ointment poured forth in verse 1:3? The point is that you have a good name or good character or good reputation. In verse 1:6, the maiden says, My mothers sons were angry with me; they made me caretaker of the vineyards. Why is this important? The maiden of the Song is responsible and submissive to authorities in her life. SOS 12

13 Part 1: The Art of Attraction Review Questions What kind of a woman veils herself by the flocks of your companions in verse 1:7? This is a woman that wont compromise her character (e.g. do anything to get a man). A man is not ready to be a husband until he is a bride. What is meant by that, and what should a mans life and heart look like at that point? It means he is a bride to Christ. He is a Christian who is FIRST and FOREMOST married to Christ, one who is lead by God. He has a heart after God, and it is reflected in the way he lives his life. SOS 13

14 Part 1: The Art of Attraction Review Questions What is a rouge male and what are the consequences of marrying one? This is a man who does not know Christ and take his responsibility to Christ and loved ones in his life seriously. Tommy said this person will either abuse you or be irresponsible to you. (Discuss this.) Why does Tommy say it should be a red flag if a girl rebels against her parents or other forms of authority in her life? In marriage and in life she will always want to go her own way. If she doesnt take direction from authorities, she likely wont take direction from God either. SOS 14

15 Part 1: The Art of Attraction Key Points Looks vs. Character Looks dont ________. SOS 15

16 Part 1: The Art of Attraction Key Points Looks vs. Character Looks dont last. Looks can __________ ______. Character will not. SOS 16

17 Part 1: The Art of Attraction Key Points Looks vs. Character Looks dont last. Looks can deceive you. Character will not. Looks are always _________ ___ by character. SOS 17

18 Part 1: The Art of Attraction Key Points Looks vs. Character Looks dont last. Looks can deceive you. Character will not. Looks are always cancelled out by character. SOS 18

19 Part 1: The Art of Attraction Key Points Youre ready to get married when you have these 3 things: 1.You have a profile of the kind of person you would like to marry. 2.You are not willing to compromise on that profile. 3.You have become the type of person that your profile will want to marry. SOS 19

20 Coming soon… Youth Group Tonight Skiing/Tubing Next Sunday Meet at church 3 pm Ski/Tube 4-6:30 pm Return to Church around 7 pm Cost $10 – Need Waiver Signed By tonight, let me know if you will be skiing/tubing next weekend. In 2 Weeks: Super Bowl Party at Skarshaug Home SOS 20

21 By Tommy Nelson 2. The Art of Dating Song of Solomon 21 1.The Art of Attraction: Looking for the Right Kind of Person 2.The Art of Dating: How to Spend Time Correctly 3.The Art of Courtship: Moving Beyond Dating 4.The Art of Courtship: Moving Toward Marriage 5.The Art of Intimacy: Gods Blessing on Sex 6.The Importance of Purity: Gods Reasons for Purity

22 Part 1: The Art of Attraction In Review Over long haul, choose character over looks Looks dont last. Looks can deceive you. Character will not. Looks are always cancelled out by character. SOS 22

23 Part 1: The Art of Attraction In Review To prepare for attracting someone 1.Have a profile of the kind of person you like. 2.Know what you cant compromise on. 3.Become the type of person that your profile will want. SOS 23

24 Part 2: The Art of Dating How to spend time together Have you ever been in a relationship and then broken up? Was it painful? What is dating for? Why is there so often hurt involved? In this message, Tommy defines a date and shows how this experience can fit into Gods plan for biblical love and romance. SOS 24

25 Part 2: The Art of Dating Text: Song of Solomon 1: If you do not know, most beautiful of women, follow the tracks of the sheep and graze your young goats by the tents of the shepherds. 9 I liken you, my darling, to a mare harnessed to one of the chariots of Pharaoh. 10 Your cheeks are beautiful with earrings, your neck with strings of jewels. 11 We will make you earrings of gold, studded with silver. 12 While the king was at his table, my perfume spread its fragrance. SOS 25

26 Part 2: The Art of Dating Text: Song of Solomon 1: My lover is to me a sachet of myrrh resting between my breasts. 14 My lover is to me a cluster of henna blossoms from the vineyards of En Gedi. 15 How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves. 16 How handsome you are, my lover! Oh, how charming! And our bed is verdant. 17 The beams of our house are cedars; our rafters are firs. SOS 26

27 Part 2: The Art of Dating Text: Song of Solomon 2:1-4 1 I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys. 2 Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the maidens. 3 Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my lover among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste. 4 He has taken me to the banquet hall, and his banner over me is love. SOS 27

