Presentation is loading. Please wait.

Presentation is loading. Please wait.

Sexual Addiction Cause and Symptoms; Healing and Recovery -,,, Copyright © 1997-2000 Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D. All Rights Reserved Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D. Licensed.

Similar presentations


Presentation on theme: "Sexual Addiction Cause and Symptoms; Healing and Recovery -,,, Copyright © 1997-2000 Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D. All Rights Reserved Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D. Licensed."— Presentation transcript:

1 Sexual Addiction Cause and Symptoms; Healing and Recovery -,,, Copyright © Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D. All Rights Reserved Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D. Licensed Clinical Psychologist ChristianMentalHealth.com 220 Montgomery St., Suite 1098, San Francisco, CA Mowry Avenue, Fremont, CA Tel (510) Fax (510)

2 Gender Differences in Sexual Addiction Predominantly more males than females Predominantly more males than females –It is true that this is a Mens Problem of the millennium Men are more visually-oriented: Response to visual cues Men are more visually-oriented: Response to visual cues Men are more Goal-Task oriented: Quick fixes; Immediate gratification Men are more Goal-Task oriented: Quick fixes; Immediate gratification Reversal of Love with Sex Intimacy as always sexual Reversal of Love with Sex Intimacy as always sexual

3 Percentage of Those Seeking Sexual Fulfillment on the Internet ( Zogby International) Focus on the Family recently conducted a survey with Zogby International Focus on the Family recently conducted a survey with Zogby International Indicating that 1 out of 5 American adults may have looked for sex on the Internet Indicating that 1 out of 5 American adults may have looked for sex on the Internet –20.8% of respondents to a March 8-10, 2000 survey admitted they had visited a sexually-oriented Web site

4 Percentage of Those Seeking Sexual Fulfillment on the Internet ( Zogby International) The percentage of those viewing sex sites was higher among males and young adults. The percentage of those viewing sex sites was higher among males and young adults. 31% of men surveyed said they had visited sex sites and 31% of men surveyed said they had visited sex sites and –37% of year olds gave that response

5 Percentage of Those Seeking Sexual Fulfillment on the Internet ( Zogby International) Of interest to Focus on the Family was the fact that Of interest to Focus on the Family was the fact that –17.8% of those who claim to be "born again" Christians –and 18% of those who are married have also viewed sex sites. In a follow-up question, nearly two-thirds of American adults thought it wasn't likely that sexual fulfillment could be found online In a follow-up question, nearly two-thirds of American adults thought it wasn't likely that sexual fulfillment could be found online

6 Root Causes of General Addictions Dysfunctional-Abusive family Dysfunctional-Abusive family –Rigidity & perfectionism: Cant fail –Enmeshment between family members Cant talk about emotions Cant talk about emotions –Denial of feelings –Re-labeling-Minimizing your feelings by adults Ineffective, non-satisfying social relationships Ineffective, non-satisfying social relationships

7 Abuse & Addictions Chemical Dependency42% Chemical Dependency42% Eating Disorder36% Eating Disorder36% Compulsive Work27% Compulsive Work27% Compulsive Spending26% Compulsive Spending26% Gambling 5% Gambling 5% Sexual Addiction ? Sexual Addiction ?

8 Proximal Causes of Sexual Addiction Premature Sexual-Genital Familiarization Over-exposure to adult pornographic materials My dads Playboy magazine My dads Playboy magazine My uncles books under his bed or mattress My uncles books under his bed or mattress One day I found a stash of magazine in my neighbors trash One day I found a stash of magazine in my neighbors trash I watched HBO after my parents went to sleep I watched HBO after my parents went to sleep I watched mom having sex with her boyfriend I watched mom having sex with her boyfriend

9 Immediate Causes of Sexual Addiction Child was a victim of sexual violation Molestation-Fondling: Culture specific (Sexual curiosity of adults in Asian ethnic groups) Molestation-Fondling: Culture specific (Sexual curiosity of adults in Asian ethnic groups) Mens sexual curiosity over self: Projected on children Mens sexual curiosity over self: Projected on children Men exposed self to children: To satisfy something about themselves Men exposed self to children: To satisfy something about themselves Servant-Maid: Bathing a toddler Servant-Maid: Bathing a toddler Sexual arousal as a way to soothe a child Sexual arousal as a way to soothe a child

