aughhhh not sure what this is about (the weather?) but today is an amazingly reflective, heavy day….
from time to time, I think about what it will be like looking back on my life…and today is one of those types of days….
while driving in to work today, I was overwhelmed with a sense and awareness of my own mortality…. hopefully not the foreboding kind…. (and no, not because I was texting and driving ….)
flashes in my mind of all the things going on in my life right now … all the failures … lapses in integrity … all the people Ive hurt … all the things I have not provided my childrentangible and intangible … all the debts of many kinds I owe …
how Ive had things, and then lost them, and then gained only to lose them again… and had relationships, and then lost them, and then gained them only to lose them again … and messed up … and how things are just not how I wish they were….
and I wonder where those letters are Id written the boys years ago... and do people have the information they need to know … and do the people I love know how much I love them …
and do the people who have provided for me, been patient with me, and saved me time and time again (or encouraged me to save myself) know how grateful I will always be …
and then i think about how wonderful my life has beendespite struggles and mistakesand how very much happiness exists in the life that has been framed by all these many experiences bad and good….
and how glad I am to be the person I am tho so terribly imperfect…and how I hope that my children will always love and respect themselves and treasure the people they love and those that love them no matter what happens… no matter what people say… no matter what people do….
so many happy memories… so many wonderful friends…. such an amazing family…