28 Part 2: The Art of Dating Text: Song of Solomon 2:5-7 5 Strengthen me with raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am faint with love. 6 His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me. 7 Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. SOS 28

29 His Banner Over Me is Love D (A7) (D7) He brought me to his banqueting table A (D) (Em7) His banner over me is love. (Repeat above 3x) A7 D His banner over me is love. SOS 29

30 His Banner Over Me is Love D (A7) (D7) We are the sheep and he is the shepherd A (D) (Em7) His banner over me is love. (Repeat above 3x) A7 D His banner over me is love. SOS 30

31 His Banner Over Me is Love D (A7) (D7) He is my beloved and I am His, A (D) (Em7) His banner over me is love. (Repeat above 3x) A7 D His banner over me is love. SOS 31

32 His Banner Over Me is Love D (A7) (D7) He is the vine and we are the branches, A (D) (Em7) His banner over me is love. (Repeat above 3x) A7 D His banner over me is love. SOS 32

33 His Banner Over Me is Love D (A7) (D7) He brought me to his banqueting table A (D) (Em7) His banner over me is love. (Repeat above 3x) A7 D His banner over me is love. Now, the video…video SOS 33

34 Part 2: The Art of Dating Discussion Questions How did Tommy define a date? Sharing a common event with a person of the opposite sex (with no expectation of physical intimacy or a long-term relationship) Why did Tommy distinguish between the noun date and the verb dating? What is the difference? A date is an event. Dating is a relationship. What is the difference between dating and courtship? Dating is a sequence of dates or events with the same person. Courtship involves a commitment where the two people are going to consider the viability of a long-term relationship. It may involve gradual and limitedbut appropriate*physical intimacy. *Appropriate: hug, holding hands, arms around shoulders, short kiss What do you think of this? SOS 34

35 Part 2: The Art of Dating Discussion Questions Tommy said With the way dating works in our culture, many people have already been emotionally divorced three times before they ever get married. What did he mean by that? Remember, our husband-wife relationship is meant to be a copy of our human-Christ relationship, so our copy ideally will be singular. SOS 35

36 Part 2: The Art of Dating Discussion Questions Verse 8 reads If you do not know, most beautiful of women, follow the tracks of the sheep and graze your young goats by the tents of the shepherds. How does the man treat the woman in this verse? Tommy (and others) sometimes attribute vs. 8 to the man. Most attribute it to her friends, the daughters of Jerusalem. The woman is treated with respect & kindness What effect does this have on the woman? She is emboldened to get to know the man. Its kind of like a datean opportunity to become acquainted or get to know one-another. SOS 36

37 Part 2: The Art of Dating Discussion Questions Verse 2:7 reads Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. Explain this verse. The woman, in speaking to her friends, realizes the passion she has for her man. She advises caution to her friends. Why? The attraction between a man and woman is a God-designed thing. Some say this attraction is like magnets attracting. How so? SOS 37

38 Part 2: The Art of Dating Discussion Questions How should the person you date affect your spiritual life? Remember the race analogy. Ideally you are running a race, not to get married to an earthly spouse, but to get to heaven to your creator. Whoever you choose to run that race with (who needs to be running the same race) should assist and encourage you along the way. SOS 38

39 Part 2: The Art of Dating Discussion Questions Why is it important that the guy takes the leadership in exercising self-control in the area of passion? How can the woman assist in this? The TRICK is this: like magnets, we are not designed to resist God-given passion, so we need to avoid placing ourselves in positions where this passion is inappropriate. SOS 39

40 Part 2: The Art of Dating Discussion Questions Tommy said When you are starting a fire, you need to get the coals burning down deep, not just on the surface with lighter fluid. What 3 things did he say the coals are in a good relationship? __________ ________ ___________ SOS 40

41 Part 2: The Art of Dating Discussion Questions Tommy said When you are starting a fire, you need to get the coals burning down deep, not just on the surface with lighter fluid. What 3 things did he say the coals are in a good relationship? Godliness ________ ___________ SOS 41

42 Part 2: The Art of Dating Discussion Questions Tommy said When you are starting a fire, you need to get the coals burning down deep, not just on the surface with lighter fluid. What 3 things did he say the coals are in a good relationship? Godliness Respect ___________ SOS 42

43 Part 2: The Art of Dating Discussion Questions Tommy said When you are starting a fire, you need to get the coals burning down deep, not just on the surface with lighter fluid. What 3 things did he say the coals are in a good relationship? Godliness Respect Character SOS 43

