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Chapter 9 Attraction and Close Relationships. Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 2 Being with Others A Fundamental Human Motive.

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Presentation on theme: "Chapter 9 Attraction and Close Relationships. Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 2 Being with Others A Fundamental Human Motive."— Presentation transcript:

1 Chapter 9 Attraction and Close Relationships

2 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 2 Being with Others A Fundamental Human Motive

3 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 3 People seek out the company of others, even strangers, in times of stress. Answer: True… Lets see why! Putting Common Sense to the Test…

4 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 4 The Need to Belong The need to belong is a basic human motive. We care deeply about what others think of us. Those with a network of close social ties tend to be happier, healthier, and more satisfied with life than those who are more isolated.

5 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 5 The Thrill of Affiliation Need for Affiliation: The desire to establish social contact with others. –We are motivated to establish and maintain an optimum balance of social contact. Stress arouses our need for affiliation. –Fearful misery loves company. –But, embarrassed misery seeks solitude. –Misery loves the company of those in the same miserable situation.

6 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 6 Shyness: A Pervasive Problem

7 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 7 Shyness Sources –Inborn personality trait –Learned reaction to failed interactions with others Painful consequences –Negative self-evaluations –Expectations of failure in social encounters –Self-blame for social failures –Self-imposed isolation

8 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 8 The Agony of Loneliness A feeling of deprivation about social relations. Most likely to occur during times of transition or disruption. Loneliest group in American society are those 18 to 30 years old. We employ various strategies to combat loneliness.

9 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 9 The Initial Attraction

10 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 10 Perspectives on Attraction We are attracted to others with whom a relationship is directly or indirectly rewarding. All humans exhibit patterns of attraction and mate selection that favor the conception, birth, and survival of their offspring. –Evolutionary perspective

11 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 11 Familiarity: Being There Who are we most likely to become attracted to? Two basic and necessary factors in the attraction process: –Proximity –Exposure

12 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 12 The Proximity Effect The single best predictor of attraction is physical proximity, or nearness. Where we live influences the friends we make. –College students tend to date those who live either nearby or in the same type of housing as they do.

13 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 13 The Mere Exposure Effect Contrary to folk wisdom, familiarity does not breed contempt. The more often we are exposed to a stimulus, the more we come to like that stimulus. Familiarity can influence our self-evaluations.

14 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 14 Physical Attractiveness: Getting Drawn In We react more favorably to others who are physically attractive than to those who are not. Bias for beauty is pervasive. Is physical beauty an objective or subjective quality?

15 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 15 Infants do not discriminate between faces considered attractive and unattractive in their culture. Answer: False… Lets see why! Putting Common Sense to the Test…

16 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 16 Is Beauty an Objective Quality? Some argue that certain faces are inherently more attractive than others. –High levels of agreement for facial ratings across ages and cultures. –Physical features of the face are reliably associated with judgments of attractiveness. –Babies prefer faces considered attractive by adults.

17 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 17 Is Beauty a Subjective Quality? People from different cultures enhance their beauty in very different ways. Ideal body shapes vary across cultures, as well as among racial groups within a culture. Standards of beauty change over time. Situational factors can influence judgments of beauty.

18 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 18 Why Are We Blinded by Beauty? Inherently rewarding to be in the company of people who are aesthetically appealing. –Possible intrinsic and extrinsic rewards Tendency to associate physical attractiveness with other desirable qualities. –What-is-beautiful-is-good stereotype

19 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 19 Figure 9.2: Media Influences on the Bias for Beauty Smith et al., 1999.

20 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 20 Is the Physical Attractiveness Stereotype Accurate? Good-looking people do have more friends, better social skills, and a more active sex life. But beauty is not related to objective measures of intelligence, personality, adjustment, or self- esteem. The specific nature of the stereotype also depends on cultural conceptions of what is good.

21 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 21 People who are physically attractive are happier and have higher self-esteem than those who are unattractive. Answer: False… Lets see why! Putting Common Sense to the Test…

22 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 22 The Benefits and Costs of Beauty Being good-looking does not guarantee health, happiness, or high self-esteem. Attributional problems with being good-looking: –Is the attention and praise one receives due to ones talents or just ones good looks?

23 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 23 Other Costs of Beauty Pressure to maintain ones appearance. –In American society, pressures are particularly strong when it comes to the body. –Women are more likely than men to suffer from the modern mania for slenderness. Overall, being beautiful is a mixed blessing. –Little relationship between appearance in youth and later happiness.