10 Direct Causes: Biology & Psychology Behavioral: Stimulus-Response Cycle Behavioral: Stimulus-Response Cycle –Boredom: Social-Interpersonal Isolation –Excitation: Immediate Gratification –Stimulus-Response : Emotional Reminders Habit-Forming Behaviors Habit-Forming Behaviors –Cigarettes smoking –Rage: Temper Tantrums Relaxation Cycles Relaxation Cycles –Physiological Arousal & Rest States

11 Why Sexual Addiction? Needs for Arousal Life is Boring Gambling Gambling Sex Sex Stimulant Drugs Stimulant Drugs High-Risk Behaviors High-Risk Behaviors

12 Why Sexual Addiction? Needs for Satiation Life is Not Satisfying-Unhappy Sex Sex Over-Eating (Bulimia-Binging) Over-Eating (Bulimia-Binging) Depressant Drugs (Marijuana) Depressant Drugs (Marijuana) Narcotic Drugs (Anesthetic effect) Narcotic Drugs (Anesthetic effect) Alcohol Alcohol

13 Why Sexual Addiction? Needs for Fantasy Reality is too Hard: Need a Quick Escape Voyeuristic Sex : Intelligent fantasy & Routine Voyeuristic Sex : Intelligent fantasy & Routine Psychedelic Drugs: LSD Psychedelic Drugs: LSD Marijuana Marijuana Mystic/Artistic Mystic/Artistic Preoccupation Preoccupation

14 Unhealthy Signs (Mild-Moderate) Husband demands wife to be in a certain physical position for intercourse Husband demands wife to be in a certain physical position for intercourse –Re-enactment (replay) of pornographic materials –Have X-Rated (XXX) video on for sex Husband demands wife to wear a certain kind of lingerie (To seduce-tease him) Husband demands wife to wear a certain kind of lingerie (To seduce-tease him) –He buys specific pieces of underwear, stockings Husband is distracted by flash backs of pornographic images while love-making Husband is distracted by flash backs of pornographic images while love-making

15 Unhealthy Signs (Moderate-Serious) Masturbation after marriage (Decreased desires) Masturbation after marriage (Decreased desires) –Sexual Anorexia Indifference Very few or no male friendships Very few or no male friendships Gets enraged easily or numb emotionally Gets enraged easily or numb emotionally –Polarized emotional expression vs. full-range »Happy to sad vs. anger to numbness »Numbness to dissociated vs. euphoria to numbness Rigidity & inflexibility Rigidity & inflexibility Telling half-truths and white lies to cover-up Telling half-truths and white lies to cover-up

16 Unhealthy Signs (Serious) Compulsive (Uncontrolled)Cyperporn use Compulsive (Uncontrolled)Cyperporn use –Chat Room visits online at work or after bedtime –Rendezvous-meetings via chat room & –Sex for hire experiences : Strip joints, Prostitutes Compulsive (Ritualistic) Tele-Porn use Compulsive (Ritualistic) Tele-Porn use –Astoundingly high phone bills Unexplained hotel bills, condoms, wigs & underwear found in storage or trunk or car Unexplained hotel bills, condoms, wigs & underwear found in storage or trunk or car Financial-legal problems: Bankruptcy Financial-legal problems: Bankruptcy

17 10 Types of Sex Addicts (After Patrick Carnes, Ph.D.) 1. Fantasy Sex 2. Seductive Role Sex (dress) 3. Voyeuristic Sex 4. Intrusive Sex (obscene calls) 5. Exhibitionism 6. Sex Trading 7. Anonymous Sex 8. Paying For Sex (Prostitution) 9. Pain Exchange 10. Exploitive Sex