44 Part 2: The Art of Dating Discussion Questions Tommy said When you are starting a fire, you need to get the coals burning down deep, not just on the surface with lighter fluid. What 3 things did he say the coals are in a good relationship? Godliness Respect Character He said these are coals on which you can build a fire that will last a lifetime. SOS 44

45 Coming soon… Today: Super Bowl Party at Skarshaug Home Starts at 4 pm Pizza & Lemonade Provided The cake boss is bringing a cake Optional: Snacks to Share Looking at possibly rescheduling skiing/tubing SOS 45

46 By Tommy Nelson 3. The Art of Courtship: Moving Beyond Dating Song of Solomon 46 1.The Art of Attraction: Looking for the Right Kind of Person 2.The Art of Dating: How to Spend Time Correctly 3.The Art of Courtship: Moving Beyond Dating 4.The Art of Courtship: Moving Toward Marriage 5.The Art of Intimacy: Gods Blessing on Sex 6.The Importance of Purity: Gods Reasons for Purity

47 Part 1: The Art of Attraction In Review Choose character over looks To prepare for attracting someone 1.Have a profile of the kind of person. 2.Know what you cant compromise on. 3.Become the person your profile will want. SOS 47

48 Part 2: The Art of Dating In Review A date is sharing an event with a person Dating is a sequence of dates or events with the same person: Non-Exclusive & Non-Intimate Courtship involves a commitment where the two people are going to consider marriage: Exclusive & Appropriate Intimacy SOS 48

49 Part 3: The Art of Courtship Text: Song of Solomon 2:1-4 1 I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valleys. 2 Like a lily among thorns is my darling among the maidens. 3 Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest is my lover among the young men. I delight to sit in his shade, and his fruit is sweet to my taste. 4 He has taken me to the banquet hall, and his banner over me is love. SOS 49

50 Part 3: The Art of Courtship Text: Song of Solomon 2:5-7 5 Strengthen me with raisins, refresh me with apples, for I am faint with love. 6 His left arm is under my head, and his right arm embraces me. 7 Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. SOS 50

51 Part 3: The Art of Courtship Moving Beyond Dating Courtship is a word not often used today Courtship is when you enter into a repetitive, exclusive relationship to discover IF this is the person you are supposed to Marry. Tommy will introduce us to the concept, including 9 steps of Courtship Now, the video…video SOS 51

52 Part 3: The Art of Courtship Moving Beyond Dating Tommy said courtship happens when 3 things have occurred: When you have a recognition of your own maturity (you are marriageable material) You have an evaluation of the other person: their character is set up The recognition that your relationship is good; their presence makes you a better person. SOS 52

53 Part 3: The Art of Courtship Moving Beyond Dating Dating & Courtship Compared Observation vs. Conclusion No Escalation vs. Appropriate Escalation No Expectation vs. Responsibility Not Exclusive vs. Very Exclusive Focus is Event vs. Focus is the Person SOS 53

54 Part 3: The Art of Courtship Moving Beyond Dating The Nine Steps of Courtship 1. Observation – of the other person 2. Edification – you are better because of friend 3. Evaluation – you assess your situation 4. Declaration – Guy declares his intention & gives the Woman opportunity to say no 5. Invitation – Guy asks Woman if he can seek permission of her parent 6. Discovery – You start discovering that person, REALLY getting to know him/her 7. Resolution – You figure out if you can resolve issues that are revealed or discovered in you partner 8. Desire – You should realize if you have passion for the other person 9. Self - Control – How you both must react to the desire you have SOS 54

55 Part 3: The Art of Courtship Discussion Time How do the nine steps of courtship compare with how dating is done today? Tommy uses expression courtship. Others have used going steady or lovelier. What is used today? SOS 55

56 Part 3: The Art of Courtship Discussion Time Whether you adopt Tommys approach to dating & courtship, there are some very valuable guidelines to adopt: Know who you are and what God expects of you Always leave your partners good reputation intact Always treat your partner with honesty & respect Name some others… SOS 56

57 Part 3: The Art of Courtship Discussion Time What personal guidelines do you think are reasonable for… A Single Date Dating Courting SOS 57

58 Part 3: The Art of Courtship Discussion Time A Single Date Whats the purpose? How should you treat your partner? How intimate is appropriate? What is an appropriate follow-up? If you had a good time, what do you do next? If you didnt have a good time, what next? SOS 58