24 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 24 When it comes to romantic relationships, opposites attract. Answer: False… Lets see why! Putting Common Sense to the Test…

25 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 25 First Encounters: Getting Acquainted We tend to associate with others who are similar to ourselves. Byrne (1971): We like people who we perceive as having similar attitudes to our own. Rosenbaum (1986): Similarity does not spark attraction; rather dissimilarity triggers repulsion, the desire to avoid someone.

26 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 26 Figure 9.4: A Two-Stage Model of the Attraction Process

27 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 27 Matching Hypothesis People tend to become involved romantically with others who are equivalent in their physical attractiveness. Matching is predictive of progress in a relationship.

28 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 28 Why Dont Opposites Attract? Is there support for the complementarity hypothesis, which holds that people seek others whose needs oppose their own? Research shows that complementarity does not influence attraction.

29 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 29 First Encounters: Liking Others Who Like Us Heider (1958): People prefer relationships that are psychologically balanced. A state of balance exists when the relationship is characterized by reciprocity. –Mutual exchange between what one gives and what one receives Liking is mutual, which is why we tend to like others who indicate that they like us.

30 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 30 First Encounters: Pursuing Those Who Are Hard to Get Does the hard-to-get effect exist? –We prefer people who are moderately selective to those who are nonselective or too selective. –We are turned off by those who reject us. Psychological reactance can increase or decrease attraction.

31 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 31 Mate Selection: The Evolution of Desire Men and women by nature must differ in their optimal mating behaviors. –Women must be highly selective because they are biologically limited in the number of children they can bear and raise in a lifetime. –Men can father an unlimited number of children and ensure their reproductive success by inseminating many women.

32 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 32 Figure 9.5: Sex Differences in Mate Preference: Evolutionary Neccessities Li et al., 2002.

33 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 33 Supporting Evidence for the Evolutionary Perspective Universal tendency in desired age for potential mate. –Men tend to seek younger women. –Women tend to desire older men. Men and women become jealous for different reasons. –Men become most upset by sexual infidelity. –Women feel more threatened by emotional infidelity.

34 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 34 Mate Selection: Sociocultural Perspectives Women trade youth and beauty for money because they often lack direct access to economic power. Men are fearful of sexual infidelity because it represents a threat to the relationship, not fatherhood issues. The differences typically found between the sexes are small compared to the similarities.

35 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 35 Close Relationships

36 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 36 Intimate Relationships Often involve three basic components: –Feelings of attachment, affection, and love –The fulfillment of psychological needs –Interdependence between partners, each of whom has a meaningful influence on the other How do first encounters evolve into intimate relationships? –By stages or by leaps and bounds?

37 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 37 Mursteins (1986) Stimulus-Value-Role Theory Stimulus Stage: Attraction is sparked by external attributes such as physical appearance. Value Stage: Attachment is based on similarity of values and beliefs. Role Stage: Commitment is based on the performance of such roles as husband and wife.

38 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 38 How Do Intimate Relationships Change? Most researchers reject idea that intimate relationships progress through a fixed sequence of stages. For reward theories of love, quantity counts. There are qualitative differences between liking and loving, as well as different forms of love.

39 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 39 The Intimate Marketplace: Social Exchange Theory People are motivated to maximize benefits and minimize costs in their relationships with others. Relationships that provide more rewards and fewer costs will be more satisfying and endure longer. The development of an intimate relationship is associated with the overall level of rewards.

40 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 40 Relationship Expectations Comparison Level (CL): Average expected outcome in relationships. Comparison Level for Alternatives (CLalt): Expectations of what would receive in an alternative situation. Investments in relationship increase commitment.

41 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 41 Figure 9.6: Relational Building Blocks

42 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 42 The Intimate Marketplace: Equity Theory Most content with a relationship when the ratio between the benefits and contributions is similar for both partners. Balance is what counts.

43 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 43 Types of Relationships Exchange Relationships: Participants expect and desire strict reciprocity in their interactions. Communal Relationships: Participants expect and desire mutual responsiveness to each others needs.

44 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 44 Secure and Insecure Attachment Styles Attachment Style: The way a person typically interacts with significant others. Is the attachment style we had with our parents related to the attachment style we exhibit in our romantic relationships?

