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Two Absolute Mysteries: Sexuality and Intimate Loving East Central Region – ACPE St. Joseph MI, October 5, 2012 Gordon J Hilsman, D. Min.

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Presentation on theme: "Two Absolute Mysteries: Sexuality and Intimate Loving East Central Region – ACPE St. Joseph MI, October 5, 2012 Gordon J Hilsman, D. Min."— Presentation transcript:

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2 Two Absolute Mysteries: Sexuality and Intimate Loving East Central Region – ACPE St. Joseph MI, October 5, 2012 Gordon J Hilsman, D. Min.

3 Introductions HilsmanBalk

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6 Objectives Appreciate the evolution of love and the absolute mysteries of sexuality and intimate loving as theological context for todays topic Recognize and engage various sexuality issues in clinical supervision Improve capacity to consult with peers regarding sexuality issues when they arise

7 Mystery: A reality so deep that it can never be comprehended it must be engaged to be appreciated It continues to unfold as it is entered more deeply

8 When I fell in love exercise Background music The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face

9 Venus (sexuality) and Eros (sexual love) Venus (or sexuality in general) motivates a man to seek any woman. Eros on the other hand compels a man towards one particular woman without whom he will not be happy C.S. Lewis

10 Awe A mixture of fear, joy, and unworthiness arising from an encounter with the magnificence of the obviously uncontrollable.

11 Dread Great fear; frightful; terrible. Extreme aversion for, and reluctance to face

12 A given individuals functional spirituality is: All that an individual values, does, says, believes, avoids and decides in order to cope with, enjoy, and find meaning in what cant be controlled

13 Even those who write the books about sex are mostly mystified by it in our own lives. M. Scott Peck

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18 4 billion years +

19 Evolution A gradual and painful process of development of the known world from sub-atomic particles and chemical elements to global community and intimate love, energized by a unifying force that is itself evolving. Romantic engagement and sexual attraction are major components of the energy that now fuels the process of evolution.

20 Animal Affinity

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22 Physical Evolution of Women

23 Personal Evolution of Women Savvy Homo Sapiens Female Leading South African Scientist

24 A Key to the Future of Humanity If we are going to see real development in the world then our best investment is women Desmond Tutu

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26 Who Recognizes These Phrases? (raise your hand) Found his release Just-fucked hair Kinky fuckery Frisson of fear

27 Relevant Themes in Fifty Shades of Grey Dominance /Submission (Acquiescing/ Asserting) Anti-dualism A womans reverie Treasuring immediate, responsive emotional connection Universal wounding Healing through romance The role of sexuality in happiness (depression) Generosity and Receptiveness Sharing the Stuff

28 Female eroticism is a lifelong search for meaning and beauty. Clarissa Pincola-Estes, author of Women Who Run with the Wolves

29 Male eroticism continually seeks expressed affection and an enthusiastic partner for sexual ecstasy. Gordon J. Hilsman, D.Min.

30 Janus

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32 Shades of not-right-ness Sexualized too soon Child abuse/neglect Depression Addiction Bipolar ADD/ADHD Combat/violent attack/PTSD __________________

33 The Dark side of Sex/Love Evolution Sexual Wounding – Rape – Incest – Pedophilia – Domestic Violence – Sexual Domination – Seduction – Molestation – Abduction – Societal Oppression – _________________

34 Ecclesial and Societal Remedies Over-Regulation Distorted Moralizing Insensitive Theology Insensitive Medical Care Legalism Moral, even Penal Preoccupation _______________________

35 Universal Wounding – When treated as an it not an I, by: Parents Siblings and Friends Authorities Systems Potential Lovers Lovers Former Lovers _____________

36 Personal results of somebody elses lust Hostility Depression Promiscuity Sexual Addiction Prudery Taking refuge in ministry roles

37 Some of this wounded humanity finds its way into your CPE program !

38 Question/Comment Time

39 BREAK TIME

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48 The indicators of Sexual Issues

49 Steps to Emotional Connection Feel something (mad, sad, glad, hurt, afraid, ashamed) Locate a share partner Share (talk, mixing words with emotions) Think Listen to the response Feel the listener Fashion a response to the listeners response Repeat

50 Steps of Sexual Satisfaction Sight Words Touches Create Ambience Pleasuring Orgasmic ecstasy Profound Relaxation Sight ….

51 Verbally processing a sexual history Were you ever touched in a way you didnt like? Will you tell a story about that? When did you first fall in love? A story or two? What have been the highs of your love life? What have been the low points? What convictions about intimate loving are you left with today?

52 Questions about sexuality in supervisory practice

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