59 Part 3: The Art of Courtship Discussion Time Dating Whats the purpose? How do you know when you are dating? How should you treat your partner? How intimate is appropriate? What is an appropriate follow-up? If you really enjoy their company; if not? If you think you are ready for marriage; if not? How many dates before you owe that person a statement of intention to Court or Go Steady How do you rationally assess where the relationship is going, and whether you & your partner want it to go there? SOS 59

60 Part 3: The Art of Courtship Discussion Time Courting (or Going Steady or Dating Seriously) Whats the purpose? How do you know you are in Courtship? How should you treat your partner? How intimate is appropriate? What is an appropriate follow-up? If you begin to realize the two of you are not compatible? If you find that you definitely are compatible but not ready? If you realized you are both compatible and read? How long before formal engagement is necessary? How do you rationally assess where the relationship is going, and whether you & your partner want it to go there? SOS 60

61 Coming soon… Tonight: ROCK Youth Group at 6:30 Skiing/Tubing Next Sunday, February 16 Meet at church 3 pm Ski/Tube 4-6:30 pm Return to Church around 7 pm Cost $10 – Need Waiver Signed SOS 61

62 By Tommy Nelson 4. The Art of Courtship: Moving Toward Marriage Song of Solomon 62 1.The Art of Attraction: Looking for the Right Kind of Person 2.The Art of Dating: How to Spend Time Correctly 3.The Art of Courtship: Moving Beyond Dating 4.The Art of Courtship: Moving Toward Marriage 5.The Art of Intimacy: Gods Blessing on Sex 6.The Importance of Purity: Gods Reasons for Purity

63 Part 1: The Art of Attraction In Review Choose character over looks To prepare for attracting someone 1.Have a profile of the kind of person. 2.Know what you cant compromise on. 3.Become the person your profile will want. SOS 63

64 Part 2: The Art of Dating In Review A date is sharing an event with a person Dating is a sequence of dates or events with the same person: Non-Exclusive & Non-Intimate Courtship involves a commitment where the two people are going to consider marriage: Exclusive & Appropriate Intimacy SOS 64

65 Part 3: The Art of Courtship In Review The Nine Steps of Courtship 1. Observation – of the other person 2. Edification – you are better because of friend 3. Evaluation – you assess your situation 4. Declaration – Guy declares his intention & gives the Woman opportunity to say no 5. Invitation – Guy asks Woman if he can seek permission of her parent 6. Discovery – You start discovering that person, REALLY getting to know him/her 7. Resolution – You figure out if you can resolve issues that are revealed or discovered in you partner 8. Desire – You should realize if you have passion for the other person 9. Self - Control – How you both must react to the desire you have SOS 65

66 Part 3: The Art of Courtship In Review Again, how do we know when were ready for Courtship? When you have a recognition of your own maturity (you are marriageable material) You have an evaluation of the other person: their character is set up The recognition that your relationship is good; their presence makes you a better person. SOS 66

67 Part 4: The Art of Courtship: Moving Toward Marriage Opening Bible geography question. Where are the mountains of Bether? SOS 67

68 Part 4: The Art of Courtship: Moving Toward Marriage Remember, when were talking courtship, were talking about a relationship where BOTH parties think perhaps this may be THE ONE. So, this doesnt apply to casual dating. Last week, Tommy explained how courtship should work. In this session, well see how some of the concepts of courtship were evident between Solomon & his bride- to-be. The goal is that these principles be a guide for us in our dating & courtship relationships. SOS 68

69 Part 4: The Art of Courtship Text: Song of Solomon 2: Listen! My lover! Look! Here he comes, leaping across the mountains, bounding over the hills. 9 My lover is like a gazelle or a young stag. Look! There he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, peering through the lattice. 10 My lover spoke and said to me, Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me. 11 See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. 12 Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves is heard in our land. 13 The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me. SOS 69

70 Part 4: The Art of Courtship Text: Song of Solomon 2: My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding places on the mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely. 15 Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom. 16 My lover is mine and I am his; he browses among the lilies. 17 Until the day breaks and the shadows flee, turn, my lover, and be like a gazelle or like a young stag on the rugged hills. SOS 70

71 Part 4: The Art of Courtship Text: Song of Solomon 3:1-5 1 All night long on my bed I looked for the one my heart loves; I looked for him but did not find him. 2 I will get up now and go about the city, through its streets and squares; I will search for the one my heart loves. So I looked for him but did not find him. 3 The watchmen found me as they made their rounds in the city. Have you seen the one my heart loves? 4 Scarcely had I passed them when I found the one my heart loves. I held him and would not let him go till I had brought him to my mothers house, to the room of the one who conceived me. 5 Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. SOS 71

