Presentation on theme: "Two Absolute Mysteries: Sexuality and Intimate Loving East Central Region – ACPE St. Joseph MI, October 5, 2012 Gordon J Hilsman, D. Min."— Presentation transcript:
Two Absolute Mysteries: Sexuality and Intimate Loving East Central Region – ACPE St. Joseph MI, October 5, 2012 Gordon J Hilsman, D. Min.
Objectives Appreciate the evolution of love and the absolute mysteries of sexuality and intimate loving as theological context for todays topic Recognize and engage various sexuality issues in clinical supervision Improve capacity to consult with peers regarding sexuality issues when they arise
Mystery: A reality so deep that it can never be comprehended it must be engaged to be appreciated It continues to unfold as it is entered more deeply
When I fell in love exercise Background music The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face
Venus (sexuality) and Eros (sexual love) Venus (or sexuality in general) motivates a man to seek any woman. Eros on the other hand compels a man towards one particular woman without whom he will not be happy C.S. Lewis
Awe A mixture of fear, joy, and unworthiness arising from an encounter with the magnificence of the obviously uncontrollable.
Dread Great fear; frightful; terrible. Extreme aversion for, and reluctance to face
A given individuals functional spirituality is: All that an individual values, does, says, believes, avoids and decides in order to cope with, enjoy, and find meaning in what cant be controlled
Even those who write the books about sex are mostly mystified by it in our own lives. M. Scott Peck
4 billion years +
Evolution A gradual and painful process of development of the known world from sub-atomic particles and chemical elements to global community and intimate love, energized by a unifying force that is itself evolving. Romantic engagement and sexual attraction are major components of the energy that now fuels the process of evolution.
Physical Evolution of Women
Personal Evolution of Women Savvy Homo Sapiens Female Leading South African Scientist
A Key to the Future of Humanity If we are going to see real development in the world then our best investment is women Desmond Tutu
Who Recognizes These Phrases? (raise your hand) Found his release Just-fucked hair Kinky fuckery Frisson of fear
Relevant Themes in Fifty Shades of Grey Dominance /Submission (Acquiescing/ Asserting) Anti-dualism A womans reverie Treasuring immediate, responsive emotional connection Universal wounding Healing through romance The role of sexuality in happiness (depression) Generosity and Receptiveness Sharing the Stuff
Female eroticism is a lifelong search for meaning and beauty. Clarissa Pincola-Estes, author of Women Who Run with the Wolves
Male eroticism continually seeks expressed affection and an enthusiastic partner for sexual ecstasy. Gordon J. Hilsman, D.Min.
Shades of not-right-ness Sexualized too soon Child abuse/neglect Depression Addiction Bipolar ADD/ADHD Combat/violent attack/PTSD __________________
The Dark side of Sex/Love Evolution Sexual Wounding – Rape – Incest – Pedophilia – Domestic Violence – Sexual Domination – Seduction – Molestation – Abduction – Societal Oppression – _________________
Ecclesial and Societal Remedies Over-Regulation Distorted Moralizing Insensitive Theology Insensitive Medical Care Legalism Moral, even Penal Preoccupation _______________________
Universal Wounding – When treated as an it not an I, by: Parents Siblings and Friends Authorities Systems Potential Lovers Lovers Former Lovers _____________
Personal results of somebody elses lust Hostility Depression Promiscuity Sexual Addiction Prudery Taking refuge in ministry roles
Some of this wounded humanity finds its way into your CPE program !
The indicators of Sexual Issues
Steps to Emotional Connection Feel something (mad, sad, glad, hurt, afraid, ashamed) Locate a share partner Share (talk, mixing words with emotions) Think Listen to the response Feel the listener Fashion a response to the listeners response Repeat
Steps of Sexual Satisfaction Sight Words Touches Create Ambience Pleasuring Orgasmic ecstasy Profound Relaxation Sight ….
Verbally processing a sexual history Were you ever touched in a way you didnt like? Will you tell a story about that? When did you first fall in love? A story or two? What have been the highs of your love life? What have been the low points? What convictions about intimate loving are you left with today?
Questions about sexuality in supervisory practice