45 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 45 How Do I Love Thee? Lees Love Styles Primary Love Styles –Eros (erotic love) –Ludus (game-playing, uncommitted love) –Storge (friendship love) Secondary Love Styles –Mania (demanding and possessive love) –Pragma (pragmatic love) –Agape (other-oriented, altruistic love)

46 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 46 Figure 9.7: Sternbergs Triangular Theory of Love From R. Sternberg and M.L. Barnes (eds.) The Psychology of Love, Yale University Press, 1986. Copyright © 1986 by Yale University Press. Reprinted with permission of Yale University Press.

47 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 47 Types of Love (cont.) Rubin (1973) –Liking: The type of feeling one has for a platonic friend. –Loving: The kind of feeling one has for a romantic partner. Hatfield et al. (1988) –Passionate Love: Romantic love characterized by high arousal, intense attraction, and fear of rejection. –Companionate Love: A secure, trusting, stable partnership.

48 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 48 Passionate Love: The Thrill of It Passionate love requires: –A heightened state of physiological arousal; and –The belief that this arousal was triggered by the beloved person Sometimes can misattribute physiological arousal to passionate love. –Process known as excitation transfer

49 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 49 Would You Marry Someone if you were not in love?

50 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 50 Cultural Variations

51 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 51 Companionate Love: The Self-Disclosure in It Form of affection found between close friends as well as lovers. Less intense than passionate love. –But in some respects it is deeper and more enduring. Characterized by high levels of self-disclosure.

52 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 52 Figure 9.8: From a Sliver to a Wedge Theory of Social Penetration

53 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 53 Figure 9.9: To Whom Do People Lie? From B.M. DePaulo and D.A. Kashy (1998) "Everyday Lies in Close and Casual Relationships," Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 74, 63-79. Copyright (c) 1998 by the American Psychological Association. Adapted with permission.

54 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 54 Men are more likely than women to interpret friendly gestures by the opposite sex in sexual terms. Answer: True… Lets see why! Putting Common Sense to the Test…

55 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 55 Relationship Issues: Sexuality Kinseys groundbreaking research during 1940s. Problems with studying sexual activities: –Limitations of self-reports –What does it mean to have sex? Men view the world in more sexualized terms. Gender differences in self-report surveys about sexual attitudes and behaviors.

56 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 56 Relationship Issues: Sexual Orientation Sexual orientation is ones sexual preference for members of the same sex, opposite sex, or both sexes. Large scale surveys suggest that –3-4% of men are exclusively homosexual. –1-2% of women are exclusively homosexual. Incidence of homosexual behavior varies with generations and among cultures.

57 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 57 Origins of Sexual Orientation Little evidence to support many early theories. Scientific evidence of a biological disposition. Complex issue –Are roots for sexual orientation the same for men and women? –May be a psychobiological process.

58 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 58 After the honeymoon period, there is a consistent decline in levels of marital satisfaction. Answer: True… Lets see why! Putting Common Sense to the Test…

59 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 59 Figure 9.10: Marital Satisfaction Over Time From L.A. Kurdek (1999) "The Nature and Predictors of the Trajectory of Change in Marital Quality for Husbands and Wives Over the First 10 Years of Marriage," Developmental Psychology, 35, 1283-1296. Copyright (c) 1999 by the American Psychological Association. Adapted with permission.

60 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 60 Relationship Issues: Communication and Conflict Communication patterns in troubled relationships: –Negative affect reciprocity –Demand/withdrawal interaction pattern Basic approaches to reducing the negative effects of conflict: –Increase rewarding behavior in other aspects of a relationship –Try to understand the others point of view

61 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 61 Attributions and Quality of Relationship Happy couples tend to make relationship- enhancing attributions. Unhappy couples tend to make distress- maintaining attributions.

62 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 62 Figure 9.12: How Close Is Your Relationship? Copyright © 1992 by the American Psychological Association. Reproduced with permission. From A. Aron, E. Aron, and D. Smollan, "Inclusion of the Other in the Self Scale and the Structure of Interpersonal Closeness," Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 63, 596-612, 1992. No further reproduction or distribution is permitted without written permission from the American Psychological Association.

63 Copyright © Houghton Mifflin Company. All rights reserved.9 | 63 Relationship Issues: Breaking Up A relationship is likely to be long-lasting when the couple: –Has incorporated each other into ones self –Has become interdependent and have invested much into the relationship But these factors also intensify stress and make coping more difficult after the relationship ends.


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