72 Part 4: The Art of Courtship Discussion Time Why do you think God has the poet reference the spring time in verses 2:10-13? Metaphorically, in your life, what is important about understanding the concept of seasons? Spring time is the concept of a time for love There is a season for everything in life. Always remember that when you are growing up. In short: act your age!!!! SOS 72

73 Part 4: The Art of Courtship Discussion Time There should be amazing desire within the courtship. What does Catch us the foxes mean in verse 15? What is the vineyard? Give some examples of foxes or problems in the vineyard? What is the general attitude of the woman toward the man in our text? What is the general attitude of the man toward the woman in our text? SOS 73

74 Part 4: The Art of Courtship Discussion Time In the real teen world of 2014, how does a man/woman know when there are problems in the relationship? Women, name some things guys do that indicate they are NOT a person youd like to continue to date. Men, name some things women do that indicate they are NOT a person youd like to continue to date. In courtship, you should find spiritual & emotional growth. What if you notice you or your partner are withering spiritually or emotionally? When problems are evident, what is the best thing to do? SOS 74

75 Part 4: The Art of Courtship Discussion Time Tommy used the analogy of a fireplace in describing a man-woman relationship. Explain. A fireplace is a place of light & beauty and warmth in your house, but its contents must remain in the fireplace, or the house can burn down. SOS 75

76 Coming soon… Skiing/Tubing this afternoon Meet at church 3 pm Ski/Tube 4-6:30 pm Return to Church around 7 pm Bring $10 per person Signed waiver Additional money for snacks (optional) SOS 76

77 By Tommy Nelson 4. The Art of Intimacy: Gods Blessing on Sex Song of Solomon 77 1.The Art of Attraction: Looking for the Right Kind of Person 2.The Art of Dating: How to Spend Time Correctly 3.The Art of Courtship: Moving Beyond Dating 4.The Art of Courtship: Moving Toward Marriage 5.The Art of Intimacy: Gods Blessing on Sex 6.The Importance of Purity: Gods Reasons for Purity

78 Part 1: The Art of Attraction In Review Choose character over looks To prepare for attracting someone 1.Have a profile of the kind of person. 2.Know what you cant compromise on. 3.Become the person your profile will want. SOS 78

79 Part 2: The Art of Dating In Review A date is sharing an event with a person Dating is a sequence of dates or events with the same person: Non-Exclusive & Non-Intimate Courtship involves a commitment where the two people are going to consider marriage: Exclusive & Appropriate Intimacy SOS 79

80 Part 3: The Art of Courtship In Review Again, how do we know when were ready for Courtship? When you have a recognition of your own maturity (you are marriageable material) You have an evaluation of the other person: their character is set up The recognition that your relationship is good; their presence makes you a better person. SOS 80

81 Part 3: The Art of Courtship In Review The Nine Steps of Courtship 1. Observation – of the other person 2. Edification – you are better because of friend 3. Evaluation – you assess your situation 4. Declaration – Guy declares his intention & gives the Woman opportunity to say no 5. Invitation – Guy asks Woman if he can seek permission of her parent 6. Discovery – You start discovering that person, REALLY getting to know him/her 7. Resolution – You figure out if you can resolve issues that are revealed or discovered in you partner 8. Desire – You should realize if you have passion for the other person 9. Self - Control – How you both must react to the desire you have SOS 81

82 Part 4: The Art of Courtship In Review There is a season for everything in life: dont rush it. In Courtship, there should be amazing desire for your partner, tethered by self - control. Both man & woman recognize problems that could mess up their ideal courtship (foxes in the vineyard). During courtship, both parties should recognize spiritual & emotional growth in one-another. SOS 82

83 Part 5: The Art of Intimacy, Gods Blessing on Sex So weve seen attraction, dating, courtship, and now…the wedding day. In the text of Song of Solomon 3:6-11, we find the Wedding Procession, where Solomon fetches his bride from her home and brings her to the wedding. In the text of Song of Solomon 4, we witness the wedding night: how God intended sex. SOS 83

84 Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Text: Song of Solomon 3: Who is this coming up from the desert like a column of smoke, perfumed with myrrh and incense (a.k.a., Old Spice) made from all the spices of the merchant? 7 Look! It is Solomons carriage (a.k.a. stretch limo), escorted by sixty warriors (a.k.a. Navy SEALS), the noblest of Israel, 8 all of them wearing the sword, all experienced in battle, each with his sword at his side, prepared for the terrors of the night. 9 King Solomon made for himself the carriage; he made it of wood from Lebanon. SOS 84

