Presentation on theme: "The Electric Spanking Machine"— Presentation transcript:
1 The Electric Spanking Machine By Don MiskelCopyright Don Miskel. All Rights Reserved
2 The Electric Spanking Machine Disciplining children can be quite a chore. I recently spoke to afriend of mine, who has a pair of teenaged boys. They are workingovertime to turn their mother’s hair stark white with worry.Exasperated one day, she mentioned to me, “I wish I had a machineto keep them in line, because I get tired of chasing them around.”The Electric Spanking Machine by Don MiskelCopyright Don Miskel. All Rights Reserved.
3 The Electric Spanking Machine Anyone who has reared teenagers of any gender can probably feelher pain. I know my own kids give me more than a fair share ofheadaches. Using my imagination, I have come up with a devicethat will relieve the nuisance of running around after those littlebastards: The Electric Spanking Machine.The Electric Spanking Machine by Don MiskelCopyright Don Miskel. All Rights Reserved.
4 The Electric Spanking Machine Great inventions begin with well-conceived ideas. I envision mymachine to consist of a cartoonish contraption with five fake armson a vertically-mounted wheel. In its simplest form, the culpritwould be placed over a stool and the Electric Spanking Machinewould go to work. With a mere push of the button, the wheelwould begin to turn. The speed could be varied to deliver a fewswats on the butt or, at full-speed, spin at a fever pitch to beat thatwayward rascal into a coma. Of course, with everyone being soenvironmentally conscious nowadays, the buyer can utilize the “GoGreen” option, which allows the wheel to be operated by manualhand crank.The Electric Spanking Machine by Don MiskelCopyright Don Miskel. All Rights Reserved.
5 The Electric Spanking Machine What would such a gadget be without the ability to upgrade? Withthe latest advances in nanotechnology, my engineers would shrinkthe original model to something that can easily be carried aroundin Mom’s purse (miniaturized nuclear recharging station notincluded). Also available would be the ability for the machine toautomatically activate at certain times of day or whenever thechildren perform specific actions. Have you got a teenager wholikes to talk back? Completely customized to respond to adisrespectful tone or phrase, the Electric Spanking Machine wouldgo into action, smacking your child’s lips clean off his ungratefulmug! There have even been reports of children who have beenknocked into the middle of the next week!The Electric Spanking Machine by Don MiskelCopyright Don Miskel. All Rights Reserved.
6 The Electric Spanking Machine There are already talks of major cities leasing these machines foruse in playgrounds, schoolyards and shopping malls. I can neitherconfirm nor deny that General Motors is considering availing theoption of the Electric Spanking Machine to its fleet of automobiles,rivaling orders for the OnStar navigation system.Players and hustlers, seeing the advantage of such aninvention, would lobby to have the device modified with ahorizontal wheel assembly for keeping their hoes in check.The Electric Spanking Machine by Don MiskelCopyright Don Miskel. All Rights Reserved.
7 The Electric Spanking Machine Katt Williams and Bishop Don “Magic” Juan would rechristen this limited, customized, Pimp Slap Edition, complete with a pink shag or faux-leopard exterior. No longer would Sweet Daddy have to worry about getting carpal tunnel syndrome From putting his pimp hand down so many times in a single Day (after all, as the saying goes, “Pimpin’ ain’t easy, but it’s a Full time gig”)! Adding the self-activated choke-out option, jive-ass tricks would suddenly fork over every plugged nickel of Sweet Daddy’s money with the enthusiasm of a church Congregation in full swing at offering time!The Electric Spanking Machine by Don MiskelCopyright Don Miskel. All Rights Reserved.
8 The Electric Spanking Machine Within a few short weeks, the Electric Spanking MachineCorporation would be publicly traded, allowing the average JoeB. Citizen to own a piece of the dream. Stocks are guaranteedto split and fly through the roof, making shareholders not onlywealthy, but free of back-talking teenaged ingrates. The devicemakes an excellent Mothers Day gift! Be the first on your blockto own one! Act now and receive one upgrade at no extracharge! Now, who wants to be first? Operators are standing by.The Electric Spanking Machine by Don MiskelCopyright Don Miskel. All Rights Reserved.