18 Some Theories Explaining Addiction Dynamic To Follow

19 The Physical Intimacy-Orgasmic Cycle Copyright © Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D All Rights Reserved Intimacy Always Feels Good! Emotional Intimacy Leads to Physical Intimacy! Physical Intimacy Can Lead to Orgasm! Orgasm Always Feels Good! Orgasmic Feeling is Intimacy? Physical Intimacy is an Antidote for Loneliness, Low-Self Worth, Boredom, Aggression, Anger, Despair, Abandonment H.A.L.T. Defeated

20 The Addiction (After Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. & Steven Arterburn, M.S.) 1. Craving to get emotionally intimate with others 2. Mental-Emotional-Visual Triggers 3. Repression of Pain with Immediate Sexual Longing 4. Fantasy Development-Planning Begins (Thrilling) 5. The Hunt (The Intrigue)

21 The Addiction (After Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. & Steven Arterburn, M.S.) 6. The Connection (Rush Altered state of awareness) 7. The Act (Under-Control: Impulsivity: Binge) 8. The Fulfillment (Orgasm: Feeling Dissociation) 9. The Let-Down (Self-Blame: Numbness) 10. The Vow (Over-Control: Compulsivity: Rigidity) 11. The Cycle Returns again (Deprivation Sets-In)

22 Acting-Out Cycle Copyright © Melvin Wong, Ph.D CompulsivityImpulsivity Abuser-Victim Blame-Shame

23 From Over-Control, Under- Control to Recovery Binge-Purge Cycles Binge-Purge Cycles –Impulsiveness vs. Compulsiveness Over-Control: The Victimizer Over-Control: The Victimizer –Power Position: A Mouse Click Away! Under-Control: The Victim Under-Control: The Victim –Not Responsible for what happened –Dont blame me! I can get away with it –Rationalization & Justification: Maintains the addiction

24 From Over-Control, Under- Control to Recovery Taking Control: The Survivor Taking Control: The Survivor –I dont have to dominate to succeed! »I admit I am powerless over my addiction Step 1 –I dont have to be a victim anymore! »I will take responsibility for myself! »I will not stay in the blame mode of helplessness! How to broker, balance this Power Dilemma? How to broker, balance this Power Dilemma? –Avoid extremes by identifying feelings accurately –Form effective intimate relationships

25 Healing Compulsions & Addictions Interpersonal: Healthy-Bonds (Safe People) Interpersonal: Healthy-Bonds (Safe People) –Experiential not only rational Non-sexual intimacy –Spiritual: Paradigm shift: Enlightenment Intrapersonal: Mourn loss, Spiritual renewal Intrapersonal: Mourn loss, Spiritual renewal –Rediscover goodness in self (false guilt) –Rediscover meaning & significance (Help others) An Element of A Loving but Firm Structure (Live-In programs, 12 step groups) An Element of A Loving but Firm Structure (Live-In programs, 12 step groups)

26 Change and Recovery After a crisis then comes a paradigm shift First Order Change Control: Try More Control: Try More Alienation Alienation Secret Keeping Secret Keeping Hides Full Story Hides Full Story No one is Hurt No one is Hurt Addiction is a 1st order problem: The harder you try to control, the worse it gets Second Order Change Powerlessness Community Involvement No Secrets Disclose full Story Accepts Self as Hurt

27 Self-Help Group Resources SA: Sexaholics Anonymous (615) SLAA: Sex Love Addicts Anonymous EA: Emotions Anonymous (510) CODA: CoDependents Anonymous (415)

28 Sexual Addiction Cause and Symptoms; Healing and Recovery -,,, Copyright © Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D. All Rights Reserved Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D. Licensed Clinical Psychologist ChristianMentalHealth.com 220 Montgomery St., Suite 1098, San Francisco, CA Mowry Avenue, Fremont, CA Tel (510) Fax (510)


Download ppt "Sexual Addiction Cause and Symptoms; Healing and Recovery -,,, Copyright © 1997-2000 Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D. All Rights Reserved Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D. Licensed."

Similar presentations


Ads by Google