85 Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Text: Song of Solomon 3: Its posts he made of silver, its base of gold. Its seat was upholstered with purple, its interior lovingly inlaid by the daughters of Jerusalem. 11 Come out, you daughters of Zion, and look at King Solomon wearing the crown, the crown with which his mother crowned him on the day of his wedding, the day his heart rejoiced. SOS 85

86 Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Text: Song of Solomon 4-5:1 1 How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes behind your veil are doves. Your hair is like a flock of goats descending from Mount Gilead. 2 Your teeth are like a flock of sheep just shorn, coming up from the washing. Each has its twin; not one of them is alone. 3 Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon; your mouth is lovely. Your temples behind your veil (aka, cheeks) are like the halves of a pomegranate. 4 Your neck is like the tower of David, built with elegance; on it hang a thousand shields, all of them shields of warriors. SOS 86

87 Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Text: Song of Solomon 4-5:1 5 Your two breasts are like two fawns, like twin fawns of a gazelle that browse among the lilies. 6 Until the day breaks and the shadows flee, I will go to the mountain of myrrh and to the hill of incense. 7 All beautiful you are, my darling; there is no flaw in you. 8 Come with me from Lebanon, my bride, come with me from Lebanon. Descend from the crest of Amana, from the top of Senir, the summit of Hermon, from the lions dens and the mountain haunts of the leopards. SOS 87

88 Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Text: Song of Solomon 4-5:1 9 You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace (aka, neckline). 10 How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice! 11 Your lips drop sweetness as the honeycomb, my bride; milk and honey are under your tongue. The fragrance of your garments is like that of Lebanon. 12 You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride; you are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain. SOS 88

89 Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Text: Song of Solomon 4-5:1 13 Your plants are an orchard of pomegranates with choice fruits, with henna and nard, 14 nard and saffron, calamus and cinnamon, with every kind of incense tree, with myrrh and aloes and all the finest spices. 15 You are a garden fountain, a well of flowing water streaming down from Lebanon. 16 Awake, north wind, and come, south wind! Blow on my garden, that its fragrance may spread abroad. Let my lover come into his garden and taste its choice fruits. SOS 89

90 Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Text: Song of Solomon 4-5:1 1 I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride; I have gathered my myrrh with my spice. I have eaten my honeycomb and my honey; I have drunk my wine and my milk. Eat, O friends, and drink; drink your fill, O lovers. Now, lets watch the video…video SOS 90

91 Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Follow-up Discussion Both Tommy and Doug Fields (in his video series) used a common teaching phrase. Although they stated it differently, with Tommy attributing it to the woman, and Doug Fields attributing it to BOTH partners, they basically said this: The greatest sex organ in the human body is the mind. Why did Tommy seem to say that this was important for the man to remember about the woman in the context of the wedding day? Why would it be important for the woman to remember about the man while dating? Vice versa? SOS 91

92 Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Follow-up Discussion In chapter 4, in contrast to the rest of the book, the man does virtually ALL the talking. Why the man? What does he talk about? Why is it significant that the guy describes the woman from her head on down? The woman needs to be romanced top down (vs. 1-6) The man is attracted by sight and scent (vs. 9-10) SOS 92

93 Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Follow-up Discussion What is significant about the locked garden in verse 4:12? The womans body is likened to a locked garden, a fresh spring, a sealed fountain (v. 12). God paints with history. Why is the picturing of the womans body as a garden historically poetic? SOS 93

94 Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Follow-up Discussion Verse 4:16, in a way is like the woman inviting the man, or giving her permission to the man, to have sex with her. Why is this important? He initiates the romance by engaging her mind When she is ready, she invites the man to delight in love. Something happened between the last verse of chapter 4 and the first verse of Chapter 5. What? Why the emphasis on the possessive my in 5:1? What does this tell us about the couple now that is different than before the marriage? SOS 94

95 Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Verse 5:1b in various translations Eat, O friends, and drink; drink your fill, O lovers. (NIV, 1973) Eat, friends; Drink and imbibe deeply, O lovers. (NASV, 1960) Eat, friends, drink, and be drunk with love! (ESV, 2001) Oh, lover and beloved, eat and drink! Yes, drink deeply of your love! (NLT, 1996) Take meat, O friends; take wine, yes, be overcome with love. (Bible in Basic English, 1965) Eate O ye frendes, drinke and be merie O ye beloued. (Bishops Bible, 16 th C.) SOS 95

96 Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Verse 5:1b in various translations Eat, O friends; Drink, yea, drink abundantly, O beloved. (ASV, 1901) eat, O friends; drink, yea, drink abundantly, O beloved. (KJV, 1611) Eat, O friends! Drink, yes, drink deeply, O beloved ones! (NKJV, 1982) eat, O friends, and drink, and be inebriated, my dearly beloved. (Douay Bible, 1610) Eat, O friends; drink, yea, drink abundantly, beloved ones! (J.N. Darby Bible, ) SOS 96

97 Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Verse 5:1b in various translations eate, O friends, drinke, and make you mery, O welbeloued. (Geneva Bible, 16 th C) Eat, friends, and drink! Drink freely, O lovers! (NET, 1996) Eat, friends! Drink, yes, drink abundantly, beloved. (World English Bible) eat, O friends; drink, yes, drink abundantly, O beloved. (The Noah Webster Bible, 1833) SOS 97

98 Part 5: The Art of Intimacy Follow-up Discussion What is Gods view of sex, based upon Song of Solomon 5:1b, and why do you think people have struggled so long with understanding this? Tommy implies some rather sharp criticism toward the church regarding our approach toward teaching folks about sex. How do you think the church should address subjects like romantic relationships, dating, and sex? SOS 98

99 Coming soon… Tonight, Feb 23, Youth Group at 6:30, led by Matt Skarshaug Next Sunday, March 2, Youth Committee & Youth Group Sunday, March 23, ROCK Movie Night at Church Sunrise Service: need actors, testimonies, musicians (solo, small group, OR praise band) SOS 99

100 By Tommy Nelson 6. The Importance of Purity: Gods Reasons for Purity Song of Solomon The Art of Attraction: Looking for the Right Kind of Person 2.The Art of Dating: How to Spend Time Correctly 3.The Art of Courtship: Moving Beyond Dating 4.The Art of Courtship: Moving Toward Marriage 5.The Art of Intimacy: Gods Blessing on Sex 6.The Importance of Purity: Gods Reasons for Purity

101 Part 1: The Art of Attraction In Review Choose character over looks To prepare for attracting someone 1.Have a profile of the kind of person. 2.Know what you cant compromise on. 3.Become the person your profile will want. SOS 101

102 Part 2: The Art of Dating In Review A date is sharing an event with a person Dating is a sequence of dates or events with the same person: Non-Exclusive & Non-Intimate Courtship involves a commitment where the two people are going to consider marriage: Exclusive & Appropriate Intimacy SOS 102

103 Part 3: The Art of Courtship In Review Again, how do we know when were ready for Courtship? When you have a recognition of your own maturity (you are marriageable material) You have an evaluation of the other person: their character is set up The recognition that your relationship is good; their presence makes you a better person. SOS 103

104 Part 3: The Art of Courtship In Review The Nine Steps of Courtship 1. Observation – of the other person 2. Edification – you are better because of friend 3. Evaluation – you assess your situation 4. Declaration – Guy declares his intention & gives the Woman opportunity to say no 5. Invitation – Guy asks Woman if he can seek permission of her parent 6. Discovery – You start discovering that person, REALLY getting to know him/her 7. Resolution – You figure out if you can resolve issues that are revealed or discovered in you partner 8. Desire – You should realize if you have passion for the other person 9. Self - Control – How you both must react to the desire you have SOS 104

105 Part 4: The Art of Courtship In Review There is a season for everything in life: dont rush it. In Courtship, there should be amazing desire for your partner, tethered by self - control. Both man & woman recognize problems that could mess up their ideal courtship (foxes in the vineyard). During courtship, both parties should recognize spiritual & emotional growth in one-another. SOS 105

106 Part 5: The Art of Intimacy In Review Remember that intimacy begins with the mind It begins in the mind of each partner Men are easily aroused by sight & scent Women need to be romanced The man initiates the romancing The woman invites the intimacy when ready God approves of passionate intimacy within the context of marriage (Song 5:1b) SOS 106

107 Part 6: The Importance of Purity: Gods Reasons for It Tommy chose NOT to cover the last four chapters of the Song of Solomon in this Teen edition of his SOS series. Why? It covers the couple in the married state Its lessons primarily apply to married folks SOS 107

108 Part 6: The Importance of Purity: Gods Reasons for It Poor mans synopsis of Chapters 5-8 Couple have their first misunderstanding (5:2-9) Wife affirms the great features of the man (5:10-16) Wife testifies to friends of her love (6:1-3) Husband repeats great attributes of wife (6:4-10) Wife years for her absent husband (6:11-13) SOS 108

109 Part 6: The Importance of Purity: Gods Reasons for It Poor mans synopsis of Chapters 5-8 Contd Husband repeats great attributes of wife (7:1-9a) Wife reiterates her longing for husband (7:9b-13) Wife delights in security of her marriage (8:1-4) Couple affirms their love for one-another (8:5-7) Concluding thoughts & advice from wife (8:8-14) SOS 109

110 Part 6: The Importance of Purity: Gods Reasons for It Interesting that the womans voice of the Song of Solomon, expresses concern about a younger sister at the end of the book: 8 We have a young sister, and her breasts are not yet grown. What shall we do for our sister for the day she is spoken for? 9 If she is a wall, we will build towers of silver on her. If she is a door, we will enclose her with panels of cedar. -- Song 8:8-9 What do you think she means? Raise your hand if you have a younger sister. What advice would you give her? What example would you give her? SOS 110

111 Part 6: The Importance of Purity: Gods Reasons for It Tommy provides 10 reasons to save sex 1.Premarital sex violates scripture But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for Gods holy people. – Eph 5:3 SOS 111

112 Part 6: The Importance of Purity: Gods Reasons for It Tommy provides 10 reasons to save sex 1.Premarital sex violates scripture 2.Premarital sex violates another person Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. – 1 Cor. 13:6 SOS 112

113 Part 6: The Importance of Purity: Gods Reasons for It Tommy provides 10 reasons to save sex 1.Premarital sex violates scripture 2.Premarital sex violates another person 3.Premarital sex violates the purpose of your body Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;. – 1 Cor. 6:19 SOS 113

114 Part 6: The Importance of Purity: Gods Reasons for It Tommy provides 10 reasons to save sex 1.Premarital sex violates scripture 2.Premarital sex violates another person 3.Premarital sex violates the purpose of your body 4.Premarital sex violates command for self-control that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, – 1 Thes. 4:4 SOS 114

115 Part 6: The Importance of Purity: Gods Reasons for It Tommy provides 10 reasons to save sex 1.Premarital sex violates scripture 2.Premarital sex violates another person 3.Premarital sex violates the purpose of your body 4.Premarital sex violates command for self-control 5.Premarital sex violates your testimony Now this is our boast: Our conscience testifies that we have conducted ourselves in the world, and especially in our relations with you, in the holiness and sincerity that are from God. We have done so not according to worldly wisdom but according to Gods grace. – 2 Cor 1:12 SOS 115

116 Part 6: The Importance of Purity: Gods Reasons for It Tommy provides 10 reasons to save sex 6.Premarital sex violates the church Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. – 1 Peter 5:8 SOS 116

117 Part 6: The Importance of Purity: Gods Reasons for It Tommy provides 10 reasons to save sex 6.Premarital sex violates the church 7.Premarital sex violates your parents 2 Honor your father and motherwhich is the first commandment with a promise 3 that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth. – Eph. 6:2-3 SOS 117

118 Part 6: The Importance of Purity: Gods Reasons for It Tommy provides 10 reasons to save sex 6.Premarital sex violates the church 7.Premarital sex violates your parents 8.Premarital sex violates your future marriage Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. – Heb. 13:4 SOS 118

119 Part 6: The Importance of Purity: Gods Reasons for It Tommy provides 10 reasons to save sex 6.Premarital sex violates the church 7.Premarital sex violates your parents 8.Premarital sex violates your future marriage 9.Premarital sex violates good health Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well. – 3 John 2 SOS 119

120 Part 6: The Importance of Purity: Gods Reasons for It Tommy provides 10 reasons to save sex 6.Premarital sex violates the church 7.Premarital sex violates your parents 8.Premarital sex violates your future marriage 9.Premarital sex violates good health 10.Premarital sex removes your boldness The wicked man flees though no one pursues, but the righteous are as bold as a lion. – Proverbs 28:1 SOS 120

121 Bonus Guideline: The Great Relationships Commandment Not in SOS, but the Great Commandment is a Key verse in all your relationships: friendships, dating, courtship, & marriage. 37 Jesus replied: Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments. -- Matthew 22:37-40 First, you strive to please God in ALL you do (including relationships) Second, in ALL you do (including relationships) you treat others in a way that would please God SOS 121

122 Bonus Guideline: The Great Relationships Commandment As applied to dating, the Great Commandment… Tells you if you are ready to date Tells you how to treat others while dating Tells you how to behave on a date Tells you what you can and cant do on a date Tells you if your relationships are in proper alignment or out of wack SOS 122

123 Coming to a youth group near you… Tonight: Youth Committee at 6:00 ROCK Youth Group at 6:30 SOS 123


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